messages to tealeaf5:
(click here to add new message):

from red-jade :
Thanks. I wonder if it's just part of growing older.
from teachin-usa :
There is a link on the right side under the profile that says Ms Brazils Sky Mall- and there are t-shirts and mugs for sale there. Are you still writing in your diary?
from molu4 :
Ach du! I have forgotten your password info--will you share? I have so much catching up with you to do and also I have great need for your mailing address...have had a package kicking about here since Dec 15, I am embarrassed to admit. Miss you and hope you and your are well.
from brittania :
How much of a relief it is to hear y'all say about the hating to play. Elijah started going to preschool (daycare really) twice a week and I picked them up and the teacher person looked so delighted with playing with all those kids. And I'm all to Elijah (awful), "can't you go play in the yard?" Because sometimes him just being on the deck is too too much. Paul Simon gets me through sometimes, "You are the burden of my generation / I sure do love you / but let's get that straight."
from molu4 :
YES! yes yes and yes. I hate playing with Ossie! I like watching him play (sometimes) and I like reading books together (sometimes) and talking. But playing? Hate. He's trying to get me to do it right now: mama play! mama mama mama! oy. I have more to say (so so so much more) but I have to go play with trucks and trains on the floor. again. while nursing the baby. sigh.
from hulamoons :
happy birthday to you m'dear tealeafy bathsheba!!! your summer wanderings sound enticing and your passions as inviting and addicting as always... hugs to you! xoxo, L
from molu4 :
Dude. I have been trying to sign your guestbook forever. Dang site doesn't work. Here's my message, though: Tealeaf. I say get thee to a crunchy happy childcare giver/center. I hate to hear of you going so nuts. I understand it COMPLETELY. We both do, over here. This is why we have found a very lovely SAHM who actually finds this business delightful and fulfillng and we hand Ossie off (happily happily--on all sides, I might add--it's so good for him to have this other person who cares about him and looks out for him and plays with him. She broadens his world, too--he learns all kinds of great new things--new foods, new ways to play, new person to hug--things that Jeff and I just couldn't offer. It's like opening up the family, which is really good for old Oz). I mean, it's hard to juggle work + family--but I think, for me, for us, this is best. We are with him when we are with him. Fresh and happy to see each other. Women are so hard on themselves when it comes to kids. I hate that. I say, do what you need to do for yourself. You can still be a wonderfully empathic and attached parent, even if your kids have other caregivers. In fact, I'd wager that it's better for your kids that way (if like me, you go crazy in their 24/7 company). Also, I say MOVE BACK HERE. We can build you a house right next door. Also, do you want to go to the beach sometime this summer? XXOO
from hulamoons :
let me in! let me in! (if you want to..hehe) thinking of beauty you and sending you beauty thoughts...
from flusianna :
I had hoped you would send me the password before this wonderful diary was locked up. As the mother of 3 boys and a girl, I can identify. Woke up one morning with a gallon of sour milk poured in the middle of the living room carpet. Quite the bitch to clean up. Little rascals! love, Flusi
from manchmal :
Congrats on your book! It is exciting to have a little book. I cannot write more now, but I have decided to lock the damn journal. You can still come visit, if you want. userid: dog; passwd: fur
from teachin-usa :
re: Your profile...I just saw An Angel At My Table again after many years and wow- better than ever. Recently acquired it from Blkbuster for $4.99. Have you seen Sweetie? (also by Jane Campion) Love the scene where the sister eats the plastic horses.
from joleen :
Hey you, the backing up of the diary thing was very cool, I'm so glad I did it! I can't believe I'd never noticed it before. The diary should revert to free status any minute now, but since it's all backed up and images are re-hosted it may not be noticeable. I may not delete it all, may just leave it, not sure yet. I'm at LiveJournal under the username "Vertamae", been there since November of '02. It's 'friends only', not public at all - I got tired of the public thing - so you'd have to create an LJ account (they have free accounts too) and let me add you for you to read it, but I'd love to see you there. If not, I'll keep up with you here as long as you stay. I don't want to lose touch with your life - in an odd way, I feel I know my Diaryland friends, though we seldom 'interact'. The interaction at LJ is heavy - lots of communication going on over there, and I think I needed that. I hope Andrew comes back to Diaryland and helps people find their private entries one day. I can't remember which ones I made private, so I wouldn't know how to search for them. I'm going to assume they are in the backup file... Sorry this is so long! :)) Cheers!
