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spunkyhottie : |
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hey you live really close to me leave me a note!~Chey~
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todayiamfree : |
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wow is this the part if a novel of something?
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orgami : |
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look back in anger D.Bowie ashes to ashes
hello xmoon-childx eighteen year veteran of life sensitive poet writer soaking up darkness like blotter paper from the old ink well creative scratching by candle light or in this modern world monitor screen
i am Orgami poet dreamer Lover of Lori
soon to marry and I am FOURTY
but at one time long long ago i was eighteen
and there was no internet then to speak of
so all i had were my books to read while the family dissolved about me school to go to where i felt i did not belong (I was a punk rock type when it was not cool when it was still new to be I was one of three in the school students who wore a tie out of fourteen hundred and there was no dress code)
interesting because at that age Yes I thought I was a loser because I had yet to meet other creative sensitive poet types who really are a little more then averaqe of intellect of curiousty the spark burns bright in some
and only now after getting on Diaryland and meeting more and more people and getting comfortable finally with who I am do I get to enjoy myself now and look back and those people i wanted to accept me are boring now
they are okay but they do not think too laterally I think could be wrong
anyway YOU are not a loser you are pretty interesting and when you turn forty one day
after many long and wonderful and awful adventures you can say to yourself WOW look at all the things I did
write lots save much take lots of photos of self to show your children when you get ancient like me My daughter likes photos
and I took lots of her too when she was a baby and I could still see her
She lives today with her mother and I can call
her now which I do and we talk about what we are doing We are both artists and creative people back in the day all i did was write on this little typewriter in the evening when i was alone in the house listening to CBC radio or american stations when BLONDIE was brand new with CALL ME and FUNKYTOWN was fresh
you will remember music today later as I have done
I like your username because I am a Cancer
sensitive and with a shell and crabby a lot
according to my mate but I dont stay inside
there forever too much curiousity
hah hah
I read Poe too back then I think I was thirteen and then H.P.Lovecraft he is neat too
Joseph Conrad is pretty detailed also
Atwood is cool I think
I Love Radioheads Creep i found it by watching CBCs LITTLE CRIMINALS i bought most of the music Tom Waites for CLAP HANDS
and Portishead for the closing theme when Dez's house burns down I used to sing it at Kareoke in near empty bars when i lived in small towns in Ontario
anyway you at this age young woman are very interesting and certianly far from being a loser and from your notes a lot of people want to befreind you because you are neat
and educated and poetic
along that flat oasisic space
stare back in time
and distant
place
where young i stand to look ahead
at who i was and who i am
and footprints beneath my feet
erode with breath of wind
and memory replace with wonder
each new promise
of HERE
so HERE i once was at Eighteen
so HERE i am now at fourty
and though loss was there
i was not a loser
not then
not now
rich and weathered
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pink-circle : |
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{Circle Invite}: Hello. I'm speaking on the behalf of "the circle," a writers group. This is an invite to our group. I have noticed your displayed interest in writing &/or poetry. We are doing a reform, to re-form and rebuild our group. Please visit the website, and if you are interested, leave a note to this account. Thank you for your time. -Circle Council
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nowayout89 : |
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wow!!!! wow! Ok, I found poetry's by you when I was looking up suicide under suicide love or something so I reading the poem and it was pretty. Then I looked at the links and they were pretty. then I found your diaryland. Your writing is beautiful. Good 4 you. =)
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vixen333 : |
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I feel like I know you! I feel like I am you. I feel like I have been where you are. I am a little different now but still so much the same. Reading your diary has been like re-introducing myself to my oldest best friend. I wish I could take care of you the way I never took care of myself or had someone to take care of me.You will be in my thoughts!
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sherpahigh : |
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How've you been, angel? Haven't had word for a while. I hope you're well... or at least faking it well. Love ya, kiddo. xo
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xmoonxbunnyx : |
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I don't know you, but something strange is happening in relation to you.. Your diaryland email xmoon-childx@diaryland.com is set up to forward YOUR messages to MY email account. So, I've been getting the strangest messages for the last few weeks. If you could change it, I'd be quite happy, and I think you'd be happy to get your messages.. lol thanks* --MoonBunny
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amber-darko : |
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Hi! My name's Amber and I'm 23. I am writing a book about my personal account of self hate and self harm. I'd like to include some personal stories from different stages in healing, different sexes and different ages to show that no one is the same, but we all are hurting in ways that we are unable to convey. I do not intend on printing names, there is no length restriction and I will not censor. I have decided to also include poetry or just general opinions. Please email me if you are interested. amberwilliams43@sbcglobal.net
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boysfear : |
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Hello love. Long time no talk. I just wanna say that I love you and don't ever forget it even when the times seem hopeless.
