DiaryLand members area

oh thanks, i am/was fine.. i think that it's just that i couldn't/can't really even imagine what it means to be married and so i couldn't think it through and i still haven't thought it through. It's a leap of faith

from narcissa :

thank you for your wishes :)

from raven72d :

23 April 21 -- still around?

from raven72d :

Still out there? My diary is open again,

from elusive-you :

it's been a rough start to the year. unfortunately, i didn't make it to belgium - but i'm coming back to france next year, too, so it's still on my list.

from elusive-you :

i am teaching here for a year! i am hoping to visit belgium in december. :)

from raven72d :

30 July 2019--- I liked the poem you posted on 29 July.

from raven72d :

And how is *your* summer?

from raven72d :

I'm back at D-Land, and open. Let me know if you can read my entries.

from raven72d :

It's been a complicated year so far. But I will get through.

from narcissa :

hi, not so often but once in a while... thanks for leaving your kind note. It feels like everything is so muddled lately, so that's nice to hear.

from raven72d :

Glad you could get in. Always glad to have you along.

from troilus :

You can reach me at ivandeloire at gmail dot com - I look forward to reading, and regards from Brussels.

from raven72d :

Do send an email contact where I can send you a p/w. I'm always glad to have old readers along.

from raven72d :

Certainly! I'd love to have you aboard!

from elusive-you :

oh, i am good — sometimes i will be away for a while and sometimes i will write every day. i never really know which :)

from elusive-you :

what a kind note you left me - sometimes i feel very self-award, but at other times, i feel so completely blank and confused. i hope you’re doing well. i’ll be reading.

from raven72d :

Expect an e-mail...

from raven72d :

Who is/was Astuzia?

from raven72d :

I have a tendency to romantic gestures of my own, so I can't fault you on leaving her a note...

from raven72d :

What's happening at Oxford?

from raven72d :

Everyone calls me M. Though I style myself Eduardo de Guzman-- "my Japanese name", I tell people. Just call me M. No one ever gets my real first name right.

from raven72d :

I hope you'll do a mirror journal from GJ to LJ so I can follow along if you begin writing again...

from raven72d :

She sounds lovely... Good luck with her...! And keep me posted on life at All Souls...

from troilus :

She's from my hometown in Canada, wears glasses, thin, intelligent, articulate...seems to have an almost gentle but restless nature and has the most beautiful, almost crystalline eyes...and yet, for some reason I'm left wordless, unable to begin. I will get to the book as soon as I can!

from raven72d :

Tell me more about the Canadian... And read the essay in Alex Kerr's "Lost Japan" about how he discovered China as well as Japan...

from raven72d :

What kinds of instruction have you been getting in Mandarin? How is language teaching structured there?

from raven72d :

How is All Souls? What's been happening?

from raven72d :

Good luck at All Souls! The only advice is...hmmm... remember that they're likely to value breadth of knowledge somewhat more than depth. I'll look forward to hearing from you.

from raven72d :

How are things at Oxford?

from raven72d :

I'll look forward to e-mail.

from raven72d :

We did make service. Got 'em in Valletta and in their secret lair in Athens as well. E-mail... use my name here and send it to yahoo dot com...

from raven72d :

Actually, "cohere into a hole" has its own charms when writing about memory... But why have you lost the belief that there are things worth writing about? Your older entries were always intriguing. But-- tell me about Malta and Oxford and Cathay... The invitation to exchange e-mails is there, of course.

from raven72d :

You should begin to update again...

from raven72d :

Malta? Hah! I spent a while in April trying to get a maritime contracts suit served on a shipping company in Malta... Sino-American relations? What period? Do tell me more about your academic background...and interests. E-mail me sometime.

from troilus :

