I. Stillness

Shadows danced on the floor and walls in the dim moonlight trickling through the old double paned glass windows of the farm house. In another room Rhys and Thomas were talking and while she could have tried to spy on what they were saying, the truth was she didn�t much care at the moment.

Running her hand across the window sill she could picture the place outside draped in yellow sunlight, could imagine kids playing in the tall grass and horses in the pasture. It was a life this house deserved and here she was lamenting her inability to fill it with death walking.

Why had she wanted to do this so much anyway? Was it her unexplainable feeling of loss when Quaid turned out differently than she had hoped and maybe secretly wanted him to be? Did she want to fill the empty place with another dream or did she really care about the other things out there in the night?

Isa was, of course, right� there were thousands of humans dying every night and not all of them at the hands of the monsters like her; actually most were being killed by each other. So why now did she, after a lifetime of believing it was her job to protect humans from other humans, feel the need to protect them from things like herself instead of the logical conclusion of simply continuing her old career with a new edge? Was it a natural progression? A feeling of outrage that the perpetual war of the Jyhad couldn�t and wouldn�t be fought by those with the real ability to make a difference, or was it something pettier; perhaps it was her own pride like Chris thought?

Her time in Europe had given her a lot to think about, even if Christopher couldn�t accept that as truth. She knew he was only worried for her safety, worried for his own unbearable losses and not wanting to add to them any further with her demise, but it didn�t make his condescending ripping of her idealistic dreams any easier to swallow. Of course he knew more than she did, and no she didn�t know all there was to know about society but why did every thing she came up with to improve upon existing systems (which endangered them all with their close-minded and paranoid ways) always have to end with him being so angry at her? Couldn�t he, just once, decide teaching her and showing her things might be just a bit easier than trying to yell at her until she came to see things his way?

Men were impossible creatures to figure out� and worse were Brujah men. What was that saying from that Disney flick� the wind may yell at the mountain all it wants but it will not bow; something like that. Sure, she�d give over to Christopher because she loved him and didn�t want him to have pain in his life any more than the assholes at the top of the food chain gave to him� and because she DID value his opinions and thoughts contrary to what he might be thinking. However, just because she gave up on a dream didn�t mean she accepted his answers why or that it made things easier between them.

It seemed like anything that was good and bright on the horizon of this terrible existence was either utterly impossible by political and social standards (the paranoia, the jihad, etc) or was mystically impossible (golconda, forgiveness or mandate from god for kindred, a purpose, etc.) all except one thing� becoming an Archon.

Ever since the moment she learned that she wasn�t Christopher�s childer, that she might be of some evil or �wrong� clan, she knew this had to be her destiny. However, unlike being a cop, this destiny became more and more fearful to her. Why she couldn�t quite say� maybe it was because it seemed like the only road to travel now and all other places presented their own dangers and fearful things. Maybe it was because she�d glimpsed a bigger picture and that despite the nature of the traditions or the �Laws of Caine� she knew that the Camarilla was a band-aid on far bigger issues that would remain unresolved so long as the Kindred lived their isolationist, power-hungry, existences of fear and hate.

Was that what was bothering her; that these things were the legacy of her fore-fathers and the only real future she could see laid out before her with seemingly no hope of ever reforming it realistically? Had she become some liberal minded out of desperation; unable to just work hard and dedicate herself to becoming an officer of this new government because unlike the American Government which was corrupt but still held some hope for improvement� all she could see for Christopher�s Ivory Tower was an even longer and darker night than he�d been embraced into. Witch hunters and anarchs might have been terrifying in their way� but had he considered how terrible it was to look at the world she now saw? 500 years might make things pretty acceptable to him� but to her this unchanging monstrosity that dared to mimic a government was daunting to say the least and horrific to say the most.

Yet she wasn�t a zealous megalomaniac like the Assamites� could never be as monstrous as the Sabbat � and couldn�t see a point in the lifestyle of the Anarchs or the undecided Autarkus. Did she then, by default, call herself Camarilla? If she was only defaulting to this government that Christopher held so tightly to� and even considered being a Justicar for, how then could she ever call herself an Archon and not be living a lie. And, if she did live such a lie for whatever reason she could dream up for herself, how then would she be any different than the other cogs in the Jyhad machine? Surly then she would be someone�s pawn� because if she didn�t live for herself then she definitely had to be doing it for someone else?

Was that, deep down, why she and Chris fought so much? After all, hadn�t Isa said much of the same things he did? Yet why did his words hurt her so much more deeply? Was it because she expected the man she loved to support her even if he disagreed with her? Or was it something more?

Was she afraid that she�d gone from being his slave to simply graduating to another form of servant� like the differences between Rhys and Thomas. Thomas who had no choice to how he served and benefited but was enslaved none the less� and Rhys, who was born into his place, served just the same as Thomas did but imagined himself somehow greater than normal ghouls simply because of the magical powers he could wield. Yet, when you came right down to it� they were both slaves. Had she really broken the shackles of the chains she didn�t choose for herself with her own death? Or had she simply reformed them into another shape?

�Em!� Thomas� voice was firm, as if he�d been trying to get her to stop staring at the moon for a few moments with no reply. She turned to him and acknowledged his voice with an arch of an eyebrow. He smiled. �Someone�s here, big guy... on a motorcycle. I think it may be that Bjorn guy you were talking about before you left.�

Turning back to the window and looking away from the moon towards the road she could see a large man dismounting a glossy black bike with shinning chrome finish. His leather shown like the finish on the bike and the various metal on his body matched the chrome. His hair, in the moonlight, seemed the color of dried blood and hung down past his shoulders in thin waves. He was fairly tall, even from here inside the house he was an imposing figure. On his belt hung an axe and as he looked slowly around the grounds with that thoughtful look of his, she couldn�t help but to smile.