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nomoretosee : |
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hey kiddo.
haven't heard from you in a while. miss you lots. i thought about you today. i've got another song for you. it's called "sparrow" by the smashing pumpkins. *mwah* love you.
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metam0rph : |
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Thats wierd. I don't remember falling out with you. But if you feel it's better that we don't talk then I can understand that.
Peace.
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nomoretosee : |
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Nightingale- I'm not mad at you. I've just been mega-ultra-busy. But my play is on the nineteenth, and after that I won't be so busy hopefully. I miss you like crazy. I'm worried about you. I hope you start feeling better. Take it easy, okay, love? You've got enough to worry about without thinking I'm mad at you and all. You just need to work on getting healthy. I love you, darling. -Sugarbean
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sherpahigh : |
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You know that isn't true... we'd be nothing if it wasn't for the fight... and you know that. You're strong... even in your weakest.... you're stronger than most. You'll be ok. promise. xox
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catpewk : |
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You're doing it again...The world would be a sadder place without you in it. We don't need another Effemy Cole...
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catpewk : |
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There comes a point in all our lives where we hit bottom. Fortunately, options are then limited. This time will pass. Things will get better. Until they do, hold the line.
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fireflyinfog : |
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Hi again. Well, I have been caught up in your diary entries for the past twenty minutes and wanted to tell you that you are an amazing writer. Extremely depressed too but you probably don't want to hear someone say that to you so sorry bout that. Anyway, Your stuff is really interesting. Back to the being depressed thing, I hate it when people tell me "gee, you seem really sad. What's wrong." Oh well, I guess they care, kind of. Well, You are a great writer, again, and bleeding and drinking cyanide are no good so I hope the don't continue to invade your life. But what the hell do I know, maybe they are good. I guess I don't feel what you feel so I don't really have any room to state my opinion. I hope you have a good day.
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fireflyinfog : |
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Hey is that picture on your diary page of you? Well, however it is, it's hella cool and the woman is beautiful. ok bye!
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sherpahigh : |
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And it is that, that makes you strong...
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sherpahigh : |
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:) Don't worry too much about me... worry about you. I have a very faulty immune system and it's probably nothing at all... probably just the average everyday cold. I'll be good. Promise. Thanks... and cheers xox.
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dani-lou : |
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Wow, seems like a lot to put on your shoulders. Hope you are okay. Hugs, Dani.
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sherpahigh : |
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perhaps you weren't being literal when you mentioned something about someone raping you... but for the record... literally and figuratively, it's never YOUR fault when someone breaks you apart. Got that? And maybe the realization comes with age, but reality that life is a play of people and we all have our interacting roles. Blame really isn't apart of it. So for everything this friend said is YOUR fault... she should turn and ask what part of that hand was hers. I wouldn't start questioning your own intergity over someone who sees it easier to point fingers than to overcome.
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sherpahigh : |
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Flighty sleep is the worst! I had dreams of something being so important - so secretive I wasn't allowed to think of it anymore, but still I kept thinking of it... and I'd wake myself up to NOT think of it. Delirous by means of Neo-Citron. It is brutal. I plan on sleeping much better tonight. Cheers xox.
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elliorange : |
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♥ "We are not IN love because he's far too young, and I dont like boys right now." You made me smile! *Hugs*
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sherpahigh : |
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you remind me of myself... it's rare I find that anywhere.
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catpewk : |
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No one but you can really control how you feel.
We make our own choices about whether to feel heartbreak, sorrow, whether to seek death. No-one with such a beautiful, intelligent mind should choose this suffering for very long. You cannot control the past, but you can control how you choose to feel about it. Make different choices. Force a smile at your reflection twin. It will make a difference.
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nomoretosee : |
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sara, my love. why do you talk that way? why do you think that if you died i would just get on with my life? do you really think that? i hope that deep down you know that isn't true. because it's not. i love you as much as a person possibly could without being attracted to you. You know this. And if you hurt yourself, it would be partially my fault because I let you down just like everybody else has. I really wish you knew how much I care about you, sara. you're my nightingale, don't you know? I love you. -sugarbean
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spritopias : |
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ugh, sinuses, I hate them. why do the suck so hard?