Not so much excitment, drama or adventure: I've been working in M*lta's equivalent of the State Department for the past few years...but in December I went to Oxford to visit a friend, and...felt jealous (it doesn't take much to make me jealous...) I applied, waited, waited and...was lucky. So now instead of writing a doctoral dissertation on a topic in 20th century U.S foreign policy, I'll probably end up writing about Sino-American relations. A total non-sequitur: how do you deal with the idea of your own mediocrity? (to be clear, I am not referring to 'your own' in the personal sense...)

from raven72d :

New books, new interests, same locale... And you-- how did you get into the Oxford program? What's been happening in your life?

from raven72d :

Passwording the diary... Useless moralizing scum were attacking me through my posts.

from raven72d :

un/pw = raven72d/capybara. I've only tried once or twice to drive on the left hand. My advice-- avoid it. You have to re-program yourself about ways to look going out into traffic, and it's a good way to get killed. As for snobbery--- I think you'll find less of it than you suspect. Just focus on establishing yourself as a scholar and be...receptive to friends. A lot of what seems like snobbery is just insularity--- people who've known each other forever and are familiar with the local customs. I'm far more Japan than China, but do tell me all about your program...

from raven72d :

Will you be writing here at all?

from raven72d :

Sterne-- "Sentimental Journey": oh yes.

from raven72d :

Are you still an expat?

from raven72d :

I recall long ago when the term "neo-conservative" first appeared in the popular press, when someone (Esquire?) did a chart of key beliefs and thinkers, when Commentary was still the heartland of neo-con beliefs. This was long ago, in the days when there was still a well-armed USSR and a threat from Leninism, long, long before the Iraq war. I remember reading about the iea of "neo-conservatism" in those days and thinking, Well, cool-- liberal social programs at home, a hard-line foreign policy abroad. The meaning of the word has changed over the last twenty years, but I did rather like it in those early days.

from raven72d :

Don't be lax about anti-Manx measures. The Manx spent decades persecuting poor Wm. Bligh. Ever since reading Lovecraft's "The Shadow Over Innsmouth", I've known that the Mnx are hideous batrachian creatures who have crawled up from the depths. [Everything you need to know about life can be found-- with application of the proper hermeneutical techniques --in the works of H.P. Lovecraft] What are your plans for Oxbridge? Or for elsewhere?

from raven72d :

Where are you writing these days? And-- as someone with a doctorate in things Habsburg, one never says "Austria-Hungary", which was never the official name. Habsburg Monarchy, Dual Monarchy, but never "Austro-Hungarian".

from raven72d :

King's College, Cambridge or Magdalen at Oxford for tradition...Trinity Hall at Cambridge for the arcana value. And you're...trapped on the Isle of Wight? Beware the depredations of the vile, batrachian Manx!

from metonym :

Hey - sorry for the lag time - I guess you'd say I'm closer to deciding insofar as I definitely won't be here next year. I know all of my feelings of guilt have to do with not finishing something that I've invested a lot of time and effort in. Like, I really respected PhDs before I started this, and now I respect them more because I know how much goes into it. It's something I'd like to achieve. I've been told since I was a kid that quitting isn't cool. I wonder if I would have been better off if I'd studied something I care about more - like, if I were studying Proust. Because I might just love that enough to do it no matter what. But who knows. I've also sort of learned that I had, in the past, a highly romanticized idea of what is possible in academia - I thought there would be more room for individual expression, basically. That as much as anything else is what's disillusioning me.

from sea-change- :

Hey - yeah, my trip right now is fluid as far as where to go in Sweden goes, but I'm only traveling on my own for a week or so, so jaunting down to the south of Europe for a few days is not very tenable. But thanks for the invitation & the next time I'm in the general area, I'll try to work Malta in - I do have a yen to see the place.

from luciangrey :

Sad, to have happened over your diary as you are receeding. A note then, should you ever return - I found you in passing and I had to stay awhile. I read through your words and found something worth the while. Thank you for that.

from sea-change- :

