Dexter: Oh man, what am I going to wear? I can't seem to find anything I feel comfortable in.

Monty: Jesus dude, just pick something and be done with it. My god, you are worse then a woman with this shit.

Dexter: Hey, first impressions mean everything. They can judge how a relationship can or will go. If I don't do this right, I might come across all wrong.

Monty: You are over thinking this way to much dude. You need to chill out before you pop an embulism or something.

Dexter: *sighs* I know I know, I do this everytime. I just want this to go right....its been to long since I've been on a date.

Monty: Yeah, much longer and your balls will start looking like you've been fucking a smurf.

Dexter: Thats not helping you know...

Monty: So damn sensistive. Look, dude, you look just fine, you smell terrific, and your hair is proportioned in such a sexy way I swear if you where a chick I would be all over you like Dom Deluise on a pizza.

Dexter: haha I always knew you had a thing for me.

Monty: Yeah, you are to damn sexy even for me. Are you finally done primping yourself up, we gotta go or we will be late.

Jumping into Dexter's car, the head across town to a small apartment complex. Dexter checks himself in the mirror one last time, cupping his hand in front of his face to check his breath.

Monty: Now remember, your date's name is Cindy and mine is Terry.

Dexter: Where did you meet this two again?

Monty: I was cruising through the college campus and happened upon them.

Dexter: Man, you still do that? You've been out of college what, two years now and you are still hanging out around there looking for dates.

Monty: Hey, college chicks are the best dude! They are all young, naive, and after a month or two when they have spent up all there money, a dinner at Denny's seems like a gourmet feast to them.

Dexter: Your a real class act sometimes.

Monty: Yeah, I didn't hear you bitching when I was setting up this double date.

Dexter: Well, at least they are college students instead of the usual air heads you go after.

Monty: Yeah, thats what I'm guessing they are by the cheerleader outfits they where wearing...

Dexter: Um....cheerleaders?

Monty: Yes, cheerleaders, and stop giving me that look. Just becuase they are chearleaders doesn't automatically mean they are dumb.

Dexter: Knowing you, you would probably find the only two dumb cheerleaders in the entire group.

Monty: And you call me down for when you think I'm negatively stereo typing people.

Dexter: Your right, its just my nerves talking. Lets get going before they start thinking we are couple of weirdos sitting here starring at there house in a parked car.

Knock knock knock...

Terry: Well hello there. We where begining to think you two where going to sit in that car all night.

Monty: Just some last minute details we had to go over before meeting you fine ladies.

Terry: Well, I'm glad you finally decided to come join us. Come on in and sit down, me and Cindy just have to finish up a bit before we can go out.

Monty and Dexter take a seat on the couch as Terry makes her way down the hallway.

Monty: Calm down dude, you are sweating up a damn storm over there.

Dexter: I cann't help it, I always sweat when I'm nervious.

Monty: Relax, everything is going to be ok man, Cindy is going to totally dig you. Here, take my hankerchef and wipe that sweat off your face......shit.

Dexter: What?

Monty: Oh, my damn zippo slipped out of my pocket as I pulled out my hankerchef and its slipped down between the cushions.

Monty digs around in the couch as Dexter eyes the hallway nervously, taking dabs of the hankerchef to his face.

Dexter: Hurry up and find it before they get back.

Monty: My god dude, unclench those cheeks. Your ass is so tight right now, I can hear them squeeking from the tension.

A few minutes later, Monty calls out a triumphant little yelp. Before he pulls his hand out of the couch, he looks over at Dexter with a wicked grin on his face.

Monty: You will never believe what I just found.

Dexter: This isn't show and tell Monty.

Monty: *pulling them out, he grasps them tightly on either side and holds them up in front of him* White cotton fucking panties!

Dexter: sssshhhhhhh!!! They are going to hear you damn it!! Put those back before you get us in trouble.

Monty: Aaaawwwwwwwww is Dexter afraid of women's panties. Here, this should make you feel more comfortable....

Monty flips the panties over, opens them up, then places them on his head like a little hat

Monty: Ah, now that is much better. They're not white panties dude, just Minnie Mouse's bed time beanie.

Dexter: You are absolutely fucking insane, you know that don't you! If they see those on your head, they are going to flip out and kick us out of there home....probably think we are a couple of perves on top of it too.

