astitchaway's Diaryland Diary

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invisible string

In the moments when my life feels like a vast empty nothing of sadness, my most comforting thought has always been curling up on your chest. Trying to pretend I'm not crying, though we both know I am, while you run your hand down my back and repeat that it's all going to be okay. Not because I believe it when you say it, but because I don't. And I know how much effort it takes you to coin that lie knowing damn well you know it's never going to be okay. But you'll always be the one who understands that vast sadness more than anyone else. And to be honest, I'd never want to burden anyone else with that sadness. I'd never want to burden anyone else with the river of tears I cry when I finally let myself. But maybe it's because you were so often the cause that I feel most comfortable crying in front of you. I feel most comfortable breaking down around you. Because I know you want to try build me up, because you're already broken. And it's those moments we're finally on the same level.

And when I'm sitting alone in my room bawling over the misery that has become my every existence, the only way I can smile is to think, that at some point, so were you. And that no matter what happens between us, there's always going to be that invisible string connecting us to one another.

6:39 P.M. - 2014-08-02

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