Feel free to debate, but I really think that most gender arguments of that type are doomed to go nowhere. Maybe there are genetic differences between women and men. Maybe there aren't. Either way, we wouldn't know. Whatever genetic divergences there are have been totally overwhelmed by institutionalized cultural distinctions and at present, and I think for a long while, there isn't very much likelihood of getting at them at all. I guess what I am saying here is that I think that, when it comes to people, culture can trump genetics.

from sea-change- :

Also - by alone - I already said that I like having company. But, undoubtedly, one of the reasons why I love climbing high and far is because the population of the mountains slowly thins until you have miles and miles and miles all to yourself, and go for hours without seeing another human being. And then the trickle of people heading up and down the trail is sort of welcome. Anyhoo, I'm pretty loopy in general. I'm absentminded, forgetful, and frequently silly. I tell myself this makes me seem more "human," and thus more likable.

from sea-change- :

I've read the Symposium and the Republic. Sort of the standard intro works. Being able to overlook suffering (for the cause of beauty & love of nature) is pretty much step #1 to being a good backpacker, so you're on the way. Altitude sickness, however, is not to be laughed at. Most people who get sick find out by the time they hit 10,000 feet - and if you are prone to it, climbing very high just isn't an option. It's unpleasant and potentially very dangerous. I went packing with a friend once who had never been at altitude before...three days into the backcountry, we hit 11,000 feet and she was half-delirious until we could get out, another 3 days and 30 miles of hiking. It tends to be genetic - her parents are both altitude sensitive (although her brother isn't). It's worth finding out how you feel before you're stuck in the middle of nowhere.

from sea-change- :

PS: I just checked & Kilimanjaro is about 20,000 feet high. If you have never been at altitude before you should find out whether or not you get altitude sickness before buying a plane ticket to Africa.

from sea-change- :

Six months? It would take a maximum of two, including a lot of traveling around and sightseeing. I think that the actual climb, going at a moderate pace, takes a week or less. If/when it happens, and you're interested - well, come. Though if you've never done any mountain climbing before, you should probably think about what you're getting into. I'm used to the exhaustion/dirt/crappy food/thin air/etc....my reason d'etre is I love backpacking. Nothing in the world makes me happier. And, yes, I am reasonably often jubilant. I giggle a lot. As for Jude - I have to admit, there are a lot of things that are much higher on my list. The next 5 books I read are already pretty set in stone & who knows how long it will take me to get through them.

from sea-change- :

1. No particular date; just that I should work to make it happen as soon as possible. Maybe in a year, maybe in five years. We'll see. 2. That would be a pretty disingenuous way to solicit a companion, wouldn't it? Though, in fact, yes, I do prefer having company when I am in the middle of nowhere. 3. Between Italian and French I prefer French, but that's because I don't speak Italian. 4. The only book by Thomas Hardy I have ever read was Tess of the D'Urbervilles. I read it in high school, it filled me with anguish, and I have not picked up another book of his since.

from sea-change- :

What do I infer? Nothing, I'm just making dire prognostications. I think that disarmament is wonderful & wish it were possible. I know that it isn't, however, unless everybody does it, and that is never going to happen. At least, not in any world I know. That being the case...well, if I were a vulnerable country, I'd want my own nukes and I think it's mighty hypocritical of the US (or any other known nuclear power) to try and stop it. Get the beam out of your own eye first, hmm? In short, I am expressing the fatalistic view that at some point in time, bad things are going to happen and there is no way to stop it.

from sea-change- :

Auster doesn't need to say anything. He wrote a book that said things. And you can infer things from the book. I'm not saying that he wrote about characters who have certain flaws, etc. I'm saying that the author is only capable of writing about women in a certain way, and it's offensive. And, actually, he's not portraying them as nymphomaniacs. I think the fact that you'd assume that's what's going on is more or less the evidence that he's not really succeeding in portraying women in a realistic fashion. Auster is supposed to be one of the best living American novelists. He thinks he's writing literature. But he cannot write women. Of course there are people who devote most of their energy to sex & of course there are people who have few if any other redeeming qualities. I don't have anything against sexuality...or licentiousness, or writing a lot about sex in books, or casual sex, or whatever. I have a problem with mysogyny.

