I haven't written in this journal in a very long time. My life is a lot different, but I guess not so much that it requires a totally new website.

I still have sad days. I still get glum. I still get hyper too. I still have relationship issues and I still have life issues.

I can't say I'm working on any one thing directly, except to say that I am working on being happier, on being more relaxed, on taking my time through life and enjoying my days as much as possible. I have a job again and I'm sure that's helping me more than I'm giving it credit. In the back of my mind, I'm desperately afraid they won't hire me (I'm temp to perm right now, working up to my 45 day anniversary). I don't know what it will do for my self-esteem and resolve if they don't hire me. It's been nice to get paychecks, to pay for my car, I got Sean and I some Margaret Cho tickets, I got me some walking sneakers, I got a haircut (I'm getting it cut shorter today, hopefully). I can do things. I'm taking walks (though I haven't the last three days and really want to), and I'm making friends. Well, I have one good friend I've made in my upstairs neighbor. It's all so helpful thus far.

I'm taking time for myself. I'm reading books. I'm going outside while I'm at work to get some sun. I'm crocheting again (though not a lot) and I want to take up cross-stitching. My neighbor does it and she seems to relax while doing so. It's a project that evolves and changes as you do it, where crochet just gets bigger, not necessarily different, or prettier or greater. I want to learn to paint, to make pottery, to get messy in an art.

I'd love to be an art model again. I really would. I'm not quite sure what it is about it that makes me feel creative, but certainly good about myself. When people's pens touch the paper and they look up at my skin and they look again at their paper and their pencils are swiftly and gently drawing, my hair stands on end and I get a very sultry chill. That's what I miss.