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2004-04-21 2:00 p.m. - I've defected
Hi... I've succumbed to the pressure. I have defected. To visit me in my new blog home, please go here. Love to you all. E

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2004-04-10 9:25 p.m. - my saturday, kinda
I guess I need to archive this page at some point... It takes too long to load due to the failed map experiments anyway.

Today is Saturday, and I have done absolutely nothing useful. Until 8:50 this morning when she caught the shuttle, Chandra was in town this weekend, so the first hour of my day was nice and old-friend-visitey. After that it got pretty useless. I did some fruitless shopping. First I went to the Aldi to see if it's really like the German Aldi, and it is to some degree. It has pseudo-brand products, and some of them are even imported pseudo-brand products from Germany. If I were not on the South Beach diet, I would have bought the off-brand chocolate bars with strawberry filling just for the sake of German nostalgia. Oddly though, I wouldn't touch the things with a 10-foot pole when I was over there, but that's because I had the option of buying the real brand, which was a lot creamier. Oh well.

After that I went to Wal-Mart in an attempt to pull a Buffy DVD scam. You see, I ordered some Buffy DVDs back in February, and after gleefully watching my way through seasons 1 thru 3, I discovered that the first crucial episodes of season 4 were unwatchable to me due to a bunch of scratches on the DVD. Since I ordered them from online and no longer have the receipt, I decided the only way to remedy this would be to go to a store and buy the season 4 DVD set again, pull a switcheroo with old scratched DVD and the new non-scratched one, then return the package with the scratched DVD as damaged goods. Unfortunately for me, this did not work out as well as planned. I now have a complete non-scratched set of Buffy season 4, but they wouldn't just give me store credit. I had to exchange the damaged item for a the exact same item. So now I'll be selling the unopened season four ("Buffy Season 4 DVD Set New in Package!!!") set on ebay, hopefully for soemthing like the original retail price since it's never been opened. Ah the lengths I will go through to continue my Buffy obsession.

Another of my obsessions, the new Fox show Wonderfalls, has naturally been cancelled. It was too good. It had to go immediately! We didn't even make it to the requisite six episodes. I think there were all of four. If this happens to Tru Calling, I'm going to be so pissed. They did it to My so-called life, they did it to Buffy and Dark Angel, and of course they did it to Miss Match. Basically, I should work for the networks as a one-woman focus group. Pretty much, if I like a show, they can know right away that they should never air it, because it clearly won't be a ratings success and will therefore just get cancelled anyway.

Thank God for DVDs is all I can say. At least they can't truly take Buffy and Dark Angel away from me. In fact, they're actually better without the commercials.

I really miss Meghan. Sometimes this is just unbearable. Oh hey! She's online! Bye now!

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2004-04-10 9:25 p.m. - my saturday, kinda
I guess I need to archive this page at some point... It takes too long to load due to the failed map experiments anyway.

Today is Saturday, and I have done absolutely nothing useful. Until 8:50 this morning when she caught the shuttle, Chandra was in town this weekend, so the first hour of my day was nice and old-friend-visitey. After that it got pretty useless. I did some fruitless shopping. First I went to the Aldi to see if it's really like the German Aldi, and it is to some degree. It has pseudo-brand products, and some of them are even imported pseudo-brand products from Germany. If I were not on the South Beach diet, I would have bought the off-brand chocolate bars with strawberry filling just for the sake of German nostalgia. Oddly though, I wouldn't touch the things with a 10-foot pole when I was over there, but that's because I had the option of buying the real brand, which was a lot creamier. Oh well.

After that I went to Wal-Mart in an attempt to pull a Buffy DVD scam. You see, I ordered some Buffy DVDs back in February, and after gleefully watching my way through seasons 1 thru 3, I discovered that the first crucial episodes of season 4 were unwatchable to me due to a bunch of scratches on the DVD. Since I ordered them from online and no longer have the receipt, I decided the only way to remedy this would be to go to a store and buy the season 4 DVD set again, pull a switcheroo with old scratched DVD and the new non-scratched one, then return the package with the scratched DVD as damaged goods. Unfortunately for me, this did not work out as well as planned. I now have a complete non-scratched set of Buffy season 4, but they wouldn't just give me store credit. I had to exchange the damaged item for a the exact same item. So now I'll be selling the unopened season four ("Buffy Season 4 DVD Set New in Package!!!") set on ebay, hopefully for soemthing like the original retail price since it's never been opened. Ah the lengths I will go through to continue my Buffy obsession.