from sea-change- :

oh wait - you said suffering from nymphomania - sorry. I should read more carefully. His plot devices belong in bad pornography, not pseudo-literature. At what point do you think it's fair to say that somebody who can only portray women in a hateful manner is himself a mysogynist? Because I guess I think that there's a direct correlation.

from sea-change- :

Maybe I should explain myself better but - my point is that Auster is such a woman-hater that his depictions of women and their behavior are highly skewed/irrational/unbelievable as a result. Women appear in his books to do two things: burst into tears and/or make sexual advances on the protagonists. Unless he is trying to give the reader the imrpession that he, the author, has no ability to write about women or respect them, the problem is that he, the author, is a woman-hater. Plus...'suffering women' - where did you get the idea that vampire lady or college co-ed girl are 'suffering'? I assure you, Auster gives no hint that he agrees.

from cream :

Although by your latest entry it doens't seem like you are in the happiest place in life, may I take this opportunity to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a very prosperous New Year. I hope that 2005 proves to be a wonderful year and theat you manage to achieve all that you deserve and a lot more than that! Best Wishes, take care - Giselle xx

from jonnybox :

Heh...you're right..only moral superiority confers moral superiority on oneself. That's a lot of bad luck you've been having there. I hope it all works out as best as it can.

from jonnybox :

Funny. Seriously though, I'm interested to know what deficiency you have. I've looked very young myself, for a long time. It is likely to be at least partly inherited and party other causes, but I've never had any one thing pin pointed and I was wondering how you found out about yours. I don't read the Independent or Guardian and I do have reasons behind my views. Your critique of Minderella didn't seem to have any substance at all, so forgive me for not seeing your points.

from jonnybox :

Actually I would prefer that you pick apart my statements rather than my typos, so I can actually understand your argument.

from shimmerydew :

Troilus, grazie del tuo messaggio. I'm longing for your words. You see, I can recognise beauty in language, too, but not produce it. How comes you blessed writers give us so much suffering, keeping us waiting eternally for new entries? Some people may be able to survive without beauty. I know I'm not.

from cream :

thanks for the guestbook message. that was sweet. it's sitll baffling how intrigued and compelled people tend to get by my surname (i don't mean this in any dispariging(sp?) way), but the thought was sweet.

from shimmerydew :

troilus, come stai? tutto bene? fatti vivo, le tue parole mi mancano tanto tanto...

from una-sorella :

will i see you when i move to florence in the fall? i know we won't be right next door to each other, but it might be interesting to say hello in person. also, please PLEASE give me titles of good books in italian - my lingua is so rusty and i need to brush up before i leave il 4 settembre. grazie, amico.

from luce-hikari :

ciao troilus, ho letto il messaggio, sei sicuro che sia destinato a me? Comunque grazie per aver letto il mio diario allora, ho provato a leggere qualche pagina del tuo e ho visto il margine di differenza (dire abissale è poco) fra il tuo modo di scrivere (ti ho trovato poetico e anche un po' arcano... in senso buono) e il mio (infantile). Non ho capito bene questa frase che mi hai scritto ("Il pensiero che lei vivi a Rome mi viene dalle tue parole")... lei chi? intendevi me forse? Diamoci del tu allora!

from cream :

Yes I know. But I didn't want an opposite of 'presente'. Actually I wasn't too keen on the word 'presente' I wanted something different (but with that meaning). I wasn't successful in my vocabulary search

from una-sorella :

ciao, il mio amico. who are you? your email was puzzling and i am intrigued. when i am in italia (oh! joy!) perhaps we can meet? (yes i know where malta is.) arrivederci.

from bowie-firey :

Came across your diary, neat stuff! Yes franz schubert is the man! I see you like the more of the 20th cent. music, thats cool! Well just wanted to say hi!

