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just-fine : |
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:( That all sounds so worrying, i just...don't quite know what to say. I love you and i care and i want you to be okay. Please be honest with the boy, and yourself sweetheart, you need some help, real help that you cannot give yourself. Thinking of you always, Claire xxx
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refined-void : |
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Jeez Misa. That stinks. I am really sorry. I hope that you can use this as an impetus to continue to trudge forward in your recovery efforts though. Never lose sight of the fact that your brain is skewed when it comes to perceiving your weight and eating. That is always the most difficult thing for me, as I feel like my perceptions are accurate in most areas of my life...how could they be so "inaccurate" when it comes to food/exercise/weight/etc. You are in my thoughts. rv
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shan2b : |
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I keep emailing DL about my notes! I can fix it at home but not at work and i have no time at home it seems. Anyway, I can understand how frustrated you must be with doing everything right and still not moving forward physically. Can you maybe look at increasing a little bit, so you maybe put on a small amount of weight at least and make the docs happy? Switch a snack for an ensure? The thing is, you were/are very physically comprimised and while you may be eating a normal amount by normal people standards... your body is certainly not in a normal place. Its hard to understand but most anorexics go though this, as I am sure you already have in the past. You will likely need to up the cals for a while so you can get back to your set point. You are a grown woman... your set point is NOT supposed to be underweight. xoxo
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shan2b : |
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I am so sorry you are struggling so much with the shitty illness. Don't give up, ok? Would you consider a day program maybe, instead of IP? Is there other options for you right now? Its so painful and draining to try to do so much of the healing on your own... I worry about you. Thanks for the PM yesterday, I truly appreciate it. :)
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shan2b : |
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Oh no! Sorry about the stomach thing, that's awful. Hope you are feeling better today and able to keep something down.
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shan2b : |
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Hey sweets! I got your note and I am doing good. I know things are a bit crazy in your life right now and I hope you can find some peace with yourself one day soon. Take care, and man do I miss TF!! Once it's back up I will have to give you my email. *smooch*
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anainsight : |
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I can't get on tf either. what have you tried?
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| from
dissolving : |
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Misa.. I understand the need for real life to take over. I wish you the best of luck in everything, you've been a great friend to me.
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just-fine : |
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I hope you have an amazing Christmas Misa, you deserve to laugh, smile and enjoy yourself. I am doing slightly better, with a little more optimism on my side. I'm so sorry for worrying you so much. You have a heart of gold. Wishes and hugs, Claire xxxxxxx :)
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xnotenoughx : |
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all my weight ever does is fluctuate between this two pounds margin. i hit a plateau and bounce back-and-forth between a two pound range for what seems like forever. . .drop 4 or 5 pounds or so, and bounce around some more. i hate it so much, and can't count how many times i've stood of the scale pinching my thighs black and blue.
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just-fine : |
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Oh Ahimsa, i just don't know what to say. Every word seems faulty. I care, i love you and i want you to get out of this. Please hold on, and know i am always here if you need someone to lean on. Claire xxxxxxx
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| from
just-fine : |
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Misa, it was so good to see the mark of red over your name on my buddy list. I'd love to be able to read your latest entry, i've missed you. Would it be okay to let me have the username/password? I really hope your well. Claire xoxo
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anainsight : |
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hi, I was wondering if I could still have the password & user name. I love to hear what you have to say. thanks in advance and hugs.
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feelsnothing : |
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Hi! Very pretty layout. I think you need to change the URL for your profile, if you didnt already know. But very pretty!
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escaped-mind : |
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I think the only problem on your template is you have %%older_entries instead of %%older_entries%% (the %%on the end of it). That should fix it if you add the %%. Hope that helps.
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thevow : |
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I saw that thread on the forum misa and deliberately didn't ask for the link because it had grown to be a sensitive issue and I don't think people handled it well. It was as if they felt excluded from some elite trading card game and anyone who had known you long enough would know better than that, knowing you are loving and kind and not ever quick or even inclined to hurt. I hope you receive a PM from her. Since I first met you all those moons ago on "the other forum" with "the other girl" I thought you were beautiful. Not because I know what you look like but because you are a true and beautiful light. Love, kathryn (wings)
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shan2b : |
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This entry really touched me. I have often thought about the love I have in my own life, a love so complete, like you described, and asked myself why does this eating disorder still haunt my thoughts. I think it's all a process Misa, love helps you, gives you strength, but the work to be done comes from yourself, for yourself. Thanks for you words to me earlier, and hang in there... you truelly are an amazing woman. :Shan:
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shrinkodebt : |
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I know the feeling you describe, but let me promise: there's much more to be said about "real" life. take care, dear.
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| from
dovelonesome : |
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You don't need to sit in front of a computer all day to know that we still care. We are always thinking of you.
