Hey all.
My god yesterday was so fucked up...
I was sitting in my room staring off into space cuz I was so tired I could hardly move. My mom came in, my room does'nt have a door cuz my parents are fucking psycos, and just started screaming at me. I got really pissed off and woke from my sleepy stupor and yelled back. She hit me, and kept hitting my face as I screamed out what a fucking whore she is because she screamed "Why don't you just go fuck your girlfriend you stupid, dirty fucking dyke!" I just fucking lost it. I could'nt hit her back because the last time I did I gave her a bloody nose and my stepdad, who if a hugely mucled and scary short man with a terrible temper, said he would beat my ass till I bled from my eyes. I have a phobia of men already, so that did'nt make it any better.
My mom bruised my right cheek, the bridge of my nose, and I have a long scratch that goes from below the hollow of my throat, to my left breast. OH! But heres the crazy part; she came into my room again when I was sitting there on me bed clutching my teddybear that Taylor gave me and listening to Broken, My Immortal, and Silhouette by Seether & Amy Lee, Evanescence, and Smile Empty Soul. She was all crying and all sorry, trying to hug me and make everything all better... I swear she must be cazy. I can't forgive her and I told her that she does this all the time, hurts me and then says sorry and that she won't do anything like that again, only to continue to hurt me over and over again, more mental than physical, which for me is worse.
She read my journal that I keep all my poetry in. I hate her for that, and for so many other things. But I feel so violated. Those were my thoughts, and my thoughts are the only things I can call my own. I don't think I will be writing much anymore, and that hurts because writing is my passion. But... It's just cut me.
Ha... I almost started cutting again. I had the razor in my hand and to my skin, just like a million times before in the past... but I did'nt. I sat there and cried.......
8:57 a.m. - 2004-05-13
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