from manchmal :
In puncto. I know it, but what does it mean? emily
from frances1972 :
What I meant to say about that was that the pro-abstinence kids went to that site and couldn't figure out whether it was serious or not but they cited it anyway. This is from Frances.
from frances1972 :
Ah hell, SO MANY COMP PAPERS with the works cited page and the only thing on it? abstinenceonly.org This is from Frances.
from manchmal :
Wow, so you're an Oberlin girl? Or is it a different Oberlin? My good buddy, was-once significant other person Paul (last name is O'something) woulda been an English major right around...1990-1994 or so?
from molu4 :
Weird. I just tried to sign your new and improved guestbook but I couldn't--it said it hadn't been set up to receive messages yet? Anyway. Like I was SAYING. You wrote an entry about poo! I dig the Kate Daniels--she wrote all those great mother poems, didn't she? And also I forgive you for the Julia Cameron quote on account of your new super design. I dig that picture. Wasn't that the one you used on your reading poster? Happy belated mother's day, you. XXXOOO
from molu4 :
Save me! I am officially off the deep end over here! I have the most insufferable job in the world! Except that I really really don't, which, in fact, makes it all the more insufferable because then I have no right to complain! Gah! Plus I am sweaty and wearing ugly clothes and my hair is very very stupid. Plus I will never do anything exciting ever again because I have no vacation time and lord, help me, it's all so lamely mundane. Ho hum. Thanks for giving my one brief moment of pleasure in this otherwise malaisey friday. Oh--I also woke up this morning thinking about your great-aunt Mae and remembering when you told me that story about her sometimes staying up all night to read. I think your revision (no need to bury the lead, after all) is quite brilliant. I want to live so long and so well. Later, dude.
from groinvault :
Hello! I loved, loved, loved the entry about your mom. First, I loved the part about watchign your baby grow and develop. Soon, I will have the same experiences! I'm so excited! Second, I loved what you wrote about your mom. I completely understand. I have journal entries a couple of years ago saying similar things - the combination of irritation and guilt over my mother, knowing that she won't be with me forever. I can tell you this: Think of THE MOST ANNOYING THING your mom now does... I promise there will come a time when you'd give your left arm to have her do that to you again. I was literally BEGGING God to let me have one more hour with her being crabby and annoying, and that's exactly what I got. She came to, got on my nerves for about an hour, then told me she loved me. Hasn't regained consciousness since. Oh, I had to lock my diary because of some asshole cyberstalkers. if you email me, I'd love to share the password with you.
from molu4 :
Hey there darlin. Love this entry--I know exactly that feeling, the love and longing and boredom and irritation, that physical proximity with one's parents brings. I also wanted to say: I am neither a chocolate nor a caramel person. I like sweetarts and fundip and twizzlers and other fruity treats. I am fruity. I am home sick. Hello.
from groinvault :
I'm glad you dropped by my notes and said something...now I know where you are! I like your diary. I hope you don't die of bronchitis - that would be dull. Consumption, however, would be glamorous. If you sing opera.
from frances1972 :
Ah hell, man, this kills me. I think this is what JB means when he talks about the Radiohead thing, when a song starts out quiet, sorta regular, and then builds and builds and builds. I mean, I know what he means but I think that here. Good god, Magnum. I do love this cold cold. This is from Frances.
from manchmal :
Go to a doctor and get yourself some hydrocodone cough syrup. Take a few tablespoons of that, and a shot of scotch. Sleep, sleep, sleep. I am glad your boy is well. I'm interested in cognitive psychology stuff...and, for that, babies totally intrigue me. How much they learn, I mean. Oofah.