Another of my obsessions, the new Fox show Wonderfalls, has naturally been cancelled. It was too good. It had to go immediately! We didn't even make it to the requisite six episodes. I think there were all of four. If this happens to Tru Calling, I'm going to be so pissed. They did it to My so-called life, they did it to Buffy and Dark Angel, and of course they did it to Miss Match. Basically, I should work for the networks as a one-woman focus group. Pretty much, if I like a show, they can know right away that they should never air it, because it clearly won't be a ratings success and will therefore just get cancelled anyway.

Thank God for DVDs is all I can say. At least they can't truly take Buffy and Dark Angel away from me. In fact, they're actually better without the commercials.

I really miss Meghan. Sometimes this is just unbearable. Oh hey! She's online! Bye now!

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2004-03-23 11:01 p.m. - okay
Hmmm... clearly the world map below went haywire in some way. I've definitely never been to India, that I recall anyway.

Job search getting better: I got one offer (one-semester replacement, paid per-course, no benefits, would have had to commute 3 1/2 hours and stay over a few nights a week b/c it was not lucrative enough to move - i.e., a sucky deal all around), but I had to turn it down. Had a phone interview with a univ. in Colorado. Would be nice if they offer me the job. Still waiting on that. I am being considered for a dissertation fellowship in my department. Not a lot of money, but would give me the possibility of earning more sooner b/c it would give me time to make myself more marketable (read: more widely published).

Fun fact: the entire phone interview took place in German, and I didn't get flustered or have any major grammar catastrophes, or even any minor ones that I recall. Woo-hoo!

M and I now have table coverings for our little soiree. The are not fancy and linen, but they will be nice nonetheless. The reality of getting hitched has not really dawned on me. I think it's b/c M is not around for it to feel real. That and I am so caught up in the details of this shindig and my dissertation and job search... But I know in just a short while (2 1/2 months), it will be very real, and I can't wait. Yeh!

On the human relations front: Ex responded to e-mail about cell phone. I think we might be on 'good terms' now. That's good. I don't have the energy to be bitter, and why should I be anyway? Things are pretty okay for the most part.

Yes... okay. Wow, who would've tought? Okay used to be the exception rather than the norm. I've been reading journal entries from a couple of years ago. Even on 'good' days at that time, I was kind of a wreck, though it seemed normal at the time. This fact should remind me of how much better I'm feeling about life these days. Sometimes I don't see the progress, kinda like with my dissertation. As mentioned above, I get bogged down in details and don't see the bigger picture.

It's late... I'm verging on turning into a pumpkin or something here. I best be off to bed.

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2004-03-19 7:17 p.m. - Friday, spring 'break'
Do you ever have those times when it's really damn hard to keep up with a journal? I am having one of those currently. I guess I got used to not updating all the time, and now it's something I forget to do.

Recent development: My dad once again substitutes money for love and gets me a new car that I didn't ask for. It's nice. It's a loaded 2004 Pontiac Vibe. What can I say? I would enjoy it more if this so-called 'gift' was not accompanied by a guilt trip about how much it cost, how hard and how long the giver had to work to pay for it, how I never appreciate anything, etc. etc. etc. It is a very beautiful vehicle, from which I'm sure I'll get years of service and enjoyment. It's just this initial period which is hard b/c of the aforementioned guilt. If this were any other relationship besides parent/child and involved a less expensive 'gift,' his behavior would be the height of lacking social graces. You don't give someone a nice gift then proceed to tell them how much it cost and how hard your worked to pay for it. That defies the definition of 'gift' and enters 'obligation' territory. Nevertheless, I'm sure my displeasure with my father will fade and maybe I can actually enjoy this generous and unexpected windfall.

