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messages to tater-fay:
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from stepfordtart :
I friend-requested you :-) s x
from stepfordtart :
Tater!!!!!! LOvely to hear from you. But you're deffo not 46 - you cant be. I know that youre younger than me and Im pretty sure Im 25. 26 at the most. ;-) s x
from for-you-only :
I found Elderberry Kombucha to be helpful when I was sick a little while ago. High Country brand has it. One of the least-tasty, in my opinion, but very fizzy and soothing and really boosts one's immune system.
from stepfordtart :
Yes, you /should/ write here more often - we miss you! s x
from stepfordtart :
Ha! No, no shooters - we dont seem to do that much over here. As a nation, we're more fists than firearms! s x PS I went to the Kerrang Relentless tour with Jooj a couple of years ago and was roundly hugged by many and various teenage strangers who seemed to think it was cute that I (as an old person) was there, having fun, in a mosh pit. Do what you gotta do, girl!
from stepfordtart :
Hope you and L manage to work through your problems. s x PS Actually, you can just copy and paste that into MY notes page if you like. Here - have a solidarity ((hug)).
from stepfordtart :
Yes, YES! Youre absolutely right! It does sound 'flat'. Im not happy with my vocal at al and would like to re-record it and several people have said that the accompaniment needs *something*. Penny whistles have been suggested, as have fiddles. It was a bit of a rush job as I knew if I didnt get L to hurry the hell up and do *something* with it, it would never get done at all. I wanted to at least have something I could post, after banging on about writing it, but its not a 'finished' piece at all. Thanks for the honest feedback : ) s x
from stepfordtart :
its only locked til I next update (somewhen in the next couple of days) but if you want to get in now, try "tater" "fay". s x
from stepfordtart :
I used to get terribly car sick as a child and even to this day cannot drive through Bath without thinking of puking out of the window (and down the side of) my dad's Mini. Its a shame. Bath is a wonderful town and does not deserve to be forever associated with six year olds throwing up their Rice Krispies. s x
from stepfordtart :
I have a super fancy-schmancy juicer and I look wistfully at 'juicing for health' type articles. Then I dismiss them out of hand as the fancy schmancy juicer is SUCH A BASTARD to wash. Seriously, I have nearly wept trying to get peach skin out of all its various scratchy pointy bits. It mocks me from he countertop while I drink glasses of store-bought juice. s x
from fatcowww :
I had six cats at one point but having a baby was much more interesting. Relate, relate. *high fives*
from stepfordtart :
I let Treacle have wheat cookies for breakfast yesterday - she had her braces adjusted and her teeth were aching, so she couldnt manage crunchy cereal. I figured dipping wheat cookies in her tea and eating them wasnt so different from a cup of tea and a bowl of weetabix. We are clearly EXCELLENT mummies! s x
from lostasyou :
Hahaha no problem, glad someone else likes their noise!
from atomicbuddha :
Hey Tater! Remember me? I was surprised to see you updated recently...how are you? Well, I guess I need to read some of your posts to figure that out huh? I've been rereading my old posts lately and wondered if anyone I used to be buddies with was still on...and here you are! Good to read you.
from stepfordtart :
Haha! Theyre not called 'The Terrible Twos' for nothing! What is playschool/nursery school provision like where you are? Many a mum's sanity has been saved over here by the fact that playschool starts at 2yrs 9mths. A whole morning of Freeeeeeeedom! AND they usually bring you home something with macaroni stuck on it that you can put on the fridge! s x
from lostasyou :
Haha! Yes! It's exactly like that with the hair dye, "blood" everywhere, it stains the tub so badly as well, eek! Your description about the doppelganger made me laugh - it's true! x
from stepfordtart :
Rules of "1st night away" - DO NOT PHONE HOME! Trust your sitter to call you if there's an emergency and to deal with it if there's not! Then just kick back, have a glass of wine and ENJOY! Nice to hear from you : ) s x
from stepfordtart :
Awww, thanks for your note (and the groovy vibes - I shall enjoy them whilst wearing a kaftan)! Nice to hear from you - when are you going to update? s x
from fatcowww :
Hello dear reader ;) I have decided to lock my diary again, probably indefinitely, starting the entry after next. I hope you would still want to read me - if so, please let me know where to send your details for login (via email would be best). Note me or email me (fatcowww@dl). xxx
from lostasyou :
My god you have brilliant taste in music!
from stepfordtart :
UK 6 or 7, depending on the cheapness of the shoe (or the thickness of the socks!). s x
from stepfordtart :
UK 6 or 7, depending on the cheapness of the shoe (or the thickness of the socks!). s x
from stepfordtart :
All mums are hot mums ;-) Merry Christmas to you, dear, and a Happy New Year! s x
from fatcowww :
Thanks! :)
from stepfordtart :
Thanks for your notes, dear - Im thinking good thoughts for your dad. s x PS When my husband is at his worst drunk, unshaven, shambling, scruffy mess I like to call him 'Frank'. It took him ages to work out I was referring to Shameless's Mr Gallagher!
from fatcowww :
Yes, you are, of course you are! a) more than Bella's mom AND b) a very good writer. Hello, just discovered you today & adding you. My daughter also has fantastic eyelashes (of which I'm jealous, heh). Shocked and sorry to learn about your sister. Anniversaries are hard. :(
from stepfordtart :
Hey! What a lovely surprise to see your name up there on the right! Glad to know you and yours are OK. And it doesnt seem like 6 years. Not at all. *thinking of you* s x
from fightn4life :
My heart ached for you when I read your entry about your sister and mom. OMG...I am in tears. My mom was going through chemo when her great grandson was killed and she went with me to the hospital and we both saw him. it was by far the worst day of our life. My mom always worried about me being in a abusive relationship...some times I feel it is better she is not here now. There are days I am fearful of the husband. When he told me one night he was sitting in the basement thinking of wanting to kill someone...was that some one me? Now I am going to file for divorce and he is trying his best to slide back into my life. I don't trust him, I have a weird feeling when he calls. It's not good...it is just a bad feeling I get. Thank you for sending me through your diary and having me read about your sis and mom. A great big reminder just why I did leave. {{{Hugs}}}
from fightn4life :
I just read the note you left and I am going to search through your writings to see what happened to your sister. My grandson was hit by a drunk/high driver one afternoon while riding his bike on a hilly country road. He was with two other boys and the driver swerved to miss them as he came over the hill and my grandson must have seen the car because he swerved too and ended up being hit head on. It was horrible. I still ache when I think about it...of course as you know we never really stop thinking about those we love and lose. My heart is with you, xo
from fightn4life :
Good grief I can relate to your post. i felt the same blasted way about my husband the last time we got back together. We just existed...I realized I just didn't love him any more. Now that he is gone I am much happier than I was even with the regular ups and downs of life. But wouldn't you know it the jerk wants to come back. says he loves me can't live with out me. Yuk! I do not want him back. All you wrote about is how I feel our life was. I was lucky to have him leave on his own...unlucky he says he is now unhappy. To freaking bad is what I think. He is pressuring me constantly now. When I read your entry I realized all that you had written about sounded like how I felt. Years ago I stayed because of the kids. When they grew up it got worst. I thought once the pressure was off we would have a better life. Believe it or not it got at least 10 times worst. I hope so much you can figure out a way to make it on your own if that is what you some day decide. Waiting didn't help me a bit. my heart is with you, thoughts too. xo Sandyz
from fightn4life :
I meant to write you a note my last visit to your diary…it was 3 am and my mind was foggy. I was saddened to read about your sister. I don’t know how I missed this before. Can you write what happened…if not don’t think twice…I understand. I sympathize with you for lack our lack of justice…the kid that took my grandson was not charged at all…he was drunk and high. But he was a kid and his family well known in the sticky little town he lost his life in. Also another Diary friend of mine lost her son and his best friend to a reckless woman driver. It has been dragging through the courts for years now. Very sad. And yes in this case think they went with the plea bargain. I am so sorry you have to go through this…I hope it just ends soon for you so you can begin to heal. If that is possible. Loved reading about your little one…sounds like a spirited little one. Thinking of you always Sandyz (Oh…I might not have felt like dancing today…just maybe tomorrow) I could almost visualize your mom dance cleaning…I felt like so many moms was with me that day. Makes me smile. :)
from stepfordtart :
Hello Tates! Thanks for your note - nice to see you writing here again! s x
from fightn4life :
I love the idea of a all year holiday tree. Might buy a indoor tree and start one for Feb 14th. I like the idea. Don't question why your interests are on the darker side...I too have been leaning into sad or dark movies, and books...maybe it is the desire to relate and feel emotions we often push deep within. A way of getting those dark feelings to surface so we can deal a bit at a time, at someone else's expense...movies are harmless enough. However we can still feel the emotions. Make sense? If not no worry my thoughts are all over the place too. I plan to make a list (I just love crossing things off) and get control of my life. Just maybe the rest will follow...hope so. Thinking of you and relating, xo Sandyz
from fightn4life :
I think you are catching on to the mother thing…how wonderful you sound. I am on face book too, if you wouldn’t care I would love to have you as a “friend” (I really want to see your little one.) Did you hear or read I got my book published? It is on Amazon and on-line at Barnes and Noble. Plus I have a web site myself that I am selling my books at a discount, free shipping and handling and a book marker. My book is about the grieving process, it is a true story about loss, love and life. Any way your up-date is awesome, I often think of you being a mom…I knew once you got the hang of it you would be a natural. I am on face book under the name “Sandy England” that is IF you want to share your world with me…if not to worry…Lord knows I understand. Hold tight to the little one…you are going to be an awesome mom. Sandyz (Oh the name of my book is “Red Hair and Freckles”…sub title is “Running Barefoot through the Storm”) My personal web site is http://www.sandyz.webs.com Don’t feel you have to go look at it…your hands are full with your new baby girl. I just wanted you to know I feel like I took a major leap in my life…I might have done something right. (There are some people I wanted to share my feeling with about getting this book published; I don’t have many in my 3D world that care to hear about it.) Take care, and give the little one an extra hug for me. Sandyz
from stepfordtart :
Hey! Nice to 'hear' from you! Glad to see you're taking to motherhood. Its actually pretty cool, isnt it. Lets not tell the people who think being a parent is crappy - I think its our best kept secret! s x
from for-you-only :
After over 5 years of being for-you-only on diaryland I'm finally going to be moving to a new blog where I won't be revealing my name or other people's names or where I live. The personal information on my blog has come back to bite me time and time again, and it's time to close this blog's doors for good. Thanks for reading me here. If you want to find my new blog, join my notify list. ~Phoenix PS: Perhaps you should start a new blog for bloging about motherhood. I'd be interested.
from fightn4life :
I had three kids and a few surgeries…and I have lived much longer than you. I still get anxious when going for a pap or even a mammogram. When we give birth we get lost in the moment. (Many moments) when we go for a check up we don’t get the “prize” a new baby. So it is not uncommon to feel at ill at ease. One day your sex life will be pain free. All my kids were born with no meds and the first I had tearing, I didn’t think I would ever enjoy sex (to painful) but bodies heal, mind did and yours will. How is the little one? Been thinking about you, Sandyz
from stepfordtart :
I hope that wherever you live, the practice of adding an extra stitch "for the father" isnt still prevalent. Do mention it to the doctor - you shouldnt be dreading having sex. s x
from fightn4life :
Mother Hood grows on you…there is always times of self doubt even when the little ones get older. I think it is a good thing you can talk to your Dr about depression. Life is strange at times…you wait nine months for the most awesome miracle and shortly after baby comes home you get tired and have fears. (Normal) Your baby does love you and knows you are there to protect…she is just too little to say the words. You will be fine; mom and daughter will have this awesome bond that will not break. Sandyz
from fightn4life :
OMG!! What wonderful news. I am so excited you had your baby, so sorry you had such a rough time. I can not say it enough...I am so excited for you. Welcome little on into this awesome world. Sandyz
from stepfordtart :
Awww. Thats just LOVELY! Its Mothers Day here tomorrow so I can say "Happy 1st Mother's Day!!!". Many congratulations to you and yours. s x
from lovestruck-0 :
Congratulations on the baby girl! I know you know that I've been reading along since before you became pregnant and I just wanted to express how happy I am for you and your new family :)
from fightn4life :
I believe you will feel their presents during and after birth of your little one. I do believe in angels. Ones that are sent and lost ones that we lose much to soon that come at times to watch over us. MY heart is with you. (BTW) My grandson would be 22 earth years had he not been taken when he was just 9 years old. It seems like yesterday. Prayers and thoughts are with you, Sandyz
from stepfordtart :
Yeh, we're pretty good, thanks, and we're glad you are, too. s x
from real-poison :
It is and isn't over between us. (Thanks however, I had a wonderful birthday.) I've just come to accept the fact that him and I are not ever having children or getting married. I've also accepted that we're growing apart, even if he doesn't see that. I also okay with it. I don't have a burning urge to be single, nor do I really want to rush into another relationship. And since I'm not stressing out over my relationship anymore, there is no reason to break up yet. It's a sort of a wait-and-see what I feel like doing later sort of thing, in a anti-stress sort of way. In fact, since attaining this new attitude things have been much better with him. I enjoy the sex more for one thing, since I'm not all resentful.
from stepfordtart :
Glad to know things seem to be going well with you and the baby. Whereabouts were you in the UK? Anywhere south coast-ish? s x
from for-you-only :
King Corn... I have heard of it. I saw one of 'those movies' in the theaters a couple years ago, don't remember the name of it. I want to say it was 'fries with that' or 'fast food america' perhaps.... 'fast food nation' was what it was called....
from for-you-only :
Ah, I'm glad they made it. :) (The postcards that is.) Recovering from emotional trauma is indeed strengthening. I was perhaps too broad in my entry, and I undoubtly wrote a lot of subjective and flawed concepts there because I was feeling very unhappy about the state of the world. I think it's much more complex than "if it doesn't kill you, then you get stronger" or the reverse. It's of course some where in the gray area.
from fightn4life :
Please up-date after you see the Dr about that pain you are having. Don't want to worry. We got our first major snow here today...I took a walk and it sure was/is pretty. I keep checking out our living room trying to figure out a way to fit a tree in...don't think it is going to happen. :( I'll miss having a tree. I could decorate one out doors. I mailed my bulk of cards today too...left before too much snow fell. Take care and know my thoughts are with you, Sandyz
from stepfordtart :
UUUrgh! House renovations! I hate em. We had almost two years of it and Im still finding things covered in a gungy layer of orangey brick dust, even tho we've been finished for MONTHS! My sympathies, dear. s x
from for-you-only :
Oh, that's awesome. I just discovered the band from Matt and Ashley. I would have sent you a card or something a little more nifty for x-mas but I've totally neglected to send anyone anything. I'm not feeling the holiday spirit at all this year so far. In the future I hope to be a bit more 'internet-social' and such. I thought I'd take this time, while I'm thinking about it, and before I forget to say that you're an awesome mentor, even if your mentoring comes in short phrases over wide moments in time. I wish you the best of x-mas, new years and the cold winter to come. I also look forward to hearing from you. :) ~Phoenix
from fightn4life :
Thank you so much for your encouraging comment about getting published. I so relate to your sorrow and would love to see you at some point in time continue to write about domestic violence. I too was a victim years ago before "safe houses" were in place. I suffered in silence until I got the courage to run off with my three kids and start a new life. (That was first husband) My heart goes out to your sister...your loss and your family as well. I feel this baby will be a wonderful gift of life for you and she will know about those you lost from stories you pass on to her. So glad you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Always my thoughts are with you, Sandyz
from fightn4life :
My heart is with you. Grief is an invisible monster than rears its head when we least expect. Time doesn't always heal, it's the memories that reopen a wound too intense to bare. My prayers and thoughts are with you, Sandyz
from stepfordtart :
I went in your archives so I could understand a bit more about what happened. I dont have anything to say except Im so very very sorry. Bless you and your family. s x
from stepfordtart :
Will get the recipes over to you in the next day or so, but both are in my head (I hardly ever use a book!) so it might take me a while to organise my thoughts! s x
from stepfordtart :
Do you mean 'mincemeat' (the one made from dried fruit) or do you mean 'minced meat' (like ground beef)? I can give you recipes for both and they're equally yummy.....although one goes better with cream and the other goes better with mashed potatoes, but Im not telling you which! s x
from stepfordtart :
Hey! Happy Anniversary! Lets hope its only the earth that moves for you tonight and that you dont bring the house down! s x
from dummbunny :
Congrats on the one year!!!!! Hope your living room ceiling is okay. One step closer to completing a cross-stick baby bib...I carried it to the bed to look at it :) Had a delusion that I would work on it while I was listening to my spanish language podcast, then got distracted. Yeah, I didn't listen to that either. Gotta save something to do at work. Told jack that I'm outta the office building in january come hell or high water.
from fightn4life :
I am so sorry your sister and mom are not able to openly share their stories about being new moms. I know they are with you in spirit and understand your pain. They will touch your heart in many ways and "know" how much you miss them. I am so glad your sisters son is surrounded by a loving family that will one day share wonderful stories about his mom. My heart and thoughts are with you, Sandyz
from stepfordtart :
Im sure your sister know all you would want her to know. ((hug)) s x
from lilmisskewl :
I haven't come to Diaryland or any of my 'buddies' pages in a long time but still had them all bookmarked in my favorites & for some reason I thought of you & checked your page. I am SO happy for you! Congratulations! You seem so happy and it is wonderful to hear/read. I had a baby girl in March and it is such a joy, every day is a treasure! Enjoy!
from stepfordtart :
As he'll be 81 in a few weeks (dad, not L!) Im sure he'd be flattered! Always supposing, of course, that he had the faintest idea what you were going on about - to him, 'being hot' might only necessitate the removal of his pulllover! s x
from stepfordtart :
Aww, thats lovely. congrats, dear! s x
from stepfordtart :
haha! You wait til you've had it!! You wont believe how dumb you get - its like that one last push squeezes your brain out through your foo. Shocking - you'll never be the same again. Look at me! s x
from fightn4life :
Thanks...this morning I woke feeling much better, thank goodness...I thought I was a goner. :) Not really, just felt like crap. Four months...how awesome, I love the girls names. I never did crave ice cream, it was cherries I ate all the time. I always loved being preg, I hope you have no problems and can enjoy your new life growing within you. Pink pumkins...hum...never saw one. :) Sandyz
from fightn4life :
It is just fine to be hungry all the time, you are feeding for two. :) That is what I was told and made use of it when I was expecting. I too love the rainy sit at home cozy days...but the sun shine we had yesterday was an awesome relief. I felt bad about sitting in the house reading...so I went out on the porch and read. Sandyz
from stepfordtart :
Oo! Forgot to say, L didnt write a single word of that 'bread' stuff. I ghosted it for him, like as if he was a REAL celebrity. I DID et him read it before I clicked send....but I was gonna click anyway! He does have a kind of blog, on a recording studio construction forum, but its fairly short on laughs (and fairly long on photos of plasterboard and wiring and stuff like that!) Sorry to disappoint you! s x
from stepfordtart :
"I DID eat beets several times this past week, though. That makes up for the candy consumption, right?" HAHAHAHA! I wanna hear you answer that one when you're a mommie! And how come I didnt get invited to the Virgo party? I fit the criteria and everything! *tsk* s x
from jodileebee :
Love the horoscope-theme party! What an awesome idea! Congrats and best wishes on the baby! :-)
from kittiefan17 :
you got a midwife? That's pretty cool. One of my friends actually wants to become one after college. At first I thought that they weren't even around anymore...like they were only used in the olden days, but I was obviously wrong.
from stepfordtart :
Aaah! The Never-ending piddling! I remember it well (she says, with no hint of wistfulness WHATSOEVER!). It does wear off....and then comes back right at the end when the baby spends all day sat on your bladder! s x
from stepfordtart :
penises and nectarines! Waaaay better than shower curtain sanitation! s x
from bitterwineuk :
i like reading about babies :)
from stepfordtart :
Boring? Weddings,babies,pasta,skanky shower curtains - who could ask for anything more? s x
from fightn4life :
I loved your entry about your "black" days...been there and loved it (many moons ago) I have blond hair and ALWAYS wanted black...one day I did it, I had waist length hair black. Loved it, but never kept it dark. I read you're having a baby! I love it...you are going to be a wonderful mom, lots of stories to tell. Never letting on it was you that did the gig. :) Good entry, brought back some memories, Sandyz
from stepfordtart :
Aaaaah, nostalgia! I too have thought black hair suited me, back in my dim and distant past. Im now trying to convince my daughter that it wont suit her, either, but so far she's not convinced. Maybe (as she's only 12) I will have convinced her by the time she's old enough to lock the bathroom door and spread vaseline around her hair line (purple ears! Eeek!). s x
from stepfordtart :
Aww, feel better soon! Than you can do a quick hand-job with one hand and make rice-a-roni with the other - Yay! Two birds, one stone. s x
from soupstain :
Hi T-F, I'm glad you enjoyed the Prague entry... it is the first of about ten, providing my memory holds out and I have the patience to complete nine more in such mind-numbing detail. I read your entries from Prague... it looks like we've had some pretty similar experiences. I stayed at the back of Letna two years ago (on Cechova Street), went to the castle at Okor, couldn't get excited by Czech cuisine and had problems with dog crap... and with speaking Czech, of course. I've been trying to learn it for about four years now, and I can still just barely order food and have simple conversations. I think that probably says more about me than the complexity of the Czech language, but anyway... Cheers, S
from stepfordtart :
Cool! Wonder where you got that from! ; ) s x
from for-you-only :
Oh my goodness I'm so happy for you!!! I've been away from my computer (which is just the laptop now) for over a week, and not been doing any where near as much writing, or reading. I'm glad to hear from you. :)
from dummbunny :
Let me know when you need bra's in the following sizes: 34DD, 36DD, 36D, 38DD. Because I've got them all and you know I love the French stuff ;) um no C's or B's though. So happy for you! I'm gonna start on some Tater and Tot hats next week. Bet you thought I forgot about "Tater Tot" didn't you. I don't know what I ate for lunch, but oh hells yeah I remember Tater Tot! I had one easy bake oven and one yellow mini-microwave. I used to get those bitches going and sit between them making cracker snacks with cheese in one and cracker snacks with butter in the other. All washed down with grape kool-aid in my little tea set with the pink flowers on them. Hey, I found my little tupperware kid's cookset and "tea" set when I was at my mom's! Okay, hummingbird attention span activate!
