2002-07-09 | 11:50 a.m.
not the only one

I almost just quit my job over a project that ends tomorrow, over a big giant deal that actually wasn't a big giant deal at all, but one teeny small deal and one slightly bigger deal, that in retrospect, wasn't even a deal. But when I was sitting in the truck, coming back from the laundry, and my lovely supermarket that was slightly less lovely because they had someone bagging and no one bags as good as me anyway, but this woman was really pretty bad and single-bagged (!!), though she did at least keep the detergent and foodstuffs separate and it was hot and I was tired and we had to carry the groceries too far because they are weirdly repaving sections of the parking lot and I could already tell we'd never get a spot in front of the house (though we totally did) and I checked my mail on my phone and there were these edits that just sounded completely enormous and unnecessary and if my work was so lame we have to totally redo it, why did you sit on it a whole day, PS I hate you all, etc. etc. and I'm seething and frustrated and am certain that if I get one IM from anyone involved I'm going to tell them to take a flying leap.

But I don't. They leave me alone for a full 45 seconds, which is exactly how long I need to read over the work again and realize it is a big bunch of no problem and anyway, all this crap will be over so soon. And the undertow stops, and the waves calm and I can see the shore again. Have you ever been pulled in bad in the ocean, been stuck under for too long, every time you go to come up you get hit again by another wave? Do you know that panic, how it feels like it will never stop? That horror, that lack of control, that mortal dread? I've had it in the ocean my share of times, but I feel that on land all the time, kids. It's rough. All I need is 10 seconds of a break to get my bearings and it is all over, but sometimes those seconds don't come soon enough.

Oh. It might be bad. I might be in love. In love with the biggest silly of all time. I love it. He is so delightful and a goof and awesome and fun. Even if in the beginning he just seems like a dork dork, he turns into a great dork. It's like I'm saying. If we were on TV we'd be going out, because on TV if someone keeps telling you that he used to have a girlfriend, but he doesn't anymore and by the way, are you busy Sunday and have you ever been to this one place, those people then go on Sunday to that place, but I'm not on TV anymore. Though if I was, he'd watch. He said so.

Oh!

Yes, when there's no work, there's fun times all over. And swimming, and barbecues and Powerpuff Girls with Van Halen jokes and maybe real life Mr. Show and happy goodness. Even if I like the work, I get very frustrated with the working situation and the people I work with. It will be nice for that to change or to at least have a little time to get myself together some.

The other day, the hottest day, we went to the laundromat and the grocery store and out for a coke and to the video store and it all took less than 2 hours and it was all so great. Today, too. Not bad at all. Oh, I love the truck. And I'm not the only one.

... say something, anything (0)