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I'm Not Being Sarcastic: The Diary of Localaura

I want to be funny here, but it's hard to be funny when a Vietnam vet is lying paralyzed at your feet, tears streaming down his face, begging for your help. Wait, that *is* funny.

If you found that offensive, which it is, you should probably still read my diary. Most of my entries don't include blatant cruelty towards an already-ostacized demographic. And I like when people read my diary. It has the same effect as rubbing my tummy, but it's more pleasant all around if you just read the diary.

My favorite diaries:

actiongrl    profile - diary
comments:  Thoughtful and funny. Plus, I've scammed her into thinking I'm a writer!
thediastema    profile - diary
comments:  My hero.
hipookie    profile - diary
comments:  The boyfriend. Wicked hot. Come what maaaaaaaaay, cooooooome what maaaaaaaay, I will love Hipookie... until my dyyyyying daaaaaay.
liquidhuman    profile - diary
comments:  "Anyway, about the glub sex. You like latex? You like rubber glubs? You like people to stick rubber glubs into your orfices? No glub, no lub?"
dianabee    profile - diary
comments:  FUH! Cooler than everyone!
diviertame    profile - diary
comments:  She has a LJ now. I get happy because there's no separate webpage. But still, Liz is and shall remain quite awesome.
jwinokur    profile - diary
comments:  There are no words to describe it. Just go, now. Now now now now. It's like Blue Man Group.
meggie816    profile - diary
comments:  Dude. Jon Stewart and Lavar Burton are in her badass gang. Must... make... out... with... you...
jimisbassgod    profile - diary
comments:  Kevin Hearn is going to marry this girl. After he breaks up with me, of course.
not-a-finger    profile - diary
comments:  Makes my day.
shutupmom    profile - diary
comments:  Also my hero, but in an abstract way.
magpiesnest    profile - diary
comments:  "She must have realized she'd forgotten her wallet, because she turned around just as the truck came barreling towards her. She looked briefly surprised as she was hit, but then she was at peace."
idiot-milk    profile - diary
comments:  "I used to make fun of those damn whiney Vietnam vets for their whole flashback thingie. You know, like, whenever I'd walk by one I'd scream "CHARLIE'S IN THE TREE!!", and watch `em hit the ground as I laughed and laughed...&
gizzhead    profile - diary
comments:  Click here to read about ass-scones.
traumatease    profile - diary
comments:  Go for the sex... stay for the writing skills.
Trickykid    profile - diary
comments:  "Coffins in mass quantities make me laugh." You'll never lack for funny.
mindquill    profile - diary
comments:  "I'm the Tab in the Diaryland fridge. You'll drink me if there is nothing else, but it's just too nasty to choose otherwise."
cherry-bowl    profile - diary
comments:  My fellow Laura. Ü
scarydoll    profile - diary
comments:  One of the few diaries I read daily. I love it.
ludicn    profile - diary
comments:  I just like it. And dude... the background is hotter than a bastard.
mommylap    profile - diary
comments:  At least SOMEONE's mother likes me.
nofat-chicks    profile - diary
comments:  "'What profit he who gains the whole world but loses his own soul?' Well, the whole fucking world, for one."
blackeyed-    profile - diary
comments:  Kind of like me, if i was attractive.
missedbeauty    profile - diary
factorygirl    profile - diary
liquid-mojo    profile - diary
mangofarmer    profile - diary
ivil    profile - diary
seussie    profile - diary
indriel    profile - diary
dedemwe    profile - diary
catalpa    profile - diary
ashbobash    profile - diary
charismagurl    profile - diary
mroutt    profile - diary
dizzigemini    profile - diary
soulepiphany    profile - diary
sicktrick    profile - diary
bl3edblack    profile - diary

My favorite music:

The Smiths
comments:  Dear Morrissey: Thank you for making me cry like a little bitch and LOVE EVERY SECOND OF IT.
Ween
comments:  Sparta, Against Me!, Brand New, Placebo, Blur, Bjork, Dar Williams, Cat Power, The Arrogant Worms, The Hissyfits, The Embarrassment, New Order, Depeche Mode, Piebald, The Anniversary
Barenaked Ladies
comments:  The Cure, Blonde Redhead, Rainer Maria, Modest Mouse, Reel Big Fish
The Blood Brothers
comments:  Rites of Spring, Old Thursday, Old Saves the Day, Sigur Ros, Pretty Girls Make Graves
Neutral Milk Hotel
comments:  Belle and Sebastian, Circle Takes The Square, Wilco, Pg. 99

My favorite movies:

Brain Candy
comments:  Well... KITH anyway, but they don't have a tv section.
Dead Poets Society
comments:  I love this movie in a passionate, rather unnatural way. Yarrgh, i'm a dead poet!
Singin In the Rain
Cabaret
Young Frankenstein

My favorite authors:

J.K. Rowling
comments:  Fuck off. She's a marvel and you're a pretentious dick for not recognizing it.
Sylvia Plath
comments:  Ariel
David Sedaris
comments:  Me Talk Pretty One Day
John Irving
comments:  A Prayer For Owen Meaney
Donna Tartt
comments:  The Secret History

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last updated: 2004-02-07 06:33:30
this user's total entries: 209
user since: 2001-04-23

AOL IM name: KITHie30h
ICQ number: Don't got. Again!
Yahoo Messenger name: misspeach24
MSN Messenger name: i am waAaAaAy t0o0o PuNk 4 MSN!

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