from brittania :
I forgot what I was going to say because there's a big banner up there for someone's diary, and it keeps saying: Dirtylanders, Dirtylanders. Maybe about the poo. I've got Jude who poops in the floor, see. She's got something against litter boxes and the outdoors (she'll pee out there, mind you, but...) and Ron says the first time he finds Elijah playing with Jude's poop, he's gonna beat the hell outta her. I don't like that talk very much. But he's mainly talk. My poems stink (to keep with the theme), but I'll send them Monday. I miss Molu's. Yours are good I know. I've heard stories. Friday Flee Time! Worker bell a-ringing. XX.
from frances1972 :
I love the stuff babies dig, cable modems and debit cards, really boring paperback books without any pictures in em. Like they're collectors of this strange grown-up world. You gimme plastic rainbow keys, I'll steal your actual ones. Last night I hung out with little two year old Acy, my friend's niece, and she kept sticking olives on her fingers and wanting me to eat em off. God bless em, I do love kids. This is from Frances.
from molu4 :
Ugh. That's the worst--the fever agonies. I don't recall ever feeling as downright horrible as I did last summer when I had a intermitent spiking fever. It made everything hurt so bad. SO BAD. Glad you've got your sister to call on. I'm lame and sad right now (missing the dog) but thinking of you.
from frances1972 :
Always I say this (just finished reading Maus, talking like Vladek) but folks don't tell you about how long a day can be with a baby, how hard it is. You know, in the Waldorf schools, they don't *play* with kids, so to speak, they do and the kids do around them. Sali Rae went to a Waldorf preschool and they'd sing together and stuff but the teacher she'd make her sewing (Vladek again) and cooking and the kids would work around her. When I see *moms* interacting with their babies in that mom way, I think about my mama and how she tried to do this and it was so hard. Better, she was just herself and she was relieved and I was happy. I feel like I'm trying to be the cheerleader for Momma Tealeaf but what I mean is you don't need to be no stinkin' MOM, you're a MOMMA and that is good. I mean, what do I know? nothin' but still I wanna keep hollerin' shout outs to you when the days are long. Babies get it, they wail, and you play the Wailers and that's solid right on.
from molu4 :
Also! What meme? I want to know what meme could possibly tempt you!
from molu4 :
Oh lord. That's brilliant. The ripping up pieces of paper to fill rooms with. That's BRILLIANT. A perfect description of ennui and rage, an excruciating state which has too often visited me. Right. I'm off. Hope you're doing better, mon ami.
from wendchymes :
oh Tealeaf, my old friend of yore, alas I have found you again! It is strange, when I stumbled upon your diary, a few weeks ago, it was with much glee and joyous reverie, because I had just been thinking about you. I used to look at your old diary listing in my favs and see, "updated more than 3 months ago" and sigh. and oh how I wondered how you and the boi and peter and the pets were all doing in your winteryscape, tucked in the hills of Colorado. But now, i can peek, now I can pry. Now I can know! thank you for finding me, and leaving a small trail of tealeaves for me, to find you back. The baby comes soon! It is such a dream, i am terrified and excited all at once. Please stay for the journey, it only seems fitting :) xo, wendchymes
from frances1972 :
My favorite part is the part about the documentary filmmaker, how you're fancying yourself but see you ARE that filmmaker (I know that, yes indeed) and getting the little stuff down, which ain't little stuff atall, mashed nanners, Chekhov would give a hoot and a holler at them little things, oh yeah and I love the part where you pretty much dead on split my heart into -- I mean that good, and solid cause the tealeafs, the speak it. The tealeafs, the five of em, I been meaning to say they make me think of SWEETIE, you know that picture? And the old lady who read the tea leaves and she saw the question mark and then the loveofherlife comes in with his pompadour ending in a question mark on his forehead. Like a 5, my old buddy Will (we all called him Emma) had a dog named 5 cause he had a 5 on his back. Them's all the things I think of. And I wish you were here and could go see Hellboy, or maybe Molly and me could meet you halfway, in Saint Louis or something and we could see Hellboy. Oh wait, I know what I was gonna tell you. One of my favorite documentaries ever is this woman down in Mexico, she lived on this dairy farm and she kept filming her grandma and brothers and sisters and mom and dad and uncles and aunts, and then she made the whole thing into a documentary, and sure, when we see it it all looks different from the stuff we see, but to her, it's like she was just looking for something bigger than her, she wrote about this film, like she needed to see everything different, so she made this film. And it's so good, one of my favorites ever. This is from Frances.