from stepfordtart :
Well, thats just LOVELY! Many many congrats and lots of love to you and yours. Fingers crossed for an easy time of it. s x
from stepfordtart :
Heee! Thats quite a skating outfit! s x
from chiv :
Yeah, er, I still really don't want to know exactly what meatloaf is =)
from for-you-only :
Sorry, I've had a terrible argument with Corvier. His mother heard about my blog somehow and she read a number of entries and made a fool of him in front of several family members. The username and password I entered previously was some vulgar nonsense. It's back to being un: "read" and pw: "me" You don't ever have to delete the note if you don't want to. None of his family is computer-literate enough to search diaryland looking for my password and such. It must have been found through google by someone. I have not even written about the fight yet since I've been so weary and drained. Hope to hear from you soon.
from stepfordtart :
Awww. Nice entry! s x
from dummbunny :
I can't wait to go to your wedding reception/renewal of vows!
from stepfordtart :
A flower farm! How lovely - what sort of flowers (its my industry, Im interested in this sort of stuff - sorry!) s x
from stepfordtart :
Sometime the only way I can get through my day at work is to be hungover! Hope you're feeling a bit better today, tho, dear. s x
from for-you-only :
Part of the reason why i quit drinking is because of how alone it makes me feel... I'm glad you like the new template. I had you in mind when I decided to make it a bit more readable. I was tired of the orange, and wanted a photo on the template, and there it is. It's actually a much more simple template in terms of the html for it! ... Corvier is on his last chance, but when I read what you said about how it should be this hard, I did think about that. I also remembered what Mort said, "nothing worth having isn't a lot of work, and love is not something you just fall into and stay in forever, it's work too." Of course those are not the exact words, but then. I'm glad I didn't end it then, because the last two weeks have been wonderful. At this rate, we may just get married and have a happily ever after afterall, but I'm trying not to hope too hard for that.
from fightn4life :
I do know what to say I am unable to put words together right now...I feel the entry you wrote. Too much loss and grief to deal with at this moment. Sandyz
from fightn4life :
My heart is with you I am so sorry you are missing your mom. I understand how those moments come, releasing tears for those gone before us, I loved you memory of your mom with the sweat shirt. I am glad you were able to write about it and feel some relief, some say it is like a cleansing of the soul. Take care of you...you are so worth it. Sandyz
from for-you-only :
You make me smile a lot. :)
from fightn4life :
Loved your entry "poor me" I could have wrote most of what you are feeling, the void and depression but not really depression. Lord I feel too I am a robot going through motions feeling everything but nothing. Searching but not a clue what I am looking for, knowing I need to change direction but caught in this rut I hate but am comfortable in. I do feel if your path is intended to share a child you will. I know some of my greatest memories are my children also my deepest sorrow. One thing I feel is certain when having a child you experience profound love and sadness both ends of the scales of life. There is no preparation for emotions that come with parenting no words either, I am glad my world included the young ones that grew to be a new generation, my blessings. My thoughts are with you, Sandyz
from stepfordtart :
Man! No wonder you're feeling a bit shit. ((hugs)) to you. s x
from stepfordtart :
Hey! I *wonder* where you got that quiz from? I liked your answers, especially your witness protection one. s x PS Oh, and fingers crossed on the 'other stuff'. xxxxx
from smashthegas :
Hey thanks for the birthday wishes :D I had a great time, hehe. How ya? Smashxxx
from for-you-only :
Hey there! Impressive, you're over 1000 entries. :) I had to lock my journal, so I wanted to let you know. Username: tater Password: pass
from stepfordtart :
Having kids doesnt ruin your life...unless you let it. *wink* s x
from delighted :
delighted/youknowit
from stepfordtart :
Hey. Good luck with the baby stuff and, as a mum of two, I can safely say twins must surely be better than being pregnant twice! Oh, and the previous entry. Kudos to you for at least giving it a go. That is a crappy job. The people who look after BFs dad (he has Alzheimers)are all saints. s x
from stepfordtart :
I used to work in an agency like that and was a fucking bitch, too! They specially train you to have a shitty 'tude. In fact, I took the advanced course so I could also do "looking down my nose cos I have a job and you dont". Im kinda glad I dont do that anymore. And, of course, its all come back to haunt me now that I am a nicer person as I have a job that I absolutely hate and a pathological fear of going to an agency to get help finding something different! What goes around comes around. s x
from stepfordtart :
*smug* My sister has a house in Bruges. I can go there whenever I like. *unsmug* I am too poor to go there very often. : ( s x
from for-you-only :
I understand the three of us might be overwhelming in a house being remodeled, especially when we've never met in person! Heh, very logical. Thanks so much for the website address. That will be much easier than trying to figure it all out by myself. It predicts that I'll be ovulating on the 4th of march. Very useful. :) ~Phoenix
from smedindy :
Cyclotron by the Electric Eels is pretty hip, too!
from for-you-only :
PS: Planning another road trip for September 08. Would be in the Oregon/Washington area about half way through September. Would Corvier, Dad and I be able to spend a night (or two if applicable at the time) with you? If not, we'd still like to visit for a day.
from for-you-only :
Hey, you haven't updated in a while... I have little idea of how to track ovulation, but I'm reading up on it here and there. I've started a calender just to make notes pertaining to that on. At least I know I'm safe while I'm on my period... That's 1/4th of the time I don't have to worry about it.
from stepfordtart :
Presidents Day sounds like a crappy holiday. I think if someone suggested we had a Prime Ministers Day here, there would be a public outcry! s x
from for-you-only :
Sometimes I think that this Social Club is a giant hole that I'm falling into... That's why the lack of updates. Though I just made a major one. I am updating on my blogger one as well if you prefer to read of there. I'm considering switching to blogger when my super gold runs out. That's why the duel entries. In the matter of your breath, did you know that excess yeast in the body can make your breathe stink? And what do you suppose makes yeast? Breads and sugars. Just something to think about, since the doctors will deny it up and down.
from stepfordtart :
I was in the play of Look Back in Anger when I was a student. I cant remember a single thing about it apart from I had to do a lot of ironing onstage and there was something to do with climbing in and out of a window. Im sure there must be more to it than that. Or possibly not! s x
from jodileebee :
I just added Wisconsin Death Trip to my Netflix queue, based on your suggestion. I've been on there since 2003 and have rented a couple thousand movies or so. You'll love it! :-)
from smedindy :
Thanks for the add!
from stepfordtart :
I had to google the cillian dude as Ive obviously been living under a rock for ten years, or something. He IS kinda spooky-looking - like a showroom dummy or something. He doesnt look quite real. If you read a d'lander called bitterwineuk you could probably get her to 'read' your dream for you - she did a fab job on a freaky one I had a few months ago. s x
from stepfordtart :
Bacon burn!!! Owwwwwwww. Thanks for the almond steamer 'recipe' - I do like hot milk but Im not so keen on almond flavouring. I like almonds its just the flavouring stuff doesnt do it for me. Are all flavoured hot milk drinks called 'steamers'? I could go for something like cinammon or nutmeg or vanilla, especially if it now had a new fancy name instead of just being "hot milk with a bit of cinammon in it" or whatever! Glad you're feeling a bit better. s x
from stepfordtart :
*saying nothing* s x
from stepfordtart :
Hello! Thanks for adding me. What's an 'almond steamer'? Apart froma device for steaming almonds, I just cant imagine what it might be! s x
from for-you-only :
:) Thanks. You know you're over 1000 entries, btw?
from for-you-only :
I'm glad you liked everything. :) Yours was the only thing I managed to send out for the holidays.
from chiv :
Heh, yeah, well. I understand that her eyes are the reason for her name. Reputedly the first thing her father said when he saw her was the Persian word for turquoise. [shrug]
from for-you-only :
Do you still live at the same address? I'd like to mail you something.
from for-you-only :
The winds are really strong here too. They shook the house all night... I think this season brings back certain feelings and memories. It's the love season I think - when it's getting cold and we're driven to find a warm spot both physically and emotionally. I've been remembering alot of previous Novembers and Decembers... All my relationships started and ended in this season. October to December. Corvier and I will be a year on Dec 20th... :) ~Phoenix
from delighted :
congratulations!
from fightn4life :
I too some times feel like throwing dirt at people, but here on the mountain there is no dirt, only rocks. I might go to jail if I start tossing rocks at other folks. When I get to Florida I could throw sand…yes that will work. Hope things get better for you, Sandyz
from cadwaladr :
Hi, thanks for taking my stupid survey. I was going for Nineveh as the capital of Assyria, but apparently it had several over the years, so you're probably right too.
from phoenix-muse :
I've never heard of the band Muse. He calls himself Muse because everything is about having a muse for him. He hates drawing without a muse.
from ruthiebat :
Syd, Baby, I still have not sent your birthday present! It is sitting on my kitchen table!! Ahhhhhh! You need to come and give me a whipping with a wet noodle. Anyway, I am learning to knit, too, and believe it or not my first project was... a washcloth!! If you make them out of this "sugar and cream" cottom yarn they are actually kind of cool (unless you are a beginner knitter and then they just look vaguely useful....) I promise I will send out this package tomorrow!! Love, Screamin' Jay
from for-you-only :
My Aunt knits washcloths and gives them away for Christmas. My mom has one she made, and it's very nice. She uses something other than yarn - something very thick and sturdy, good for cleaning, but I don't know what it is. The meal you made sounds good - similar to the yams, apple and sauage dish my mother and I make.
from fightn4life :
If I locked the door when I left the house, I would find myself outside looking in. I get to my car dig for car keys and I find them back in the house. I thought it was I, my age, nice to know even you youngsters lock yourselves out as well. Loved this entry,(BTW) late Happy Birthday!) Sandyz
from ruthiebat :
Oh. My. Gawd. I want to come hear the Voodoo Organist!! Because anyone that can combine me with Tom Waits must be a helluva guy!! Hey, Happy Birthday! Love, your pal, Screamin' Jay
from for-you-only :
Happy Birthday!!! I think you're right about the paranoia. It's just like with relationships, once you've been through a couple that were long and deep that abruptly ended, it no longer feels safe. It no longer feels possible for it to last forever. You would know that better than anyone. Glad you had a good weekend. So did I! ~Phoenix
from xmasface :
Happy birthday!
from for-you-only :
That's cool you got to see the eclipse. :)
from fightn4life :
I hope you do not mind if I added you as a favorite, I love reading you diary and by the sound of it we may have a few things in common. You have suffered loss of a loved one, your sister. I lost my nine-year-old grandson my husband lost his first-born. Your love of cats is something we share; I love my little cat Zeke to be close to me with his silky long fur. I find comfort in writing and express my deepest emotions. The book I have worked on for years is dealing with loss, dealing with life's uncertainties. I am reading "In Search of Ancient Ireland" {he origins of the Irish from Neolithic Times To the coming of the English.) I found a copy of our family roots on my father's- dad's side we came from Ireland and Scotland, we have a family crest. Now I have this fascination with Ireland and plan to dig deeper in the family history and learn more. I found your writings about Ireland fascinating. Any way I have enjoyed your diary and plan to continue to read. Thanks for sharing, Sandyz
from lilmisskewl :
Congrats on the job, it does sound like something you'd be very good at, and I am sure it will be very rewarding, even if the pay isn't great.
from onedayhero :
Well i hoped you had a great holiday! I often go to Holland for shopping purposes. General food an drinks are way cheaper over there. Also not too forget the cannabis. Not that i'm a stoner but i do enjoy an occasionally joint. It could be my patriosme but i really prefer belgium over holland. Holland is alot of countryside and farmership and a big city here and there. Not my thing. If i'd want countryside i'd move to canada lol. Too bad you didn't enjoy antwerp that much. It's a great city with the most amazing shops! Ghent is nice aswell but you should have seen my (fairly famous) hometown Leuven, about 30 miles south of Antwerp. I would have give you a free tour. Anyway, here's a sneak preview on my new website; mrs. Catlady http://users.telenet.be/onedayhero/onedayhero/
from onedayhero :
I'm not such a cat fan. All they do is meowing all day and stalk you. I'm more like an small animal lover. Like Midget hamsters haha. I'm making my very own website now and soon it will be up. It will includy my diary and some other features but it will be on my private domainname. I'm working on it as we speak. So how's your life evolving? It's been a while since we've had a chat. How was Holland? Take care
from xmasface :
Someday it will happen. We shall see. And I do like Richard Kern a lot. I'm kinky like that.
from for-you-only :
Welcome back! I look forward to your comments - you always have a different and intelligent perspective.
from xmasface :
Did you ever make it down here?
from xmasface :
It's a tie that might've been popular in the early 90s. The gesture itself was very sweet. Do you still have my phone number?
from lilmisskewl :
I am glad that you guys worked it out... I somehow knew you'd be together... all the best to you - kisses & hugs from us x0xox0*
from omniscia :
PS- I've locked my diary. If you want to read it, the user name is omniscia and the password is decide. -Keri
from omniscia :
Hi there. I just wanted to let you know what a treat it is to "tag along" on your European journey. You're going to all of the places on my must-see list, and it's been really wonderful to experience vicariously. My absolute must-visit place before I die is Amsterdam and the Anne Frank house. Your blog about that was amazing. I feel like I'm there already! Anyway, hope you're well. Thanks for the updates. --Keri
from lilmisskewl :
I am sorry for your loss. Also, I hope you can show a picture of your wedding dress... have you guys set a date?
from chiv :
Never! Well, September or October, unless I can find a way to stay for longer. Sigh! My bro loves Prague. I dunno. Relatively cheap beer? He likes him some Budvar.
from adaveen :
If you are around Old Town Square head toward the Clementium and my old apartment is less then half way down Linhartska, give it a wave for me. Yes, that is how close I lived to the clock. Heard it everyday and fought the damn tourists everyday and night when the clock went off and was trying to get to Vaclavske Namesti. Oh, is the hotdog (parek) window still on the square?
from livesand :
Go to the Tyn church off of Old Town Square to find the severed human arm hanging inside from a chain over the door. It may be a long-term put-on, but in the dark against the stone it looks like a severed arm... And you're right about the beer. It's a toss-up between Czech and Dutch beer for the best, with Ireland right behind.
from chiv :
My brother says that a good place in Prague is... some pub that's kinda underground, has good beer, and serves snacks in the form of fruit and cheese on a wooden board, in the hand of some woman in traditional dress. Also there's a dungeon, so you don't want to get so drunk as to pass out. Probably. Poland... has an awesome language (I'm told that I do a good accent) but, fuck, that's an incredibly backwards, stupid, right-wing dump if ever there was one. I dunno if I could go there unless to make it my Country-to-be-barred-from. Have fun!
from xmasface :
I feel that some way sometimes when I'm amongst native speakers. I've been getting better at it but small talk stinks.
from xmasface :
Speaking on behalf of the Hot 'n' Bothered, no, there's nothing 'funny' about it, unless you're refering to how ridiculous one acts and feels under its influence. I'm sorry we didn't meet up too.
from rainbow127 :
loved your answers on my survey! thanks so much for taking it. so europe... sounds amazing.
from jlsdiary :
thanks for filling out my survey! come see me sometime at http://www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/!
from livesand :
Berlin, my third favorite city after Amsterdam and Prague... If you have a chance see if you can find either of these two bars/cafes: Was Sonst ("what else") on the north side of Kreuzberg, close to the old Wall, or Die Ruine ("the ruins") more in the heart of Kreuzberg. Both are (were?) run by squatters, the besetzers, and were... different... by American standards. Ruth and I have to go back!
from kittiefan17 :
wow...amsterdam sounds great! makes me want to visit!...even IF planes scare the shit out of me!
from haloaskew :
Thanks for reminding me of that phrase in Dutch!! Before I read your note, I recalled the "pinderkaas" (sp?) part. Heh. Hope you're continuing to have a wonderful time!! *hugs*
from lilmisskewl :
Finally got time to catch up on your entries. OMG! Engaged! I am so happy for you, sincerly. I just know this is the right thing for you... I am not sure why... just have a good feeling. Yay You! Also, I wondered, there are so many uses for baking soda, I wondered how you explained to her what it is for etc.? And what would you have brought it there for? Again - congrats, and I hope you continue to enjoy your trip, it sounds lovely. I wish I was there, I so want to travel to places like that someday.
from livesand :
Ruth and I think that the Netherlands is the only civilized country on the planet. But don't tell the Dutch that their language is a lot like German, even if it's true they usually don't appreciate the comparison. I think WWII is still too recent (or they figure that they make better beer).
from haloaskew :
Sounds like you're already having a great time! I used to have a co-worker from the Netherlands...I had him teach me how to say "the cat sat in the peanut butter" (it was a phrase that came to mind). But I can't remember how to say it now. If you could find out for me, I would love that! ;) Stay safe and continue having a great time!! You deserve it soooooooo much!
from onedayhero :
yaaayyy contratz on your engagement!
from omniscia :
WEEEE! Congratulations, Tater! 3 is a lucky number, you'll see! :D
from jodileebee :
Congrats on your engagement! Have a great trip to Europe, too! :-) Jodi
from delighted :
congratulations! That's very exciting.
from kittiefan17 :
congratulations!!!=) I'm glad that atleast someone around here is getting some good news!!=)
from chiv :
Blimey. Or congratulations. [waves]
from for-you-only :
You know you're getting close to 1000 entries! Isn't that awesome? lol. Sometimes I think you're the only one out there with any sense! Why are people so uptight about every silly dumb thing? My Dad and I are going on our road trip proably the last week of march into the first two weeks of April. We're going first south through carolina to geogeia, and then going west through various sites to California, and then back. Will you be anywhere to be found? You're still in Europe, arn't you? Hmmm. ~Phoenix
from for-you-only :
Wow, isn't it amazing that Nicole, you and I all had great v-days?!??!?
from xmasface :
I sent you an e-mail from my Real name @ Yahoo! dot com. I'll try it again.
from lilmisskewl :
Married? That sounds like a great idea! You love him, you want to spend your life with him, right? Then why not? Would your Mom & Sister want you to do this? Make them proud watching you walk down the isle and join Larry for life. Maybe this is just what you need for your spirits and your relationship... but then... what do I know?!? ;-)
from onedayhero :
All physics are scams. There's no way to communicate with the death except the feel the pieces left in your own heart of those one you love and once died.
from kittiefan17 :
hey, i think i like "TMGE"..."candy house" is a good song.=)
from adaveen :
Destroying a book shame on you. What is even lighter than ripping your book apart is photocopying it and put two pages on each side (I actually will reduce so I can get 4 pages to a side cos lonely planet is kinda small anywary) and you can throw away as you go or pass them on. Helpful hint for the day:)
from omniscia :
Thanks, Tater! It could be worse. It's in my right arm, and thankfully, I am left-handed. :D Take care! -Keri
from for-you-only :
Sounds like you're having the time of a lifetime. I hope to have a trip like that someday. Infact, *we* should go on a trip somewhere, wouldn't that me cool? I think the two of us could learn a hell of a lot from each other. Oh, and you finding someone walking around in my shoes being funny for some reason made it funny to me and I actually laughed out loud. ~Raederle Phoenix
from for-you-only :
;)
from adaveen :
god damn fruckity fruck fruck. I tried to leave a message in your guest book and it well, it made me angry because it wouldn't connect. But that aside. When I lived in Denver I used to hang out at this place called the Skylark and some of the divey bars near by, because they were staggering distance to my friends' couch. If you get the chance go get some Syrian food at Damascus.
from lilmisskewl :
Good for you. That is best I am sure to give yourselves some space but not to quite end it until you really have had time to soul-search. All the best of luck & love to you both.
from for-you-only :
I think that you and Larry will find your way back into each other's hearts even more strongly than before, but the time apart will help you both grow to realize what you really want; so when you do get back together it will be stronger and fuller than before.
from lilmisskewl :
I'm sure what you did is for the best right now, but it saddens me to hear you are going to have to go through yet another loss. I hope your trip and time away for yourself helps you to love again & maybe you & him will get back together. If not him, someone special will pop into your life & everything will just be better & better once you return. All the best to you. I hope you'll be able to update here a bit still while you are gone.