He�d come out without being invited.

�Hang out in here for a bit. He�s probably here to talk to me about training. I�ll be right back.� Thomas didn�t look exactly comfortable with the �stay in the house� order but her blood kept his arguments to a few mutterings rather than a full on verbal battle royal as they would normally have had.

Rhys was standing at the door when she got to it, clearly waiting to open it and welcome the newest guest in proper Romanian fashion. For an instant she considered humoring the Revenant and allowing him to do what he felt was his duty but she wasn�t sure just how much patience Bjorn had to spare tonight and, she opted to disappoint her �man.�

�I�ll go out to meet this one Rhys, he�s a very important elder of my clan in this area� he deserves my face personally to greet him.� Oddly, she was surprised to see a bit of pride in the man�s eyes as she acknowledged her guest�s importance. She figured he�d be upset he didn�t get the chance to do his job, yet here he was smiling like the village idiot at her. I�ll never understand men�

She walked out across the lawn, the only sound the dry grass crunching under her footfalls and then, stopped a few feet away from him. �Hey.� She greeted him simply, feeling somewhat disrespectful compared to how she�d covered Tepes and Isa�s asses with such pretty words that she�d stolen from every sappy historical romance she�d ever opened.

He just nodded. Christ, even when he comes to me he can�t manage to start a conversation!

�Good to see you.� Just beautiful Em� how is he supposed to reply to that? Say something that he might want to reply to for fuck sakes. �How are things at Purgatory?� Yep, that�s a great conversation starter there Emma! I bet I know just how he�ll reply; will it be the silent shrug or the �alright� statement?

Bjorn shrugged and spoke in a deep rich tone, �Alright.�

Emma imagined smacking her own forehead with the palm of her hand. One guy I can�t get to stop insulting me and shut the hell up long enough to realize he�s so jaded that even he hates the very thing he serves� and this one is such a damn downer I can�t get him to say three word sentences unless it relates to beating something up, insulting something, or� did I mention beating something up?

The silence lingered between the two kindred for a moment as Emma tried to figure out the best way to ask Bjorn what the hell he wanted when finally he surprised her by starting the conversation. �Heard your sire headed back up to Baltimore.� His eyes didn�t seem to look at her so much as over her, as if he was still looking off at the farm� maybe admiring it or maybe watching for enemies. She couldn�t have said for sure.

�Well, he was going to go that way� but then shit hit the fan three nights ago and he had to rush out on a red eye. Seems that twit of a Prince in Chicago� Lodin� figured it was a bright idea to declare a bloodhunt on all werewolves. Fucking Ventrue�� She crossed her arms over her chest and put her weight onto her left leg, Chris� sword and Isa�s dagger laying flat against her denim giving her some measure of comfort as agitation at the waste of it all rose.

�Apparently, the masquerade there is a shambles and more than half the Kindred population has allegedly gone missing or is ash. Theo, Christopher, and a few other Archons were all called in to check out things, take an accounting, fix the issues and see the survivors made nice until a new Prince rises to power� guess that could be a while from the string of curse words Christopher had for the whole mess after his boss made a direct call to my home phone. I didn�t even realize the guy had the freaking number.� She scoffs and shakes her head regrettably. �I still haven�t heard anything from him.� She rolls her eyes and then a more somber look crosses her face as flashes of Heaven Denied flickered across her memory all too painfully.

She managed in a much less snide or confident tone, �I came out here to pray for the dead and think a bit�� She didn�t figure he cared about what and so she didn�t offer.

Bjorn just gives one solemn nod and for a while the two stare at each other and the farm in silence again. It�s not awkward as other silences have been, but instead it�s rather like with Isa� a moment to collect your thoughts so you don�t open your yap and sound like an idiot.

�How can I help you tonight Bjorn?� She finally says, meeting his eyes and finds something of subtle surprise or amusement at her decision to just shoot straight instead of fearing that the question would chase him away from the end that she wanted him to choose most of all. It seemed, to her, that this Kindred would not be lead or kept away from any topic he didn�t want a part of�and either asking him was going to make him run or it was just going to end the silence sooner and put Thomas and Rhys (who were likely watching out the windows of the house) at ease quicker.

�Came to help you�� As he spoke, he didn�t shift or move in any unnecessary way as she sometimes did. In past meetings she had found it odd and alien and it left her ill at ease in his presence but, after her experience in the hole of the cave it wasn�t so weird to her now and she found that she had been making less and less �unneeded� motions since. Strangely, his stillness was something of a comfort that allowed her to better hear him and the world around them both. Strange the things we Kindred think of in the silence between statements, no body sounds to distract me, no movement out of him� just his words and my thoughts. Stillness. Peace.

�Me?� His words were hopeful ones, but would she now be the one to shoot him down? After all her working him up on the school idea would she now have to tell him she�d given up on it? Please God, I can�t do that right now� you know I can�t. I won�t lie� but I have to� God please�

�Training; you still interested?�

She smiled and exhaled in spite of herself and her overly thought out desire for �stillness� and that elder-like perfection. �Yea,� She nodded. �I sure am.�

�Good.� And just like that, as simple as you please, it was settled. For a moment, if the moonlight and her unwanted motion didn�t play tricks on her, she thought maybe something of a smile sparked in his eyes even if it never moved on his lips.

next:

II. Pain

Music:
Mood:
Quote:

Backwards - Forwards