Monty: Well I guess if we are going to be in that much trouble, me doing a little dance with them on won't matter then.

Dexter: Oh christ......not this....please god, not this.

With a dead serious look on his face that is actually comical with the panties on his head, Monty begins humming some fast beat song. WIthout pause he does the toosie roll, then flawlessly seams it into the running man. With a little hop, he turns around, sticks his ass out and begins gyrating it back and forth in front of Dexter. Try as he might to stay angry, Dexter soon finds himself biting his lip to keep from laughing to hard.

Cindy: Ready or not here we come!

Monty stops dead in his tracks, hand raised up in the air ready to smack his own ass. Dexter and Monty proceed to exchange startled looks before Monty grabs the panties off his head and flings them at Dexter. Out of desperation, Dexter crams the white cotton panties into his pocket with the hankerchef.

Cindy: So you studs ready to go?

Monty: *fixing his hair* I was born ready little lady. First, let me introduce you to my best friend in the world, Dexter.

Cindy: *walks up to him, smiling up into his eyes* My, Monty didn't tell me you where this handsome.

Dexter Uhem *blushing slightly* well I wouldn't say handsome...

Monty: Would you listen to the modesty of this man. Now, we better get going if we are going to make our dinner reservations.

Dexter: Dinner reservations? Big boy's doesn't take dinner reser...umph!

Monty: *after he plants an elbow into Dexter's abdomen* shall we ladies.

A short ride later, the group arrives at the quiet family restraunt. Monty takes a few moments alone with the host before being lead to there seats and given there menus.

Dexter: *leaning into Monty* What did you say to the host?

Monty: I slipped him a twenty and let him know I wanted "special" attention during our dinner.

Dexter: Heh.....you are smooth, I gotta give that to yeah.

Monty: You may one day learn from the jedi master my young aprentice.

Dexter: Add big ego onto that.

Cindy: So, Monty tells me you are an architect or something like that.

Dexter: Um, yeah, I just got this job with a really good firm and I should be starting work next week.

Cindy: Oh, thats so cool. That reminds me of this new routine I came up with at cheerleading practice, its like the pyramid, but not really.

Dexter: huh?

Cindy: Don't you get it silly? You design buildings, I design cheers after buildings!

Dexter: Um....yeah. So, how long have you been cheerleading?

Cindy: A good cheerleader is born not made. And some day I'll make it on the big circut like football or basketball.

Dexter: Well, assuming that doesn't come through, what else would you like to do with your life.

Cindy: What do you mean won't come through, has someone told you something?

Dexter: No no, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just saying you can't be a cheerleader for the rest of your life so what are you going to do as career.

Cindy: Someone did tell you something! I bet it was that bitch Marie, she is so jealous of me.

Dexter: Trust me when I say without a doubt no one has said a thing about your cheerleading to me.

Cindy: Oh.....well then what did you mean by that then.

Dexter: I'm just saying that is very taxing work and someday you aren't going to be able to do it. So it would probably be a good idea if you had a fall back plan, something you can make a career out of.

Cindy: Are you trying to insult me or something? Don't you think I have a good enough body to be a cheerleader. You don't think my breasts are perky enough do you?

Dexter: No, I'm not saying that at all....you have a terrific body and your breasts are plenty perky enough....er, I mean....um.

Cindy: I can do a cheer for you and show you how good I am.

Dexter: No, thats really not neccassary, especially in this restraunt. How about we talk about something else ok?

Cindy: Sure.

Dexter: How about you tell me some of your interests.

Cindy: Well, I'm into yoga and going to the beach. Oh and I love fast cars. What kind of car was that we came here in.

Dexter: A volswagon, a very reliable and safe car.

Cindy: Why did you paint the car such a dark color?

Dexter: Well, I've always loved the color forest green and they do say geniuses pick that color car.

Cindy: I don't like it, its to dark and grim. It reminds me of all the bad things in the world like the death of baby seals and stuff.

Dexter: Oh, so you are into the enviroment then?

Cindy: Yeah! Like that whole ozone thing....we should really get a new one.

Dexter: Um...excuse me for a moment.

Leaning into Monty, he keeps his whisper down so the ladies can't hear him.

Dexter: For the love of god please help me.

Monty: So how are you two hitting it off?