from xmasface :
I hope our hearts are like starfish. You may be doing the "mature thing" and with luck and effort and time you two may be closer than ever.
from omniscia :
Hi Tater, The most recent entry of yours was so affecting. Your writing was so vivid, I had tears in my eyes. I'm glad you have Larry... I hope this year is better for you, hon. -Keri
from for-you-only :
Funny, that type of stone does the opposite of me. It makes me feel widthdrawn and quiet, weighed down and earthly.
from for-you-only :
Ah. I like things like that to be vague - things that are overly structured confine my creativity and make me frustrated.
from onedayhero :
Well I'll let you know what happened. So we talked abit about it but not much, she mostly ignored the problem i think. Well not really ignoring but she is turning sides. Like she is the one making me feel bad and she feels bad about that. You see, like I should have sympathies for her and forget about my own problems. She's perfect for me actually, I still love her very much but i guess Things will not be the same for a while. I feel insecure, lustless and ugly.
from onedayhero :
because i forgot to log out after i signed in using her name, she locked her diary and said that it wasn't to keep me out just because she can't delete it, wanted to check that. stupid coockies
from for-you-only :
Entry Topic Assignment: Write about your deepest fantasy turned into your deepest fear in a story involving lots of out-of-place forshadowing and stream of consious thoughts that don't make sense until later in the entry. !!! Won't that be exciting! In terms of wearing outfits many times - what I do is pack things that can be mixed. For example, two different black skirts, two different pink shirts, one black belt, two pink belts, one black jacket, one pink hoddie, two black hoddies, one black hat, one pink hat... etc. I mean, literally, that's the stuff I pack, lol. And then I have blue jeans with pink stiching, and with black stiching, and shirts that are both black and pink etc. I NEVER wear the exact same thing two days in a row... It might... kill me... *hugs* ~Phoenix
from carmenpunt :
the fast = the fact
from carmenpunt :
nice to know some more english voc. I feel terrible. really I do. She tries to make it up to me, she is saying she can't express her very well. but this doesn't change the fast that i'm feeling unattractive. Anyway EITS rock
from haloaskew :
Pickles...OF COURSE! How could I have forgotten? Dill only. Sweet pickles SUCK. I don't know if they have Hardee's fast food restaurants there, but the Hardee's here (famous for their $6 Angus beef Thickburger), put SWEET PICKLES on their burgers. How crazy is that, I ask you? Blah, I say! BLAH! And by the way...here's hoping you have a wonderful 2007! I'm so jealous you're going overseas. Have a great time! Meanwhile...back in Kentucky, Halo finally applies for a passport (soon, soon!)
from atomicbuddha :
Please don't hate that it's made me sad...you've had sad times and it's hard not to feel that. But it's heartening to see you emerging from all of that stronger and with more perspective. It's actually encouraging and I know you know it's good to feel, even if it is sadness.
from darrylzero :
oi oi oi!
from for-you-only :
Hey! I got your card today - probably came a couple days ago, but my mom gave it to me today. I think I did a back flip - because no one even gives me ten dollars much less fifty!! I have been pondering what to buy with it all day. It will probably sit in my bank account for a couple weeks before I decide. (I hate wasting money on something it turns out I didn't want or need...) In terms of Core and s&m, I think I brought out in him something that has long been surpressed. He never wanted to hit me, but once he did it, I think he got hooked on it, because both of the times we had sex since then he decided to. He's just never had a girlfriend before that was anything like him, so he couldn't even talk or act the way he wanted to, much less push his limits. So we're both having great fun just being ourselves and relishing in the fact that we're not alone. Thanks - I'm glad I wasn't cheap on your gift and got you what I thought you'd like instead of going for something that would simply do. Sometime we ought to talk on the phone and get to know each other better. Maybe I could help you figure out why you keep getting colds. Remember, I used to have two to six colds every year until these last three years I've gotten better and better, and I think it's because I've learned how to take care of myself really well as a needed adaptation for my weak immune system. It could simply be stress - and actually TOO MUCH sleep can also be bad for the body. Are you getting enough exercise? You might be thinking you need more rest when what you really need is to be more active. I rested so much as a kid thinking it would help me to not strain my body - but when I started really pushing myself, and resting only when I needed it, I gained leaps and bounds in my health. You might already know all of that, but hey, that's what friends are for - to tell you all the important stuff even if you already know it. Loves and kisses and HAPPY NEW YEAR to you! ~Raederle
from atomicbuddha :
Okay, I've been away FAR too long and I've been reading and all I can say is I wish I had been here when you were going through so much shit. Not that I would have made much difference but still... I am so sorry for everything that has happened in the past year or so. You are a strong woman Tater.
from lilmisskewl :
Hi. It might have been me who you were wondering who read so much. When I first read your diary after you did my survey I kept going back & read back the past year or so & have been keeping up regularily. I sent you a note way back then saying that I had read that far back. How do you know how many times a certain person looks at your site? From the IP address? Mine may have come from 2, my work & my home computers. Today, as just retunring from holidays I was cathing up and reading everything back to early-mid December. I wonder if it is me... anyway, Happy New year!
from atomicbuddha :
Hey Tater...I SERIOUSLY need to catch up on your life...and everyone here at D-land that I give a crap about...but I just wanted to let you know I AM back. I finally have internet access at home and look forward to reading you again!
from curious-me :
Hi there, I just happened to catch one of your titles about Who Are You and I think I am the lurker you're wondering about! I have this habit when I stumble onto someone's diary of reading from the beginning if it looks interesting. Of course with the busyness of the last few weeks I haven't had a chance to continue. Normally once I get 'caught up' I will leave a note. I hope this helps and I'm glad you don't mind me reading your archives! Take Care.
from xmasface :
Sounds like a plan. Who knows what I'll be up to by then.
from onedayhero :
hey there as promised here's a note from koen. I'm hoping live is getting for the better for yo now. I know m life is, along with carmen. but one thing that you've posted on carmen's blog concerns me, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TEECH ME ENGLISH! haha. Well perhaps when you're in the Netherlands i could drop by. You never know. HAPPY HOLIDAYS HUNN
from for-you-only :
I don't have to talk a lot to everybody, but I do. lol. And I can't really make a relationship work without talking a lot. I'm not one to sit in silence for long periods of time if I have company...
from ringostarr :
if you go to Koln make sure you see the cathedral there! it's gorgeous!
from lilmisskewl :
Hi. I just wanted to wish you a very merry Christmas before I leave on my holiday. I sure hope 2007 is the first of many good & better years to come. All the best to you & yours :)
from xmasface :
Why does that make you feel important? You're one of three or four people I know read this. While I have misgivings about whether or not you should feel flattered, I hope that it was a bright spot on your day. Rarely do I see movies alone but I'm getting better at it. It's a little odd because I usually like discussing it afterwards and sometimes I get all confused and cartoonish afterwards. It's different trying to relate the experience to someone afterwards. It's depressing to think that loners don't enjoy their own company so I hope you're both.
from for-you-only :
Aww, my one real chance to meet ya and you're gonna be far far far away!!!!!
from onedayhero :
I know Love will eventually come along. But still, i have had tons of girls and i'm sure i can have tons of more. But this isn't what i'm looking for really. I need love, and by that i mean spontaneous love. So next weekend Carmen will come along, perhaps this should work out, I know it sounds “forced”. But still we have had a great time on that festival. It was a one night stand really cause I‘ve never seen her after that. If things doesn’t turn out it isn’t bad at all because I still strengthened the relationship with her. Now it’s not that I’m really looking for someone, but I’m just getting tired that no one is coming along haha. What about Melanie you mentioned, she’s the greatest and she spends every weekend with me but I tend to consider her more as a friend than a female who has potentional to become a lover. I love her; I really do, with all of my heart. But I’m not physical attracted to her, and this goes in both ways. Besides we are both smart enough to not start a relationship because it will ruin a lot… So you’ll be turning 40 soon, that seems like a nice age really, I can’t wait ‘till I get that old and tell about the good old days when I was young haha. No seriously, when I just can’t wait to have a decent relationship, a family, a career, that kind of stuff. Call me weird but I can’t help myself. Thanks for the interests. Love, Koen
from for-you-only :
You know, my father and I are going on a road trip across the USA in Spring. We should meet. :) ~Phoenix
from lilmisskewl :
Again I am so sorry for the losses you have had to go through, this anniversary must be very difficult for you, I cannot even begin to imagine. My heart goes out to you.
from omniscia :
Hi Tater. When you can brave the snow and cold, go see "The Queen." I did recently, and it was so fascinating. Helen Mirren is phenomenal. She always is, I think, but in this movie she is unbelievably subtle. A tiny flare of the nostrils while delivering proper speeches to outraged British citizens gives away her true feelings. It was one of my favorite movies of the year so far. -Keri
from onedayhero :
first of all , thanks for your comments, Actually not many ppl have been commenting lately and it makes me kind of sad, not that it's that important but still ... to answer to your question ("But WHY is that a girl can sleep around and she is called "a slut" but a guy can sleep around just as much and he isn't called any negative names??"): Imo you can call guys a slut as well (or another name, perhaps more masculin, but gigolo would be a compliment...). If you ever see me haveing sex with anotehr girl every week, go ahead and call me a slut =D But you're right, women get called sluts and guys don't get named. Tho i think more guys are 'sluts' but they would concider it as a compliment. Not that i would, but i'm diffrent haha. you wouldn't believe how romantic that night was ... i hope i'll see her soon again. So how are things? i've just read about the snow, i just looovvveee snow. Everytime it's snowing i go out and roll in it like a madman. I cant help myself. Seeing the sunlight reflecting on those white carpets filling the whole city makes me happy. and i like the nice warm and comfy feeling of a hat and scarf. we've not have had snow this year yet. but it might still come. But it's extreamely warm for this time of the year. Like 17 degrees celcius sometimes. Normally it would have been like 0-10 degrees. haha just some random general information. Take care hunn
from xmasface :
Any tips for meditation techniques?
from for-you-only :
I actually get the feeling that people like dramtic depressing entries. By the way, I'm glad I have your approval.
from vintagepearl :
All my best and may Sarah rest in peace <3
from xmasface :
Your letter arrived last night but I don't think I'll be able to write back until after my trip. Then I may have a whole new fresh perspective to offer.
from for-you-only :
Why no new entries lately?
from for-you-only :
About Captain Crunch - I stopped trying to change Travanti's diet a long time ago. He doesn't eat well, but some how maintains his health, probably because he's young and active. It'll catch up with him, but hey, since he's out of my life, oh well. I tried to educate the guy, but there is nothing I can do about it if he didn't learn anything from it all.
from for-you-only :
Le-fart is just stupid, I don't take anything he/she says seriously at all, and most of the time I don't understand what on earth she's trying to say anyway. On the topic of Travanti, I think I did him a favor, because now he has a much better idea of what it takes to make a woman happy.
from for-you-only :
You might not believe me, but you've helped me grow. Of course, that's only because I let you help me grow. I choose to take everything in, and let it change me and help me. Some people push it all away, like Travanti. And that's why I let him go. Oops! I wasn't supposed to tell you that, but you'll find out soon enough. Love ya girl! ~Phoenix
from for-you-only :
Funny, I might be going to Cali in febuary as well. Except I would be in Sanfranscio. Anyway, nothing wrong with writing about hair.
from onedayhero :
haha well she does have amazing legs... and they show me i want to see more. wel i'm not a pervert, i'm just male young and always horny =D how are things?
from for-you-only :
All that you've been through is what makes you the strong, wise and wonderful person that you are.
from vintagepearl :
Happy Birthday to Sarah. All my best. I hope you feel better soon.
from xmasface :
Since I quite MySpace they've started sending me notifications for when people post new blogs. Most of them are set to 'exclusive' so I can't read the damn things anyway. Good to still see you on here too.
from xmasface :
Happy birthday to Sarah.
from lilmisskewl :
Happy Birthday to Sarah.
from onedayhero :
A winter coat? I don't have one haha, i only have this pimpy suit jacket which doens't do anything against cold. But why buy one? I'm a warmblooded person and I don't have cold that often. And It wasn't planned to be kicked out of the house so i couldn't know to bring one haha. Now for your trip to europe. Holland is cool. I go to holland every week, to Maastricht to be more precise. Holland is nice,but nothing to special. offcouse for you it is. Belgium isn't that special aswell. Only good for french fries, choclate, beer and waffels. We do have some historical buildings and all but nothing too intresting. I live in leuven. Kinda a historical city with lots of old structures and has one of the best universities in Belgium, Its famous for its blooming youngster nightlive. So what I recommend you seeing? Paris, Londen, Milan I go to there every year for shopping. Its so beautifull over there. only a bit too crowded and expesive... I'm off watching tv. Take care, koen
from omniscia :
Hi Tater-Fay, I noticed you listed Flannery O'Connor as one of your favorite writers. So far, I have only read her "A Good Man is Hard to Find" short story, and I loved it. Can you recommend another good one? Thanks!
from onedayhero :
haha well the little spot of arm hair on my arm is noticable, i coulnd't get it off. I got kicked out of melanies house today because of her moms. it was 9.30 pm back than and She lives 100 km furter So i had to take the train to some station , then get another train to here, and then walk to my house (wich is another 20min) Its like 2 degrees celcius and i'm cold and didn't had much clothes on. Now I feel sick and just got home from a 3 hour journey. and how are you?
from lilmisskewl :
Hope you had a Happy Halloween! Did you carve a pumpkin? Did you raost the seeds? Did you get lots of kids at your door? What a great 'holiday'! I am glad that you seem to be enjoying life again :)
from vintagepearl :
Hey . . . all my best with everything, stay strong. Take care :)
from chiv :
Thanks, you. I hope yr doing okay. Maybe I'll send you a wombat.
from for-you-only :
Hey thanks. Today has been really rough, but it wasn't so bad because my mom took me out shopping for stuff to make my room better. Of course, I ended up having to spend 120 of my own money, but then again, she spent a little more than that on me. But I got a lot of stuff done actually by buying stuff I needed. So, as of right now, I'm just looking forward to a new Naruto tonight..
from for-you-only :
You're too smart and too great a person to have to go through all of this forever. As my personal instinct, I'd bet you don't have too much longer to deal with everything you are now. Sometimes it's hard to hold on without seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm kinda at a similar point - where it's like "when is all this bull shit going to stop?" But I know for you it's like x10!!! I wish I could offer you something to make it better, but all I can give is... hmm. Wait, note me your address. :) ~Phoenix
from darrylzero :
Hey. I'm sorry I've been a nonentity for a small forever. I read about your mom, and I'm really sorry (well, for that and other things). You are loved here.
from a-thought :
Hi. I just finished reading the answers you wrote to my survey and I just wanted to say my heart goes out to you in regards to your mother and sister. I don't think I could really articulate anything better, so I'll just leave it at that.
from lilmisskewl :
You did my survey & I clicked on your diary. I have read back the past year or so... It breaks my heart, I am so sorry about the loss of your Mom & Sister and all you have gone through. Good for you for being so strong & keeping it together. I have added you as a favorite & will keep reading. All the best to you.
from onedayhero :
sarcasm? damn haha i thaught you were for real. Anyway you'll know it lol. Damn i'm bored, entertain me! x
from for-you-only :
I actually am not affected by the common girl-thing with shoes. I have two pairs of sandals (one white, one black) and two pairs of boots (one all black, one black and white) one pair of sneakers that are for mud, one pair of sneakers that are for running and then there are three or four other assorted shoes just to go with whatever outfit. I'm not one to go shoe-shopping unless one of my esstial pairs (like my boots for snow) is now broken or badly stained. Probably because my mom doesn't care about shoes at all and wears the same pair of sneakers everyday and only has the same number of shoes as me. In other ways I'm a girly-girl, but I really can't say much about shoes other than they protect your feet and should match an outfit. (I hate when people where blue shoes with an all white outfit, or red shoes with an all black outfit and so on.)
from onedayhero :
damn , so many typos and I just saw them. Well you know what this means: I'm tired! haha
from onedayhero :
haha my teenage lust. Yeah it's true, i'm 19 and still very active lol. Not to sound childish but i haven't been layer for 1 month. Had plenty of opertunities tho. But i'm like very picky haha. But that Laura girl... she's truly one of the most beautifull girls i even seen. And you know, i'm a boy. So my brains are in my testicals haha. No not that i'm that obsessive but after a month i can surely feel alot of lust. But soon, very soon... (i'll keep you updated). I'm tired and working on some projects for school , those will have to be shower to a jury and all. so i don't have too much time. But take care. Hugs x
from for-you-only :
Well, I caught a moment and read your last two entries. I think your mom is very happy where she is now. Before when I sensed her out from what you told me to do a little reiki I felt pain from her, as well as other mixed emotions that all seemed to add up to a calm sad-ish feeling. Now I just sense peace, and almost happiness when searching for her soul. I don't know about you, but when someone close to me dies I plan to meditate and see if I can connect with their spirit after they are gone. I've always wanted to do that, but of course I never wanted anyone I knew to die so that I could find out what that was like of course. I hope you are okay. I know that with things like this it hits you in bursts of pain as you remember one thing at a time that you miss. But knowing that it happened without pain, and that it was semi-natural should help. I offer you this as screen-hug. Come on now, hug your monitor, you know you want to. And, by the way, sugar is only going to make you feel worse. Except chocolate, chocolate is actually pretty good for you if it's not overly sweetened and eaten in moderation. So enjoy chocolate and some other healthy foods, have a good cry, hug your monitor, read my journal and take a long hot bath. That's my recipe for you. *hugs* *kisses* and lots of love to you. ~Phoenix
from onedayhero :
sorry for all the delay. At the end of my last entry i left you a message! best of luck women and even tho i'm not that english talented. I would be your listening ear
from jodileebee :
More hugs! So sorry! Take care!
from mrs-roboto :
Hugs - what a year for you. My heart is with you.
from for-you-only :
I'm aware of the error, I always check the comments page, even if it says zero. -- So you are really sure at this point that she is going to die? That's terrible... I have been meditating on it a little, but then again, not everyone is savable that way. It would be nice if you could bring her to me ALIVE, because if she were brought here (to Buffalo) with my mom (a long time healer) and my dad and my aunt and me (all three of us are long time healers, and now certiafied reiki healers) and Travanti who is a master of the human body and how to cure all sorts of things, and he contains so much energy himself. If you could, bring her here before Travanti and I move to Chicago and I promise this household will do everything in it's power to save her life. And well, if you have not gathered yet, it would be cool to meet in real life. I would honestly like to get to know you better, but I have so little time to read other journals when I keep up with so many things that I only usually end up reading like one in five of yours. But once I get to Chicago my time restraits should be different, and I plan to start reading a lot more journals then. Anyway, back to your mom, I have one thing to say about it, IF she IS saveable by spiritual methods, then this house can do it. In combined expereince this house has way over 100 years of spiritual healing and other energy manipulating. It would only cost you your time and transportation. So I hope you think about that. I would hate to think that our excuse for meeting would be the occasion of your mother's death. And this is totally off topic, but I'd like to say Thank You, for being one of my devoted readers, commenters, and for having good advice when I needed it, and comforting words when I needed that. *HUGS* ~Phoenix
from jodileebee :
Tater, I'm so sorry for what you and your mom are going through right now. Sounds like you're doing a great job at loving her and taking care of her. Hope the universe showers you both with love, kindness and peace these next few weeks!
from onedayhero :
I'm too tired to write. But expect a long note tomorrow sweetheart!
from vintagepearl :
:) No problem. How have things been working out lately? Yeah, when I first "came" to Diaryland, I was suprised how people would leave caring notes for a stranger. I like Diaryland, it shows people care even if they don't know you well. <3 Take Care.
from pawpower :
Thanks so much for your note, I have been reading your blog and I am so very sorry... about everything, I think words are so ineffectual sometimes. hugs
from vintagepearl :
My heart and thoughts are with you.
from onedayhero :
hey again. Well I must prove you're wrong. you said that the after the rain, sunshines comes isn't always true. Well here's my opinion. About the loss of your sister. She has been abused but now she's peacefully again. That must be harsh to say but anyway she isn't getting hit anymore. I dont know if you're a believer or not. anyway i'm not. But she's probally much happier now. And she watches you from above. and your mother and other relatives aswell. Same thing with the kid she left. Wasn't it a miracly after 7 months pregnancy the kid lives? I mean.. you got to look at the bricht side of it. Nothing compensates the loss. I know this time would not be right to relative the things and vieuw it optimistically. Same with your mothers situation. If things doesn't get better. she'll still have a whole life of beautifull memories. I don't know much about the kind of cancer the has and i feel rather bad of reminding you she has. But i guess she'll be everything what's on your mind at this time. Damn it's really hard to express myself. Just don't let depressivity get a hold of you. You know many people who care, they'll never let you down. Take care my friend. Love,Koen (and not Koej haha)
from onedayhero :
hey. I saw you wrote a new entry so I readed it. There was something touching at the end. "I'm more concerned about her quality of life than my own. That may sound strange but it is the way I have to live right now. I have many years ahead of me to fulfill my goals and dreams. We have no idea how much time mom has left, so what I do will be for her until she is gone." Well i know you care alot about your mother but don't ever forget your own quality of life. Your own life is as important as your mother's. Don't ever forget that. I feel so bad reading what a awfull time you are going trough. In a way I'd like to help but it seems rather impossible. The only thing i can be is a listening ear. If you're ever in need of a deep talk don't hesitate to contact me. My email is aswell on my diaryland. That's all i can do i supose. You stay strong. Love, Koen
from for-you-only :
PS: I usually give dedication pages to people after we've had a meaningful back and forth IM or e-mail that I wish to talk about. lol. But yeah, you have been commenting and leaving notes for a long time, and I appreciate it. If there is any particular html or web thing you wish for me to do, just ask.
