crazylady's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hot Chocolate is Nice Well, well, well�guess who was threatened with a night in jail or a $500 fine for disturbing the peace last night? Go ahead, guess�I�m waiting�okay, I�ll tell you, it was me! CrazyLady almost got arrested last night! For real! Here�s the whole story� I was supposed to have a �party� last night but most everyone I invited forgot about it so it was my sister, her roommate, the best friend and one of my chefs. So we did our alcohol run and were just chillin� on the balcony. Well of course my sister starts talking about throwing things off of the balcony. Now we�ve thrown lawn furniture, beer bottles, stale bagels and lots of other things. So we were racking our brains trying to think of what to toss next. There were a lot of people walking around last night so we really didn�t want to throw anything that could potentially cause bodily harm. Right next to my apartment is a walk-through from the street out front to the parking lot so there�s this big yellow brick wall that was just screaming to have super balls thrown at it. So they go over to FrigMart to procure said super balls. When they returned they sadly had no super balls. The best friend and I each fought back tears until we were suddenly pelted with MARSHMALLOWS! They fucking bought marshmallows! It was all-out war! We locked them out of the apartment so they couldn�t sneak up on us. Marshmallows from the left! Marshmallows from the right! Marsh-fucking-mallow at 12 o�clock! It was marshmallow war and it was winner take all! The best friend and I crawled around the balcony collecting ammo while the relentless rain of marshmallows continued. Two against three, but we had age and experience on our side. Our strategy was to collect as many as we could so they didn�t have anything to throw. There was only one flaw with our plan, they could go to FrigMart and buy more. We were cornered and had to rely on our instincts to save ourselves and protect each other. While my sister and her roommate went to buy more �mallows the chef tried to switch sides. I unlocked the door and we cast our entire supply at him, as he was collecting them from the stairwell we locked him out again. Alas, they had returned with better, stronger marshmallows. Puffy white globs of sugar showered down upon us. The deadly quadra-mallow made its first appearance. I was hit! Man down! Man down! Although the �mallow burn on my neck was throbbing I knew this was no time to give into the pain! I owed it to the best friend to keep fighting until my very last breath! Suddenly we heard new voices. We carefully peeked over the balcony to see four new recruits! They had more than double their legions! Our age was beginning to show, we were tired and our hands were sticky. Thankfully their newest members ended up being deserters and we called a truce by throwing all the marshmallows onto the rooftop next door. The best friend left, worn out but not defeated. We all shook hands and agreed to fight on the same side from now on. They threw some marbles onto the lawn to fuck with the guy who mows it. The chef and I came inside to mess around on the computer. Suddenly a battle cry came from outside! The deserters were back! And they were throwing markers and maxi-pads at us! I�ll tell you what folks, I know there is nothing funny about war but until you�ve seen a maxi-pad fly by your head you just haven�t laughed. They really aren�t kidding about those wings! There were markers and maxis everywhere! Stuck to the sign for the store downstairs! Stuck to the bulls� head Uncle Frig hung on the balcony. We knew we were dealing with any evil foe when they stuck the maxis on their foreheads and began harassing passers-by. We all soon grew tired. The kind of tired that only comes from war. We invited them upstairs with us so we could go over the terms of our peace agreement but not before taking a lovely picture of them laying amid the carnage of markers, maxis and onion rings. So they end up being really cool and we all team up to start heckling all the club-goers. We are having a fine time until we see a cop doing a real slow drive-by. We all ran into the apartment �cause we�re dumb. They got to see Uncle Frigs artwork and the crap-filled extra bedroom and all the little things that make my apartment so god damn charming. After a few minutes we went back outside and commenced to heckling. Well fuck me running if that damn cop doesn�t park and walk up to the balcony! �Who lives here?� he asked in that tough cop voice �I do.� CrazyLady says grinning and setting her drink down �I need to see your ID.� Grrrr �Sure, no problem.� Jackass So I meet him on the sidewalk and I show him my ID. He starts lecturing me on how it�s my responsibility to keep my friends �under control� like I�m Hitler or something! Then he says, �If I have to come back here tonight you�re either going to fined $500 or you�re going to spend the night in jail.� I�ll take the night in jail, thank you very much. He walks back to his car and I go back upstairs and we were all kinda giggling about the whole thing and I swear to fuckin god he shouts up to us �I can hear you laughing!� As he�s yelling up at us there is utter chaos happening in the parking lot behind him, people driving the wrong way, gay dumpster sex, lots of tucking in, I mean it was fucking anarchy. But WE were LAUGHING! The nerve of us to be LAUGHING out loud and everything. Disturbing the peace by laughing. I�ve laughed at funerals for christ sake! No one told me I was disturbing the funeral! Whatever, so that was our night. Advice of the day: Showering without clothes is much more effective Quote of the day: �All my jokes are old, that�s why I need new friends.� CrazyLady 20:37:19 - 2000-09-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 000929_28.html 001002_81.html |
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