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dani-lou : |
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Thanks for leaving me a comment. I'm sorry to hear what happened. That which does not kill us makes us stronger. Hold on and your strength will appear. Hugs, Dani.
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solstice36 : |
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thanks for joining the abused ring. also check out http://speak-out.diaryland.com, a place where you can post poems, stories and experiences about rape & abuse
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xgreymousex : |
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i read your past two entries...and still don't know what to say. *hugs* *lots of hugs*...and the new layout is really cool...*more hugs*
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todayiamfree : |
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Hey. Don't let the world get you down. You are you, and what you are is great...!!!! just live for the moment, work out what you wanna be, and make it happen!!!!!
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macfarlane : |
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As the Irish would say, Is neamhbhuan cogadh na gcarad; má bhíonn sé crua, ní bhíonn sé fada.
Which means, A row between friends is short lasting, even if bitter, it is never long.
I've read your diary on and off for a while now, keep your chin up. Happiness will come, Best Wishes
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ericintervw : |
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Hello, I was trying to find the "Winter's Heart" entry but I couldn't. I wanted to direct link it to your page. Can you help me? Take care.
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sarmo592 : |
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Wow, your writing blows me away! YOu seriously have a gift! Keep writing because you are wonderful at it!! I just thought i would let you know that. Sara
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ericintervw : |
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Thanks for taking the Interview. You can find it posted here: http://ericintervw.diaryland.com/030701_73.html I hope your diet works out for you and take the time to smile =)
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zipperblues : |
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believe me babe, the way i've been lately, you wouldn't have wanted me around. anyway, tomorrow's my last day of summer school for the week, i'll hopefully catch you online soon.
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wafflechan : |
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Amazingly well written.. with such honesty. Just wow...
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raven72d : |
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The phrase Ophelia's Sin... Anomie? Accidie? Or just...despair...?
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raven72d : |
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Tell me about the personal drama...
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ghostiness : |
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Hey, I saw you added me to your favorites, and I just wanted to pop by and thank you. Also, I read some, and I just wanted to say that you not only have excellent tastes in music (Sugarcult, Our Lady Peace, NIN), but you are an awesome person. I'm sorry you're in a bit of a bad place, but... Here's hopin' things look up. Thanks again.
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raven72d : |
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I've been vur' poor-- that keeps me from going out to clubs. No cash for cover and drinks. Also-- too afraid to ask anyone out. I won't ask anyone who might say No. And I'm afraid of being laughed at as ridiculous if I don't dance well or make an inept pass at a girl.
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raven72d : |
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write soon...
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zipperblues : |
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sara, babe, i know you mean well, but what goes on between brit and i is between brit and i. 'kay? i love you tons, and check your mailbox within the next week. :)
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todayiamfree : |
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ignore what yr mate says, listen to every kind of music! Its the best way!
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raven72d : |
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How can you say you have nothing to offer anyone?
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raven72d : |
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You're certainly invited to e-mail me... Now. I always regard sex as something ritualized and formal. I need scenarios, rituals, settings, costumes. The me that used to be able to have sex saw sex as vur' like performance art, as something that required a sense of ritual and formality. One dressed up to go out, one understood that their were formulas and rituals involved in seductions, one associated certain sexual activities with certain music, certain dialogue, certain games. And I'm afraid that I can't be taken seriously as a lover if I've been known to sit by a girl's chair and pretend to be a small corgi. And if a girl has been the small pikachu-like unit whose forehead you pet, it's hard to ask her to dress up in a severe black minidress, heels, and no underwear and dance to icy-erotic electronica or darkwave music. And it's hard, too, to ask anyone out if you ever have to see them again should they refuse. Social mores have changed-- asking a girl out is now suspect as harassment, and I have no idea how to ask a girl to have sex any more. And-- the mirror now shows me someone old and unattractive and exhausted, not the sardonic-yet-formally-polite post-midnight person I've always been. Please-- I would like to have you e-mail me, I think. You seem most interesting and intelligent.
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raven72d : |
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I wish I had the nerve and/or the energy to actually go out with someone...or just go out. I have to push myself even to leave the house. Asking someone out? How can I? What can I offer them? In the years since I started law school, I've lost the ability to speak to others. I can write-- I just can't talk to anyone in the flesh. The person in tailored black who used to be able to say "Hello, my name is ----, and are you wearing underwear?" to tall, leggy girls at dance clubs has vanished. What's left is someone who's afraid to be seen in the mirror or by others.