from joleen :
Heh, yeah, I knew that was you, I think it was the Mountain Time/Buddy List/MAC user that gave you away. I can't believe you spent so much time on my diary, such a waste, woman! :) My theme song was Chemical Brothers' "It Doesn't Matter", on account of I fell in love with a boy who won't love me back, and I was in pain, hurt, ow, horrible, wanna die stuff. I write lots in my LiveJournal, seldom at the land of diaries anymore. I love that you came back. Did I say that already? Your boy sounds so delightful, and he'll love all the 'documentary film' you have of him, one day.
from manchmal :
I love the word farfalle. Farfalle and..for moths, farfallina!
from molu4 :
Hey tealeaf, it all sounds good to me. I love your curiousity and your wanting to do millions of things--it's practically my favorite thing about you (the other favorite thing is that you like to sit around doing nothing but smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee, which is pretty much top of my list of favorite activities). What's the sign for friend? I should learn it so I could say Tealeaf is my friend. I wish I were more travely so that I could come see you (my god, the travel phobia grows by leaps and bounds every day, it seems--I am almost officially agoraphobic). You make good lists.
from molu4 :
Oh but of course! Come you to visit meeeeeee! Bring the Attikai leader! Do you really think that 18mebbe19 year old would dig it in the chicken coop (no ammenities--it's a no ammenities roughing it adventure. Like, no bathroom (I mean, we've got one in our house, just not out there), it's a 9' by 10' room and that's it. Oh and I already told Jeff about you teaching Atticus ASL and he was totally excited. He says that kids pick it up quicker than spoken language. I can not explain to you how much I would love for you to come visit. So much. Love from me, Molu
from molu4 :
Oh yeah. I second Frances down there. Everything she says. But also I say, we need to form an INTROVERTS RIGHTS group to raise awareness for the absolute needs of introverts to be alone, not just sometimes but every day, and how we need those transition times between activities and we need lots and lots of introspection which may LOOK like laziness but is, in fact, critically important inactivity, without which life is insupportable. I'm dead serious. The extraverts must not be allowed to take over! Introverts unite! Much love to you, my sister in arms. You rock.
from frances1972 :
If I was there I'd give you a pat on the back but without giving you a *pat on the back* -- maybe I'd show you my George Michael dance. Or chant the alphabet backwards while doing a paddleball which is what my Aunt Lois Lane used to do to get the me back in me. Sometimes I think it's hard when we're all alone (even not *alone* but alone) and we don't have anybody to wink at us or give us thumbs up or crack open a cold Amstel Light and hand it to us. Feet on the ground, you're so good, like if I was a mama and I was reading you, I think I could exhale cause you give a big old thumbs up to everybody listening. I'm not a mama and I read tealeaf5 and I can exhale. "O you dig and I dig, and I dig through to you" you're saying, like a shout-out, like an amen. This is from Frances.
from molu4 :
Never fear. I love the lists. I would argue that Sticky Fingers is the best record ever made, ever. I would. I love it. I LOVE IT. I would also argue that you forgot Guitartown, Train a 'Comin & Feel Alright. I need to listen to all of those things right now. I'm going to go mad with all the THINGS that must be done. I hate doing things. I love you and your warrior boi. Bub. Homeschool, yippee! XXOO
from kodachrome :
Ich moechte ein Album empfehlen, es heisst "Dans Mon Ile" von Lisa Ono. Sie singt wundervolle Bossa nova Musik in franzoesisch, z.B. La Vie en Rose und Derniere Valse. Ich wuerde mein Boi Salade de fruits als sein erstes Lied lehren.