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| from
wrthlss : |
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And why don't you get rid of that ugly picture?
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wrthlss : |
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A bathing suit really represents the wonderful fun of jumping around in the water, either in a pool or at a beach. Being physical, feeling strong, swimming like a fish, kicking, stroking. That's a bathing suit, the best kind of clothing, made for fun.
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mariaisa : |
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have fun in hawaii! i'm jealous it sounds like so much fun :D
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| from
mariaisa : |
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You don't know me, I found your diary from TF. I wanted to say I think it's cool that you're trying to recover and that you're really wanting it. I'm sure you can do it.
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just-fine : |
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Lift your head, look into my eyes and believe me when i say that you are so beautiful. I hope your alright, as alright as is possible right now. I am missing you alot, the red ink of your name on my buddy list has become so rare. I'm sorry your so down lately, just know that i am here. Claire xo
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| from
sevensongs : |
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The poem, "I daydream, melancholy at the windowsill" do you know what it's called or who it's by?
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| from
toxic-glamor : |
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i love your diary. i will add you as a favorite.
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dovelonesome : |
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Just randomly sending you some hugs and to let you know that we are here if you need us. Take care.
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just-fine : |
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I hope your alright...thinking of you and wondering where you are? xo
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| from
avkhasia : |
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Hey girl. I'm a big fan of your diary and I read it all the time.
I think you're amazingly brave for sticking with therapy for so long and listening to your doctor. However, I have to say that I believe traditional methods of fighting EDs are majorly flawed... you have to treat the person and not the disorder. There is still something inside you telling you you don't deserve food even though you know in your logical mind that you do... <i>this</i> is what you need to get to. Maybe it's too painful to figure out. But if you do, you'll be free to move on from wanting to use your ED as a crutch.
Sorry for busting in and giving unasked-for advice but I hate to see you suffering there! The pain has got to stop.
I don't write in diaryland any more, but you can read my own demented ramblings <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/avkhasia">here</a> at LiveJournal.
Lots of love,
zoot
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| from
whorelikeme : |
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thinking of you. bed is a safe place. xx
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| from
dovelonesome : |
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Misa, come out come out wherever you are...
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| from
alysia : |
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Oooh diamonds! You lucky girl! I am so jealous. I am glad you had a great valentines day. I love you too.
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cerc19 : |
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Oh honey, I'm so sorry that it didn't work out this time. But have faith, I'm sure that you will get to be a Mommy when the time is right. I know that is not much comfort now, but just know that I'm thinking about you and sending lots of prayers your way.
Love,
Stina
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whorelikeme : |
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just wanted to send some support your way. let us know how it goes. i'm thinking of you! xxmeg.
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dovelonesome : |
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Your angel has arrived. You just haven't recognized it yet. Sleep tonight knowing your angel is in bed with you, by your side.
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| from
silver-child : |
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I'll keep you and your little one in my prayers. (((hugs)))
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| from
iam1rock : |
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I really hope that TFers don't lose touch. You can find me on AIM of course, but you're right, it won't be the same. But what is life without changes? It is the uncertainty of the future that makes us long for the past.
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| from
unkindness- : |
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and sweet dreams to you as well, little one. XxXx
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dovelonesome : |
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I can't wait until you come back. I miss you and your entries. Hope you are well.
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fluency : |
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hi. i just came across your diary. i've read several entries and i have to let you know that your diary really touches me. i wish you all the best. take care. xox
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withwings : |
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The puppy is the absolute cutest EVER, well except mine. Dogs are good therapy because they love you no matter what. My first note ever. I always leave guestbook stuff never notes. *wave*
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unquiet-mind : |
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just a little love note:-)
to let you know how beautiful and special you are. keep up the hard work, because you so deserve the end results.take care--
m.
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| from
rexicrain : |
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Sweetest Ahimsa,
I often wonder how you're doing and read your journal entries to smile about you and your boy. I hope things continue to be as beautiful as they are now for you. Just wanted you to know that. =)
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lilacana : |
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I staring writing again if you wanted to check it out. Not sure how long it will last, but for now, her it goes! (not promising anything exciting or anything...)
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| from
fatal71 : |
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Hey, its Normal from the tp. I hope everything is well with you. I hope you are thinking of yourself and know that I am always thinking about you. I will always be here for you. Take care,
Alison
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| from
bignose : |
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Hey, you seem to be just like me in a lot of secret ways, only your More Honest. Thank you, be happy.
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| from
roguecat : |
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I see so much in your postings. I can relate. Thank you for sharing. Your writing is insightful and thought provoking.
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| from
delclouds : |
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i wish i had something to offer that would make this better. hang in there, friend. you are loved.