Another development: in cleaning out the old car to send home w/ my dad, I found my ex's cellphone, which was lost around 9/11 before I went to Berlin. I contacted her about it. I have kinda wanted to know how she's doing lately anyway. My resentment over the breakup has all but disappeared, and I am feeling a surprising amount of okayness about the situation in the last six months or a year, so I decided to actually contact her and apologize for what a freak I was during that period of my life (much of which was at one time readable here on dearl ol d-land, though I made a lot of those pages private due to embarassment at all the ranting). Anyway, it was about time some closure happened there. If she doesn't respond, at least I got to say my piece. Now, I think, if I ran into her, I would not feel weird. I'd just be like 'Hi, how have you been?' which is a good place to be.

My new TV loves: Eliza Dushku, formerly Faith on Buffy and now Tru on Tru Calling; and the girl who plays the main character on the new Fox show Wonderfalls which creates this totally enchanted little world that has sucked me in from day one. Alas, Miss Match was canceled when it just started getting good. Wonderfalls almost makes up though. I need these TV ladies on which to shower my affections harmlessly, since my own object of affection is way too far away and not even on TV. If there was a show about her, I'd be riveted I'm sure.

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2004-02-20 10:07 a.m. - e-gad
I apologize in advance for the gastrointestinal nature of the following entry. It's not funny at all...

I had the most horrendous experience at 4:00 this morning. Normally I do not like to share such icky personal things, but this was most bizarre and unprecedented, and I'm still freaked out about it - I woke up suddenly with horrible stomach/intestinal cramps, attempted to visit the lavatory in order to relieve them, discovering that although I had said cramps, I was physically unable to use said lavatory. Extreme cramping + extreme constipation = some of the most extreme physical pain I've ever experienced. I was fearing some kind of horrible bodily damage from this incident. I was, for the first time, able to somewhat imagine what it must have felt like to be Kane in that most horrifying of scenes in Alien. I also feared passing out at a couple of points. I am okay now, but I feel like I've been hit by a truck (or at least my butt.)

I have been getting enough fiber and vegetables. I am not physically ill that I'm aware of. Maybe I forgot to drink enough water yesterday or something. Yet another reminder why I need to do so. Did I mention I ended up in the emergency room in December due to another case of negligent dehydration? That time it didn't manifest itself in quite this way, but damn... I must be stupid... or incredibly stressed.

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2004-02-16 6:15 p.m. - My brain is rotting
Every day I go to the mailbox hoping to hear something positive about my job search. Still nothing from the institution with which I had my MLA interview. No news is good news though. It means I'm not rejected yet.

I continue to file other applications. I sent off 4 today, bringing the grand total up to 37. Locations: Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, Colorado, and another Pennsylvania. These are sketchy one-year replacement deals. This is what I'm reduced to. Tenure-track is a hopeless cause if you're not done with your dissertation. I'm closer to done though.

Yet I'm tired, and all I want to do is sleep, eat, or watch Buffy. FX, the Fox re-run channel, plays two episodes a day. And if you miss the afternoon episodes, they play the same ones the next morning. Although it's a thoughtful, engaging show, I feel my brain rotting.

Something non-rotten: Teaching didn't suck today. I have been semi-hating my students lately, which is very unusual for me. Normally I give them the benefit of the doubt and like them until proven unlikeable. These, I have often wished they would get out of my face.

Today they were okay though. The guy who literally sleeps through class was not there, which is the case about 50% of the time. I usually just let the sleeping guy sleep. Why ruin my evals by raining on his narcoleptic parade? I would look like a bitch, and not only would he react probably very negatively, but so would other members of the class. I'm just getting them to where they like me, and they might be learning some stuff. It is first-semester. You start from total scratch with nothing and have to build up a critical mass of vocab before they can do anything fun. I think we're now getting slightly to the fun part.

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2004-02-10 6:36 p.m. - DSL is a joke!
SBC's stupid DSL service had the audacity to up our rate to $49.95 a month since our "1-year commitment" is up. I don't think I'll be at this address for another year, so there was no way they would reduce it for me, even when I threatened to discontinue my service. Now I'm back on dialup, but it's a so-called High-Speed dialup, which does seem noticably faster than my old university dialup. And it's less than a third of what stupid SBC wanted to charge me. My computer is so slow anyway, it doesn't even notice the difference. It was slow with DSL too.

