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Your writing is amazing. I've added you to my favorites folder. I can relate to your latest entry more than anyone who knows me would believe. Take care, hope you have a good afternoon!

from starrhorror :

god its so pathetic going through so many ups and downs.. especially all those fucking downs. i hope everything is going well for you. i really hope so.

from elysium1982 :

i would love to go dancing with you one night, giddy off of cheap drinks and show you what a fantastic person you are. and remembe: i bet im not the only person who thinks that...

from eatn :

I would love to! :) Yes, let's. I'm an especial basket case lately. Goddamn spring. At least it will bring the rain. [email protected]

from understood :

I am happy for you. I am proud of you. You are learning. Excellent. Keep it up.

from understood :

I believe you when you say you feel that you have no other choice. But I'm guessing you know this is not true. Think about ways to get through this. If you can't think of anything, I can list some things for you. Going to the bar and writing depressive thoughts while drunk won't help you. The alcohol, being a depressant, creates a fake temporary fix, while it exacerbates a long-term problem. You know this. Be smart. Life is not worth any bit of self-destruction. Take a step back and think about it. Smile more, laugh more, go outside and get some fresh air, talk to random strangers, take a drive, go to the mall and put "kick me" signs on peoples' backs. Do something. Occupy your mind with activity instead of cycling depressive thoughts. Don't relate your happiness with your dealings with other people. Get to know yourself. If there are things about yourself you don't like, find a way to change them. Find a way to be happy in your own mind.

from elysium1982 :

my dear: no one should determine your SELF-worth but you. not him, not "them", not anyone but you. rethink, relax, and realize how much you have to live for.

from eatn :

I've been writing a ton, but not posting anything on here. So I just finally put two big emotional outbursts of entries. Means so much that one hit. So much. I hope that you're okay, kiddo. It's getting warmer outside...the nights are getting shorter...hang in there?

from eatn :

Hey, do you want to exhibit your photography? There is a really rad gallery opening up and...

from elysium1982 :

something was wrong with her bladder so they went in and set everything right. it will take about 2 weeks before she can lift anything or go back to work but shes doing fine. thanks for the kind words of concern, i appreciate it. xoxoxoxo

from starrhorror :

hey, i really hope you're feeling better. if anytime you're on please IM.. i give really crappy advice and say really retarded things but.. i guarantee a smile. elida

from sunnysusan12 :

I'm sorry your heart is breaking, hon. *snugs* Let me know if I can help at all.

from elysium1982 :

xoxoxoxoxoxo

from eatn :

Oh, and I saw those fireworks too. I'm sorry your night was so shitty. I was thinking that this year has to be better than the last few, but that kind of thinking only kicks my ass so I decided to attempt to sleep through the thing and not examine how happy and hopeful I was supposed to be feeling. Hang in there kid. And say hi next time. I'm worried about YOU.

from eatn :

Yes, I was going to write you!! I love that little girl who told you that was me (and it was me) and the fact that you were there just blew my mind. I think I could say more in an entry and I'll write one to you very soon. You can write nothing in a note here and it looks like pages.

from understood :

I've read some of your entries, and I'll be honest, sometimes it's painfull just to read. I can relate (on some level) to what you're going through. The only way I dealt with it was to think positive, try to laugh at life, and to socialize more. But what works for me doenst work for everybody, I'm guessing you have some different psychological problems than I do. So I hope it's enough to simply tell you that I appreciate the comments you occasionally leave me and I hope that you are able to overcome your internal struggle. Feel free to IM me anytime.

from starrhorror :

have a nice christmas.

from sunnysusan12 :

Thanks for the note, hon. Just wondering which entry you were saying wow too! LOL

from starrhorror :

i know that it takes time to figure out what you want in life, what you want to do, who you want to be, who you are? i know that everything i am going through will eventually fade away and it'll just be a bad memory but, im dealing with it now and sometimes it is just too hard to handle and the person who i love more than anything isnt here to help me go through it.. probably because he is the cause of everything i am goign through. and i know that even though i wont completely get over it.. i'll learn to deal with it and go on. i know this but, i still dont understand. you know, i know you went through something similar and i dont think i told you but, thank you because i know that you dealt with it and even though things are still a bit difficult... you're still around. elida

from eatn :

oh no, I always write out the scariest parts! Don't worry! It's an outlet. I'm okay, you're very wonderful. :) Thanks!!

from elysium1982 :

thank you, THANK YOU for the comments, the notes, and the smile you gave me. flattery will get you everywhere. ;)

from thewayirock :

I didn't used to cut, but I used to scratch. Taking point objects, or even my fingernails and scratching at my skin until I made small round open wounds all over my body. I can't even begin to guess the number of scars I have from it. I pass it off as "oh I used to have bad acne when I was young". Then one day I just stopped. I hope your day comes soon.

from elysium1982 :

i cant wait either. ;)

from jellobuzz :

Ha ha haaaaaaaa! I was just reading my old notes from you (since you are the only one who even reads my diary to be leaving me notes..anyways..)from way back in the day and I laughed really loud. I'm at work and everyone was looking at me like, "What the fuck?" One of the notes you left said something like, "If we went back to Africa do you think they would let us in?" Too funny!

from jellobuzz :

Please do! I was actually going to ask you if you would design one for me b/c this template I have now is just ugly.

from jellobuzz :

Hey remember me??? Oh ho ho ho I bet you do. I'm actually thinking about having a diary again. Just b/c I have nothing else to do at my job and I have internet access. So don't forget about me. Add me to your buddy list or else...........Well...or else nothing b/c you'll still be my friend regardless, but whatever you should do it anyways b/c you love me!

from eatn :

I like suicide weather. I hate being sick in whatever way and having the sky stained blue and the sun streaming happily onto softly whispering leaves. It's like the world is laughing at you, making you feel that much more isolated and alone. Now, when it's all cloudy and dark and rainy and you're feeling sick, THEN it's kind of comforting. The world bows its head until you feel better. Reverence or something. And i'm dramatic and dark, so I like suicide weather. Just don't let it live up to its name. Need to keep some beauty here because it can be a really fucking ugly world.

from eatn :

If I wrote a book, you'd be one of the people I'd thank, and also included in whatever dramatic metaphor I use in the non-specific dedication. :)

from eatn :

Feeling murderous on a neverending day is really exhausting, but I'm sure that you know. Thanks my dear.

from barely-jeri :

I hope the dr appt goes well. You're in my thoughts honey.

from barely-jeri :

(((((((gigantic bear hug))))))))) those are so painful to go through, I really hope you didn't have one. I hope you're ok.

from eatn :

You're too sweet--don't worry, I'll be fine. It just gets old. I have epilepsy--I used to be really secretive of it, but now the world knows, so I'll just throw it out there. I'm too proud to have no control over my stupid body in such an explict way. But you're so sweet for giving a shit. :) emoticon!

from eatn :

Darlin', i don't think i can tell you thank you enough. but love right now--it's all that I'm thinking, dreaming, hearing about. I don't know how to put it into words yet. There are too many.

from eatn :

Love? Have I written about that before? I will try again, but that has a lot to do with pain. I'm such a downer. Damn.

from brixen :

Hope all is well.

from knife-fight :

Holy carp, thank you!

from eatn :

Thank you so much for your note. So incrediby much. I'm talking to you at the end of my next entry because it would be too long to write here. I can never find the right words to directly say in response.

from elysium1982 :

your last entry was amazing, as they all are really, but it really took my breath away. i hope all is well...

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