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| from
dovelonesome : |
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Hi Ahimsa. I can't really talk now but I wanted to say hi. I am at school and the pms on tf don't work on these computers. My computer is down at home. Hopefully by next week it will be up. I'll post soon about my doctor appointment on tf. Not terrific news but don't dig the grave yet! Ok, bad humor. Hope all is well with you. I did read your diary. You know that is mostly bloat and it will go away. It doesn't make it easier, I know. Take care.
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dovelonesome : |
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I think it's amazing that you've found that kind of love. It's nice and sad at the same time that love like that exists. I know I'll never have it, but thats ok. In you post you mentioned your grandparents. I work in a nursing home. We often get the survivor of a couple because it's to hard to live alone. What I've learned is that most people miss their partner terribly. But: They learn to love them even more once they're gone. If you believe in religion this is my take. You need to have your love of your life taken from you one way or another. When you are reunited in heaven you truely will be in heaven because you are with the one you love.
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delclouds : |
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"friend, you said that once i decided to follow you, we would walk side-by-side through life, but when i needed you most, i saw only one set of footprints in the sand.
and the friend replied, "i love you and i would never leave you. during your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints it was then that i carried you."
remember that someone is always there to carry you through the rough times.
love you,
del
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dovelonesome : |
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I'm touched that you put my prediction in your diary. My prediction was to show you that you can get what you want in life, maybe just not always in the ways that most people think of. Love and peace Ahimsa.
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| from
delclouds : |
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*MUAH*
a big smacking kiss, from me to you, love.
del
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| from
dovelonesome : |
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Hi Ahimsa! First I think it was so sweet of you to get him that pocket watch. I hope you always treat him that way in the years to come. Marriages tend to lose that kind of special thoughtfullness. Second I think you take care of your friends very well. It's not your responsibility to make sure we are happy. We need to do that ourselves with a the knowledge that you are here to make our lives that much better! Don't fret over a missed email or two. We know you are here caring for us.
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| from
mari1500 : |
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hi ahimsa -
just wanted you to know how much i admire you. you clearly have a beautiful soul, very much worth fighting for - i'll be here hoping that you win.
love,
mari (from tf)
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dovelonesome : |
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I'm glad to hear that your doctor thinks your outlook has improved. I'm also curious to what colors you chose for your interior. I'm far from a designer, but I do all my own painting and am obsessed with colors.
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dovelonesome : |
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Hi Ahimsa and Hubby. I read your diary today and cried. I feel like you are saying goodbye in case you take a turn for the worse. I feel as though I should do the same but yet if I do I feel bad for thinking that way. So instead may I extend my gratitude for a peek into your world and into your heart. If I was there with you I would warm up a blanket and wrap it around you. If I could take away your pain for an hour or a day or even a week I would in a heartbeat. Hubby, I hope you are taking care of yourself to. This must be a very scary and overwhelming time for you. Take one day at a time and enjoy your beautiful wife. You sound like a wonderful man who has strength beyond my imagination. I can't wait to hear about how she is watching from her window as you mow the lawn while she folds laundry. Normal things.
Ahimsa, I look for evidence of you everytime I log on. I don't want to log on one day never to see another post. You are in my heart. My daughter asked me why I was crying and I told her a friend of mine is very ill. She came to me with a band aid. Wouldn't that be nice.
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| from
sharpsecret : |
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u hav a beautiful diary,dont give up on urself ur worth more than u think trust me
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| from
lilacana : |
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Hey girl,
Just missing you. Haven't heard from you in forever, and desperatly trying to contact you. I understand if you are busy right now.
Just remember that I love you, my friend.
-lilacorchid
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| from
judyg : |
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Hi, thanks for visiting my diary and leaving that nice message in my guestbook. I've read some of yours and it's good reading. I can see you sitting in your window looking out, the dogwood blossoms quivering...I actually planted two dogwood trees in front of my house a couple of years ago and they are in full bloom right now...both pure white. I'm trying to recover too.
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| from
veganish : |
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I got your postcard from cuba today! lmao i think it took a while. (btw, the zip code ends in 9....not 5 ;) )
i miss you loads. :( things are alright right now. hang in there alright?
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| from
refined-void : |
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HUH??? (:->) I can completely relate to the emotions you are going through right now. You are a beautiful person. Don't give up.
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| from
refined-void : |
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Hello! I don't think that I have ever spoken to you directly on the thin pages, but I have been a "lurker" and read many of your posts.
I am so happy that you are doing what you are doing, as I know how difficult it is. I am drifting in-and-out of recovery mode myself. If I can offer any support, or you need a place to vent, feel free to pm me at the thin pages (I am listed under the same username.
I also recently started a diary. The topics are various, and it is nothing much, but feel free to check it out if you have the time.
Hugs to You! Refined_Void
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