The world is really cruel.
It truly is. For a second, I just think that we should swap places with animals and let them torture us.
My friends and I came out of school, looking for some food to buy. Had I know that the softball training would be for 4 hours, I would definately eat more than just three measly slices of garlic bread. I did not bring enough money to buy forgetting to bring my two dollars.
Random thought: And I don't have SARS, damn it. The girl who wrote that in the guestbook should be damned. Sheesh.
After eating at the cafe, we went straight back to school to practise for our softball competition which would be held for tomorrow. And I spotted a cat.
It was purring, then it stroked my legs, affectionately. I was so god damn sure it was hungry but as I did not have enough money to buy food for it, I felt like a jerk in an instant.
Why do I always use my money for my own sake, than the cat who might not have anything for the last three days?
What if I were to be in its place? What if I were an orphan? I would be homeless, with no pennies on my pocket, and just... starve. That was the reason why I kept donating money to the charity. To date.. perhaps I had donated 20 dollars which I would really need to buy some books for school, but instead.. I gave it to the charity and I still felt that it was not enough. I could have done better things... I could have donated some to the SPCA. I could have...
I stroked the cat, and it began to lie on the hot cement floor. It looked really... no words could described how it looked, but it gave me a puzzled, happy, and contented look. It was as though it was trying to impress me to take it back home, by acting to be as happy as it could but on the inside, I knew it was really starving... hungry.. lonely..
Unloved...
I touched its forehead, and I wished I could hug it and maybe kiss it, but my friends were already whispering to one another that I was being very unhygenic and that the cat could pose some harmful threat on us, human.
Fine.
We went to the field to practise fielding and catching the balls and exactly at six o'clock, we went back home. And I saw the cat again but this time, it was stroking a teenage boy's legs.
Everyone was laughing at the cat, and I could sense that some were despising it. They attempted to kick the cat, but the cat got lucky; it ran to the nearest car and hid underneath it. Before that, it was still trying to 'impress' the boy by lying on the floor while posing..
It just reminded me of the lives of prostitutes. The live in fear. Everyone will ostrasize them. Everyone will look down on them. Everyone will despise them, thinking that they are dirty, shameless and bitches. I don't want to hide anything, but I don't like prostitutes too. My aunts were divorced, mainly because of strippers and prostitutes. In a way, I am prejudging them.
We, people living in this world ,just need to change our mindsets.
The cat deserved a better home, the homeless should be given help, the plants should be watered to grow and the animals in the zoo, just need to be set free. Like us, they want freedom.
Random thought: So what if I have just eaten three measly slices of garlic bread? Why don't I think at the first place that I could use the money to buy cat food instead?
On the other hand, I need food. It is not a 'want', but it is a 'need'.
I wonder how the cat is going to live, but I certainly feel that the world is really unfair, but that's the game of life.
As about friends... now I am positively sure that my move on not being close to Jenny, is the right move. She's far off too immature for me. But then again, she's still a child. Teenagers are still.. children. So what can I expect of her?
It's just because of me. Why must I always worry about animals, but I feel that it is something that I must worry about! And why do I grow up too fast mentally and physically? I like being what I am right now, but I feel that I have been thrown into another totally opposite dimension. Why am I still with kids who seem... too immature for me? Why?
7:31 p.m. - 2003-05-28
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