rcketgrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- blah sums it up quite well So many times I thought of writing, of what I should write, really important thoughts, happy thoughts, feelings I wanted to keep forever... and now... they are simply a memory, a memory overswept with complicated thoughts, thoughts that have put me here, fingers nimble and ready to type, and why I have no idea, as these are feelings I'd rather NOT remember. A new beginning to my future, should be exciting, should it not? Especially when I played an equal role - if not more - in making this decision. The right decision, right? If I say it enough perhaps I can convince myself. If that's the case, then why do I feel like crap? It's the most terrible feeling I've felt in a long time. I feel I have failed and this time the loss will be like no other I have ever experienced. I'm angry, angry at myself, angry because things can't be the way you want them to be and no matter how much you hope, how much you try, you can't change what isn't going to happen. Even when there is so much good, what should be, isn't, and for the best of those involved, letting go is the only available option. The right option. It f'n sux. The only thing that makes me feel stupidly better is that I just stole a big plastic garbage bin in my pajama's, maybe I didn't exactly steal it, it was abandoned and I simply took it prior to someone else taking it, but yes, it clearly wasn't mine to take. I need help when that is the only positive from today, a new bin for the garage, and it isn't even new. :( /out 12:17 am - 2005-03-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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