from brittania :
I think I am an idiot. Or a stinking pregnant person with no mind at-all. I just realized this diary, dear tealeaf, and it has made my Friday (along with lunchroom jalapenos), and I wanted to say hello and I worry about the mommy-friends-thing and I worry and plus, sometimes I don't worry and feel guilty about not worrying. Yay is all. I found this and it made my day.
from frances1972 :
The stinkin' Ides of March. I don't have much to say cause it's raining, dang it all, but maybe I just wanna say that it was foggy this morning and I kept having to readjust my eyes to see that it's pretty. Like I just wanted it to be warm and it is warm but it's wet and that makes me mad and rotten, just plain rotten. But I gotta remember that's how come I went to the tractor supply and bought rainboots, so I could see all the things in the world when they're wet. I forget then I remember, forget and remember, and hey to you. Good morning, Tealeaf 5. This is from Frances 1972.
from frances1972 :
It is now 4:17 in the p.m. and since 3:01 I been reading and re-reading Five Tea Leaves. My eyeballs are full and the air around me, my skin, it's Friday and it's almost spring and I love this diary, I do. This is from Frances.
from molu4 :
YOUR OLD NEIGHBOR NOT YOU'RE. Sheesh.
from molu4 :
Ok, so I just wrote you a message and now I am writing you another, darling friend. Do you remember P. Black, you're old neighbor? She's now back part-time in our department and I finally just asked her about you and knowing you and had the happy pleasure of telling her how you're doing and showing her some marvelous Atticus pictures (and lord, she was most properly awed by his wonderfulness) and that is all. She says hello and she says how very glad she is that you're doing so well. Also! Boys who like tools can be quite quite super (as you know). As are boys who like ice-skating. I wonder if boys are harder. I think it was so in my family, with the exception of Daniel-son. And Shawn. Neither of them were especially active or "active." Nor was I. But Oliver and Joe? Well. But he sounds neither placid nor crazed, just right. I know you don't care either way. I don't even know what I'm writing anymore (too much caffeine! too much pizzaaaa! too much butter pecan ice cream! too many people!). Hope you're having a fine day with your screaming Boi. XO
from molu4 :
Oh mon ami, I agree I agree. I feel precisely the same way (except different). I love my life. My life, in fact, is better than I ever imagined. And yet? I get so lonesome, too. I feel like all my friends are so far away and I miss them and I miss you terribly. I wish there was a different way. I rilly rilly do. Also I was going to say, I understand completely what you mean about being able to admire the beauty of a place without feeling it. That's how I feel about Florida, about the mountains, about the ocean. The only place I feel the beauty deep down in my bones is in the piedmont of North Carolina. This is god's country, girl, and we is waiting for you to come home. XXOO
from kodachrome :
Hey, aloha you. I know they don't say that in the islands where you went to but sun is sun, ya? And I heard that people get more depressed when it's sunless. I don't know yet, I'll find out when I do a Melissa and move to chilly, foreign-speaking Germany from my little island. Your boy is so lovely, I forget all about the economics and politics of 'babymaking' (as said hideously by my island's politicians). As for mom's clubs, don't just go for stereotypes, I'm sure there's another trapped-in-the-mountain mom who is more than the sum of the diapers she has in her baby bag. =)
from kodachrome :
Oh, a Subterfuge! Dear TeaLeaf#5, I was just thinking of you _yesterday_. Thought about how you of such big mind and bigger heart had faded away from my sky with a final wink like a star. "and just like that, she was gone" is a terrible parting line, don't ever do that again.
