Well I'll talk about these two things I do remember. The first thing is my mistake. The 2nd thing is what I wanted from Chris.
What was my mistake exactly? Well, do you remember that one entry I had last Friday? #139? Well technically it's Saturday cause it was written at 12am, but yeah you know what I mean. Remember what I said about Chris sitting across from Zuri? Well, at that point, I've pretty much given up on Chris. So although it bothered me, I never bothered to tell that to Chris, though he probably figured it out by reading that entry. He should know how I am and if he doesn't, well... can't do anything about that. The mistake that I made was that I thought Chris didn't care at all. I found from reading Zuri's entry that he talked about me. Yes, in my reaction, I was surprised and I guess that's the mistake I made, that I guess that I gave up on Chris because I thought he gave up on me. I'll admit I made a mistake, but I'm not gonna say it was totally my fault. It's not my fault he didn't try, but I'm not gonna go on about that. I just wanted to say that...
Well this second thing on Chris is very plain and simple. What I wanted from Chris? Well, you'd actually be very surprised. But there's only ever been one thing that I've wanted from Chris, from the start, from the very beginning. What is it? I wanted Chris to be proud of me. I don't konw why, but I felt like I had to fulfill this need that I was feeling. Like I had to get him to be proud of me. I don't konw why, but it felt as though if Chris felt that way, it would get me to actually believe that I can do anything. I guess you could say that I needed Chris's strength. (Oh! I remember that 3rd thing, it's connected to this 2nd thing.) I don't know exactly if Chris is proud of me, but I've found that it wasn't what Chris was here for. Chris got me to be a lot more confident. I believe in myself a lot more. I was reading the very first online conversation I had with him, which was back in Feb 1st. And he said to me, "the faith is in you, we just guide it." He was talking to me about making drumline and playing tenors. I think that's what he did, just not about tenors and the other way around. He guided me, helping me find my faith in myself. And like that one part in my God entry, there is no coincidence, I picked Chris... and that's why. So thank you Chris.
*fRagiLe*