from for-you-only :
Herbs for cancer: http://www.holisticwebs.com/cancer/cancer2.html, also check out http://www.acutcmdetox.com/ -- there is a place where you can send a message to the guy for distance healing and counseling, or to set up a live meeting with the doctor.
from onedayhero :
I even spelled my name wrong. Haha pathetic me!
from onedayhero :
Hey Stacey. Thanks for the long note and your i-suck-at-math-comment. Well you could compare my layout with my character. I'm dark aswell (not even talking about the way I look). But i'm a caring and loving person aswell. Because i have blackhair and my lip pierced i get called gothic alot. It's rather funny actually but i'm not into goth or anyothing related. My love problem should be fixed anytime. Cause I met this girl. Well i'll probaly write more of that in the next entries. About the life in pictures section. For my it is kinda oblivious that you can click on it.I mean, Who would put very small images of himself that aren't good vieuwable. If I would mention somwhere that it's clickable it would probaly mess up my design lol. But I think I'll add it to my extra section. The forward/backward buttons seem rather useless for me. Maybe if I had more entries I would. But since I know so little people that actually read my diary it's kinda pointless. The diary is more for me about writign memories that i could later read and probaly laugh at. So your life isn't that good recently anymore. I'm really seorry to hear from your mom. I cant imagine your pain. Even If i was in the same situation. I never got along with my parents and i nearly see them. But anyway, it's devastating. About sarah. Now that touches me. It's so wierd. I mean. What boyfriend would beat someone, and if that alone wasn't good enough, what boyfriend would beat his girl to death? It's just sick. Now i'm guessing they didn't have a very good relationship and the male was probaly dominating the girls life. I Visited the site and it was beatifull. Its really sweet to put up a memorial site with even funding stuff. I guess many ppl loved sarah. So what exactly happened to the abusive Boyfriend? You're very wise. Running away would only delay your problems and they would probaly hit you back one day. Facing your problems is the best options. And it should make you stronger. But living with tracy and hans wouldn't be anything wrong. Concider it as a vacation. Not for ever. But you know, like taking a holiday. A time to completely forget your present life and life in the fantasy world called the NEtherlands. Woudln't be such a bad idea imo. So my english is improving. Yay and you are helping me by writing this long notes! haha keep it up my friend and remember . after the rain, sunshine will come! Love, Koej
from onedayhero :
Haha you can surely see that i wrote that last note when i was way too tired with all the typos. Let us hope you can puzzle your way trough it. ;-)
from onedayhero :
What a long note, but still happy to recieve it. It's like 3 am here nad i'm bored as hell so I thought you deserved a long note back. To be honest I know much about Usa 'cause I'm intrested alot in geografical things. I travel alot aswell. Only place I've been in the usa would be N.Y and I didn't like it that much. I heard so much about it but it's way to overrated. Ok there's much to do and all. But still, It wasn't very pleasing. My fav cities would be London, Paris and Milan.I usually go there every year for shopping purposes. Well atleast if I have the money to do so. Well It is very good for tracy that she has found her true love. Hans , which is byw a prett common name in holland, seems like a cool guy. Travelling alot aswell I asume. I have yet to meet to right one, Doesn't matter 'cause I'm only 19 yrs old (Yeah I know I'm joung). But I have much experience with relationships and heartaches. Well i guess every 15-20 yrs old person would say but it's true. I'm kind of hungring for love. I want to be held at night. To wake up with someone besides me, you know that stuff. Well calling it stuff is inapropriate (or howerever you spell it). So you're 36. A little odler than I suspected. I would guessed like 30. But I trully think It's cool to meet ppl from an older generation (no insult). They are alot more wise. I can't say I am. But I can't complain either. I have a good live I guess. I'm a bit more of a rich kid. But i'm not spoiled and my parents don't give me much attention so thats why i'm so in need of love. Enough about the love thing. Well perhaps i'd like to know about your situation, if you don't mind offcourse. One I have time i'll read more of your diary 'cause it seems rather intresting. But yeah readin requires time. And since i have to redo my exams, I have to learn alot. So you hate bush and all the stupid presiders before aswell. Me aswell. I'm happy with the royal family here. They have no meaning actually 'cause they have no power at all. But still it's a symbol for our ppl. Well since you're an american I wouldn't know what you know of Belgium. We are world famous for OUR french fries, the french stole the name. Our choclate offcrouse and not to forget our beer. Don't know if you've drunk Stella Artois or Jupiler over there. I've drank it in N.Y. and it tastes awfull there. Same for buh over here that is. jeezes, I can't apolegise enough for my crappy spelling and my lack of english. I have a rather hard time expressing myself in english. But i'm trying to. The black and white pictures on my diaryland are clickable meaning a new window would pop up showing a larger colered image. Perhaps you have this pop up blocker or something or you just figured that by now. Just feel like mentionning it. And you are right. German is rather similar to Dutch meaning we can understand what we say but grammer is a bit diffrent and offcrouse the spelling. Germans have this crazy spelling. Well since I live in belgium I know French Dutch and German. English is overused on the internet so I picked that up aswell. Only can express myself good in dutch tho. Flirting, well depens on what you concider to be flirting. Giving compliments is not flirting imo. You seem like a very nice person, lets keep in touch. Oh yeah this may be rude to ask. But could you kinda 'rate' my layout cause I worked very hard on it and no-one mentions it. Yeah call me pathetic. Oh and another thing. I could sure use some comments on my entries. Damn i'm way to impolite. I mean you should concider doing that if you would happen to have some spare time. It would be an honour. Love, Koen
from onedayhero :
oh and thanks for the flattering note on my lips. Most ppl just see my eyes when looking at me. I Asume you are a detaillist!
from onedayhero :
Well dutch is a rather hard language compared to english or french. Our grammar is way difficult. Even for us, Belgians. So your friend married a dutch guy. How did she meet that dutch guy. I think you're from a country far far away (tell me) so it should be an intresting story. Too old for flirting? Who knows? I don't know your age and it actually doesn't matter you see ;-)
from onedayhero :
haha I almost missed your previous note: U hebt zeer aardige lippen! Haha. If you mean I have nice lips then it's flattering! But why the lips? Whats so special about it?
from onedayhero :
oh thats cool :) Thats not that far from here. To live = Leven. My best friend lives ... = Mijn beste vriend leeft. Leeft is the 'he' form in dutch. Haha i'm giving you dutch lessons. so what's up?
from onedayhero :
yeah well you can always need luck, who doesn't. I'm rather new to diaryland and hardly know ppl. It's rather hard to find ppl who reply and all. but thanks for the note :)
from onedayhero :
I have read your most recent entry and i feel sorry for you (and your mom), hope things get better
from coexistapart :
Actually, come to think of it...the review must have come in late 2002 or early 2003. For some reason, time just keeps on ticking and I only subtracted two years from the present date (2006) while I was graduating high school in 2004 and that was *definitely* not when I was still at the old site and doing reviews. Yeeesh. I feel old. 2002/2003 makes sense though as I have been blogging for close to four years now....Anyhow.
from coexistapart :
Very interesting coincidence....I just clicked through from haloaskew (whom I have listed as a favourite) and just realized that I reviewed your diary back in 2004 with Aimee for princessreviews back when I was still using my my old site and my real name to blog. You had a red-orange background with little one inch multi-coloured squares, right? I think you were just starting out then.
from haloaskew :
Yep, I kinda figured you pick option #2. I think I'd do the same. It'd be nice to be able to alert a family member I was ok, but if I had no other way to write, even to myself, after that, I wouldn't be ok!
from vintagepearl :
Thanks :)
from vintagepearl :
Hello.. thank you for your concern, it means a lot. I followed the link on your diary, and I am terribly sorry for your loss. I read about your sister on the sight, and she seemed like a wonderful person. She will exist in peoples’ hearts forever. It is remarkable how her son was able to live on, though someone was greedy enough to not let her. The father rarely raises his fist at me, and most of the time that's only when I don't do what he says. The problem is fear (it always seems to be fear). I told DHS last year about some of what happens here, but they believed the manipulative parents. I think it has gotten worse, but there’s no one really I can talk to about this. Mr. Powers, the adult who helped me through all of this last year, is obligated by the state of Maine to report any suspected abuse, as are the rest of my teachers. The only friends I trust with this stuff would either tell Mr. Powers or force me to tell him. I know they mean well, but I’m very indecisive on this issue. The father is strong, and he knows how to lie, and I would just get in more trouble. Again, thank you for your concern.
from for-you-only :
I keep forgetting how smart you are. lol.
from for-you-only :
Choking is actually a common one, but more so for men. There is something about lack of oxygen, especially during high-energy activities that releases a hormone in the brain. For a man, it actually makes them hard even if they are not horny at all.
from for-you-only :
I think I've had two heartbreaks in my life - the house fire, and Jeremy leaving me. Both were blows I took really hard, and the first blow ended up bringing Jeremy and I closer, making it even harder when he left... But both times there was a period of time where I knew I was getting over it, but I wasn't all the way there yet. I know exactly the feeling after a huge let-down, when you're past denial... And then comes this calm, where you're still upset, but you're coping. How is your mom's cancer anyway?
from for-you-only :
Hey, you might have had trouble trying to find the taging entry. If you go to my archives it shouldn't be hard at all. ---- Thanks for your comment, I really didn't know anyone else still cared about their exs, so many people I meet in person tell me all their exes are past, and they're happy that they are, and that they don't really think about them at all anymore. --- So how have you been recently? ~Phoenix
from for-you-only :
I tagg you! You must follow the game - to read the rules of the game, read my latest entry. :) YOU'RE TAGGED! ~Phoenix Rules URL: http://for-you-only.diaryland.com/july7c.html
from blackstar85 :
i'm soooo sorry about your mom my grandmother just went through all that unfortuneatly it was to late for her but i am sorry for what your going through and everything i will keep you in my thoughts since i myself do not believe in a christian/catholic god... take care and stay strong...
from for-you-only :
I know how you feel. I've been wrapped up too lately. I was reading diaries a couple days ago because I was at a computer at school with nothing to do, but when I'm home, I'm so busy I just don't have time. I just did a lot of cancer research because I chose it as a topic for a ten page paper for health which had to talk about the cause, cure, treatments, results, scitifically what the desease is, if it's contagious and all those other things. So I feel like a cancer expert now. You should really try taking your mom to a center where they use other things than kemo. Sometimes just knowing how to do the right things and having someone else do them for you turn out to be two totally different things. There is a place right near my house where they do cancer healings. They have a 100% cure cancer rate. For everyone who gets treatment there, they live. I wish you and your mom luck. ~Phoenix
from for-you-only :
Oh my god, your mother should not be going through those treatments! They can often make the caner worse for people. The best cure for cancer is eating healthy food, exercise, plenty of sleep, quiet time and meditation. It's proven. kemo actually hurts your immune system. Anyway, don't take it from me, read this site, it's made by a real doctor specialist: http://www.holisticwebs.com/cancer/
from haloaskew :
I am so sorry to hear about your mom's cancer coming back! Your family has been through so much and it's like "how much more can life pile on you??" The only positive thing is that all this will make you guys stronger...but it is NOT fair that all this is happening!! And I can't believe you were written up and work for grieving! (I'm sure they called it something else though, right? "Emotional disturbances" or some bullshit?) How can you act like everything's hunky-dory when you're dealing with your sister's MURDER and your mother's cancer? What THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT? A robot? I'd say either quit and/or take some time off (is a sabbatical possible?), and also try to get some grief counseling (paid for through work, if possible!) And I'm so glad you're writing the book! That will be wonderfully therapeutic for you! You're never far from my thoughts, sweetie. Go out and do something nice for yourself (maybe a massage or facial!). And feel free to email me anytime! {{{HUGS}}}}
from mrs-roboto :
Oh S....I am so sorry. This isn't the least bit fair. Hugs and more hugs.
from livesand :
Yeah, cancer is a strangely erratic threat. I'm sorry your mother shows signs of the cancer becoming active. My friend Jim died last night of pancreatic cancer, 8 months after being diagnosed. Don't give up hope, and your mother shouldn't either; that's the challenge.
from haloaskew :
Oh, sweetie! Thank you so much for the offer! But I couldn't possibly! Right now I'm hanging in there (and mom just sent me some cash enclosed in a letter!) There was another part of that entry that I edited out b/c I was getting really defensive, so I think I need to fill in the gaps in my next post on my future plans. :) Thank you SO MUCH once again for the offer! YOU ARE SO SWEET!!!
from hobbstweedle :
I can't believe your supervisor!! It takes at least a year to get over a death, and it probably takes longer when that death is as distressing as Sarah's was. I really think people in this country have so many issues about death that basically they just want to pretend it doesn't exist, so seeing someone grieving is upsetting to their perfect, immortal world. Unprofessional? Give me a freakin' break!! I want to shake this woman - and I don't even know her!!
from haloaskew :
Yes, you should! I know Sarah's passing will be with you forever, but she wants you to LIVE! I know she would want you to express yourself while you're on this earth. You'll be with her again in the future. For her, it will be but a minute. For you, a lifetime. Just make sure when she sees you that she doesn't bonk you on the head and say: "How come you held back all those years? Ya big goofball!" I really believe when you smile, she's smiling too. :)
from haloaskew :
That was awesome! There are dandelions everywhere here. I plucked one the other day and alternated between blowing on it and loosely shaking it. Simple stuff like that makes me incredibly happy. You should do more stream-of-consciousness writing. It's powerful stuff!
from ringostarr :
it's so "funny" (not haha, more ironic) that i first read that and thought he'd died. i hope they raise a shitload of money for him! the man is a genius and should live as long as possible.
from haloaskew :
I've never heard of Arthur Lee! But I wish him the best all the same.
from hobbstweedle :
Thank you So MUCH for that note, Tater - I really needed it as I am feeling a little desperate. I can't believe how lousy I feel physically and I really know in my heart it's a reaction to my Dad's death. I don't think his death really compares to Sarah's though - at least he got to live his whole life and died somewhat peacefully while shoveling snow. and I don't have to go through all the horror story that I know you are dealing with. I'm so sorry - I wish I could make it better for both of us. I would be so honoured to be your cool older sister (even though I don't feel very cool right now!)
from haloaskew :
I'm so pleased you liked my note. It was from the heart. You're my girl! I feel so close to both you and Sarah. Can't explain it. *If you need me, just let me know*
from livesand :
Tater, Ruth and I are thinking of you.
from haloaskew :
Sweetie: I have your back. You need ANYTHING, you let me know, 'k? What you're feeling is perfectly normal. Go right ahead and have a nervous breakdown. I mean it. "Check out" of life for awhile. It's OK. I had a nervous breakdown in college (dropped out of school for a semester and found a job) and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Long story, but I've been there. Not anywhere NEAR what you're going through, but I know the feeling of the world as you know it dropping out from under your feet with no warning. Take all the time you need. Cry, rant, rave, laugh when it suits you, don't think about it, think about it too much, pound your fists, dance like a lunatic in the kitchen, feed your face, feed your soul, sleep, and sleep some more. Read, take a walk, write a letter you'll never send, burn a candle, burn off some calories. Buy something ridiculous you've always wanted. Just because. Take a trip, even if it's in your mind. Clean the hell out of your house. Volunteer for a day. Take photographs Sarah would like to see. Enjoy the grass barefoot. Go to a shooting range and practice (just in case). Make a scrapbook for Josiah. YELL. And yell some more. Keep feeling it, and feeling it, and let it out. Let it go. Bit by bit. Breathe her in. She's there. I know she would kiss your forehead, give you a big hug that lasts forever, and thank you for your love. She doesn't want this to tear you into pieces. She wants you to live and drink in life. Smile for Sarah and the gift of Josiah. But when you feel so bad you can't get up, I'll lay on the floor with you. We can softly talk. Stare at the ceiling. Or the stars in the sky. I'm here, sweetie. I love ya! {{Big hugs}}}
from haloaskew :
Yes! It's the March 20th issue. I found it at the store today (I had to buy 10 bottles of bleach for the barns on my lunch break -- oh joy). The "big" story on the cover is Extreme Celebrity Flaws (awesome! Check out Katie Cold Sore Holmes!). The Britney story is in the top left corner. I thought they did a very good job on the story, just like you said. Two page spread, too! That sucks they used the picture of the ex without permission...But they wouldn't be National Enquirer if they didn't pull some kinda stunt, now would they? I hope the story brings in lots of donations to Sarah's fund. It also puts a big spotlight on domestic abuse & how the victims tend to downplay it. Perhaps Sarah's story will save the life of someone else who's in a bad situation...and underline how quickly something can go from bad to tragic. And it will certainly make friends and relatives sit up and take extra notice if they have a loved one in a similar situation. And oh...the photo of Josiah was precious. Please give my best to your family. You guys are never far from my thoughts!
from haloaskew :
The National Enquirer??! Never saw that one coming! I will make sure to buy a copy. I'm sooooo glad to hear they're donating to Sarah's Fund...that's so fabulous! So how're you feeling lately, kiddo? Miss ya!
from mrs-roboto :
"Funny, huh?" Depressing is more like it.
from haloaskew :
Oh sweetie. I feel so bad for you, dealing with all your grief and anger. It's weird because she feels close to you, but far away at the same time. I got shivers reading your entry! And yet, here I am, having never met Sarah, or you, but I feel close to her, through your diary. My mom told me tonight that her friend, Nora, that she's known since first grade, died today of cancer. She was only diagnosed back in November. Mom's still in shock. Nora was in a coma for the last few days after falling and breaking an arm (I know!)...another friend of Mom's said that Valentine's Day was Nora's favorite holiday, but they weren't sure she'd make it that long. Nora's husband died a few years ago in a car crash. Mom said "Well, at least Nora and Jerry are together again for Valentine's Day!" People leave here too soon and there's no sense to make of it. Makes me wonder about my own mortality, and I'm sure you've thought the same thing. We're still here on this plane though...we'll get THERE "soon" enough. I feel that all the ones we love who have passed on would want us to embrace THIS LIFE. As we would want for them, if the situations were reversed. Does that make sense? At any rate, I'm sending you lots of hugs! I have a feeling we're destined to meet someday on THIS plane! Could happen, never know! :)
from purplebanana :
Just wanted to say that when I'm dancing alone in my home I'm in a reality tv show, a stripper in training, the only white dancer on a hip-hop asian dance team, etc. I like that you do that, too.
from haloaskew :
I saw that History Channel biopic of Lincoln and it depressed the crap outta me, so I switched to another channel (2 months ago I probably would've LOVED IT). I'm so glad to hear you're getting back into the swing of things. Of course you'll continue to have bouts of immense grief...at the worst possible moments, but that's part of the healing process. I wanted to let you know I received the thank you card from your mom. That was so sweet of her, and so touching. :) If there's anything else I can do for your family, you let me know, ok? I redid my template recently and took off the link to Sarah's memorial fund (I wasn't sure about a "proper time"), but I could add it back if you like! Or a special picture or something commerative...let me know, 'k? You're in my thoughts, sweetie. {{HUGS}}
from haloaskew :
Pierce AND Liam??! COOL BEANS!! I was within a few feet of Sam Shepherd last year in a small bar, met and talked to the members of Barenaked Ladies in a restaurant, met jockey Gary Stevens (he played George Woolf in "Seabiscuit") at the track, made eye contact with Jane Fonda at my brother's graduation (she was sitting next to Ted Turner), and got an autograph from Adam West (original Batman). I love brushes with fame!
from haloaskew :
As far as the way you're feeling, it's completely understandable. You need to do whatever feels right to get through the days and months. There's a wonderful book called "How to Cope with the Loss of a Love" (I believe) that is extremely helpful in coming to terms with grief and dealing with all the crazy emotions in your own way. And I think you're right about that kitten being a gift from Sarah. This is somewhat similar story (of course, nowhere on par with your situation), but after one of our old cats, Squeak, went missing (we were pretty sure he went off to die - he was about 18 years old), three days later I found a kitten wandering around who looked EXACTLY like him (tabby point Siamese with bright blue eyes). I called my mom, and she called my dad, and the minute he heard it looked just like Squeak (who'd always been his favorite), he said "I want it!" Simba was only with them about a year before he too disappeared, but I always had the feeling that Squeak meant for me to find that kitten for my Dad. Life is very strange like that. Take care, sweetie! Email me if you need to chat. {{HUGS}}
from haloaskew :
Ohhhh...I love Sarah's website! I've updated the link on my site. Take care, kiddo!!
from haloaskew :
Wow! Very powerful poem. I'm glad you're getting some of those feelings out! I know it will be a difficult Christmas for you and your family...{{LOTS MORE HUGS}} You're in my thoughts everyday. Take care sweetie. Email me if you feel like it!
