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"what do you think of when you see the sun?" "i see a farmer in russia, and he's driving a tractor in a wheat field, but the sunlight's gone bad on him, like the fadedness of a black-and-white picure in an old life magazine. And another strange phenomenon has happened too: rather than sunbeams the sun has begun to project the odor of old magazines instead, the crops are dying. The wheat is thinning as we speak. He's slumped overthe wheel of his tractor and he's crying. His wheat are dying of history poisoning." well i love ya too.

from taketaketake :

i'm here, but somethings here from somewhere else.

from taketaketake :

you'll grow up and out of the ground. i am not a false friend, i am not a false friend. i thought i had found something i'd lost, but what happened to substance over substances? i think all of us are kidding ourselves if we're willing to defend the idea that any of us even care. we don't, not really.

from taketaketake :

hello

from taketaketake :

we'll roll right by it and we'll grow fat on the charms of our idle dreary days. i've seen the shadows grow, seen an ominous display, all with no alarm. following close behind you, but i fear i'm nearly twice as slow. do we sing in our sleep? do we sketch out our paths with our eyes darting fast back and forth under our slumbering eyelids? i haven't dreamt in so long, the last one i can remember i was riding a bicycle, wearing baby blue shoes, but the gear on the bike was set to 10 - i peddled so hard, but got nowhere.

from taketaketake :

the bee buzzing as i throw on my night time jacket.. silver spills from the mouth of a dark green bottle and its already 2am. home now with a warm cup of tea and rice on the stove because i'll be up all night all upset over the few words that slipped from your lips and into my ear. christine, well her ear was bleeding at 1130 and she cried when she saw her mama at 4. she told me during the drive home, she tells me everything.

from orgami :

water in a glass the feel of carpet under the heels machine hum qiuet and gently water moving in the pipes boilers in the basement so tired body aching mind electric dream lightening storm winds hissing through tall night grasses rained today but i missed it went to the rez for a cheap cigarette case close my eyes and focus on the hum like a transistor radio turned low frequencies singing between stations the oranges are sweet with tender flesh round and full of promise television shivers silver shadows flash wing of night is above me ..O..

from taketaketake :

secrets and smoke. $2000 limit, like to have as much coke as they do. baby we're leaving, we're gonna take our clothes off. alex. i know this one girl and shes always tryin' to bring me down! stephanie this, stephanie that. i'm no better, i know i know i know. you're right, it is funny to live this way worming our way around like bacteria. its funnier yet to not live this way, it wouldn't be living at all. give that man what hes asking for. juxtaposition

from taketaketake :

reveal, conceal

from taketaketake :

that would be a good moment makes quite a morning cocktail of insecurity, a fallen pancake breakfast for two. it's a new medium pleasure to retake and re shoot only to hold focus before distribution.

from taketaketake :

when you return, it will be lovely. bold yellow light will pour out onto everything that is grey and we'll smoke cigarettes just to pass the time. i've been counting down the days until you arrive. time has its way of making everything alright, its just that theres not enough of it. receiver pressed to my ear:: this is the sound of silence:

from orgami :

cleaned house all day tore out the dirt dust hair and junk from the vacum bag too cheap and stupid to remember the damn things on shopping days in the gleaming supermarket hair mostly clogged in the round rubber of the bag like heartworms in a poisoned dog dust floats on the wind like cremation butterflies scrubbed the toilet and shower straightened up the towels sat down to paint that college girls Faery on that wooden board went out for coffee came home sat down and listened to my tunes on the headphones hunched over my painting paintbrush flickering dabbing here and there like a happy hummingbird finally finished the damn thing varnished it washed my brushes came here and sat down to write what is it we do here writing is the procedure pressing the keyboards if this was a manual it would be clatter clatter ring clunk the bump of the spacer bar my favourite sound the chrome return lever the smell of oil and inked ribbon okay its not writing then and i am not a writer too i feel freer now no longer held in by some kind of disposition a label of sorts tommorrow its back to work at the clinic sanding feet and legs and arms maybe pouring casts dripping wet plaster gauze about a mould dipping the indelible pencil into a water cup and writing carefully words to sort the endless arrival its quiet now seven after two a.m. ..O..

