I finally have a “you.” It hasn’t been as long as it feels. Only since the end of September did we start talking. Now we spend all our time off together and she’s snoring next to me now.

I’m in love in the truest sense. I’m writing this down now because I have to know this happened. This is just for me. I won’t be waxing poetic or using pompous prose to meld artistry with blind emotion. I’m lying to myself about that as I write it.

I want to say it’s okay. I can be hurt again and that this girl is worth all the risk in the world. I’ve grown into someone I can spend the rest of my life with. It’s mostly thanks to her.

I struggle to say I’m afraid. I don’t like when she brings up her ex’s. And i know she cares about me. But I don’t understand why she does it. We were watching a movie and she brought up how an ex had multiple personality disorder or whatever the proper term for that illness is now. I sort of shut down. I should have expressed myself. I’m doing all the failings I do.

I can’t sleep. I’m wearing ear plugs because she snores. It’s cute. But I can’t sleep through it usually. It’s the sound of my heart racing that’s keeping me up. It’s pounding on my ear drums. Louder than her snores. It’s keeping me up.

I’m still thinking about her ex’s.

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