lobsterchick's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You Pay For It, You Better Check It DS found out last week that he would be receiving a (small) Social Security check each month. Travel back in time with me, will you, to not so long ago.... [The phone rings] DS: picks up the phone, clears his throat, begins singing. Buhhhhhlieve it or not! I'm walkin' on aaaair! I never thought I could feel so free-hee-hee! His lawyer's secretary: Mr. Soon? DS: Flyin' away o-on a wing and a prayer! Who could it be? His lawyer's secretary: Deadsoon? DS: [silence] His lawyer's secretary: This is Mandy from Joe Hinkle's office. DS: Oh, God. I thought you were a friend of mine. His lawyer's secretary: It's okay. My husband never sings to me! DS: realizes he's being pitied. I'm sorry. I'm just so excited about this Social Security thing. His lawyer's secretary: It's okay, I'm excited, too. In fact, you could say I'm walking on air. Aaaaand...scene. And this, kids, is why you should always check the Caller ID. 8:07 AM - 21 July 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Excellent Grammar Gets Me Hot I think I may be in love with a coworker. I would be wary of posting this except that I know nothing would ever happen. He's married, and I wouldn't, and he wouldn't, so that's that. But you will die when you find out why I'm like this. It's his grammar. More often than I would like, I have to do dictation from dictaphone tapes (Hmm. There was a lot of "dic" in that sentence). These tapes are unvaryingly crashingly boring, and I do them for this guy (let's call him Tongkba just for kicks) so seldom that I forget that I love doing them for him. For one thing, he dictates punctuation. Like, "At the time I arrived at the site comma it was raining and the temperature was around seventy-six degrees period." A lot of them do this, but he does it right. He knows when to use "however" at the beginning of a sentence and when to use it in the middle (none of the other guys understand this). He uses semicolons, correctly. He cares about the clarity of his words. And I just fell. Like that. I told three different coworkers, and they all had the same reaction: They laughed, shook their heads, then got serious. "He's not bad looking." Well, no, he certainly isn't, but see above for the caveat. So then throughout the tape I was working on, the goofy little jokes he inserted made me laugh like a hyena. Just silly stuff, like, when all the sewer utilities are the same company, he'd say, "You guessed it!" And normally I'd roll my eyes and think, Why are you wasting my precious time? But I laughed heartily. I have a thing for Tongkba. 10:26 PM - 20 July 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's Hump Day! Ooh! Someone at the Pentagon is reading me! Hello, Military Industrial Complex! Hope you're enjoying yourself! I hope everyone is liking my new fancy randomly-generated masthead situation. I'm so ants-in-the-pants that I can't just stick with one. This way, I'm sticking with 30 of them. Pretty sweet, huh? My favorite is the one that says "Flowers" in Russian. It took a while, from tracking down the only free Cyrillic font I could find, to finding out it was shitty, to mixing and matching it and different sized Times New Roman letters. Still, I loved doing it. I need a PC drawing tablet. Anyone have one lying around for me to snatch? Heh. I said "snatch." 11:59 AM - 20 July 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pamie.com Alert! Like She Needs Me Plugging Her Check out this hilarious post from Pamie on the Kool-Aid Man's probable reaction to Jonestown. 1:29 AM - 20 July 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Few, The Ashamed, The Idiots God, nothing has happened in my life lately, which is why I've been posting, like, one-sentence entries. But I feel compelled to come up with something worthy, since this is leading people here (scroll down to the sixth masthead). Um, let's see... um.... I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and I thought it was good. My favorite part, the part that made me laugh through the entire next scene and gave me the enviable position of receiving patented Moviegoer Looks of Death� from the kind folks around me (the one that comes before a "Shh!" but after several minutes of lip-pursing) was the "Flags of the World" scene. I could just run a continuous loop on my computer of the time between little Willie saying "I'll run away!" and the guard saying "Sorry, kid, we're closing." I couldn't even look at DS, because when I did, he started laughing again, then I laughed even louder, and so on and so on, ad nauseum. Even worse is the fact that I hate solo laughers at movies. It's like, Jesus, get on the same cultural page as the rest of us. But now, I join their ranks. And that's all I got right now. 1:02 PM - 19 July 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Eek! Do you ever get nervous when what you assume is someone's vanity Google leads him/her to your blog? Yeah, me too. 8:02 AM - 19 July 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Can See That It's Winter And Nobody's Home If you have a broadband connection and a newer computer, you should definitely do this. It freaks me out (though I don't know why; it's not a privacy thing, it's just weird), but it's pretty cool. 11:54 PM - 17 July 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Speck of Sand on a Beach I suddenly feel so small. I was reading an article in Reader's Digest (yes, I read it. Call me 80) about blogging, and there are like, a bajillion of us. It's unsettling. 4:12 AM - 17 July 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Blanche Devereaux? Is That You? Is it wrong of me to scroll through the non-credit courses at the local community college, looking for fall classes taught by men, for the sole purpose of snaring myself a man? Second question: When did I start referring to men as something to be "snared"? Third question: Oh, God, what has happened to me? 11:37 PM - 16 July 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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