from orgami :

out where the new snow is rusted the rim of sunset lays golden on the falling seconds of night traffic lights spill out their tangerine world of frozen footsteps in day old slush coffee shops breath fresh life in stale directions and Demarcos gleams like a Hopper painting soft and resilent fingertips vivid with emotion and tears that wavering candle i lit still glows somewhere i never forgot the shadow in the comfort of my heart ...O...

from taketaketake :

the language we breathe, the shadows that creep up on us.

from taketaketake :

if i could be doing anything, i'd be doing nothing at all

from taketaketake :

hi alex, i feel foolish.

from taketaketake :

worry is wasteful. all that remains between us is distance because our secrets aren't physical anymore. and oh, the comfortable forts we used to build with cushions and blankets. matching a patched up pair like us, apparently it's a given, given culture and all, we will break things just to call them broken. winter is like a guest who over stays their welcome so i say here comes the sun, here comes the sun.

from taketaketake :

here comes the sun

from taketaketake :

with smoke spilling from the rooftop. you told me of a fever that you caught from the liquid courage.. and you said you could remember that night all too clearly lying on the floor of your parents house with same cooke singing softly to you in the background. how you felt caught between the moon and New York City. alex, we are only just water.

from taketaketake :

maps on the backs of birds carrying me home

from taketaketake :

when sleep is closer than you are and tomorrow is further than i think. when the saxophones coming out of my alarm clock radio resonate with a sort of masterful urgency and my eyes won't open yet. yielded secrets in a garden so sweet, so pale, so lovely. Oslo In The Summertime. sometimes movement can describe things better than words ever could --- to feel so happy that in that moment you could die and it wouldn't even matter. what is your job? what is it that you do?

from taketaketake :

just a memory? just a memory that you can love completely.

from taketaketake :

you're the best diaryland friend i ever had

from taketaketake :

and i never get the words right. i can never seem to correlate my speech to fit the descriptions in my mind'''''and sometimes, when recounting a dream, we smooth over, round off, embellish here and there, so as to raise it at least to the level of plausible realistic absurdity. we make the stranger more sober, the revolver more functional and our own words wittier. suppose i hadn't been watching the clock and i suppose i hadn't wanted to leave so badly. maybe i wouldn't have felt lost in the sound of their words, the consequences of their parting mouthes.

from twidderpated :

Hat. You don't wear hats? Of course you do. We all wear hats.

from taketaketake :

summers in the homeland, summers in the homeland. do you remember when we'd run through the field where the yellow grass would dance to the rhythm of the wind whispering passed? do you remember the ocean speaking and spitting and how your body quivered under the currents? do you remember the fold of darkness after the house had fallen asleep and the soft sibilant sigh of relief we'd both breathe when the light no longer creeped from under mamas door? we used to think the rhythm was gonna get us and that one of us might drown if we waded too far out. we used to think up all sort of things, crazy things. such crazy things. time is always playing tricks on me and it never makes any sense. its got me feeling nauseas and i have a knot in my stomach. i can't go tomorrow, i won't go tomorrow.

from taketaketake :

sleeping in the library, hands holding up heads instead of books. she has become to restless in her old age - her words often slurring. you wouldn't ever have to type another word because i already think you're perfect.

from taketaketake :

i don't even know.

from taketaketake :

soon you will wish you had slowed down.

from taketaketake :

soon you will wish you had slowed down.

from twidderpated :

So it would seem. I see you like to wear that same old hat sometimes. We love what is familiar.

from taketaketake :

the truth is i never undressed. something glamourous about smoke and dancing lights is what i wish i had to say, but it isn't truth. ill absorb those words back into my itchy tongue. my lack of movement made my motives clear to all of those who were there. no traveling words. just some awkward girl with snow in her hair - all i want is for winter to end. nothing more, nothing less. montreal this summer and zagreb next. the rest is just filler for a life more interesting.

from orgami :

break time the crowd dispers to find their company in the slender groups a soft patina of radio plays romance for the Valentinos and their days time on swift wings turns in that sharp angle of breath and that great bird and its olive branch runs its river of flight ..O..

