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ravengreen : |
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Lovely to see you back. You were much missed! Hope your doing well.
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explodingboy : |
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sounds nice sullengirl. Just like heaven.
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trapidi : |
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doesn't it stink that i m so darn polite and sign every1s dirys that i go 2 even when they bore me half to death!
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heartshaped : |
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thank you doll.
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lederhoser : |
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Thanks for the cookies.
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shamsi9 : |
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drugs ar evil. i just went vegan hopefully for good. i only eat meat when i am starving and drunk and there's nothing else. but that's a copout cause if i can avoid bread brushed with egg to make it shine, i should be able to find something else besides meat to eat....
i cook meat though, still. and i don't mind. because i like to cook and some people i cook for like meat. the only hard thing is not being able to taste what i;ve made.
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shamsi9 : |
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try welbutrin.i'm horny as a shithouse rat all the livelong.
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shamsi9 : |
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paxil had me on a roof with serious thoughts of jumping. i started sleeping in the bathtub and not answering the phone or the door.
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shamsi9 : |
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you are such a cool writer
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wonderchai : |
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maybe not all the time. I'd rather you cried and threw stuff because of something I said then tuck it away under meds and a showering psychiatrist... ;) ...and you are something. like a baby bird in my hand tiny and warm and breathing so softly you aren't sure it is still alive but oh how you want it to be. yes. something.
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shamsi9 : |
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wonder why he decreased your meds. maybe b/c the light is changing...
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heartshaped : |
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go see her. i can't give better advice than that. <3
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shamsi9 : |
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i took it too, yay! (i know i get super-sentimental when drunken, but sometimes you freak me out)
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shamsi9 : |
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can't read the whole entry. i am already cryong. babe, i love you. if you were anyone i would love you--it's the fragility/tenacity of your SPIRIT that attracts, not your accomplishments---i've never even met you adn i feel this way...feel this way about yourself, how i feel about you for five minutes.
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shamsi9 : |
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you are stylin. i would love to know how to use a sewing machine. i have to do everything by hand...PLUS you fixed the thing yrself! you are such a rockstar.
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shamsi9 : |
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i think a b/f like yours would make me considerably happier
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shamsi9 : |
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i believe in you. and i love you.
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shamsi9 : |
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i know how you feel. seriously. all i can do is pray not to obsess...
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shamsi9 : |
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YAY!
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ravengreen : |
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I'm so glad you have not closed this diary. I believe your writing has a since of vulnerablity mixed with hope in the light of darkness, and I find this very refreshing.
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manicmondays : |
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I think I get it.
I think we would get along well.
Thank you for writing such honest words.
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splash-girl : |
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I should have written a note for you the second you left one for me. Your writing is truly beautiful and so are you. People do change and they do grow. My hope for you is that you find a passion--something to give you the ambition that makes life so worthwhile. You are too brilliant and have too much to aspire to to give in to depression. You have helped me to realize that I am too. Please do not think that your diary is a waste. I live to write and I write to live. I am only fifteen and probably depressed but I believe in what the world has to offer. I am going to hold on to that belief with all of my life and I hope that, if you have lost it, you will find it again. I hope that you find your warm place.
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shamsi9 : |
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you keep on talking about how worried you are about the real world....i think you will rock at the "real" world...it's so much easier than school...seriously.
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shamsi9 : |
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babe, if it comes to it, call a hotline and tell them to direc tyou to finding a psychiatrist. do not pull drama queen antics you'll regret later. this is a soon-to-be 29 yr old who's been committed thrice talking...and by the by, you will have a great career and home and life when you get out of school--be here now. i know you can do it.
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shamsi9 : |
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i care and i think you owe it to yourself to explore treatment options. it could be you need a better therapist/mental healthcare person...could be you need drugs or both. i just want you to be happy. thought of you the other night walking to my friends house in the freezing cold looking at the moonlight on the snow.
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shamsi9 : |
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good times and great oldies.
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heartshaped : |
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<3
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raven72d : |
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You write such lovely things...