from kohl-cass :

I feel like I've stumbled on hidden treasure. It happened by accident, I promise! Still, I have one thing to say namely: SO! You use the "May flights of angels..." line on every girl you meet?! Lots of love, from your old friend

from kohl-cass :

from metaballo :

I'm not surprised that you refrained from responding to my preceding note; it was unabashedly pretentious, even for me. It should have been written, in regard to your question, as follows: "No, I can't say that I have. Why's that?" *Really, I'm genuinely interested in your answer.

from una-sorella :

grazie troilus. il mio italiao � molto pi� bene questo anno perch� io andr� in italia il prossimo anno per studiare, e io lo so che devo practicare. di dov'�? io sono di milwaukee, wisconsin, negli stati uniti, ma mi piace le lingue straniere. � molto difficile di aspettare per 8 mesi, perch� io non sar� a firenze da settembre. grazie per suo pensiero. si vuole, me manda un email allo [email protected]. ciao!

from absinthesigh :

Dearest troilus, Thank you for the sweet note! I have been reading others journals the past few days and am in awe, inspired and feeling a bit tongue-tied and shy. I love your writing and hope we can become dear friends. with love, ophelia.

from metaballo :

Please forgive my tardy reply to the note that you left I know not when, for I have been away from my computer for the past few days. As for your question concerning whether I have written about the Holocaust, I must confess that I do not understand the nature of your inquiry. From a literal standpoint, I most certainly have not; figuratively speaking, <i>perhaps</i> inadvertently. <P> (I hope that you shall not be repelled by the manner in which this note has been written; it seems pretentious, and, indeed, it is, yet, for some curious reason, this particular style feels most natural to me at the present moment. I am, in a sense, revolting against the minimalistic vernacular in which I have been indulging as of late, as I am wont, at times, to do.)

from thd :

yes, I've seen THE SWEET HEREAFTER - and not a few other Egoyan films:)

from treekisser :

greetings, honored to have charmed a stranger. i was favorably impressed with the entries that i read. i shall look into your diary often, "but i love your feet only because they walked upon wind, upon water upon earth and clay they walked the earth until they found me" pablo neruda (<- what i've thought of today)

from treekisser :

from cream :

Is that an invitation?

from cream :

I haven't watched it in ages becasue the last time I saw it on they were getting re-runs. At this point in time I'm not home enough to make time for TV. I found a 'Sex and the City' online test and I actually resulted as Miranda but... I don't know. I don't look at all like her, that's for sure. And I have better dress sense *grin*

from celtika :

Hi...am I wrong or did I sense a hint of sexism in your note? Have u read the Trial...that's a very good read. As for Kundera...The Unbearable Lightness of Being and The Book of Laughter and Forgetting are by far my all-time favourites, in that order. What do u think about them?

from celtika :

Heya!! Thanks for your messages...Well, in answer to some questions u asked....Yes, I am a fan of Kafka, I dance, etc, etc. Why would I write it in my profile if it didn;t match my description? :o) Well, and for that OTHER thing....yeah, if living on this patch of rock makes me qualify as Maltese, then, alas, so be it....but then again what's in a name? :o)

from raisintoes :

I am glad that you are indeed formed in the "...smithy of your own imagination..." or some such stated by Throcky. It would have been too aggravating, and too heart-wrenching, I'm sure, to find You were not Your Own.

from raisintoes :

hey, pie, is any of this your own? or is it all random quotes, like the cute 'hobgoblin' bit?

from robskeen :

Dear sir and avatar of excellence on this site, I do sing. Observant rapscallion.

from raisintoes :

I should first say to look again at the structure, with particular reference to 'winningly, winningly' I'll riddle you nothing, for there are no riddles (only toothsome puns). can you be so sure that I have a life? and the point is A life, as obviously, I have MY life.