So, HA! Screw Whitey and his rip-off DSL service anyway!

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2004-02-08 10:12 p.m. - missed a spot
Oh... the weird blank spot in the northwest corner of continental Europe (see map below) is Belgium. I've actually been there, but I forgot to check it off. Incidentally, I guess I need to visit Portugal, most of Scandinavia, and Slovakia at some point if I want all of Europe covered.

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2004-02-08 10:05 p.m. - countries visited
They have one for the countries you have visited too. It looks a lot more impressive than it really is, b/c it makes it look like you've been to the whole country, when really it's just maybe a couple of cities in each one. Like Canada is so big, but really I've only been to Toronto, and points on the way to it from Detroit. Not all that glam, really.

You can make your own here... Meghan? I'm sure yours will have lots more red than mine. No contest.

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2004-02-08 9:54 p.m. - visited states
Oh... here are all the states I've visited (the ones in red). I still lack a few, but most of those are the lame ones anyway.

You can make your own here.


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2004-02-08 9:30 p.m. - Where's the "ffwd" button?
Well well... it's back to the existence I unfortunately got used to last semester with my girl being gone. Things are pretty boring and dull around here without her. The highlight of today was that I watched Legally Blonde 2 on ppv. (Thanks, Insight Digital!) Not as much a biting, witty satire as the first one, but it had its funny moments. Like the Republican NRA President Born-Again Alabama Senator finding out his Rottweiler is gay.

Since Meghan left, I find myself thinking corny things like how I don't want to use up the toilet paper too quickly because she put thr roll on before she left (facing the wrong way though it is...). I miss our tense moments nearly as much as I miss our good ones. I just want my life back asap. This is clearly not my life. This is a really fuzzy facsimilie thereof, the kind that's on that crappy shiny paper that comes on the roll and gets stuck in the machine.

Two references to paper on rolls in one entry... wow. Let's go for three - Paper towels anyone? Meghan put those in the holder as well, so I don't want to go through them too fast either. I've been reduced to connecting to my girlfriend via our mutual paper products. I also admit to having smelled her leftover laundry last night (a shirt - nothing gross, mind you) to see if I could feel connected to her again for a moment. She airs out her stuff pretty well, and to her credit, isn't a terribly smelly person, so no such luck for me. It just smelled like neutral not-clean-not-dirty laundry. Oh well.

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2004-02-05 11:00 p.m. - What I did over break... Part I
Things that happened while I was on Diaryland hiatus:

  • I quit my martial arts school due to its negative atmosphere and megalomaniac head instructor.
  • I decided instead to go to the TKD club at the university.
  • Meghan was home for an all-too-brief period.
  • The holidays.
  • The MLA convention, at which I had one job interview out of thirty submitted applications. (I have yet to hear any outcome of this one way or another). On a more positive note, the interview was with a certain New England private college with a highly reputed language program.
  • Law and Order: SVU, regular Law and Order, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, What Not to Wear (the BBC version)Extreme Makeover, Trading Spaces, etc.
  • San Diego: got to hang out with long-lost friend Debby, go to the Wild Animal Park, and visit an all-you-can-eat sushi buffet.
  • A lot of tense moments with Meghan.
  • A lot of wonderful moments with Meghan.
  • A lot of pleasantly normal moments with Meghan.
  • Wished any and all of those moments (including the tense ones) were not numbered due to her return to Az.
More to come...

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2004-02-05 8:53 p.m. - Now it's a blog.
I just decided to go 'blog' on y'all. I thought it might be fun to see how the other half lives.

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2004-02-05 7:35 p.m. - She's back.
Dear Diarylanders,

I'd like to explain my sudden and random disappearance from Diaryland. I was in the middle of an academic job search last semester, and my paranoia got the better of me, so I made my diary private. Now, at long last, I have returned from my long silence.

Will write more soon.

Love, E

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Comments anyone?
adianoeta - 2004-02-06 07:10:44
i'm glad you are back!
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gypsy - 2004-02-06 11:40:16
Thanks for the note--I'm glad you're back around! Good luck job hunting and such.
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