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Underneath It All
bitched @ 11:04 p.m. on 2002-10-21 Stressful day as always... Not only did I miss my sisters call but I ALSO blew all the rest of my money at the mall today. okay now about my conference, I guess my teacher said that my writing is "promising" WTF??? brb I must go get myself some cheezy puffs... *runs off* Okay I will never eat another cheezy poof as long as I live... *pops another cheezy poof in mouth* Well... HAHAHA!!! Okay seriously now. I wont eat anymore cuz now I feel sick. BLECH! Okay well again I'm dead tired so I'm gonna cram as much as I can in this bitch b4 I konk out! Well today was crazy. I like flipped out, my teacher is really confusings he makes it seem like I'm gonna fail her class but then she turnes around and tells me I can turn in all my work late and get full credit??? YEAY! I still hate school tho. I went shopping today after I got out of my conference, I even smoked a ciggie... It'd called a "PrimeTime" and when you lick your lips it tastes like cherry. I felt really dumb when I was smoking it in my car on my way to the mall but it FELT hella good. Inhaling it... Breathing it... Tasting it... How fucked up is that? Anyways when I got to the mall -may I just add that I went to the mall by MYSELF!!! I never do things like that by myself! haha! Anyways I went and the first place i went to was STRAIGHT to AE (American Eagle Outfitters) I LOVE that friggin place! Then I went to GAP and well tehn I had to go hom eor I'd probibly go bankrupt!!! Yea so b4 I go to bed I just wanna rant. Why is it that I cry and cry about wanting a boyfriend but when a "potential" guy comes around and it might just actually HAPPEN I runaway? WHY?! It's liek my heart goes into overdrive and I get scared. Scared of what? You would think the reason I'd be scared is because in the past guys have totally screwed me over -wait wrong choice of words... Okay there have been two MAIN guys in my life they were the ones who I ALMOST cashed my V-card in for. And in the end they cheated on me. I never cried over a guy b4 in front of their face but... These guys I cried in front of. My point is taht I AM scared to open up to a guy -or anyone for that matter. I'm scared taht underneath all my funk the REAL me isn't good enough for anyone. I mean who in their right mind would sincerely accept me for me? I know my BFF would understand but she lives soooo far away and until I can go to her I'm by myself here. Alone. I DO want a guy in my life but when I might I screw it up cuz I get scared. I ALWAYS do this. Like take Daniel for example. We could have maybe been a couple right now if I hadn't been chicken and always scurried around his "date" offers. Then he started to lose interest and I blamed it on him, I blamed the reason we didn't work out on HIM. But I guess it was for the good cuz he's a major pothead man. I swear he is so smart but he acts so stupid! His birthday is in two days... Should I do something? Like call him? Maybe see what he's doing? I dunno I'm not important enough to spend his B-day with anyways... I gotta hit the sack b4 I never wake up in the morning. i have to wake up in 5 hours and get ready for work BLAH! Gag me man!!! Yea well I don't NEED a boyfreidn okay!? I have a HUSBAND! His name is Jason Behr and we are VERY MUCH IN LOVE thank you very much!!! Wanna see my husband?
This is me and my man! Hahaha!!!! You know you love me, ~JBehrsGurl
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