from taketaketake :

my brain and tongue just met and they aren't friends just yet

from taketaketake :

collecting the moments one by one. gathering them like green leaves gather dew drops on cool spring mornings. all this thinking.. well its got me feeling like i've been waiting for summer for most of my life. and i have, i have. highway for miles and miles until we get to montreal - im not sure i'll ever come back once i get there.

from taketaketake :

hes kind of true. truth. the way that can feel when you're dancing. i wish i knew what that meant. i wish it didn't make me so sad. oh! this silly blue screen, oh! his silly hairy hands. stained shades of grey.. its all so embarassing. i don't ever bother to wash my clothes anymore. 1:34am, i am so silly sometimes. watching that caledar as the dry erase marker makes another 'x'. only 7 days until next friday. only 7 days until the day i thought he'd come. why do i ever think these thoughts? these silly, small, inconsequential thoughts? oooh. what a mystery! i lie all the time. i lie all the time. i lie all the time. to him, to her, to him and her. it makes me shake to be honest. i trust you with my words like you're my friend - so no. i won't.

from taketaketake :

i always have a smile when i see your name on my blue screen.

from taketaketake :

waiting on news that never comes

from twidderpated :

Well hello...and where have those tired soles taken you?

from taketaketake :

something had happened in the mess of wiring. something and then nothing. dane told me all about desiree's insatiable whisperings. dane told me all about the things i had missed. her dancing, his laughing, her dancing, his laughing. it carried on like this and they filled their bellies with gingingin and macaroni and cheese. macaroni and cheese, ha, ITS GOTTA BE KD! and when he got home he fell into his bed and dreamed all he ever wanted in. i don't think he dreamed her, though. and yet he is all she has ever needed, but thats just the way these things always go. always. eventually always. "its good you made it out ok" but im really just stuck in there. i fell over myself with happiness when he gave me the good news//good news that someones just gonna break//

from taketaketake :

scattered snow like styrofoam || i could call. i could, i could. and i would. i would.

from taketaketake :

it smells like that, yes.

from taketaketake :

my skin smells like vanilla bean rooibos and rawandan cup of hope

from taketaketake :

it should be known, for the record or for the sake of keeping some sort of record or agenda of all things happening and all things passing, that she has never once admitted to these things. but its something you just know. something you can't see, but you can feel it. yeah it hangs over us and everything. im just as bad. no, no - im worse. well ive counted out the years on my finger tips. ive made a list. and ive set a date. nothing has felt permanent though lately, has it? i prefer it that way. big surprise and eyes growing wide. feels like a guessing game and nothing has helped since youknowwhat youknowwhen. or do you even? oh! the valley. i wonder if shes happy? i wonder if you're happy. "you should act your age" someone, someone who doesn't matter now.

from taketaketake :

i should have you know that if ever i see the xfiles movie case before i go to sleep that sleep is not to be had at all! who leaves these things out for my eyes to see? snow to my knees today, running out to their car, the frost nipping away at my bones. i had forgotten my mittens and he said he would not be going back. well i cashed my cheque, sent it straight up her nose. what a weasel that one is. raspberry lips like the tied knot at the end of a balloon.

from taketaketake :

my body hasn't slept for days. i'm caught in that restless inbetween time. i packed up all my old tapes and now they're gone.

from taketaketake :

my body hasn't slept for days. i'm caught in that restless inbetween time. i packed up all my old tapes and now they're gone.

from taketaketake :

i should have know, shouldn't i? i can't believe the way it just creeps up on me. the way all the jealousy suffocates me. such stupid questions. it didn't actually happen there, i've just been in that place so many times while thinking about it that it feels so natural. thats a funny thought. i feel like i've know you my whole life, like you're my oldest friend. its all just some great big escape. not even close? not even a little bit.

from taketaketake :

more adventurous. here i go, here i go. i am told it rains there all together too often and that everything swells with each spit and spatter from up above. you can visit when you 've nothing better to do - i've always kept extra linens for that very reason. summer time should be all the time. so i'll open another bottle, why the hell not?