Dexter: About as well as a bus full of children crashing into a bus full of nuns.

Monty: You are being over dramatic dude. It can't be that bad.

Dexter: You ever see the movie Blind date? Yeah, Bruce Willis's date started off on a better foot then this one.

Monty: Well, it cann't be as bad as mine is going. Terry is a freakin psych major and she won't stop talking about it. I can't get in a smooth line or two this one gabs so much.

Dexter: Really? I had psychology as a minor in college.

Monty: Great, then you won't mind if we switch dates then.

Dexter: What?

Monty: As I see it, you aren't having fun and either am I. I figure if we switch dates, we could try and make something of this night.

Dexter: Don't you think they are going to get mad at us if we do that.

Monty: Maybe, but its a risk I'm willing to take.

Dexter: *his voice rising a bit from agravation* just leave it to you to fuck this up like this. Did you even bother talking to either of them before setting us up?

Monty: Well, there really wasn't much time between there cheers, so I just went for it and ask them on a double date.

Dexter: You fucking dolt! Why the hell did you pick Terry anyways. Couldn't you tell she was more my type??

Monty: Just look at her, she is a full on hotty!! There was no way I was going to miss a chance of smacking that ass.

Cindy and Terry look over at them with a strange look, then go back to whispering softly to each other.

Dexter: Thats just fucking great Monty. Since your dick is making all the decisions, how about you get it to figure what the fuck we are going to do now!

Monty: Chill the fuck out dude! You are getting so agraviated you are sweating again.

Dexter: Only you can get us in these kind of situations.

Monty: Fuck you dude! I was trying to do you a fucking favor and this is the thanks you give me!

Dexter: Yeah, gee thanks Monty for setting me up with a girl with more air in her head then thoughts!

A gasp arises from Cindy, her eyes wide and filling with unshed tears. With a choked back cry she burries her head into Terry's shoulder as Terry hugs her and tries to comfort here.

Terry: You know we can hear you two don't you?!

Dexter: *fidgets his hand in his pocket, desperately looking for the hankerchef* Oh my god, I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean it like that, I was just getting frustrated with Monty hear. *slips the hankerchef from his pocket and dabs at the sweat forming on his face*

Terry: What do you have ther..........OH MY GOD ARE THOSE MY PANTIES!!!!

Eyes wide as saucers, mouth hanging open, Dexter soon realizes he mistakenly grabbed the white cotton panties instead of the hankerchef. For a second he stares at the panties in horror, then quickly he drops his hand in desperate need of hiding the evidence.

Dexter: Wait, this is not how it looks! This is all a mistake and if I could just explain myself....

Terry: There will be no explaining going on, me and Cindy are calling a taxi and leaving. You can keep the panties you sick pervert...I hope you get some kind of twsited fun out of them cause thats the closest you are coming to getting into either of our pants.

Clutching a crying Cindy in her arms, Terry gets up and finds the host who takes them out of sight. Before they fall out of ear shot, the boys hear Terry's reasuring words to Cindy, "they swore to much anyways." Dexter watches them leave, his eyes filled with desperation, mouth working the unsaid words trapped on the tip of his tongue. Finally he gives up, drops his head and lets out a heavy sigh

Monty: Whoa....now that didn't go at all like how I wanted to.

Dexter: She is right.... we do swear to much and we look like such pervs.

Monty: Hey, I'm sorry dude, I really didn't think that would have happened. Hell, I wouldn't have guessed it in a milion years.

Dexter: And you say dude far to much too.

Monty: Dude.......heyyyyy!!

Dexter: Just kidding....dude.

Monty: Look, how about we get out of this place and go see the late showing of episode 2 again?

Dexter: I'm doomed to be alone for the rest of my life aren't I Monty?

Monty: Hey now, don't say that. You are a great guy and one day you are going to find the right woman for you. Hey, you never know. Maybe we'll find a Amidala look a like at the film and she like the same shit you do.

Dexter: heh....you always know how to cheer me up.

Monty: Hey, what are best buds good for huh....lets take off man.

It's about time - Wednesday, Jul. 07, 2004
An Honor for Chrome - Friday, Feb. 20, 2004
A great loss - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
a terrible announcement. - Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003
Chrome speaks: - Friday, Sept. 05, 2003