Neko

Late-night loneliness

I lay down for about an hour, but sleep will not come. I ran out of cigarettes yesterday and am instead haunted by the smell of my ash tray wafting through the room. Aunt N did not come over today, she must not be feeling well again, so I took my bike out to the park instead. It was muddy and the trail was too rough with roots to ride on, but I still had fun overall. I took some photos of the water and a few interesting spots, but there isn't much to see until the trees begin to bloom and the various fauna come back out from the winter chill. I plan to visit the library tomorrow to return my book and (of course) get another that is on my to-read list. I didn't finish Jurassic Park, and doubt I ever will, so I'm choosing to drop the book. The last time I picked it up was nearly a year ago, so perhaps I'm just having a hard time returning back to where I had left off.

K called me earlier to show me his tax-return purchases. I'm not sure why he's decided to talk to me again after ignoring me for nearly two whole weeks, but I try to remain pleasant when my heart is breaking. Maybe it's just late-night loneliness talking, but in my current state, I feel as though I'm going to be alone for a very long time. I want to be okay with it, but the truth is, I'm not. I dreamed a few nights ago that I had a girlfriend who I shared an intimate moment with- we both just lay there holding each other and feeling the skin of each other's bodies. What a wonderful dream...