from taketaketake :

i've got a plan

from taketaketake :

rib cages inflating like men on the beach being photographed! i should be packing. maybe you should be too. it'll be summer soon. if soon means six months to you then i'm not a liar. but soon means tomorrow to me. a boy once told me he would be painting me a picture. i thought i loved him at that very momen, but i know now that it was never true. i wish that i could take your hand in mine and wipe the moist from under your nose and eyes. but i don't appreciate silence.

from taketaketake :

the moving trucks are coming now. soon i will be on the coast.

from taketaketake :

i think what i miss most is being able to be outside without shoes on and how the sun dappled grass felt as it tickled up inbetween my toes! i used to think i hated the winter, but i love it in the mornings when the sun makes an appearance. popcorn garlands. one year i fashioned a festive pot holder in sewing class - it never gets used.

from taketaketake :

it was something about summer. something about light and grass. something. i had been missing seeing your name on that screen so it was nice when it returned. do you have a christmas time tree? one with ornaments and tinsel and strings of popping corn? i have never understood the concept of putting popcorn on a christmas time tree, but maybe that is just me. i don't have cable television - not even a television really. noise just scatters and sparks until you push something into the vcr. i don't believe in dvds. they've let me down.

from twidderpated :

Hello, Stranger.

from taketaketake :

i had sent you something, but apparently it did not work!

from sailorcosma :

Hey, remember me? I was just reading through my old notes and thought I'd say hello.

from taketaketake :

this is exactly what i said, "oh my. i don't believe i have ever seen a robin" and she went on to tell me all about the birds she took care of. today i feel a little more circle in shape and i have to wear the dress tonight. it is purple and its alive with movement. please do.

from taketaketake :

pen is more permanent, you see. it makes those things come alive. today i bought a pretty party dress that cost me all of six dollars. i'm very happy that you've shared that with me - i've even stuck a bookmark on it. it was nice here today. there was a sun and it was shining and there were no winds to blow snow ito my face. a lady even saw a robin. a robin! a robin in december is unheard of!!

from taketaketake :

well it can't be weathered away, remember that when you're trying to forget. the last time it rained here the curtains did a dance for me as i tried to fall asleep and i haven't heard any drops taptaptapping on my roof since. i made a list of all the people i need to get a gift for this christmas time - the thing about lists, is they usually get lost. "go for a walk, a long one" she had been saying or was saying - i couldn't tell. this all in the middle of my concentrating on her too quickly applied eye makeup. well i did. and later, when she asked, "are you ok?" all i could do was shake my head stifly. no.

from taketaketake :

better raise that voice. when my bus broke down tonight on whyte avenue there were no lights. electricity is a nightmare, don't you agree? oh.oh.oh. whenever i take a shower i feel as though i could sleep under the current.

from taketaketake :

read music / speak spanish

from taketaketake :

well sleep comes in distant shifts for most of us, but maybe not. who am i to say what happens to most of us? no one at all. just under her nose and at the corners of her eyes it is moist and my forehead is crinkling that way it sometimes does when im feeling skeptical. tell me. how did you spend your day? rushing, rumbling, churning.

from taketaketake :

well now i have a headache from staring at this screen. tell me about all the positive things that happend to you today.

from taketaketake :

so i was thinking today, as i sometimes do. oh! this came as quite a shock to me as well because as of late i've been doing a whole lot of nothing. ( did you know my dad sometimes uses his "happy birthday to you" mug for the refuse of his cigarette ashes? how intimidating this little white box is with its flashing curser. ) well, so i was thinking today is what i was saying. but thinking about what? well it doesn't matter now because it all comes back to the same damn thing. now my mouth tastes awful.

from taketaketake :

i dreamt of rice, you know, 3 nights ago. it was delcious - with peas and carrots and all the fixin's.

from taketaketake :

i was on the bus today and there was someone from my year five classroom sitting in the back. i remember making a joke out of the fact that he used his fingers to aid him in counting to ten.

from taketaketake :

quote: Authorization Required

from twidderpated :

Not who...what.

from twidderpated :

You talk about them all the time without anyone knowing otherwise. But what's a broadcasted life to a "cat" like you?

from wasgood :

i'd rather we not talk about those things.

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