ril's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- \"Law-Talking Guy\" �Law-Talking Guy� If you�ve read my previous entries, then you already know that I am suffering some serious angst about my on-again-off-again decision to abandon my cushy job at the Co and resurrect my career as an attorney. "But wait!" you say, "You�ve settled this already." Right? It's true that I left �the Firm� lifestyle and have settled in nicely as a poster child for the Peter Principle. The Co loves me and keeps promoting me -- and with each promotion I am responsible for doing less and less �real� work. My days are spent in meetings in which my only expected contributions are the occasional nod of the head and randomly saying one of the following: �Make an appointment with me sometime next week and we�ll talk about it again.� �That�s a great idea, but it just isn�t in the budget?� �Let�s form a committee to look into those suggestions.� �We should probably hold off on that until we complete the reorganization.� In other words, my job is to make sure that nothing ever gets done. No one ever actually said that to me, of course. But � being just barely smarter than the average bear � I figured it out in time to keep _me_ from being reorganized. And, once I began acting like this my career really took off. It may be the easiest job I�ve ever had � and I�m constantly being assured that I�ll �go far� in the Co. Although there is this small part of me that thinks I should just go ahead and sell out I just can�t quite see myself being happy becoming what I spent so many years mocking� but what to do? I _know_ that I don�t want to go back into �the firm� mode. � and then� as I was watching an all night marathon of "The Simpsons" the answer came to me� if only I could pull it off� Atticus Finch eat your heart out� I want to go work for Mr. Lionel Hutz � the �law-talking guy� at the �I Can�t Believe it�s a Law Firm� in the Springfield shopping mall. I think I'd fit right in... The firm has two mottoes. The first is �Cases won in thirty minutes or your pizza is free!� and the other is �Clogging our Courts Since 1974.� Yes, indeedy, I think I�d fit in very well there� Here' some examples of the kind of advice I would be responsible for handing out in my new job: � �Don�t you worry. I�ve argued in front of every judge in this state -- often as a lawyer.� � �Mr. Simpson, I couldn�t help overhearing that you need a babysitter. Of course, being a highly skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.� � �I�ll be defending you on the charge of . . . Murder One! Wow! Even if I lose, I�ll be famous!� � �Oh sure, like lawyers work in big skyscrapers and have secretaries. Look at him! He�s wearing a belt. That�s Hollywood for ya.� � �Mr. Simpson, the state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement. But just between you and me, I promise you a big cash settlement.� and my personal favorite� � Judge: �Mr. Hutz we�ve been in here for four hours. Do you have any evidence at all?� Hutz: �Well, your honor, we�ve had plenty of hearsay and conjecture. Those are kinds of evidence.� Yes sir! My kind of frim! Now, where do I send my resume? - 2001-12-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||