from open-n-true :
Hello, You didn't answer the note I left you so I guess you're ok. Just for the record, I didn't tell anyone here in Honolulu about your diary. I have my own storybook life that keeps me busy, thank you. Anyway, god bless and take care.
from adaveen :
Hey there, I can't log into your diary. Just wanted to see how you are holding up. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers everyday.
from mrs-roboto :
Congratulation on a healthy baby nephew. I know this must be an experience wrought with mixed emotions but I am happy something good has resulted from it.
from haloaskew :
I am so happy to hear the news about little Josiah! Sarah's certainly close by, beaming with pride! :)
from mrs-roboto :
My thoughts will be with you on Monday as your new nephew enters the world. Isn't it a little soon to be returning to work? I will hope that things go smotthly for you but if you feel uncomfortable, you should go home.
from haloaskew :
Hey, I put a little blurb on the bottom of my template about Sarah's Memorial Fund, and after reading some of the articles about her tonight, I was wondering if I could add her picture? It's the one from an article in the Honolulu Bulletin...let me know. {{{MORE HUGS}}}
from haloaskew :
Sending a little something your way...not much, but I hope it helps. :) Hang in there, sweetie!! {{HUGS}}
from for-you-only :
I read the entries about it. I'm so sorry... This must be really shocking. I really don't know what it's like to have someone I know die... But I do know what it feels like to loose someone/something you've been close to. I'm sure you have not fully come to terms with this yet... You're very strong for even being able to write it down. It would take me about a day of work to make a page for her... and I don't have a day to do it - I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do for you... I wish you the best. Your mom will be fine as long as she keeps a strong attitude agaist the cancer. ~Pink
from open-n-true :
Hello Tater-Fay, I am in Honolulu and what irony to stumble upon your diary! I heard about your sister's story on the news, I'm so sorry for your family's loss and this awful tragedy especially so near the holidays. It is the top story on the news tonite! Wanted to let you know geocities.com gives free website pages all you need is a yahoo email account. I am not a web designer but would love to help you make a page at no charge and set it up for you?! To see my personal webpage go to www.geocities.com/honeygirl_1966 it's just a page with links I made for laughs. My diary is locked but feel free to email me: honeygirl_1966@yahoo.com if I can help? God Bless you and your family and please hang in there.. Sincerely, Sandy
from for-you-only :
I'm so glad you thought of me! But... In light of my job as a webdesigner, and my tight budget and time, I'm forced to ask if I can receive payment for the job. (through paypal) Lets talk about all that you have in mind through e-mail. One way you can do this is to make a new diaryland account, and just not use more than a few entries, and have no back or forward links, and no older page. Is that what you were thinking? I'm so sorry about your sister...! Tell me about what happened... (pitifulbarbie@aol.com title the e-mail "tater-fay") ~Pink
from crazy4muffin :
PS. For what it is worth. If you have any questions in re the legal process and how they will proceed against this monster, let me know. I don't know what state your sister resides in (I am in Texas) but the laws aren't so different that maybe I can answer some questions for you. I would imagine they will put together a great prosecution team for her. I used to work in the specialized family violence division prosecuting this very type of crime. I hope they have the same for her. Just in case. God bless.
from bluemeany :
I'm here by way of Halo -- my thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family.
from crazy4muffin :
Words fail me. I just visited a woman who was shot in the stomach by a PCP freak. She was six months pregnant. Her baby lived long enough for her to fall in love with him. All I could say was I was sorry and that I promised to do my best to see the piece of shit that shot her never sees the light of day. God bless you, your family, and your sister while you hang in there and give that baby a fighting chance.
from haloaskew :
Oh...my...god. I am absolutely shocked, horrified and saddened to hear the news about your sister! I'm so thankful the baby will pull through (MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!), and that the motherfucking asshole who did this is behind bars...but I am so outraged! There is a level of hell so far down, reserved especially for monsters like that. I am SO SORRY for your loss -- I can't even begin to imagine the grief your family must be feeling right now, but knowing that a part of your sister will go on...at least that provides a ray of hope. I know we don't really "know" each other, but if there's anything I can do, please let me know. Perhaps if a fund is set up for the baby, or something towards a memorial for your sister, please let me know and I'll send whatever I can!! Stay strong, and big {{HUGS}} to you and your family. You guys are amazing! You'll all be in my thoughts.
from mrs-roboto :
Oh no. I'm really not even sure what to say. You and your family are in my thoughts.
from livesand :
Hey Tater, one stop-gap for squirrels is to put out moth balls in the infested area if you can get to it. Put them in some kind of light cloth bag so you can pick them up again later. It worked for us at the house we lived in before buying our current abode. Squirrels can be a truly annoying plague as you've probably noticed. . .
from mrs-roboto :
Oh I'm so glad things are looking up. I wish your mom continued success in her recovery.
from haloaskew :
Oh my god. I am SO sorry to hear this news! Oh sweetie. Geeeeez. But I think everything's gonna be ok. You know why? First off, cuz I said so. Second off, the universe owes me a few. All my good thoughts and wishes go out to you, your mother and your family tonight and tomorrow, and so forth. Hang in there! Let me know if you need to chat, 'k? SMOOCHES and {{{HUGS}}}}!!! (Think positive!)
from for-you-only :
Planes can be a real pain in the ass. Planes really scare me now though, there have been so many planes dropping out of the sky lately. It's really disturbing.
from jodileebee :
Hooray! Congrats on the job and I hope it turns out to be as awesome as it sounds!
from for-you-only :
demon-dude? lol. dork? hmm... punk maybe.
from for-you-only :
I've realized that I do WANT to be with him. But he's starting to revert as of today, and it's depressing me.
from for-you-only :
I appreciate your concern. If he makes one more slip up I'm kicking him to the curb right away. I just have faith that people CAN change if given the right situation. If I were him, I'd be desperate for that second change, and that's what made me take him back.
from haloaskew :
I too, love autumn. My favorite season, next to spring. Things are cooling down here at night (high 50s, low 60s), but no real "crispness" yet. I CAN'T WAIT! Soon I shall buy many Duraflame logs and apple-scented candles! :)
from livesand :
We received your package, thanks a lot! It thought Ruth had already written to you, my apologies. I've already saved a bunch of the music on my office computer. The sticker about homeland security since 1492 deeply impressed one of my Cherokee students.
from zappafloozie :
Ha! I plead guilty! I plead guilty! I mean, Air Supply isn't even COOL eighties! What's wrong with me??? Thank you for sparing my life. I'm sorry. I'll work on my transgressions, I really will...but until then, dear Tater...close your eyes, I want to ride the skies in my...sweet...dreams.....
from zappafloozie :
Oooh, thank you so much for the sweet note! You rock. Peace and love to you, my psychedelic friend!
from mrs-roboto :
no, I'm a big fan of biscuits and gravy at the Dish on Leary but I'll have to check out the hi life too.
from for-you-only :
pah, guys. They seriously need to take classes on cleaning, lol.
from pinkoid :
hey Tates, I updated the look of my diary and my profile. Check out the animated gif... hope it doesn't make you have a seizure ;-) I wanna watch Velvet Goldmine too. We don't own a copy, but you and I could have the much anticipated slumber party and watch it then, or we could rent it and watch it at your place. I know I'll be drooling so much that I won't want to be around Sal. She gets uncomfortable with my lust for girly boys. Oh well... no biggie. Why does she have to have crushes on Bruce Willis, WWF dudes and famous skater boys? Ewwww! I guess she likes her men manly and her ladies ladylike, while I am much more into gender ambiguity... traaa-laaaa! xoxoxop-oid
from pinkoid :
You know what Tates? I think it might be good to see a counselor who can help you figure out when and why the panic attacks began and what triggers them now. I don't want to be mean, but I care about you and I think there IS a way to work through some of the underlying anxiety. Also, it seems to me that there is quite a bit of stress in your work and personal life. Not having a job for a long time and then working full-time agian is a big adjustment. And also your relationship with Larry has been pretty rough. I'd hate to see you put your problems with him behind you so quickly. I know you love him and that you guys are trying to work it out, but I think it would be good for you to realize that it is a stressful process.-- love to you Tatey
from pinkoid :
hi tates, hope your weekend in p-town is going okay. i'm still sick, but my fever is gone. sal's still outta town. i've been thinking about picking up a book my friend kris sent me for my b-day called "fifth chinese daughter." it's an autobiography written by a woman whose family immigrated to seattle in the 30s. i know i'll love it, but part of me just wants to write, take naps and play with bela and not put anything into my brain. maybe it's the virus. a brain drain for sure. i think hot jasmine tea with vanilla soy milk and a steamy shower might help. xoxopinx*
from for-you-only :
HIYA! Thanks for the compliments.
from livesand :
And back at you... if you can dupe Back From The Grave, Ruth and I will certainly be your pals. Thanks!
from livesand :
Thanks for your offer; Pere Ubu would be especially appreciated, I have no early stuff by them on CD. Do you have <I>Nuggets</> on CD? I'd be your pal. . .
from xmasface :
Cryptically clear, good buddy!
from atomicbuddha :
Thanks for your note and congrats on the job!! It sounds great AND you have plenty of time to relax and prepare for it too, cool!! Plus, you are SO NOT DULL and that girl hasn't a clue in the Universe. Also, I STILL have your Illinois barn postcard and photos to post. I'm such a loser.
from mrs-roboto :
Screw that - I like your diary plenty.
from reviewu :
Your review is done
from mrs-roboto :
CONGRATS!!!!
from mrs-roboto :
Wings of Desire is SOOOO good. I love Win Wenders. And the soundtrack is awesome too.
from reviewu :
You've been added to the pending list, I'll let you know when it's done!
from for-you-only :
I can't get over the picture on your layout... it's so strange... the positioning, lighting, outfit... just weird.
from delighted :
I know you don't hate all subsaharans and you're right some do need a little kicking in the shins and maybe to be held in a headlock like our friend Wolf from Namibia. I am Zimbabwean.
from zappafloozie :
Tee! I can't believe that guy! I know it's not funny when you're actually having to live with it, but I was just laughing so hard throughout your whole entry...you're WAY nicer than I would have been! You poor girl...I hope he leaves soon!
from haloaskew :
Heehoo! It's funny how D-land peeps wind up running in the same "social circles" after awhile, isn't it?
from zappafloozie :
You're right, job-burnout sucks big-time. But, having said that, I also have to add that I complain way too much. I don't think that there is a dream job for me...anything involving setting an alarm clock and being forced to schmooze with people I don't like just makes me want to crawl under a rock somewhere. I'd love to get paid for writing, but writing what I want to write, not articles for a magazine or a newspaper. Unless it was a magazine about, say, garage psych or schnauzers or something. Even then...I don't know. But, come to think of it, I've always fantasized about being a really great hair stylist or cosmetologist...I can look as crazy as I want, and I've had a huge affinity for that sort of thing ever since I was little. I've never pursued it, though, because the familial expectation was always to get a degree in something serious and get a good job with a good company and all that shit that I'm doing now that I so desperately hate. But, you know, that story is as old as the hills. What about you? And have you heard anything about that job yet?
from zen-arcade :
terry shaivo, christ almighty! i know, i'm glad she's finally dead. not that i have anything personally against her of course! i'm a philosophy student (you probably couldn't tell by my heavyhanded attack on christianity, but rest assured that i will eventually get around to a more convincing and philosophical attack... one of these days) uh that interjection was so long that i'm going to start a new sentence. so yeah... philosophy. actually i'm probably switching to something more relevant, but anybody who even remotely considers things can see the basic problems with dogmatic religion. as for the pope, yeah... if the church didn't still have a lot of influence in africa, i could care less what the pope said about birth control or women in the church. but clearly he's done a world of harm to christian africans and has played an integral role in the propagation of aids in africa. otherwise, if catholic women don't like not being able to join the clergy, they should join a protestant church! or make the wise choice and forego organized (or disorganized for that matter) religion altogether. not to say that they can't still be theists, but people!!! just be smarter about things! augh! but the worst is that if you just don't care whether or not there is a god, or can't be bothered to think too hard on it, then DO NOT CLAIM TO BELIEVE IN GOD WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO BACK UP YOUR CLAIM!!! AAAAGH!
from zappafloozie :
I'm sick to death of the Pope thing, too. Even one of my best friends, who is a devout Catholic, said to me, "Why the fuck is everybody mourning? I mean, don't they think he's prepared?" Who is the Terry person? Be glad you don't live over here, because ALL we're fucking hearing about is Charles and Camilla and Charles and Camilla and Charles and Camilla. As if we need even BIGGER excuses to hate the media.
from pinkoid :
Hi Tater, I also love the song Strange Fruit. I saw the Without Sanctuary exhibit at the MLK Historic Site three years ago when I got a grant to go down south to research interpretive approaches used in historic sites. The show was a collection of lynching photograhs in the form of postards. Lynchings were often big social events and postcards were made to send to friends. Before you enteredd the main exhibit space there was a small enclosed room where Billie Holiday's Strange Fruit was playing and you could read about the history of the song and prepare yourself for the images in the exhibit. It was powerful and beautiful. There used to be a really well designed interactive website about the collection and the anti-lynching movement. Now the colector has written a book called Without Sanctuary and the site is closed, but you can read a bit about the collection and the story behind the images at http://www.withoutsanctuary.com/ xoxoxoxoxoxoxopinkoid
from zen-arcade :
oh my god.. i can't believe billy is dead. he seemed like such a great guy, just a lot of fun. 38 is too young for a guy like that who seemed to be really enjoying life to go.
from mrs-roboto :
Oh you'd adore Stuff! It's in Ballard off Leary Way. It's maybe a year old but originally it only sold 2nd hand furniture and knick knacks. When that wasn't generating enough income they started the cereal bar. You definitely need to check it out next time you're in town. Also, I think I've read "I Don't Want to Live This Life" about a dozen times over the years. Have you seen the End of The Century yet? It's an excellent documentary. Dee Dee's old girlfriend makes Nancy sound like Holly Homemaker.
from hulabelly :
Ugh. I cannot imagine three cats. Unless the third is very tiny and never poops and lives behind the fridge and never ever comes out or makes demands on my time. And thanks for the note!
from mrs-roboto :
I'm keeping my fingers crossed on the job!
from haloaskew :
Good luck with the job search! I did a temp stint as a transcriptionist about 10 years ago...it was at an ad agency and all I was armed with was a computer and a handheld tape recorder. I talked them into letting me work from home, which was cool. But 8 hours a day of listening to VERY BAD QUALITY mini-cassettes of interviews that were recorded in some battle zone halfway across the world (Sarajevo or Bosnia or someplace) with people who barely spoke English almost drove me INSANE. It was a bizarre project where this company, who had done a bunch of construction work for the U.S. Army for the troops, wanted to show the Army everything they went through to complete the task -- Some self-promotional big pat on the back for themselves/"give us some goddamn credit." Weird, huh? After transcribing about 19 tapes in few weeks, I felt pretty proud of myself (especially since I'd color-coded any comments the company probably didn't want the Army to ever hear!). Several months later (when doing a receptionist stint at the same company) I found out they scraped the whole project. So all my work was for nothing! (Then again, that sounds like most of my jobs). But hey, at least I got paid!
from mrs-roboto :
Pete has very smelly feet (no idea why since he is a very clean man) and he takes his socks off and leaves them all over the house. Also, his family sucks but I can live with those two flaws.
from zappafloozie :
Oooh you are too nice to me. I am unworthy! The dumb pictures of me are just normal digital camera pictures that I adjust the contrast on. You can get the same effect if you use a lense filter (and by "lense filter", I mean holding a piece of colored glass or something in front of the lense as you take the picture.) I totally have no life whatsoever. :P
from breezip :
Hey, thanks for taking my survey! Your answers are some of my favorite, by far, actually. I think it has to do with the fact that we're both in our 30s and you knew what I was getting at with the questions. So, thanks again, and I'm definitely gonna check out your journal. Take care, Bree
from nymphopussy :
thanx for taking my survey thingie, i liked ur answers. at least u actually answered them and gave a "why" or "what happened" part too, unlike the other dumbasses who don't. i hope u had fun!
from for-you-only :
Well, it makes me smile to hear that you're happy. I'm not in a good mood as of now. You could tell that by the entry... I feel depressed. I feel like I should break up with Travanti, but I don't want to. I know I'll regret it if I do. ~Pink
from for-you-only :
Hey, what's been goin' as of late? ~Pink
from zen-arcade :
i have no idea how to find or fill out surveys! if you think eugene is small, try living in stouffville (my home when i'm not at university.) 25,000 population... pretty dull. but at least it's close to toronto. i've never been to oregon. or washington, for that matter. one of these days i'll have to check em out. i heard seattle is really nice.
from zen-arcade :
what's oregon like, by the way?
from zen-arcade :
that is precisely what they did! some bizarre recorded song was playing while the fans went crazy and they combed back their hair. this was the first time i've seen them, actually.
from for-you-only :
Yeah, I like pastles too. I work alot more with just pencil - but taking pictures of pencil art work is terrible - I need to get my scanner working for that. ~Pink
from zappafloozie :
Hey, you of impeccable music-and-website taste! I had to go ahead and lock my diary up finally (I knew this day would come, sniff), so if you're still into checking it out sometimes, e-mail me at vafamoch@hotmail.com and I'll give you a password! Peace, mama! You know I love that dirty water!
from zappafloozie :
I totally know Hollywooddiaries.com! That site DOES rule! The chick that wrote them (Morgana? I think?) did another website about what she's up to now and stuff, but then she kind of abandoned it. Which is too bad. Because it was cool too. Hee. She was so hot.
from xxwhyxx :
hey thanks for leaving me a note. I'll talk to my mom about it. Maybe next time I go to the doctors I can bring it up. If you ever wanna talk email me or leave me more notes. email is mwhite7449@hotmail.com
from for-you-only :
Too bad they changed the location on you. I hate it when you're all excited about something and then plans are changed. Anyways, I'm glad my entry touched you. I tried to really project the feelings I was having into the entry. ~Pink
from for-you-only :
I am proud to announce that I have a new template for my comments - and that I have read your entry about being a teenager. Interesting. I'm going to be writing an entry about how I feel about drinking, and sex and all the things I started too early. Something happened last night as a result of all that people have been saying to me. It might interest you. ~Pink
from pinkoid :
YAY TATER!!! Congrats on the new job! Lovexoxoxoxoxoxoxoox, pinkoid
from for-you-only :
He was born in Jamaica, he moved here about three years ago. It's amazing that he speaks English PERFECTLY. He can put on an accent for me though - but he really speaks like any person born here. ~pink
from for-you-only :
Thank you. I might begin to read your diary. You seem interesting. I was going to change the comments page eventually anyway because I don't like how the format looks - but because of complaints and endangerment of diaryland, I'll be fixing it likly tonight. ~Pink
from for-you-only :
LOCK MY SUPER GOLD ACCOUNT DIARY???? AHHHH!!! No no no. However, I will change the comments page, and make it a little bit more difficult to find my age. You should check back in a couple of days - I should have made the change by then. ~Pink
from cruel-irony :
Congratulations on the job! Best wishes.
from for-you-only :
I'm sixteen now... I personally don't think it's a big deal, and yeah, I've heard it before. Personally, laws are stupid. And no one can prove those pictures are of a 16 yr old, for all the law knows, those are pictures of an 18 year old. right? I would never want anything to happen to Andrew however. I personally feel that everybody has beautiful bodies and that we all should be proud to show off our "good points" he he he. ~Pink
from pridegrl :
thanks for reminding me to unlock my diary. when you read my update, you'll see why it was locked. ;)
from zappafloozie :
Hey, I never said he was GOODLOOKING or anything! Oh wait...yes I did...um...no comment. (tee)
from mrs-roboto :
God I loved Nightflight! I saw Another State of Mind on Nightflight and that was it, my life changed.
from cruel-irony :
Italian sausage and navy been soup does sound yummy!
from atomicbuddha :
I always love a good bowel analysis. So sorry about that job. You would have been miserable there anyway, right? Right!! Something better is coming!
from zappafloozie :
Hee! Amish! I laughed so hard when I read that!
from zappafloozie :
I know, it's like...I'm kind of worried about myself too...it's like...I don't know...what's...come...over...mee...
from zappafloozie :
I know exactly how you're feeling. You can take comfort in knowing that all men are EXACTLY THE SAME, no matter what country they come from (mine's from Italy and it sounded like you were describing an evening with him!) It's biological. Nothing you can do about it. Just bitch to your sisters and know we feel your pain!
from delighted :
I am sorry! I hope you feel better soon.
from zappafloozie :
You are too kind!
from atomicbuddha :
Well then, you would love my moss terrariums and moss garden outside!! I have the MOSS MADNESS too!!
from go-go-gonin :
thanks for reading. i do try to keep up with reading yours.
from x-thirteen-x :
Those are good wishes, especially the last two.
from licalicious :
I just got something in the mail from planned parenthood today asking for my support. I intend to donate, and maybe hang out with the protesters with a big sign with arrows pointing all ofer the place saying "I'm NOT with stupid" I was once leaving an office and was accosted by protesters with video cameras saying "DON'T DO IT!!! Think of your baby!" (I was picking up birth control) I told them that they were too late, I had the abortion already(a lie, but I was very young then), while being whisked away by volunteers who probably saved me from being beaten within an inch of my life. I'm glad you're helping out. It's especially important to provide reasonably priced care to those who need it most. This world dosen't need any more children that are unwanted or uncared for. Sorry to ramble on... The PP letter touched me tonight and I' (as always) on my rag.