from raisintoes :

constable R, eh? A? will you shout 'piggy' when I am in the vicinity? no, indeed. I do not follow the hills and mountains speech: do imply that I raise myself somewhat, only to drop perilously close to hell? if so, though you are not the first to make this witticism, I am most grievously humbled.

from defect :

yes. no.

from mandieolivia :

i can't really say that i have yet to arrive at this confidence that you speak of. i am just a firm believer that if you are going to believe, believe boldy! if you are going to love, love deeply and truly! if you are going to think, think in a manner that can also empathize (without abandoning logic in the meantime). this is what i strive for. it is all i know...

from painterjane :

and amadeus is one of my very favourite films. especially the last scene.

from painterjane :

thank you. *grin*. i like nabokov too.

from amelindasue :

it is an obscure line from the first movie "Sabrina," starring Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart. The "Suddenly you're afraid..." Line is from Breakfast at Tiffanys. These are both high quality films which I wholeheartedly encourage rental of. I enjoy your diary. Your writing style is quite unique

from wittgenstein :

re: the poker incident: that would depend on whether there exist non-material souls, and if mine was angry.

from mechaieh :

Un petit mot `a la h^ate pour te dire que votre note me rend heureuse. Merci beaucoup!

from singingcynic :

don't let the sadness overwhelm you, t, i can't offer you advice i can't fix everything i can't bring her to you whoever she may be but i can send you love love love love love love love hope hope and love

from thd :

I finally have access to decent computer connexion - tried to email at [email protected] - it bounced back. Will try to write tomorrow.

from singingcynic :

you've written! oh, wonderful. i was concerned that i'd hear nothing from you until after your vision quest. indeed, you are no macduff - i always see you as more of a traditional romeo or melancholy dane. glad that you've rediscovered your muse. i hope you keep it, and remember: "there is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so." adieu.

from cream :

Why? May I ask, do you list Malta as your country? You don't live here. Are your parents Maltese?

from cream :

Why? May I ask do you list Malta as your country? You don't live here. Are your parents Maltese?

from singingcynic :

Je m'en allais, les poings dans mes poches crev�es ; Mon paletot aussi devenait id�al ; J'allais sous le ciel, Muse ! et j'�tais ton f�al ; Oh ! l� l� ! que d'amours splendides j'ai r�v�es ! Mon unique culotte avait un large trou. � Petit-Poucet r�veur, j'�grenais dans ma course Des rimes. Mon auberge �tait � la Grande Ourse. � Mes �toiles au ciel avaient un doux frou-frou. Et je les �coutais, assis au bord des routes, Ces bons soirs de septembre o� je sentais des gouttes De ros�e � mon front, comme un vin de vigeur ; O�, rimant au milieu des ombres fantastiques, Comme des lyres, je tirais des �lastiques De mes souliers bless�s, un pied pr�s de mon c�ur ! Arthur Rimbaud

from singingcynic :

if i fall in love with your words, does that mean i know you?

from mandieolivia :

it is said that what got socrates through the oracle at delphi is that he admitted that the only thing he knew is that he did not know...and you seem to realise this yourself...maybe i could be of service...look me up if you'd like...

from emilybronte :

I know my 'community' may sound rather utopian, but I believe that if you aim low, you achieve below that, and if you aim high, you at least achieve something better thatn what you already have. My life is so humdrum these days, that I have to dream.

from emilybronte :

Yes, I've read 'Enduring Love', and I do think it's wonderful. Have you read 'A Child in Time'? - good, but not comparable to 'Amsterdam', in my opinion. Good to hear of somone else who has actually heard of him!

from cream :

I personally didn't see any cauliflower coming out of any noses, but had I done so, then one would recognise me as the person attached to people's noses, since cauliflower is one of my favourite vegetables!

from riatsala :

ah, but which stooge?

from onechopstk :

if i knew you, i'd probably love you. your taste can accomodate my pallate. -D. p.s. feel free to leave me a note. i'm e c s t a t i c when i find interesting people! :)

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