fumblinglust's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm Not Dead, Really. Alright, so I know I haven't updated in over a year, but I'm pretty sure I'm having a compete emotional breakdown. I quietly cried all the way home from work tonight, and as soon as that garage door closed behind me at home I collapsed in a heap on the landing of the steps. I'm 24 years old and I'm a miserable slob. Sure, I have a house which is all mine, I have a job I love, I have a great core of friends, I have a dog to come home to so that I'm not completely alone, but somehow, I am so impossibly lonely, I want to close myself in this room and never leave. I may have screwed up yet another possibility at happiness with a guy I work with. Classic Andrea behavior - I've known him for years and all of the sudden this week, the switch flipped and feelings surfaced. Maybe I'm grasping at straws. He's a good guy: smart, funny - I just love how he looks at me. Why do I do this to myself. Why am I so afraid to be vulnerable? I just want to be happy, but I keep getting in my own way. God, I am such a wreak. I think I'm at that age where I want a relationship. The slut is dead. Let's all have a moment to mourn. 9:08 p.m. - 2007-09-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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