7:37 a.m. - 2005-05-02
i got me back
I just wanted to tell you that i'm not gonna run from this anymore. I've pushed it to the back of the closet for the last time, and i won't look back anymore.
you made me feel inferior.
you made me feel incompetant.
you are the son of a bitch who took my confidence, my independance, my passion, and my love for life. and i hate you for it. i will never be the same, and you my friend will never be different.
but i can move on from this. i can quit feeling these empty feelings. this knowledge that i am not good enough and that it can get no better than you. what a joke.
I wish you understood just exactly what you did to me. exactly what you stole from me. i will never be the same. i will never recover.
but don't think you won, my dear. oh no, this is far from over, because i won't be defeated. not this time. i will put make-up on my scars and go back out there to the front line.
because i'm my daddy's soldier.
and that will never change.
i'm raising the bar, and next time around i will be good enough. i will be allowed to be loved and i will deserve to be proud of how i was raised and the person that i became before you got ahold of me.
you ravaged me. you tore me apart and you took a part of my soul. now i know that i am not the one with the problem, you are. when given the chance i will break down my walls and allow someone to love me with all of their heart and soul, and i will love them back. i am worse because of you, but i am also better. there will never again be a time that i will think that I am the one that doesn't deserve that. i will quit worrying that as soon as someone gets to know me, their feelings about me will change. there is nothing about me that should make you run the other way.
you wanted me to think that because you wanted me forever.
i am bigger and badder than ever and i will get what i want in time. and you will find some poor young girl to manipulate and beat down and crush.
i hope she can see through you before it's too late.
i'll see you on the battlefield.
and this time, i'm in it for blood