from joleen :
I echo what sleepyskin said. I'm so glad I can keep up with you now, so glad. Take good care. :)
from sleepyskin :
so glad you showed up elsewhere, I was going through this serene sort of withdrawl. am I safe to add you to my buddies list yet?
from molu4 :
Tealeaf5, you're my favorite, my most, my absolute number one excellence. I am very very impressed with the holiday carders, the birthday rememberers, the great hordes of Thoughtful People who populate the world. That's my new defense against them, because they are GOOD, right? But I'm not like that and the world is big enough for the Thoughtful AND The Well-Meaning But Essentially Thoughtless. Plus, don't you like the people who never do anything thoughtful so you never have to feel guilty about them but they are always good and friendly when you think of them? They are my favorites. I only wish for pots of money so that I could quit this silly job and see all my far-flung friends (read: YOU) whenever I want. Sigh. Much mad holiday love to you and Atticus and Peter. XXXOOOO
from sparklytears :
how wonderful. i missed you so much. xoxo. [<3]
from frances1972 :
So, I can't add tealeaf5 to my buddies, correctamundo? Not yet? I like this, like Magnum PI, sneaking to read tealeaf5. And I love it like I love Bathsheba and I know yer mourning yer other one but now you're making a new one, a place to put it. And I understand about the serene violence, I mean I understand in my own way. Children are hard -- not that you're saying the boi and stuff -- but nonetheless, it's hard hard hard. I keep thinking about Janet Peery -- you ever read her? There's this book of stories, Alligator Dance -- have you read those? And if you haven't, don't -- I'm writing myself a note to mail it to you (along with some music I been meaning to git to, daggum it -- sometimes I'm so daggum slow, good gosh) -- but anyhow -- I met her before and she was telling me how she got married and had kids and lived in Wichita -- and when she was younger she was writing and doing all this stuff -- and then there was like ten years where she didn't do a thing, just read those curly-cue romances from the check-out counter -- she said it was almost like a thing bigger than her, her doing that -- and then she finally got to where she couldn't stand it any more and she'd gotten all of her stuff outta her and then she started writing again. Anyhow, I think about her -- she's gentle and she smells good but she told me she was grumpy & bitter for a long time because life was bigger than her. And this is all probably more than you mean, and I'm not assuming nothing, I'm just talking about how it's hard, and I don't know about specific things, but I know about some things, and I just wanna say, really, really, rock on tealeaf5. xoxoxo Frances
from frances1972 :
So, I can't add tealeaf5 to my buddies, correctamundo? Not yet? I like this, like Magnum PI, sneaking to read tealeaf5. And I love it like I love Bathsheba and I know yer mourning yer other one but now you're making a new one, a place to put it. And I understand about the serene violence, I mean I understand in my own way. Children are hard -- not that you're saying the boi and stuff -- but nonetheless, it's hard hard hard. I keep thinking about Janet Peery -- you ever read her? There's this book of stories, Alligator Dance -- have you read those? And if you haven't, don't -- I'm writing myself a note to mail it to you (along with some music I been meaning to git to, daggum it -- sometimes I'm so daggum slow, good gosh) -- but anyhow -- I met her before and she was telling me how she got married and had kids and lived in Wichita -- and when she was younger she was writing and doing all this stuff -- and then there was like ten years where she didn't do a thing, just read those curly-cue romances from the check-out counter -- she said it was almost like a thing bigger than her, her doing that -- and then she finally got to where she couldn't stand it any more and she'd gotten all of her stuff outta her and then she started writing again. Anyhow, I think about her -- she's gentle and she smells good but she told me she was grumpy & bitter for a long time because life was bigger than her. And this is all probably more than you mean, and I'm not assuming nothing, I'm just talking about how it's hard, and I don't know about specific things, but I know about some things, and I just wanna say, really, really, rock on tealeaf5. xoxoxo Frances
from molu4 :
I want to be your minion in the crusade against evil. I want you to update every day that's how come I check your page about 1000 times a minute. I miss you little tealeaf number 5, you pretty lady. What's happening?

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