Things have gotten a little bit better. We never completely resolved everything from our fight, but we agreed to just drop it, move on, and forget it happened. I haven't actually seen him in person, still, and I don't know when I will. I'm letting him decide that since the last time I invited myself over didn't work out so well. But I work a lot these next two weeks, including this next weekend, so I don't know when I will have time to see him again. And then my LAST SEMESTER OF GRAD SCHOOL!!! will begin again in January and I will be busy as hell again. So... I don't know. We'll see.

I finally went and established care with a PCP the other day. I also asked her to put me on some Zoloft. I've always had some mild depression, but especially with this fight, it was made clear that my reactions to things is just waaaay too out of control. I have these intense highs when I'm happy followed by these horrible lows. My emotions are very volatile, I was feeling overwhelmed with anxiety... I cannot live like that. So at least until life calms down and isn't so anxiety-inducing, I am finally accepting some pharmacological help. I'm only on day four of it and it takes at least 2 weeks for effects to be felt, so we shall see. I told my sister about it, and she seemed a little surprised. I guess I hide my distress pretty well. I definitely internalize a lot. I know I don't have good stress management, but here we are.

My semester is officially over. I have one more semester left, and then I graduate. I cannot fucking wait. I'm also incredibly nervous to start a new chapter of my life and my career. I've only ever been an RN, so it will be intimidating to have these new responsibilities. But one thing at a time- I have one semester, still.

Life is so weird right now.

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