si deus me relinquit
[ senior year 2006 ]
Tuesday, Sept. 05, 2006 - 6:00 p.m.


due to diary-x being dead, i have moved my journal to diaryland. the whole coding system was slightly different, and i had some difficulty trying to adjust. (considering my poor coding skills). furthermore, my template looks slightly different under firefox. O_o i really need to design a new template... i hope d-x still has its old files. i'd like to know if my past entries were still there. my last post there had been a month/months after december 2005.
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a lot of things have occured during my high school senior year of 2006. prom, ap testing, massive senioritis, growing friendships, graduation. to discuss these would consume several entries. (damn you d-x). i will try to be concise... so in summation of the topics:

prom: honestly, i thought it would be awesome to go to prom with jack as a friend. i was secretly hoping he would ask me. teresa highly anticipated we would go together during middle school. to her dismay, he is queer - so nothing further would ever happen between us. anyways, yep we went to prom together. jack was a prom nazi. i gave my permission for him to dictate me on how my prom look should be. he was very precise. gotta admit, he helped make me look good. yeah, i have no sense of style whatsoever. i like he tried to accomodate towards my taste. overall, the look was kinda vogueish, geisha meets goth. black and white theme.

we went with our group of friends to prom. we ate at johnny carino's, took pictures around downtown,. prom was at a building in state fairgrounds; we ate at ihop afterwards. jack and i both agreed the experience was best before and after prom. prom itself was eh..music can't really dance much too. i was completely thankful that jack had asked me to be his date.
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ap testing: yeah. i slacked off a lot. i wasn't sure why i decided to tell parents to pay for the tests, even though i wasn't confident i would pass some. i figured.. what if i took it and did pass? i was correct on my assumptions on which ones i would pass and fail. utterly depressing to discuss. but i think taking human geo ap test was pointless if i already had a american government credit (concurrent class). such a damn fool.
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massive senioritis: nuff said.
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growing friendships: as high school progressed , in the later years , i believed i grew to become more open. at least towards certain individuals. also, i realized that... the amount of time of knowing someone doesn't really determine how much you know about them. rather, it is effort put forth in intensive communication that determines it. amazing how stace and i have been deemed 'friends' ever since we spent a lot of time together during 12 years. yet....she knows -nothing- about me - that is -- things deeper than surface. yet, you can also hang out with someone for just a couple of months, and you can learn soo much about them than you think it could take a lifetime to learn.

i just want to say to stace, "we all know our friendship is pretty much dead. so you can stop giving me presents now etc etc." i haaate how this long length of knowing someone makes me feel that i should be obliged to continue the 'friendship'. i just don't like being called friends even though we're not. we are growing towards different paths. i've even realized that she is one of those type of females whom i really wouldn't prefer being around anyway.
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graduation: graduation was okay. i wasn't feeling sad prior to it, or feeling apprehensive either. i just wanted to get it out of the way. (yeah - i'm pretty much apprehensive) i ranked around twenty something out of 535 students. it was weird, how the school included a 4.0 weighed gpa to be considered a valedictorion. oh well. lucky me. parents would kill me if i weren't anyway. of course, after analyzing my relationships with other people, i felt no sadness of leaving. i didn't cry. psssh...honestly i dont care about the majority of the people. it's not like i had a close connection with them. and with the people who i do like, umm yeah hello. we'll still see each other like once in a while (or once a year) :/ *shrugs*. it's called facebook, it's called email, it's called instant messaging, it's called meeting.

regrets? yes. if only i had been more outgoing, perhaps i would have experienced more happiness from being with more people. if only i had been more attentive to my studies, i wouldn't have screwed up my financial situation for college that much.

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finally......i had survived hell, only to venture into a new kind of hell.
mhmmmm college. joy.


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