01/31/2003 - 3:40 PM
Dig if you will a picture...you're at work, and you don't feel like working. Every day. You do just enough work to get by and get praise, but you know you're not feeling it. The strange this is, you don't dislike your job. You actually like it. The people your work with are great, you make a more than decent wage, the company is a responsible one, and the hours are flexible around your life. This is my dilemma in life right now.The obvious answer is, figure out what you want to do with your life, and do it. That's what I tell everyone else, and yet I can't take my own advice. Part of that is the realization that the economy we live in is in the crapper. Part of that is the feat that the increasing debt load I've accumulated over the past year will bury me deeper than a coffin in the ground. But I have a feeling that the majority of it is just the fear of failure, something that you would figure a guy who sold everything to move to Colorado wouldn't really have to worry about.
What makes this even more bizarre is the fact that my brain doesn't handle the idea of making that kind of choice. At all. It's like there's a mental block on my brain when I ask it, "what should I be when I grow up?" I can come up with a lot of ideas, but I never can focus in on one thing without it being eliminated quickly. Among the dream jobs for me...
1. Record store owner - my ultimate job
2. Some type of artist development position at a record company
3. Program/music director at a radio station
4. A consulting position where I'd get to travel at least a few times a month (who knows in what)
5. A judge on American Idol (not really, but it sounds good)
So there you go...see a trend? Yeah...me too. But I can also give you at least five reasons why I can't do each of these jobs. Self-defeating, I know. Right now, I really need to work on how I look at my current job, and what I can do to bring it in line with my expectations. Then I truly need to look at what would make me even happier, and start working toward it. It will be a stretch for me (not much of a planning type of guy), but I definitely believe I'm capable of handling it. In the meantime, I think I'm gonna leave work a few minutes early so I get a few minutes quality time before the p/t job kicks in. JOY!
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