description: much like mankind's desire to destroy the sun, these questions have persisted throughout the ages
| 1. You are given the opportunity to address every human being on the planet simultaneously in a one minute television broadcast. It will be translated into every language and everyone is guaranteed to watch. What do you say? (all) |
| "Um, hi. Could everyone who...uhhh...has, like, a LOT of money - could you maybe help out someone who has, like, none? *long nervous pause* Oh my god, that was so cheesy. I - I can't believe they didn't pick someone smarter to do this. I'm sorry. Just...I hope you have a nice day. Bye." |
| 2. You are granted the power to permanently anthropomorphize (give human qualities to) one thing or one type of thing (all tress, all cars, etc.). What's it gonna be? (all) |
| Wow, this is a really weird question. All the ideas I can think of seem to invite decidedly creepy results. I'll just say "Apple computer monitors" in the hopes that zany antics a la 'Bloom County' or 'Foxtrot' would ensue. |
| 3. You messed up bad and you're on death row. What's your last meal? (all) |
| I've never understood why people can eat at a time like that. I'd ask for a pint glass full of high quality vodka. |
| 4. Would you trade one year of your own life to bring back from the dead one random person that you don't know? (all) |
| Hm, the trouble with this is I don't get to pick which year (the wheezing, age-befuddled LAST year, please) or which person (is it Hitler? Sonny Bono? it is a mystery!). I guess to be on the safe side I'd say no. |
| 5. Conversely, would you accept one million dollars from a mysterious stranger if you knew that it meant that one random person that you don't know was going to die as soon as you accepted? (all) |
| Ooh, yet another rich, creamery conundrum. Here I could potentially be killing off some wonderful do-gooder who is pure as the driven snow, or, on the other hand, that charming Anna Nicole Smith. I can sort of imagine taking the money happily, but I'll take the theoretical high road and say no. |
| 6. What's the greatest invention in human history? (all) |
| Quick-drying nail polish? Benadryl? The mystical combination of preservatives and pig snouts that become individually wrapped slices of American cheese? Hmm. I think I'll say "the printing press". |
| 7. Your longtime fantasy of having dead wealthy relatives comes true, and you inherit one million dollars. The catch is that you have to spend it all tomorrow. What are your plans? (It breaks down to a bit less than $50,000 an hour) (all) |
| I'd hire some sort of financial guru who would create some sort of investment matrix that would allow me to creatively sock away the whole wad in a manner in which it would be easy to re-liquidate the funds after my one day limit had passed. Or, I'd buy one nice house on Lake Washington here in Seattle. Of course, I'd need more money to do that. |
| 8. Everyone has one: What's your screenplay idea? (all) |
| Here's the pitch: there's this dreary girl named Karyn who shopped too much and got into debt for $20,000 and put up a website to bitch about it and tons of mouth-breathers PAID her - who wouldn't want to see THAT movie? It's pure gold! (insert irony here) |
| 9. Describe one event in your life in which you acted out of pure, good, selfless intentions. (all) |
| I can literally think of no event in my life in which I acted out of pure, good, selfless intentions. I bet anyone who says they can is LYING.
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| 10. You find a magic pill which, when swallowed, makes you an instant expert or gives you unlimited skill in one and only one field of your choice. What do you choose? (all) |
| Rocket scientist. Imagine zipping effortlessly by all those years of higher level education. Plus, I would presumably be better at math than I am now, which would be helpful in lots of ways. Bonus: I get tell people I'm a *rocket scientist*. |