from licalicious :
I just thought that was funny. A friend of mine was talking about those dream books middle schoolers like to read where it says a snake means evil and clouds mean candy or some crap like that. A Horse pooing on you could very well mean getting hired for all I know, but honestly I just thought it was funny!
from zappafloozie :
Dominate away!
from licalicious :
I've heard that dreaming about horses defecating on you in your dreams is a sign that you're hired.
from zappafloozie :
Ha! I actually thought of you when I wrote that, as you're the only person I've ever known of in my entire life that feels the same way I do about garage psyche! To me, they were ALL hot. The singer for Chocolate Watchband (Dave something) is STILL freakin' hot. Oh sigh! You're right, though, the Standells rule. Did you ever see the episode of the Munsters with them on it? I have this episode of the Mothers-In-Law with special guest stars: The Seeds. It's priceless! I found it on the internet! It was this totally cheesy sitcom in the '60's that starred Eve Arden, the school announcer lady from Greece. Sky Saxon: also hot!
from infrequency :
it's a little hard to get into, but now i'm just rolling along.
from markthehulk :
Hey... Thanks for taking my survey! You get a lot of bonus points for good responses (I won't take it personally that I am not in your "thank you's" hahaha). Thanks again, Mark!
from delighted :
hey tater! you are awesome!
from livesand :
I like the thought of driving around in the fog listening to Wire. You've inspired me to break out my copy of Pink Flag and see if the rabbits like it too!
from pinkoid :
HI Tater, <p>We have been having such unstructured days due togoing to bed really late and working on xmas presents that I don't know if I can set exact plans for the early afternoon so far ahead. Is it okay if we talk on Monday and make plans then? Sorry if this seems flaky, but I'm really allowing myself to be on vacation. The teahouse and fancy hats sounds great though!</p> <p>We got your xmas card today-- very lovely image. I like the look on the girl's face and the boy's tight leggings. The teal color is also really nice. Thanks for sending it!</p> <p>See you on Tuesday...</p>
from pinkoid :
Tuesday sounds good. Let's talk on Monday to set a definite time and such. Have fun until then!
from delighted :
hey tater, delighted.diaryland.com is open for business! how are you?
from pinkoid :
Hi Tater, do you crochet? If so, would you like to come over this wek and have a stitch and bitch with me? If not. would you like to come over and I can teach you to crochet or we cna do something else? Also, could you bring a copy of your novella? Nuff questions fer now... xoxoxoxoxoxoxpinkoid
from omnipre5ence :
Just saying hi -- sortof.
from omnipre5ence :
...
from zappafloozie :
Wow, you went to high school with Alison Krauss???? (I'm a spastic, annoying fan-type person.) We're going to see her next year in the States at a bluegrass festival! The same one we went to last year! But she's playing this year! She didn't play last year! And we're so excited! Yay! And this year, we have good seats! Double yay! I hope I get to meet her! That would be triple yay! And Dan Tymensky! I love Dan Tymensky! Too many exclamation points! Hmm. Anyway, your entry sure perked me up this morning. Thank you! :)
from x-thirteen-x :
It does make sense. What Vanessa is going through really sucks but she knows that college and freedom is only a few years away and I think that's what's keeping her together and sane.
from zappafloozie :
You're doing that nanowrimo thing too? You are seriously rocking. I have, like, 3000 words so far. :(
from kooklafran :
YaY!!!! Congrats to Tater on the new job(s)!!!!!! Yippy for You!!! :)
from zappafloozie :
Don't worry, you're not a failure and you're not fucked up. I tried volunteering once and I had the same experience. Sometimes we just don't have it in us, and it's not because we're horrible, uncaring people. It's because the whole social expectation thing, the whole fitting into a sunshiney mold thing, is the same no matter what you're doing. I know this is a crap thing to say, but the six months I spent on Zoloft were the best six months of my LIFE! I was so happy I could barely stand myself! And this is when I was living in ALABAMA which, I mean come on, that HAS to be worse than where you are now. It's totally chemical. There's nothing wrong with you at all, dollie. In fact, you're better. Everybody knows that the unexamined life is not worth living.
from mnvnjnsn :
Hey, welcome to the World of Balls (Medicine, that is). Hope it works out.
from jelybeanie32 :
I'm living in Eugene right now and despretely wishing I could move back to Portland or up to Seattle, so I know just how you feel. I cannot stand living in a place were everything is closed on weekends.
from zappafloozie :
Hi doll! I'm so sorry I didn't respond earlier to the nice note you left me re: my hatefulness. Your words were very kind and much appreciated and I apologize for not acknowledging that before now!! Yes, sometimes I feel like I have a lot of explaining to do when it comes to my nationality, but thankfully there are lots of people who realize that half of our population DOES care about what happens in the rest of the world. I think that old lady at the bus stop was slightly off, to be honest...cud-chewer? Wha??? But yes...if you're ever on this side of the ocean, remember...you are CANADIAN. And you just don't understand why those darn Americans re-elected the idiot. :)
from xmasface :
Since you asked so nicely, yes. I'm sorry if I haven't been on this very much or in any sort of contact at all. Things - life - ... - crazy.
from pinkoid :
Hey Tater, Your novel sounds like fun and a good way to escape the urge to sink in the post-election quagmire of disappointment and uncertainty. I've was a little manic after the party-- I was wired that night and it finally wore off yesterday after hearing that old GW isn't going anywhere. The show I'm preparing for my performance worshop is finally shaping up... read more about it in my diary! Hope you are well and that we get to hang out soon. Maybe over Thanksgiving break? Hopefully sooner! Love, Pinkoid
from go-go-gonin :
spookiness indeed! a case for scooby doo and the gang if ever there was one.
from x-thirteen-x :
I have Cream's "I Feel Free" inside my head. I think it was on American Dream this week or last week.
from atomicbuddha :
I've been where you are now. I know you know it will pass, but sometimes someone needs to remind us that it will. Keep at your herbal therapy/meditations/etc. and remember it's okay to feel sad and depressed sometimes. At least you are moving through those feelings and not suppressing them! I know it isn;t quite the same this far away but...I'm sending a real live hug to you right now...and some kleenex.
from pinkoid :
Crying in public is really hard. I used to get panic attacks because I thought I might start crying on the bus. Then I had this really great therapist from Romania who was really cool. She thought Americans were crazy because they walked down the street smiling for apparently no reason. She said that Americans strive to hide their "negative" feelings in public and that this is what makes people here feel like they never know if a person is genuine or not. She totally rocked my world ina good way. I hate it when some guy on the street says "c'mon, how about a smile?". Humans are strange social creatures for sure. Sounds like you have mixed feelings about your living situation with Larry. I think that's human as well, especially when you're having a hard time finding work and feeling emotionally vulnerable. Is there any way for you to get out of town for a few days to spend time with someone you're really close to? I think this would be good for you right now. I did it for a few days over the summer when I was just maxxed out with work, my internship and my relationship with Sal. It was the best thing I've done for myself since I've been with Sal. She regularly goes to Portland to visit friends when I have to study all weekend or have a big project due. Time and space is good for perspective!! Plus it's nice to catch up with someone you don't see very often. I totally understand feeling let down because your emotional/mental experience is like a roller coaster. When I'm depressed it feels like I will always feel that way and when I feel better I don't want to ever feel bad again. But that's part of being human, I just think that people with extreme anxiety/mood related difficulties have no choice but to spend a lot of time while we're feeling good figuring out what we really need emotionally and physically, and palnning on how to take care of ourselves and what to ask of others when we aren't feeling well. I get really bad PMS too and I'm going through it now, all I can say is before I was on a mood stabilizer (Depakote), I couldn't function very well for 10 days to two weeks each month. I had to get help my first year of grad school because I was having a really hard time with my moods and PMS that made it impossible for me to function. Extreme highs, unable to sleep, agitation with people, unable to focus enough to study. I didn't want to take more drugs, but I'm on the lowest dosage and it really does help. I know how you feel about drugs and I don't blame you, but, for me, if I'm faced with a lot of pressure (like I am in school) or if something happens and triggers anxiety that doesn't allow me to function the way I want to, I will try what my doctor suggests. My doctor is cool. He suggested that I increase the Depakote up to "therapeutic level" and I told him the amount I was on worked really well for me, that you can't treat every patient's symptoms the same, so why couldn't my therapeutic level be lower? He totally agreed and I've found that most psychiatrists love it when their patients are able to express how the medications effect them and want to be active in deciding what to take. I'm not saying you should dose up, but it might help to talk to your doctor about what you've been going through, and to think about it from a different perspective. Getting away for a weekend or three days also might help. Love ya Tater, xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
from cruel-irony :
I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. And, crying in public totally sucks. I'm sending best wishes your way. Take care.
from mrs-roboto :
Hang in there <hugs>!
from pinkoid :
How are you doing Miss Thang? Hope all is well... I'm busy with studying, but just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. xoxoxxoxoxopinkoid
from zappafloozie :
Haha...I hereby proclaim that you have the best musical taste in all of Diaryland! :D Leigh Stevens (the one in the middle) was king of all my drooling dreams when I was in high school. Even though he was old enough to be my dad. And even though I had no idea what he looked like after 1968. You should get Outside/Inside...it's goood! And Oh Pleasant Hope, but like I mentioned, that's pretty hard to find...but if you can find it, it's so great!...Blue Cheer goes acoustic. It's all songs about how they don't have any money and how they can't find any drugs. It's precious!
from mrs-roboto :
I love garage comps - have you ever listened to Girls in the Garage? I've had that CD for years and it's still in heavy rotation. BTW, you seem much happier these days and I'm so glad.
from zappafloozie :
Thanks for the nice comment, honey! I should slack off at work more...
from atomicbuddha :
Thanks! I grew him myself.
from mrs-roboto :
I am so glad you found a counseling center. It'll be great to have a place to look into your thoughts and feelings.
from infrequency :
i can't add much. i wish i could. please take care.
from haloaskew :
Hey boo...sounds like you're overwhelmed...I don't know if this will help, but I've been through the whole wanting to end it deal myself. Sometimes you just have to go through it in your mind to get your sanity back. It's completely normal. The human mind is a really whacked out piece of shit! I was on Prozac years ago and I suddenly had an episode during a very stressful period...I wanted it all over, I didn't think I "belonged" in the world. It was THERE existing, yet I felt very disconnnected from it. Luckily, it passed within a day (turns out, it was a medical reaction, or so I think). But, I tell ya, when things seem bleak, I sure start harboring negative thoughts. It happens. First off, forgive yourself for these emotions (remember, it's only natural) and second, try to understand that, yes it will pass and you'll know yourself a bit more for it (which is a good thing!) The pain will lessen AND you'll have it as a reference to say "I've been there before, so I can handle this." And you know something? When things don't make any sense and my thought processes get totally crazy in the "why don't I just end it?" way, I force myself to say "Well, why not just hop on a bus and go to South America instead? Fuck my job, the rent...why not? It's not as crazy as ending it." It kinda rubber bands you back to "normalcy," whatever that is for each of us. Hope this helps in some small way!! :) Take care, sweetie!!
from mrs-roboto :
Sweetie, please see a doctor. Something is going on and you're hurting and it needs to stops. Hugs from Seattle and good thoughts.
from go-go-gonin :
why am i kicking the antidepressants? ummm, well i've been on the same one [citalopram] for about 2 & 1/2 years and it had gotten to the point where i was just kinda unthinkingly throwing them down my throat every morning. i've kinda forgotten what it's like to not be on them so thought i should at least stop for a bit and see what happens. also, i'd been feeling kinda blunted and numbed, like in some situations there was something blocking me from being as upset or as happy as i should've been, which was kinda frustrating. basically it just seemed like it was time to stop. if you feel like you want to try something i think it is worth doing though. i guess that's financially not so easy there [here i only pay the equivalent of about $2 USD for a prescription once every three months and nothing for the pills]. i've found doctors pretty much completely useless through the whole thing so just make sure that you do your own research, ask lots of questions and have the dose assessed after a while [you probably know all that anyway .... i think you've been on a-d's before {?? i seem to recall picking that up}]. i hope you have some success with whatever you end up doing anyway. i'm feeling much better thanks. mostly it's been fine but just occassionally i suddenly get upset really easily like that. ok, take care.
from atomicbuddha :
The layout IS cool!! Try 5-HTP. It basically creates more seratonin in the brain and can be bought at the drug store or even MalWart for about $10-15 a bottle. Here's a place to read a little about it http://www.raysahelian.com/5-htp.html It has REALLY helped me with my depression lately, when I remember to take it, FAR BETTER than St. John's Wort. Give it a few days to build up in the system and you may have to take it 2x a day or something too, but try it at 50 mg. once a day first. Also, pay attention to the drug interactions if you are taking other things. It had worked really nicely for my Mom and 4 other friends and the Husband too.
from ringostarr :
I love the new layout. Keep it! I've always been a big fan of black and white photography (esp. fashion stuff like Twiggy and other mod like photos).
from mrs-roboto :
I love the new latout. It's a keeper.
from atomicbuddha :
Hey there! Thanks for the input, you agree with half of the people I've asked. The other half say to go for the new job. Maybe there is no right or better choice...hmmmm???? Anyway, I'm not ignoring your template question...I'm just trying to decide if I will have time. I can get you some images probably but as far as actual templates go, I'm afraid I don't know much. But I could doctor up some photos or something like that. Email me and we can talk further. artmartini@hotmail.com
from go-go-gonin :
hey, i just found this http://www.nevergetoveryou.net/forthoseilove.php?entryPage=/news.php?newsid=277 [specifically "MSNBC Killed Johnny Ramone"]. apparently his wife says reports of his death are "exaggerated" [!!?? hahaha]. /// re: girlfriend .... yes, it's all true! you have probably figured out who she is by now [if not take another look at my notes page]. i will try to write more. thanks for still being interested! take care.
from atomicbuddha :
I liked your stream of consciousness entry, very visual. Also, thanks for reminding me that I may soon have my PICK of jobs and there are those out there who don't have a job at all. Sometimes I need a little perspective.
from zappafloozie :
Wow...a cool chick with impeccable musical taste! I loved reading all your answers...you have to tell me more Sky Saxon stories! Did you ever see The Seeds on that episode of Mothers-In-Law? It is beyond brilliant! For, like, a year the only people who read my diary were my best friend and my other good friend, so I made the surveys thinking they'd be the only ones who would ever see them, hence the excessive Gary Oldman/hair metal fixations (I feel I must apologize!) And yes, Psych-Out is the BEST...the love song Strawberry did for it is one of my favorites! Thanks so much for dropping by...I'll definitely be checking out your surveys and your diary!
from cacophic :
How cool are you!? WICKED COOL, based on your answers from my survey...I like that you put thought into things like the war and Pres. Monkey-ass...er, Bush, rather than spout off what everyone else says. Awesome. Oh, yes, and HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!! Hope it was great. :)
from atomicbuddha :
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY Birthday!! Sounds like you have a good plan for the day.
from mrs-roboto :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
from atomicbuddha :
The Snapper!! That's the continuation of the Commitments I was thinking of, or by the same author anyway. Oooh, I LOVE the Secret of Roan Innish, one of my faves, I must own that one me thinks. And of course there's so many shot in Ireland like Braveheart, Dancing at Lughnasa, Circle of Friends, Michael Collins, etc. I have some watching to do.
from atomicbuddha :
Thanks for the double reminder/kick in the pants. I needed that. I swear, I can totally have it together one day and the next I'm off the deep end. It's this hurricane shit though, seriously, nothing (except fires maybe) strikes fear into my heart more than a hurricane. Fuckers. :)
from tater-fay :
Ha Ha...keeds is just mad because I know his "dirty little secret"....stupid fuck.
from keeds :
u can fuck off now.
from ophelias-cpr :
Hi there, Thanks for replying. Likewise, I can't say my marriages have been the high points of my life. Number 1 kept lots of unsecured weapons and disappeared for 6 month stints overseas, number 2 contracted dementia and became abusive (kind of sad, he was once lovely). Anyway- if you want to visit my diary I have set up some of my thoughts so you can see the kind of person I am. Lifes a laugh, then you get the hiccups! Take care, Kate xxx
from xmasface :
Man, I been jonesin' for some mail, too! I'll ask around about it but the mail's been really wonky for me lately, so who knows?
from atomicbuddha :
Thanks for the Idaho site, pretty funny. And I agree, there are rednecks everywhere! I mean I live in the south for all intents and purposes, imagine the rednecks I get to see!! Good luck on the job thing, let us know!
from ophelias-cpr :
Hi! read your response to the wedding doubt survey- good one. I'm 35 married and divorced twice and thought I'd offer to strike up a conversation. If not, enjoyed reading your thoughts, Cheers Kate xxx
from xmasface :
No, I didn't! When did you send it?
from atomicbuddha :
I am SO sending that letter. Thanks for posting that. (imagine a radical right wing Christian with an agenda...who woulda thunk it?)
from atomicbuddha :
OMG, what a fucked up day!! I am so sorry. I can't believe they fired you...it was obviously for the asthma attack, stupid beeatch of a boss!! What the hell? Gosh, I hope things get better for you. I'll light a candle for you in my nightly meditation okay? Enjoy the trip back to Illinois and I think you're right, there is something better around the corner.
from go-go-gonin :
that totally stinks. i hope you have a nice restful time at your mom's place. if you get a chance to see Sonic Youth on their upcoming US tour you should go. they played in NZ last week and it was a great show. i'm sure it would help make you feel better. take care.
from atomicbuddha :
That letter about Borden is SO creepy!! Post it, post it, I want to read it.
from mrs-roboto :
<hugs> some days are better than others.
from wolfgirl88 :
Gah! I didn't end up going to the movie because my friends couldn't come, and who goes to a movie alone? I think we've planned to see it next weekend, though. I'll tell you how it is whenever I see it, but my friends who have gone say it's really good.
from sweetkat :
I just came across your diary randomly and thought it was interesting. Thanks.
from atomicbuddha :
Hey, I hope that Dr. Phil ramble there didn's sound too preachy. It's just that your entry struck a chord with me and I've been through those same feelings so many times, I had to spew "wisdom" (using that term very loosely).
from atomicbuddha :
Husband and I go through those phases of becoming distant. As soon as we realize it we know we have to rein it back in pretty quickly. It's that whole path thing, sometimes you are walking on the same path very close together and sometimes those paths become independent but parallel and start to diverge a little. It's totally natural. As long as your paths aren't heading in the opposite directions they will probably converge again...especially with a little work on both your parts. It seems like a normal result of him working too many hours...that always did it for us. But just rest assure it is natural and it can be dealt with if you put that effort into it. I know from many years of it happening and us getting through it. It's the natural ebb and flow of the Universe, life, relationships...
from go-go-gonin :
one of the good things about this job i'm doing is that i get to sit around listening to music all day [on a computer so no battery problems]. i'm catching up on a lot of stuff i've had for ages but hadn't listened to. my friend who supplied me with [a cdr of] the first Acid Mothers Temple album i heard lives in Seattle, so i'm sure he'll be there!
from xmasface :
I wanna say it was Ghost Dog, ... right?
from go-go-gonin :
"who wears sunglasses inside?" - cool people!! well, not usually but you manage to pull it off i think. [see also keiji haino http://users.planetc.com/keffer/haino/index.html ]. did you end up getting to hear acid mothers temple?
from ringostarr :
Hey, it's been a long time eh? I just thought I'd mention that I've been listening to KEXP via Real Audio. Man that's station's awesome! Oh also my e-mail's changed to jeffreykahl@hotmail.com Hope you're well.
from parlance :
Sure, no problem :) Thanks for adding.
from parlance :
Relaxing music on a Sunday = must have.
from atomicbuddha :
Just wanted to congratulate you on the new job! Also had to say that Husband and I took this survey at findyourspot.com and it spits out all these cities/towns that are a good fit for you and BOTH Husband and I had Eugene, Oregon on our lists! Isn't that wild? Actually we both had 3 or 4 towns in Oregon on our lists!
from b0b0 :
thank you much for taking my survey!
from livesand :
Yeah, and I took several photos of the yellow violets yesterday. Once I get them developed, Ruth or I or both will post pix on diaryland. Ruth is convinced they're a separate species, I realize that I have no good idea on that.
from xmasface :
I have the series, the pilot, Fire Walk with Me ... all of it. If I can figger out how to tape it for you, I will.
from xmasface :
Have you ever done one of those circle games "blind?" What I mean, is the first person would write a few sentences and then cover them up by folding over the paper, either leaving the next line open or the last few words from their sentence visible and the next person works off of that. It's funny how eerily in synch you can be with your friends sometimes. But I'll see if I still have that script and e-mail it to you to see if you have any interest in pursuing that or starting something new in story-form.
from xmasface :
Hmmm. Well, have you ever read a script? Basically, the idea was that we would take turns writing a script back and forth. I would set up a scene (time of day, location, characters, etc.) and have some sort of action or dialogue and then either stop part way through or have it fade out or cut or whatever to something else. Then I'd e-mail that and you'd do whatever you wanted (continue it, write something totally unrelated). It's an excerise in seeing if we can get creative juices flowing, you know? It doesn't even have to be a script. Short story, poetry, whatever's clever.