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raven72d : |
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I think I lost one girlfriend because we started off as deeply, hotly passionate and erotic... But then she offered kindness and pettability and being Three when I was vur' depressed, and after that it was hard to go back to wicked sex...
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raven72d : |
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Fear of failure means fear of failing as a lover, as a useful/attractive male. I haven't had systems failure yet, but I know it's out there lurking... And I have no idea even at this late stage of my life what "couples" do or talk about in Grown Up. I can do seduction talk; I can be Three. But beyond that, I have zero idea what people do. I'm safer just being Three rather than being humiliated, possibly in public. Remember-- I don't open mail, board aircraft, play competitive sports, or ask anyone out. Failure and humiliation mean too much when you have no back-up, no resources to fall back on.
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raven72d : |
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Maybe I just find it easier to be Three...I get petted and there's less fear of failure...
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catpewk : |
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Did you know you're main image isn't showing up anymore?
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raven72d : |
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I think it's me, not the girls. It's hard to shift from being Three to being a Lover... And I'm afraid of disappointing someone if I change.
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zipperblues : |
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you are worth it. and if i ever hear you say that you're not, i shall be very upset.
but don't worry about if this is effecting me. you need to worry about you.
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catpewk : |
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This too, shall pass. You will love again, although it doesn't feel like it now. It's what we do. It's the only thing we do that means anything when all is said and done...
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raven72d : |
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It's just vur' hard to move back and forth between the poles. Once you've been 3 Years Old with someone, it's hard to move back to Story of O games.
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redexplosion : |
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I'm glad you're getting better every day. I really am. I know this Kenneth thing still hurts, but I also know that you're strong and you won't let him bring you down for good. *mwah*
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redexplosion : |
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Aww, babe! That ice cream and those Johnny Depp movies sound really yummy right now! I think all three of us (you me and gabi) could use a mental health month. :) One day, we'll have one. *hugs* Love ya!
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leslieirene : |
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Hi! Just a note to thank you for joining the Angel Love ring! Also, I adore your layout! That is soooo classy! Beautiful. Blessings Always, Leslie Irene :)
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redexplosion : |
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Aw, babe, you're not a shitty friend! I have been bad about keeping in touch, too, so don't feel bad. *mwah* So how are things goin? Gabi told me about the think with Kenneth...*giggles*
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lezbian : |
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Just letting you know that I read your diary. Check mine out if you'd like :)
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redexplosion : |
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Sara, you don't see what he sees in you, but that's because nobody can ever see themselves for who they are. You might have had a lot of bad things happen to you, but that doesn't mean you aren't an amazing person, because you are. This guy knows it, too. *mwah*
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redexplosion : |
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Hi Abby! I got your note. How ya doing? Shanks for stopping by and saying hi! *hugs* ;)
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zipperblues : |
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"one ray of sunlight"
-phantom planet
goodness sometimes things get bad
but i swear
i'm doing all i can
so try all you want to
i'm gonna try too
if i get one ray of sunlight to hold in my hand
maybe we can be happy again
i'll try for one ray of sunlight to hold in my hand
maybe we can be happy and then...
things don't go as i planned
but i swear i'm doing all i can
so try all you want to
i'm gonna try too
if i get one ray of sunlight to hold in my hand
maybe we can be happy again
i'll try for one ray of sunlight to hold in my hand
and i guess if this isn't the end
maybe we can be happy again
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zipperblues : |
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i dunno if she needs help or not. probably, though. leave her a note. you don't need a smoke, you need a hug. *huggles* but erm, yeah. spring break is next week and so we'll be able to hang out more, i promise.
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zipperblues : |
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babes, you never have to share me. and i'm sorry 'bout trist, but it's going to get better. anyway, how proud of you am i? *huggles* yay for giving up smoking. it smells crappy and doesn't even deserve to be within a mile of you, my beautiful girl. love you lots.
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zipperblues : |
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isn't bright eyes a-mazing? yesh. anyway, love you lots and lots. *mwah**huggles*
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shawntasy : |
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here's a hint. I'm a SERJ freak! And no worrys! If you still cant find em let me know and as long as you follow all the rules, it's all good!
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sylviashadow : |
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ohh you joined verbalsmack too--thanx!--sylviashadow
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sylviashadow : |
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Thanx for joining ladylazurus! Welcome!--sylviashadow ps. thanx for the sweet note!
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sylviashadow : |
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Thanx for joining poetica! Since you are a sylvia plath fan you might also want to join my ladylazurus diaryring as well.--Sylviashadow
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