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Anorexia, Bulimia, Diabetes...

I try not to look back on my life too much. If I do I realize how much I've wasted. Most of my teenage days were spent in a hospital for complications due to my eating disorder, which almost took my life. Over all, I've spent 1200+ days inpatient... I've lost count. At one point my mom lost all parental rights. I started this diary at age seventeen, the age when my eating disorder was at its worst, when even my doctors had given up...

I am 22 now. I lived. I still cannot believe I made it. If you can just hang on, just make sure you live through the roughest times, it gets easier. It may take a while, be miserable, but, eventually, it gets easier.

My favorite diaries:

anadoll    profile - diary
comments:  She is back! :) And she is doing better than ever. You go girl!
cancerblog    profile - diary
comments:  Glenn. He's fighting cancer. He has courage and hope. I hope you are okay. I miss you on diaryland.
just-fine    profile - diary
comments:  Don't forget that recovery is possible. I will always believe in you.
Enurta    profile - diary
comments:  I know you can do it. Don't ever give up. I am so proud of you.
the-thinline    profile - diary
comments:  Her poetry is so lonely and sad... It makes everything seem a bit darker. But she is beautiful.
me-destruitt    profile - diary
comments:  'But no one cares about the vain [disgusting] little girl who eats enough for three and then throws it up to avoid getting fat. She’s just going through a “phase”.'
dissolving    profile - diary
comments:  Very interesting. She seems so sweet, like she doesnt want this but doesnt know how to quit.
sharpsecret    profile - diary
comments:  I feel her pain, and it makes my soul cry. (((hugs)))
slightscream    profile - diary
comments:  Another diabetic stuck in the hell of an eating disorder.
wolfstone    profile - diary
comments:  Very intelligent. Beautiful poetry. She is wise beyond her years.
ellemalen    profile - diary
comments:  "Everyone pray for me not to go even more insane"
miedema2002    profile - diary
comments:  You give me strength and hope.
mirrors-lie    profile - diary
comments:  Erica. Struggling to stay alive. Frightening. She is so beautiful. Everyone should read this who thinks eating disorders are a game or a diet. Hang in there honey. Never give up. You will get better.God, I hope you are okay.
freaknuraw    profile - diary
comments:  Beautiful mind and soul. She made my life star brighter while she lived here.
valepuella    profile - diary
comments:  She has it all together except this thing they call eating. She is wonderful.
susieq22    profile - diary
comments:  So proud of you.
homerismygod    profile - diary
comments:  Another beautiful soul trapped in a cage with the key just out of reach...
of-fools    profile - diary
comments:  I want to see myself as who I used to be: so full of promise, so full of hope
amazinfuckup    profile - diary
comments:  Amazing. Beautifully Written. True, Elegant, Raw, Sad.
cuttingwords    profile - diary
comments:  She took them right out of my mouth.
inaptbeauty    profile - diary
comments:  "for if you look into my eyes, there, my soul would drip unto you."
writergrrl88    profile - diary
anainsight    profile - diary
comments:  Working towards recovery too. I know you can do it!
sorrowshadow    profile - diary
comments:  " I was hungry but I couldnt eat. And after I finally did, I feel too much and it's like something in chest wants to jump out. And I gag myself trying to relieve that horrible feeling." I know exactly what you mean :(
comfortm    profile - diary
comments:  This girl is a fighter. Hugs to you, and stay strong.
suzza    profile - diary
comments:  In recovery. Amazing.
genuine-risk    profile - diary
comments:  My inspiration and encouragement! She gives me hope and hope and helps me through the darkest times. She is always there for me. Diabetes+Eating Disorder.
destinymaker    profile - diary
comments:  So much insight, a beautiful soul...
tfrunner262    profile - diary
comments:  Recovery is difficult, but we can do it!
squellot    profile - diary
comments:  LOCKED. Kelly, where are you?
numb-thepain    profile - diary
comments:  LOCKED. She makes everyone else happy, but it is making her miserable. A fight for life. I love you.
mookers    profile - diary
comments:  She is recovering and she is happy :) You rock!
onecutabove    profile - diary
comments:  I know that she will beat this entirely. You are making awesome strides everyday. Never give up!
purgingme    profile - diary
comments:  I am so worried about you. Please update :(
xpasdechat    profile - diary
comments:  If you read it you will see why I am transfixed.
speedofpain    profile - diary
comments:  Love is pain, and it lingers...
eventhewind    profile - diary
comments:  I found her through her old diary, atomgirl. She is amazing, and her writings put everything into words that so many of us cannot.
wanting-kind    profile - diary
comments:  "If you say bleed for me, I will give you every drop."
hellraising    profile - diary