from jinxykat :
Ok, so the curiosity got to me and I left a note for "Keeds" asking why I received a call from the Orange County Sheriff's Department wondering if I ever spoke or met Supernigger because he was wanted on Sexual Assault on a Minor charges and he FIRST deleted the note I left him (yeah, I KNEW he would), but he wrote me a nice "cunt" referenced note as well. :) Anyway, just keeping you up to speed on the latest KEED lame deed. - take care.
from kooklafran :
Tater--I had hoped no one would notice the boob-grabbing dollie. But leave it to you to see all! ha-ha. What's new and how are ya? I need to peek in and read your journal.
from b0b0 :
Thank you very much for taking my survey!
from gfnothing :
www.letsjam.com/pop/artists/PETERDOUBT I hope you like it. Leave a comment, if you like. Thanks for taking the time.
from wolfgirl88 :
Ash Wednesday comes after Mardi Gras for a reason. Mardi Gras is the last "hurrah" before the following day, where you can eat (and "sin") all you want. The following day, the Catholics are reminded that they came from ashes and ashes you shall return to" -basically that material things don't matter in the end. After that is Lent, a fasting for 40 days when you give up something important to you...and I think that's to symbolize going back to ashes. Then on Easter, there's a feast to get back in the swing of things. (I wouldn't normally know this much, but we're learning about it in English class...) :D
from cruel-irony :
Heh. Ash Wednesday. Not a lot of people recognize it. Heck, I didn't... until lunch time. I don't know anything about Catholisism, but I like your diary. And, I'm thinking that I'll be reading your diary more often than I attend church. I'm guessing daily or weekly. In regards to you diary, not church.
from wonderpanda :
Dude that sounds like a better day than mine. I just bought the same set of markers, they are so awesome..I use them to decorate letters that i write to my brother while hes at bootcamp...hecka tight.
from wolfgirl88 :
All you have to believe in is that everything has a beginning, middle, and end.
from adaveen :
Don't worry no one is going to throw you in jail over a collection agency bill. I had collection agency trouble once up a time and lucky me I got lost in the shuffle, because after a while of not collecting on it the company sold it to another company who sold it to another company, etc. Maybe you'll get lucky. I wouldn't declare bankruptcy over 8 grand it will do you more damage than it will help you. You might want to consolidate your credit card debts into one that an accredited non-profit credit counseling service can help you with. Remember after 7 years your credit report is fresh as a daisy, just don't declare bankruptcy. Good luck.
from livesand :
The bad news is that you'll never get out of credit card debt, those banks have seen to that. You can renegotiate the payment schedule, that's about it. You probably don't have the resources to be worth dragging into court even though they'd threaten that repeatedly. If you send them any money they have to be happy with that at any given point. Debtor's prison is something that has never really existed in America. They might be after you forever and ever but they can't put you in jail. Blah! I hope it works better for you... ask Ruth, she's become a serious debt advisor from our experiences.
from adaveen :
Unfortunately, the Chris Isaac on Austin City Limits was not playing here in SF go figure. So instead I watched the Chris Isaac Show on Showtime. Thanks for the heads up.
from kooklafran :
Hi Tater. Sorry, I think it's the color of the background. Please don't make changes just for me! I only wanted you to know why I haven't been over here lately. Not cause I don't want to be!! Sounds like Larry gives great gifts--how nice!
from atomicbuddha :
Thank you for your very sweet thoughts and prayers for Domi. We all appreciate it. I TOTALLY understand about the money...I'm not actually expecting any contributions though, everyone seems to have it a little rough right now but I thought I'd try just in case there was some rich pug suppoerte out there. (actually Ruthiebat gave me the idea and it's a great idea but you can probably tell I'm totally uncomfortable with it!) BTW, I'll get that pink tub picture up for you soon.
from jinxykat :
That is straight CRAZY that SuperNigger is back. Even if nothing happened to him legally, he is obviously cruising for a bruising. 'Flirting with Disaster' is a great song by Molly Hatchet but not such a great LIFE CREEDO. That fucker. I heard he used to lurk out at the Starbucks in Newland Center - probably rocks a sweet trench coat and dope acne :( Andrew (from Diaryland) needs to monitor this weirdo :)
from livesand :
Thanks for adding me to your list. And as to myself, maybe I'm just good handling and processing lots of trivia...
from atomicbuddha :
I will take a picture of the pink tub just for you and post it this week...probably tomorrow or Wednesday!! After that I feel I have earned your love.
from xmasface :
That's a deal! Thank you so much! I miss correspondence! You'll have to let me know what I taped for you as well - maybe I'll even be able to make you a CD ... I'm approaching conversion. But I swear I'll never have an I-POD.
from infrequency :
dude! yes you did! dude, seriously! anyways, volunteer. volunteer doing something you'd like to do.
from monsa :
just read about the phone job--I would have walked out too. What kind of company makes you sign out to PEE? a sucky one. Good luck on the claims job!
from adaveen :
Sorry about the crappy job thing. At least you had the sense to walk out.
from go-go-gonin :
i hope something good turns up soon. i'm also [still] looking for jobs. am waiting to hear about 5 or 6 i've applied for. i've never even had a proper job so it's particularly scary. take care.
from chiv :
Oh yeah? Whassit called?
from atomicbuddha :
Hey, I'm PMS Girl today too. Join the Bitch-Club! Hope you feel better and hope there's a fabulous job on the horizon for you!!
from ruthiebat :
I love it when you talk poopy to me.....
from atomicbuddha :
I totally had my hair like that my second year of college...amd my hair is quite wavy and red, it kicked ass. It had cute wave and was always well behaved and shiny. I loved it but I always end up going back to the long locks (or mermaid hair as my friend Jen calls it!). Go for it!!
from kooklafran :
Thanks, you Biatch--that was pretty funny, actually! Hope you have a baby and name it Larry or Curley or Moe. Ash trays in the dishwasher is just so WRONG!!
from infrequency :
whoops. you should send me your address again. i lose things like balding men do hair.
from go-go-gonin :
thanks for the note. yes, yr right about black cats having a certain unique smell!! also, feeling lonely while sharing a bed with someone is one of the worst feelings in the world. take care.
from mestupchick :
i did your survey. and yes, bud cort is darling! (sighs) oh harold...!
from bexx :
Hello, found you through infrequency. I want to get a hold of old Nick Drake records.-BeXx
from infrequency :
yeah, estrus. we probably don't have much, but i bet it's more than i'm aware of. i'll check. i know ther are 7 or 8 seven inches i've bought for the station. but i bet there's a bunch more.
from atomicbuddha :
Thanks, and no, you can't have my wagon...but if you're ever in Virginia you can take it for a spin!! Also, the poem, SUPERB!! I love it. Great stuff. So visual, I like really visual poetry and stories.
from ringostarr :
glad to hear the job's going well. still no luck for me on the job front. *sigh* Anyways Larry's got great taste in cars!!! I LOVE MG's. My dad had three of them in his younger days (all green). If and when I get enough money to warrant getting my licence and driving I think an MG will be one of my top 5. Or a Mini Cooper.
from sugar-slit :
I know EXACTLY how you feel. A year ago, I was totally in your same situation. It's horrible to not have control over whether you get a job or not, no matter how much work & effort you put into it. Hang in there, it really will work out in the end.
from haloaskew :
Do you realize that the phrase "Larry has a lazy eye" sounds like the beginning of a song by some broody folk group? Heh! See, I could've handled one lazy eye, cuz I'd have the other one to "ground" me. But two. Christ. But it sounds like you and Larry are the perfect couple, fucked up peepers or not!
from infrequency :
i sent it to yer' hoitmail account, but here it is again. cjsfmusc@sfu.ca
from atomicbuddha :
It's hormones on the west coast and the east coast Baby!! I'm guessing there are some hormones flowing in between too. Oh, and the crying...got that covered over here.
from atomicbuddha :
I'm sorry you're feeling blue. I still feel that there is that RIGHT job out there waiting for you to find it...soon...soon. Chin up. Face toward the sun. I'll light a candle for you.
from ringostarr :
I feel your pain about the not having a job and not having money situation. At least your brother doesn't tell you how much of a failure in life you are unlike my sister who for the past couple of days has been doing exactly that. And as for boring entries just look at my Livejournal sometime and you'll see not only boring but self-deprecating cos I don't know what else to write.
from go-go-gonin :
yeah, i love 'Aguirre' too. hope you feel better soon. oh, and if you wanna gross me out you'll have to do better [worse?] than that blood clots in the bath thing. i wasn't trying to gross anyone out, just suddenly realised: "hang on, this is MY diary damnit!! why am i apologising?".
from atomicbuddha :
I have a feeling a great job for you is on the horizon...seriously, I get these feelings sometimes and as I read your last two entries I got that feeling. Things WILL look up soon. Hang in there remain thankful for what you have!! :)
from ringostarr :
I know exactly how you feel. When I first moved to London, ON (the first place I ever moved out to on my own) after about two months of not finding a job and being nine shades of poor going on ten I hated it but loved being on my own without the hassles of family. Now that I'm living back at home I'm still jobless and it pisses me off to no end. I've even had interviews where they've put me on thinking I'd gotten the job. It's so fucking crazy. There's tonnes of jobs I've applied for and have been completely qualified for but no one's gotten back to me. just remember, you're not alone!!!
from go-go-gonin :
haha, i used to like the Scorpions when i was about 12!! "Wind of Change": ahhh, so poignant and heartfelt. um, yeah.
from go-go-gonin :
yes it was C Datsun. i guess that's what happens when you become a rich rockstar - you start buying things like Def Leppard DVDs just to get rid of some of your riches!
from ringostarr :
Kim Novak was sexy in Vertigo. She had the serious sexy vamp thing going when she was in the Madeline role.
from ringostarr :
Yeah it's funny the first thing I thought of when I heard "J.B. LeNoir was killed in Champaign, IL" I thought "hey that's where Stacey's from originally".
from ringostarr :
Yeah I caught the one on Skip James (writer of "I'm So Glad" the song made a hit by Cream) and J.B. Lenoir. It's funny I love old blues but it has to be done right or else it comes off fake (i.e., modern people have to make it sound somewhat authentic). I'm debating whether to order the video/DVD of the series.
from sambadelic :
Did you see Sasquatch waving at you from one of those mountains????
from ringostarr :
Hey Stace, I think you giving the money to "Jesus" wasn't a bad thing. I would've done the same thing and fuck those who don't think it was a good idea. Anyways hope you get the job and if not then good luck anyways finding something (even if it is Blockbuster [think of it as a stepping stone]). xxoo ~Jeff
from ringostarr :
hope you find something jobwise. I know what that's like with the whole depression thing. I woke up the other night in tears cos I'd dreamt I was in a car crash and had died. Well at least I now know I'm not ready to go yet.
from atomicbuddha :
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY Birthday!!! Enjoy your new year!!
from ringostarr :
Stacey, I still haven't gotten an e-mail from you but you're obviously busy. Anyways, glad to hear the move went well and also I was a fan of Wesley as well. Go to my journal to see what I wrote. Anyways hope you're well. xxoo ~Jeff
from ringostarr :
Stace, when you move you/beofre you move you've got to e-mail me your mailing address and (if you want) your phone # cos i want to get in touch with you in the event I do end up making it down that way. you can send any and all info to: jeffkahl@canada.com
from atomicbuddha :
Thanks for the advice on Atkins and the encouragement. I need it right now!! I am definitely trying to drink buttloads of water.
from xmasface :
That would be truly fantabulous. I'll get off me duff and write you a letter right and proper.
from squirrelx :
You're right about the tag teamin'. I don't know that Auntie would involve herself in the situation directly, but I have no doubt she'd be willin' to be my consultant. As ever, Xtine P.S.: I understand why Larry broke that guys finger. Sexual harassers are usually too damn dumb to learn their lesson without experiencin' a little pain.
from haloaskew :
Aw, what a nice thing to say! Ya know, if it were possible, I'd probably take in a horse (I'd let him have the bed). heh! Thanks for the name suggestions -- I'll keep those in mind!
from go-go-gonin :
hello. there's an Acid Mothers Temple review for you in the latest entry.[]]] re: avant-garde film. nah, there is no class on that stuff at my university. i had to search it out myself, which is a real pity. the majority of students only seem to be interested in American Pie and Bring It On, etc. so the "weird" stuff doesn't really get a chance. my MA thesis [which i'm about to abandon] is on a lot of that stuff.////// yes, you're right. my twig arms would snap if anyone did throw themselves at me.
from blindliquid :
Hi i just noticed steppenwolf in your book entries too, damn i love that one, i havent read it for years, anyhow just thought id let you know i put a picture of my self on my site, think of it as 'cold turkey' from the entrys you liked. That will teach you for complementing people you dont know lol!
from squirrelx :
Tater, YOU crack ME up! I swear, we're so much alike. You're the only person who made a comment about the possibility of zucchini 'causin' green poop, but that was one of the first things that crossed my mind too! [And excessive amounts of zucchini do alter kaka colour by the way.] Thank you for supportin' me and for never failin' to make me laugh. Love, Xtine
from haloaskew :
What a coincidence about the autumn stuff and soup and hot foods! So when are you going to try my chili recipe? :)
from ringostarr :
My god woman you've got a mind like a steel trap!!! I barely remember anything from highschool apart from being a loner and an outcast until I got into music and started hanging out with the misfits of the school. That's all I remember but then again highschool wasn't terribly pleasant for me. Neither was grade school. :(
from go-go-gonin :
i would tell the Datsuns story now but it's late and i'm really hungry, but i'll include it in an entry tomorrow. nah, it's not at all tragic or personal. will also review Acid Mothers Temple for you once i've had a listen. the other AMT album i have is really good!
from kooklafran :
Oh holy fornication! You are having waaay too much good sex and I'm jealous. Is it possible to have crotch envy?? and can you post a picture of your partner in crime? (I mean L, people!) Tater? Please tell me you'll still update after you move.
from blindliquid :
hi, 'naked' is a good film, he is also in a film called 'skullduggery' ive only seen it once a long time ago but i remember being impressed, another on my list is 'the butcher boy', which i totally reccomend, I mean it! go rent it now, P.S. the bordem at work bet is on, ill go easy on you though considering you are AMERICAN an all LOL (joke, if anyone else reads this, i like you crazy yankie bastards LOL), bye bye ;)
from haloaskew :
I watched Punch Drunk Love on Saturday too. I felt the EXACT same way -- it set me on edge with all the anxiety the main character is going through. Not quite a relaxing movie, but overall, I liked it.
from ringostarr :
Hey, just so you know I've moved to http://www.livejournal.com/users/jeffkahl. If you're interested in seeing regular updates there's where to go. I've shut the diary down, although I'll still maintain the username
from go-go-gonin :
thanks for your nice note. i think i took one of your surveys once. i don't think i have actually read any Lester Bangs strangely enough. The Datsuns: i knew them before they were famous. well kinda: made a music video for them when they were called Trinket back in '99. and their lead guitarist is one of my arch nemesises. clear nail pollish on insect bites!? i've never heard of that one! bye now.
from divann :
Hey there! I love the answer you provide on my survey to the question "Do you own a dildo?" It rocks! Thanks for participating!! haha! Just masterbate. If you study your body, you will discover what pleases you the most sexually and you will be able to communicate that with your partner so your partner will know what pleases you in that field and act accordingly.
from peth :
I agree. Flame and I were just talking the other day about the fact that sometimes dreams mean nothing, and are just expulsions of random memory bits sloshed together. Freud was rather wrong.
from kooklafran :
Hi Tater-- yes, I did read her letters/diary a long, long time ago. Wonder if I still have that copy? I should dig it out and read it again. I meant to ask you-- what didn't you like about my Harley Ken?? Is he too creepy or did he remind you of someone in real life? I messed up his hair and tried to make him resemble me!!!!
from haloaskew :
I will have to ponder your idea (after my stomach settles down). Heh!
from wolfgirl88 :
Yes! These strange overly-sexual lists must go on!! *ha ha ha* Oh, and thanks for what you said about my writing; it means a lot to me. ;)
from squirrelx :
Johnny Depp AND Benicio Del Toro! Be still my heart. That's almost too much heaven even for a fantasy. You're right though ... we certainly are kindred spirits. Our tastes are exotic in some respects, but nevertheless excellent, IMO. :-) Love, Xtine P.S.: you have to see 'Pirates Of The Carribean'! It's a Depp-o-maniac's dream come true.
from ringostarr :
Hey hon, hope you're having fun with your bro in Denver. Can I move in with you and Larry down in Eugene? I hate living at home. :(
from squirrelx :
I'm glad you enjoyed that patents link. For me, the bird diapers made visitin' the site worthwhile. What will folks think of next? As ever, Xtine P.S.: you don't sound like a 'f*cking idiot', you sound truly happy and that's a joy to all who care about you.
from xmasface :
Tates, so sorry about the letter. Things have been really all sorts of kinds of crazy (especially at work when I used to have so much freetime). But fear not and to make things a-right, I'll make you a C.H.G. lighter of yr very own. What, by the by, did you make of his cover song?
from xmasface :
Darling, we've already had this conversation. He grew up 'round these here parts and you claimed no relation.
from ringostarr :
I say if it feels right, do it!!! After all that's why I quit my job today. Yep five days (a new record)!!! :P Now my parents (especially my dad) are cursing the ground I walk on. Oh well, in the words of Billy Joel "I don't care what they say anymore this is MY LIFE!!!" xxoo ~Jeff
from ringostarr :
That was such a beautiful entry!!! Larry is such a lucky man. I wish I was Larry. I'm glad to see you're happy and in 'love' or whatever you want to call it at this point. xxoo ~Jeff
from ringostarr :
Oh God I feel so sorry for you for experiencing one of Toronto's most idiotic bands. I remember when they used to be good (when they did more sort of garage-y/grunge stuff) but I remember being given a demo CD (three songs) of their new shit (and I mean SHIT) taking it home, not getting through one full song and throwing the CD out. Whoever booked these guys obviously had no idea what they were getting into and it makes us decent Toronto bands look bad cos often talent buyers think "oh no not another Toronto band, they're gonna sound like Billy Talent". Fucking goofs, and to think they opened for the Buzzcocks who are a great band!?
from kooklafran :
HA! Thanks for your note--you ARE the naughty girl, aren't cha? My Brawny Lad would actually love handcuffs. He'd also like to find two naked Lesbians in his bed, but that ain't gonna happen either!
from haloaskew :
Thank you for the cupcakes and the offer to smash one in my face...there are plenty left here, so don't be surprised if one goes sailing through the air and smacks you in the head. Hee! Being 33 is fun!
from xmasface :
Well now I feel all tingly inside!!! Can't wait! Exclamation nation!
from jcruelty :
thanks, i really dug that truck too
from xmasface :
Hey, what're ye trying to do, make me look bad? I have yr tape in here in my greasy meathooks and as soon as I bang out a little note to go with it, that sweet baby's goin' out yore way. I've got to gi'ye fair warning, though: it's a doozy. Maybe one of the strangest tapes I've made in a while. I don't know what came over me, especially during the latter half of side B ("Sis Boom Bah").
from ringostarr :
Ooh Diaryland police, I love a woman in uniform! :) Stacey, I must say that one entry on passion was a bit of a turn on. I feel the same way (from the male perspective of course). I wish a woman/girl would do the same for me. Sadly it has yet to happen. :( As for not updating I've been so bloody busy (doing work for an A/V company doing corporate sound, gigging, writing new material) that I have been a bit remiss. But fear not, I'll be updating relatively soon. It's strange to think that Jay's mom is treating this whole situation between you guys more seriously than she should. But then again his folks are probably of the generation where separation was a social more (read: mor-ay). Strange how some people can react to such things as a separation. I keep meaning to ask you: do you happen to have any pictures scanned onto anywhere? I remember I saw one once of you, but it was so long ago. If you're able to, e-mail me one (I like to have a face to put to the name and i seem to recall you being rather attractive). At any rate, hope all's well despite this crazy rigamarole (what a crazy word). xxoo ~Jeff
from xmasface :
I'm a half-baked spud loaded with sourcream, chives, salsa, and sleasy cheese!
from xmasface :
So yr not a red potato?
from xmasface :
Chill, baby, I dug yr rap. This morning I was giving it a once-over and it'll be in the mail hopefully by this weekend.
from evil-edna :
Carl Sagan was God. I remember watching his series 'Cosmos' when I was a child and it gave me a deep love of astronomy that I've still got.
from wolfgirl88 :
Ahh! That quote was friggin hillarious! XD
from xmasface :
***imagine a woolfish whistle here*** Have fun on your you-know-what.
from haloaskew :
Thanks so much for you note...Izzy *will* always live on in my memory! :)
from ringostarr :
Perhaps the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" may end up holding true if you guys spend enough time away from each other. Let's just put it this way: I have an aunt and uncle in Denmark who were married to each other for fifty years before they realized they really didn't love each other anymore. They had stayed together all those years for the kids. At least you guys don't have kids. But it still sucks that you feel the way you do, but there's nothing you can really do about it (I mean unless you guys want to shell out for marriage counselling [which I doubt]). Anyways, I hope you feel better and know that i'm always here if you want to e-mail me to talk about things. xxoo ~jeff
from atomicbuddha :
I'm so sorry about how you are feeling regarding your marriage...I have totally been in a relationship where I felt exactly what you described this last entry and it IS a terrible feeling. I think the distance and time away will help that, it will probably help you decide how you two actually do feel about each other. I know this was an unsolicited opinion...but that's what I think. At any rate, I hope it gets better...whatever that may bring.
