2004-07-19 - 11:43 p.m.
Time has never meant so little to me. Now that I am alone. I woke up this morning knowing that I would not see my family for a while. I kissed my boy while he slept, and hugged my Sunshine goodbye. I told her I wanted to kiss her, so she gave me a kiss on the cheek. It fucking rocked! I gave her one back. I hugged her again, but I should have known better than to be so presumptuous as to lean in to kiss her full.
Time means nothing to me now that they are not here to come home to. Years spent on the job, looking at the clock, waiting for the whistle to go home, so I could see my loves. No one now to race home to see. At least, not for a little while. Stay a little longer at work. Hell, it's overtime so what the fuck do I care, more money in my pocket to send thier way.
I got back to the house today and where once it was wooden, cold stone now sits, lifeless. My loves, they brought warmth to this place, a rainbow spectrum of heat and light that follows them where ever they tread. Now it is cold. I want them so bad. I just want to hold them. To play with my son, and to hold my Sunshine. God, I miss them so much. And it hasn't even been a day. But oh, come this weekend, I am going up there to see them, my beautiful family.
I'm not going to get used to this feeling of longing. It will only become more intense. A true test of my will. For you my loves, to succeed and to bring honor to you is only a matter of time. I will not fail in this trial. On the day that I am free from this place my love for you both shall have waned none.
For the first time in my life I am truly alone. I need her. I need him. Oh God. What do I do? No. No. I have to figure it out on my own. In my dreams my loves. I will see you soon.
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