comments:  She is struggling to make the decision between life and death. I hope she chooses life.
emsgirl13    profile - diary
comments:  We have VERY different political views, but I still love her. I want to see her get better, and she deserves it.
mylostdream    profile - diary
comments:  This girl is strength in a chaotic world. I hope she gets better. Locked.
luxelady    profile - diary
tenebrosity    profile - diary
comments:  Diabetic with an eating disorder. You can get better, and you will.
scarchild    profile - diary
comments:  A beautiful soul, a beautiful mind. Speak out in darkness.
gerg69    profile - diary
comments:  The carniverous bran muffins brought me in; the pot pies crossing borders made me stay :)
emaciana    profile - diary
comments:  "I hate what i have become to escape what i hated being. " Now has a baby!
ethereal-red    profile - diary
comments:  In recovery and doing awesome. (((hugs))) You go Em!
infinityfye    profile - diary
comments:  Never before has the quest for beauty and truth been written in such poetic and beautiful form.
somewhat-ok    profile - diary
comments:  She has the tenacity and strength. She will be better than okay.
tenebrosity    profile - diary
comments:  Another one caught in the battle of an eating disorder and diabetes. I can't believe I didn't have her on here! you will make it girl!
crazy4muffin    profile - diary
comments:  A criminal prosecutor with type I diabetes; altogether a kick ass woman.
lostunicorn    profile - diary
comments:  Her writing is tragic, real, and poetic. My heart hurts for her.
onyx-cherub    profile - diary
comments:  "My breath is raw and sharp in my lungs. I’m holding myself together with music notes and cold milk and dance studios."
vomit-stars    profile - diary
comments:  So honest it is as if she is looking you in the eyes and telling you the truth to all this pain in poetic form.
whitekachina    profile - diary
comments:  "five days went by. We hallucinated sperm balloons and the inability to die. strolling through sex museums where inflatable women came out of the walls. calling us."
pinkcrayon-    profile - diary
comments:  She is getting better!! I am so happy for you :)
rockstarsox    profile - diary
comments:  Amazing. Truly a wonderful girl.
poolagirl    profile - diary
comments:  Hilarious, honest, witty, and kind... What more could you ask for?
paricouture    profile - diary
comments:  This girl lives the glitz and glam of fashion we only read about.
anexperiment    profile - diary
comments:  This guy is dead honest. He suffers from bipolar and is trying to find a relationship that will work while learning to understand himself.
simplyrayne    profile - diary
comments:  Beautiful. Her writing is a gift to the world, and I'm sure she doesn't even realize it.
mirroreyes    profile - diary
comments:  Dana, you are amazing. Don't give up. People need you.
scotvalkyrie    profile - diary
comments:  Bonnie. She is amazing. I wish I had half of her courage.
lead-balloon    profile - diary
comments:  "i desire to leave this body behind, to break it wide open and never come back inside."
rooster24    profile - diary
comments:  Such a sweetheart.
celticshadow    profile - diary
comments:  I know you can beat this. Don't give up. Ever.
sylviashadow    profile - diary
comments:  comment coming soon
bohun    profile - diary
comments:  Aut, I wish you would return.
sketty    profile - diary
comments:  She makes me smile. I hope she gets a dream job.
clotis    profile - diary
comments:  Worth so much more than she realizes.
prosperpine    profile - diary
comments:  (((hugs))) I know how you feel.
silver80    profile - diary
comments:  Working to get better. I know you can do it.
ana-anna    profile - diary
comments:  Everything I relate to with bingeing and purging. No way do you deserve this. I hope you know that.
diabetic-ed    profile - diary
comments:  For those of us with diabetes and eating disorders to talk freely. If you have such please check the profile and feel free to put in an entry.

My favorite music:

Goo Goo Dolls
comments:  Very real.
Blue October
comments:  Hate me today..
Nickelback
Billy Idol
comments:  Dancing with myself...
Postal Service

My favorite movies:

Evita
comments:  A musical about the life of Eva Peron.
Gia
comments:  Angelina Jolie does beautifully in this role
What Dreams May Come
comments:  Beautiful Movie.
Requiem for a Dream
comments:  Reminds me of my family, sadly.
Girl, Interrupted
comments:  Reminds m of Stanford when we used to sneak in each other's rooms in the middle of the night and actually (gasp) have some fun.

My favorite authors:

John Steinbeck
comments:  Grapes of Wrath is very good...
David Pelzer
comments:  Tells the story of his life in three books.
Marya Hornbacker
comments:  Wrote "Wasted", very real about an eating disorder
Cynthia Nappa Bitter
comments:  Wrote her life with an ed and how she overcame it.
C.S Lewis
comments:  Chronicles of Narnia are awesome, believe it or not.

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last updated: 2009-02-03 12:28:52
this user's total entries: 491
user since: 2002-12-01

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