from xmasface :
U'll B in CO in July? Huh! A. & I are planning on a trip out West; maybe it'll be 'round then.
from kb8 :
Thank you for your candor in filling out my survey. "No legacy is so rich as honesty." -William Shakespeare
from kb8 :
Hi. Will you take my survey?
from xmasface :
Just gotcher FAB tape in the mail yesterday and took it with me on the way to work. Rockin'! Now the ante's been upped - I hope ya like mine. Imma throw in some goodies, too.
from ringostarr :
Just as I suspected I'm Jack Kerouac!!! If only I was as cool as he was, though.
from atomicbuddha :
Yeah, a dog room. They are pretty spoiled huh? But at least they all share it gratefuly and don't squabble like children would. Also, another feng shui thing to do for bathrooms is to tie red ribbons around all outgoing pipes...to keep the prosperity from flowing out. I swear it works!! Feng shui is infinitely fascinating to me. Also...you go!!! (regarding Prague)
from ringostarr :
Where did you find that quiz with TS Eliot?
from ringostarr :
Yeah I thought "The Wild Bunch" was overrated too. But then again I can only stand Westerns in small doses and only ones with John Wayne in them. You know what? Fuck going to Europe, come up here instead. There's a lot of d-landers I imagine would be able to help you out, myself included.
from xmasface :
Hott dawg!
from ringostarr :
Thanks hon. Yeah I guess i'm just tired of being single after 6 years. But hey what can ya do, eh? Maybe one of these days I'll see if the band would be up for playing in Seattle.
from ivona :
No no, I appreciate the warning! Quite frankly, I had no clue about any of this; your note came as a sort of shock to me. As for what he did, that's just disgusting! Thanx for the heads up.
from ringostarr :
In some ways it's shocking but I always wondered what the deal was with him. I also had wondered why I hadn't seen him on chat much anymore. Sad to think that some people haven't anything better to do than make other people's lives hell.
from ivona :
Stay away from him, hell, I don't even know the guy! How do you know all of that information about him?
from waldon :
Interesting, though I would be curious about more details. It just sounds... odd. I'll let you find a better word than that for it.
from evil-edna :
Fuck! I think I have a message somewhere in my guestbook from Supernigger - or at least Spanky and me thought it was him because he was in chat one night acting like a twat.
from mrs-roboto :
creepy
from jinxykat :
Yeah! LOCKED! That is fucking crazy. Shit is hitting the fan. Supernigger is about to be un-caped. HA HA HA HA HA HA
from jinxykat :
Yeah, I thought he was some wormy nerd who lived vicariously through SN, his alter ego, to be the big bad ass. I tried to call his bluff once and gave him my number to see if the pussy would call and deal with me voice to voice, but he didn't. I will keep you posted if I hear more. If I have to testify, I'll talk about it in my journal.....and let you know what up.
from jinxykat :
Hey, just thought you might want to know: I got a msg. on my phone yesterday from a Detective Dobbs of the Brea, CA Police Dept. because apparently, Supernigger has victimized a 15 yr. old girl. He is apparently a 28 yr. old teacher's asst. somewhere and he is gonna go to the slammer. I might have to testify. How fucking crazy is that? What an ass.
from wolfgirl88 :
Aaahhh...like my days at Crystal Lake Pool in CU. Memories!
from adaveen :
Hey, I couldn't get your guestbook up so you'll have to settle for a note. I would love to go to Europe with you. I don't know if I'll have the money, but I'm always up for going to Prague. We can rent an apt and stay for a month. It's cheap I've done it before...we could stay in yucky youth hostels eventhough our youth is long gone. We'll just have to wait and see.
from xmasface :
It seems I've reached that point where every wish has come true. Alack and alas, I haven't even been able to start yours yet. But now I have my incentive doubled. I'm looking forward to it, Frau Fay.
from atomicbuddha :
Your European trip plan sounds great. Can I come too? I think you should go for it! Plus, it's a great excuse to move back to Illinois. (you can take the girl out of Illinois but you can't take the Illinois out of the girl...believe me, I know) Not to mention all the valuable time you'll get to spend with your Mom, and it sounds like that would be a great thing.
from crazyspade :
nice taste in music darlin'. =)
from ringostarr :
oh also i just was reading xmasface's note. You know what we should do is set up a tape trade between a bunch of d-landers. That would be so far out.
from ringostarr :
hmm maybe my browser's cacked. *shrugs*
from ringostarr :
Just noticed your Neko cat. He only seems to work on the edges of your template. Maybe you should have a look at the HTML of you layout. Just thought I'd mention that. Oh and Happy Beltane!!!
from sambadelic :
It's called "Wild Things" and has a photo of 3 really hip chickies on the cover.
from haloaskew :
I wonder if the Pepto lovin' has something to do with the vinegar drinking? ;)
from sambadelic :
I didn't forget your question about the Ventures - I'll check what the album's called when I'm home later.
from xmasface :
Wow - that's really hot! I hadn't heard anything about the collaboration. Gee, do you think someday we could exchange mix-tapes?
from atomicbuddha :
First of all...I just read all your weekend entries...I'm glad you are feeling better and hope you don't have to get to that low spot again. Chin up, all will work out for the best. Next, to answer your question...I am from Sterling, Illinois...about 2 hours due West of Chicago. Went to school in DeKalb at Northern Illinois University. Husband lived in Bloomington, Il when I met him. I have friends in Wauconda, Lake Zurich, Aurora, Rockford, Brookefield, Oak Park...and a couple other burbs I can't remember for the moment!! Ahhhhh...Illinois, I have fond memories of it now that I'm not living there and putting up with the winters!
from sambadelic :
Wow. I feel so...appreciated! Your comments about "Darby" are so right on with what I was going for - especially that "acid trip gone bad" part - I see that song as just that part of the movie - a turning point at some wild party/orgy when the character reaches that point where you've overdone the party lifestyle and says "Oh crap - has it come to THIS?" Yes.
from sambadelic :
I wish you could come over and hang out, I'd play you some records and pour a glass of wine for you!
from ringostarr :
I wish there was something I could do to cure your sadness. All I can say is if you need to "talk" (as in e-mail) then feel free to. I'm amazed that entry hadn't popped up earlier. Stacy you're a strong woman to put up with the shit you've been going through for so long. It'll work it self out in the end as it always does. As my granddad sez: "this too shall pass". xxxoooo ~jeff
from sambadelic :
I didn't know Gary Coleman was a Christian Cheerleader. Wow.
from ringostarr :
Hahahaha!!! That interview/article is too funny!!! In some ways I'm not surprised you were never a cheerleader! :-) Why do I picture you back in highschool as being... how should I put this... like the quiet girl from the Breakfast Club that carries her life in her purse? Maybe I'm totally wrong.
from haloaskew :
Oh yes, Planters cheese balls! Dems even better than cheese puffs. They're so intensely cheesy. You have to be in just the right mood to eat them, I've noticed...
from atomicbuddha :
We are in total agreement on the whole kid issue. Husband and I have had to defend our choice to remain child-free and happy more times than I care to recount. The nerve of people. I don't ask them to defend their choice to have the little demons. Now animals...people who don't like animals are just insane in my book. :)
from haloaskew :
Weird coincidence: I ran across my Carpenters Greatest Hits cd over the weekend (my mom was a big Carpenters fan when I was little, so their music makes me feel like a kid again). So I was listening to "Rainy Days and Mondays" while I was cleaning the litter box (nice visual, eh?) and I thought the same damn thing: Mondays get me down, but I LIKE rainy days...they actually cheer me up!
from ringostarr :
Oh also: mmmmm limeade!!! :D
from ringostarr :
Well at least you had the option of turning off Godard's "Weekend". I was forced to watch it in my film studies class in senior year of high school. God I nearly fell asleep it was so boring and made little to no sense whatsoever. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like foreign absurdit and avant garde films but that one was too much!!!
from sambadelic :
I sleep nekkid sometimes, but I have these ridiculous satiny pajama pants with big ruffles and bows at the bottom of each pantleg and I dream best wearing those. I hardly ever floss, and when I do, the smell reminds me why exactly I hate doing it so much. I brush my teeth sloppily, so the gums get some attention too, and I also brush my tongue 'cause I likes how it feels.
from amishboy :
I thought the whole brain-usage thing was a lot lower as well - but I didn't want to appear TOO cynical. But now I have the confidence to go backand and edit my statement. Thanks!
from xmasface :
Hey. Don't underestimate a really good meal.
from infrequency :
when i'm not going anywhere on sundays, i don't other to brush my hair. i like how it turns into this long red mess.
from mrs-roboto :
That Gertrude pic is probably going to be worth a fortune some day :) You know Gertrude just died too.
from chiv :
would that i could, alas i find myself quite in want of ale already.
from atomicbuddha :
You're not the only one whose attitude about this war is changing slightly. I am struggling with my liberal views too at this point. I just wrote in my diary about the LIVE news I saw on World TV today...I saw the Iraqi people bringing the statue that stood in the center of Baghdad down, hitting it, kicking it, spitting on it, decapitating it...I saw them, live on television with no reporters slanted take on what was happening, and it was incredibly moving and emotional. They were truly joyous. It's so weird to be in the middle of such history...seeing it on TV as it is happening. I think it is wonderful to be happy for the Iraqi people.
from sambadelic :
That book was the basis for a 2-part episode of "Millenium" where Frank Black flies to Alaska to look for the kid, I swear! I made a CD mix that's a Graduatesque kind of soundtrack, you really need to hear it! Email your address to sambadelic@yahoo.com and I'll post one posthaste.
from wolfgirl88 :
Ooh- 'Scarborough Faire'! In my chorus at school, we're going to be singing that song at our upcoming concert. Rawk on. ~WG~
from haloaskew :
I would love to have a rolling cart in my kitchen, but there's not enough space! Thanks for the suggestion though! You know, now that I think of it, perhaps I could check into some stacking shelves for the kitchen counter (attractive ones, of course). Hmmm...that might work!
from banefulvenus :
Just wanted to say hello. HELLO! and thanks for the note! :)
from kooklafran :
Love your new poem.
from seekervision :
Im happy to hear you could relate to the quotes I posted. :) "whole lines of poems come out of nowhere in my head and I fit them all together and there is the poem.." ^ exactly how it happens for me when I begin writing. :) Entire lines come to me from no where and give birth to either a poem or a short story. Its odd, but in a good way. - Seeker
from sambadelic :
Geez, that's a damn fine poem.
from wolfgirl88 :
I love that poem! It's so unique...I like the sensory images.
from haloaskew :
Thanks for the compliment! Yeah, neighbors are a pain in the ass. One of these days I'll get a house...far away from any neighbors. Then I can blast my stereo, scream at the top of my lungs, dance on my porch, run around naked amongst the squirrels...um, scratch that last part. Heh!
from haloaskew :
That was a HOOT! Thanks for sharing!
from kooklafran :
Just want to say--good luck with your situation. I envy you--this could be the start of a whole new life--or at least help resolve the problems in the relationship. Also--loved the ICE QUEEN poem.~~k.
from monsa :
hey sweets, I'm sorry you're having turmoil w/ jay, but I'm glad to hear that your work situation was OK!! it's so generous of you to have supported Jay financially this long. if he's so keen on living alone, then I suppose he's going to have to learn to support himself alone (how did he survive before he met you??)
from kooklafran :
Thanks!
from wolfgirl88 :
Your Spring Equinox Celebration thingie sounds really interesting. I can't be a real Wiccan if I don't even celebrate their holidays...or can I? *raises eybrow* Anyway, enjoy your magick weekend.
from kooklafran :
Thanks for your comment at my new comments box! Pastel colors seem more cheery. This is probably NONE of my business but--maybe Jay should have his sugar tested. We found out the hard way that my J. is diabetic in '96 only after he started showing many warning signs I didn't realize were warning signs: Increased thirst, unusual weight loss, big increase in urination (sorry), and the dreaded soft willy. Have his blood sugar tested--it's worth knowing, either way. Now I will shut up! :)
from sweetchick66 :
your welcome
from sweetchick66 :
Just stopped by to tell ya that i really like your diary, later.
from ringostarr :
I guess those people have realized there's little to be done about an oil-hungry president. This whole thing was inevitable despite protests, petitions and other attempts to stop the war. Hopefully it'll be nothing more than a standoff and it'll be over as soon as it began. You need a hug. xoxoxoxo ~ringo
from monsa :
you said you wished you could attend an all adult cocktail party and make a fool of yourself flirting with a 52 year old administrator in a suit--but I wish I could walk around the corner to have a beer and go see rock and roll and be in a city and eat Indian food and, and, and!!!! so I guess the grass is always greener, yada yada yada.
from kooklafran :
Hmm--my last note in here appeared twice. That was not intentional! I've posted one new pic just for you--go see dolls having baked taters with pizza (so healthy!) in their new kitchen. Do you like Stacie dolls? I collect those, too, but only have four so far. :( (Need more Stacie!!)
from chiv :
my brain is not crumbling! it..ehr..bah! darn it.
from kooklafran :
Hi-- I saw your warnings, but went ahead anyway! I won't do that again-- hope you didn't mind what I said in that entry. Thanks. :)
from kooklafran :
Hi-- I saw your warnings, but went ahead anyway! I won't do that again-- hope you didn't mind what I said in that entry. Thanks. :)
from yellowpetal :
thnx for taking my survey --yp =)
from haloaskew :
Oooo! I love your kitten & duckie border! I had a nice giggle over that. And regarding how tastes change over time, I know exactly what you mean. I used to LOVE marshmallows as a kid and now I cannot stand them. Also, over the past few years, I've stopped ordering green pepper on my pizzas because they tend to get all goopy and slimy and I just can't deal with it anymore. I agree with you on bananas - ack! I haven't eaten them for years...too nana-y and with those icky little stringies! But I admit to being a vinegar/cuke lover as well...I used to drink apple cider vinegar as a kid and pretend it was wine. I was strange, what can I say?
from monsa :
have you ever tried jiffy pie crust mix? xoxoxo
from ruthiebat :
Ooooh, this entry brings back goofy memories of my first day at a job I had really wanted and my tights were loose and then completely fell down at one point!! Fell. Right. Down. Fortunately it proved to be a big bonding experience between me and the other woman in the office!!
from ruthiebat :
Hey, what's wrong with French kissing a rabbit?! Oh, and I never answered your question - yes, they are stinky, unless you clean the litter box every single day! But they make up for it in their insane cuteness. By the way, that was an incredibly nice poem. So am I ahead now in this contest?!!!
from ruthiebat :
Hey, I'm taking over your notes section! You know, I can't look at the PETA site anymore, because it makes me feel totally helpless. I actually have done way more to protest animal cruelty since I stopped looking at their site because I feel I can make a difference and not like it's all hopeless. The HRS site is very good about animal cruelty stuff and not soooo graphic, and our local humane society is also great about information. And, just to warm your heart, I got really furious this am that there are evidently children in this video and so I called the NY department of children's seriveces. They hadn't heard about this and were horrified! So they are going to checkit out and hopefully make these people's lives just a tiny bit more miserable, and maybe some children will get help. I hope I haven't led them on a wild goose chase, but the petition says there were children involved. Yup, don't ever get me mad! I will pursue every single angle! Cuz I'm tired of this crap! Anyway, Loki says to tell you he loves you and if you were here he'd run around your feet so you couldn't walk straight. Isn't that a happy thought?
from ruthiebat :
Hi Tater, Oh, honey, I feel so bad for not posting a better warning about that site, because I feel like I've really upset you and, I didn't want to do that! But, you can feel a little better because I just called the District Attorney's Office and they have evidentally been getting LOTS of reaction and she said they would probably upgrade! She asked where I was from and said they were recording all the calls and letters! See, we can make a difference! So cross your fingers!
from ruthiebat :
Hi Tater, thank you so much for writing the letter. We really are twins I think! And thank you for not just thinking I'm nuts to be so upset about this. It helps me to know there are just really splendiferous people in the world as well as the total a-holes. And Loki and Miss Bunny thank you, too!
from ruthiebat :
Hi Sweetie! Thank you so much for putting the bunny thing on your diary - I didn't want to put any details on mine because I have friends who read it at work and I wanted to ease them into it a bit gently so that they wouldn't completely flip out all at once...Maybe I should revise the entry so it says something like "This will really piss the hell out of you?" so it's more of a warning? Anyway, what really gets me is that the District Attorney has evidentally still not filed felony charges! Even here in "backwards" Alabama all the cruelty cases I have heard of (and there haven't been many) have been charged as felonies!! Yeah, I wanna rip these people's balls off, too! Anyway, I'm taking up all your notes space! I'm thrilled you want a bunny but be warned, they are not for the faint of heart! Although the "Good Morning I love you" dance always makes up for whatever possessions of mine they destroy!
from spritopias :
that you like flannery o'connor puts you in a pantheon of coolness acheived by few. I have a crush on someone from the Doubleday Bookstore just because they liked Flannery O'Connor
from ringostarr :
I used to love the cool jazzy interludes during Mr Rogers. And yes Lady Elaine was the one with the crazy nose. I always wanted a trolley t-shirt. I wonder if they exist or if there's a way to make a t-shirt transfer of it. I never did realize though that he was also the puppeteer on the show. i always though it was him just doing the voices.
from sambadelic :
I'm going right home after work to listen to that song. Oh Arthur!
from monsa :
I had an oven like that too last year!! maybe you should get a carbon monoxide detecter. that way you can rest easy.
from xmasface :
I was born in Downer's Grove and grew up in Naperville, IL. Gassy deaths are always sexxily tragic.
from xmasface :
I went to highschool in Aurora, IL (A-town), which had all sorts of gang and drug and violence and pollution and general ugliness problems. I feel you. But "Aurora" in Greek means "Dawn" and the Borealis is so intertwined with mythology all over the world. I think that's a magical thing.
from kooklafran :
I don't have a jail, but I think you may be right-- these dolls are getting out of hand!
from ringostarr :
bahahaha!!! Actually you think your stuff is bad I should send you some of my idiotic teenage angst ramblings. I read a little too much Sartre in high school :P
from sambadelic :
How mainy joiners do you think we'd have if we started a "tornado dreams" diaryring? Besides you, me and my sister (thaggoria)?
from xmasface :
D4 and the Forty-fives were in town last night but I missed them.
from sambadelic :
Tater-I just heard this fantastic CD of The Dirt Bombs...Arthuresque garagerock soul might - heard it?
from atomicbuddha :
Sam is HIGHLY underrated...and yes, my loins hurt and ache and so-forth when I see, hear, or think about him...gods, I think I'm obsessed...it's beautiful! I'm glad to hear there are others out there blaming their Irish genes for their fucked-uppedness, it's good to know I walk this path with others. Great diary by the way...oh, I'll be back.
from ringostarr :
Well I tell you I couldn't ask for a cooler, prettier #1 fan than you. hey you should check out my band's MP3s sometime. Just go to MP3.com and search for Spookyhorse. Also if you want send me your mailing address and I'll send you a copy of our EP. xxoo ~ringo
from ringostarr :
i was antihistamine, i was kinda hoping to be pot or LSD but oh well. and btw I'd go to bed with you even if you were an upper :) xxoo
from xmasface :
More than a woman. More than a woman to me. How does anyone describe themselves? Any time I'm asked to describe anything I can't help but worry that they're looking for something more succinct than I can provide them with. What do I do for a living? I coast? What makes me what I am? These abstract ideas can just make things complicated. But I don't know, maybe someone living off of the money they make writing poetry leads a lifestyle I can't even begin to imagine. This is one of the reasons why I've decided to devote my life to living and less to manufacturing artwork.
from ringostarr :
D4 were in Toronto tonight. I tried to get in, do you think could get in? NO!!! ARRRRGH!!! I even tried to sweet talk the chick ticket girl but she wasn't having any of it. Fucking GRRR!!! And yes, Ray Manzarek is a prick. I've actually met him and he was all like "if it wasn't for me the Doors wouldn't have been so good, worship the ground I walk on, bla bla bla" (not in those exact words but that type of attitude, even though I was being really nice and trying to rap with him about the L.A. scene in the '60s). Anyways, that's my news. Hope you had a better night than I did. Oooh "Time" by 'Floyd just came on the radio. My night just got a bit better. heh. xxoo ~ringo
from monsa :
I forgot to say--I had a nice little chat w/ your exhusband over email! He has a very poetic communication style. I assumed you gave him my email address?
from xmasface :
Interesting, y'know. They've influenced so many bands that I really like and yet I'd never received the proper forced exposure to them. "Entertainment," you say. Hmmmm.
from ruthiebat :
Oh. My. Gawd. We are like twins! Were you born on Halloween, too?? Like, this is wierd! You know what this means? In 10 years you'll be living in a small town in Alabama babbling on about your rabbits, cats and stickbugs!! Be afraid, dear! Be VERY afraid!!! Alvin Lee Rules!!

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