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shamsi9 : |
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beautiful.
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heartshaped : |
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this is beautiful. as is hardly dot dland. i'll be back, girl. <3
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shamsi9 : |
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i like the lilli taylors and janeane garafolos of the world. but i respect your love of flagrant hotties. glad you're feeling good about your hot hot ass.
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shamsi9 : |
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you are doing good. sorry about the boyfriend limitations and bloating.
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mangoprawns : |
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thanks warmplace - and yes - shades of busy old fool, unruly sun - my dream is to workn in a bookstore - and yes - while having nervous breakdown is an experience to be sure - having one in public - is something else altogether - but nothing compared to going back into "normal" life - and i'll continue to peek into your life - from time to time - because i like to be reminded that "normal" and "screwed up" are very subjective words - peace - mango
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giallothang : |
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The guestbook won't let me update again so soon. I just wanted to say that this line right here: "to clothe me with new flesh" was inspiring. Keep writing.
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shamsi9 : |
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my brother once told someone "shamsi is scared when she's by herself in her house with the door locked, taking a shit." it's pretty true. i'm somewhat better now i'm medicated, but i am socially panic-oriented. too much loss and rejection early on and an introvert by nature...glad to hear you doing better and the boy sounds good.
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shamsi9 : |
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well, that sounds like a good life.
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shamsi9 : |
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you sound better. that makes me feel better
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somandy : |
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wow, i admire you to write so much truth.
I would love to do that with my diary but am afraid of ppl's reactions.
Keep it up :)
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shamsi9 : |
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i'm infinitely dirtier than you will ever be, so don't worry. look at it like yr finding yr feet/path/whatever...don't be down on yourself...that's my irrelevant nice comment
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solarlab : |
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i love it here.
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shamsi9 : |
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yeah...i feel jealous into the past often. like "how could you have been with all those other girls when we were gonna meet someday?"
you sound better today. love you.
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shamsi9 : |
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baby. wish you were here. you need a warm bath and a clean robe and to sit in my lap and eat stuff i cook you. i'm very good with kids with eating issues, i went to all girl's boarding school-heh.
the main thing you need to do now is pay attention to what you are telling yourself and don't get caught up in the drama of pain. direct your intention toward health and life and happiness and relentlessly tell yourself that you can do it. i love you and i am in your corner. please do not harm yourself, it's never worth it.
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shamsi9 : |
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lovely. i am wary wary happy fer ya
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nolimits : |
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hehe. thank you! you deserve to be happy. im glad that you finally have a sweet somebody to take care of you and to love. much happiness to you in the future. a million hugz to you darling!! and username is -secret- pw is -donttell- okay? okay. much love. Jo
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shamsi9 : |
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you'll get through it. i can't believer you've had an 8 day period though, that does concern me.
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shamsi9 : |
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i love you
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shamsi9 : |
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thinking your body is digusting *is* a kind of shame...you gotta love yourself. it's trite and simplistic and i hope it doesn't sound patronizing, but that's the only thing that gets me by--knowing i fucking rock. i know you know that you do too, deep down.
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shamsi9 : |
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so lovely. the words, the tone, the presentation...let yourself be happy to have him! breathe it in! it's ok to burst into tears--where is it written that being "reasonable" is a virtue? do you think donne thought it was? do you?
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talnted : |
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I've been reading your diary for awhile now. It's pretty honest but i guess it's easy to be when you're anonymous. I felt like the voyeur i must be, reading it after a friend got me onto it. In some way, it's reassuring reading other people's diaries and realising that everything sucks, not just my own life. Take care.
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stats01 : |
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thanks for leaving the nice note at diaryreviews. i'm brandi, by the way! :) anyhow, just wanted to say thank you to you.
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ladyjanie : |
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Thank you for the kind comments in my gbook! I tried to sign yours, but it wouldn't let me, so I left a note here. I lurked through your journal and I am intrigued... I shall continue to lurk... Excelsior!
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nitewender : |
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I just noticed you like some seriously good music. So I'm leaving you a note :)
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