2005-01-12
it's foggy
i'm really bad at sucking it up.
i'm preparing for failure and success. i don't know which i'll get, so i need to get ready for both. i can't be blindsided by either, one wouldn't be possible and one would be painful. ouch or yay. neither nor.
my bubble bath basically sucked. i hate it when they stick to my back when i lean back. you can't kill them by squeezing/smashing them either, contrary to popular belief.
talking to oneself in the mirror with painful eyes invokes sanity rather than the opposite. i don't feel like elaborating.
it's funny how when people describe things as falsely profound, they use food adjectives. that's cheesy. that's corny.
i don't have time for this. i wonder what i DO have time for. no time for myself, some would say. but no, that's exactly what all my time is going to. i am a very selfish human being who not only wants things my way, but sometimes demands them like that. i can hide behind my patience and kindess as the greedy yearning for success lurks inside. i don't know if any of this is true. i'm not getting what i'm wanting, and it's straining me. i bet buddhists would consider me to be extremely unsound. remember the four-fold path of buddhism:
The first truth is that life is an endless cycle of suffering��suffering in birth, in illness, in old age, in separation from loved ones, in disappointment, and in death.
The second truth is that suffering comes from desire and craving, desire for pleasure and avoidance of pain.
The third truth is that the end of suffering comes when you are free from desire... i'm kindof screwed.
i am going to go pack, because i am going someplace. then i am going to try to sleep. i love life. i just need to remind myself of that sometimes.
leesah-likes at 10:02 p.m.