Its impossible to fathom just how selfish and hurtful the people you love can be. I mean if you knew it were possible you would likely not feel so strongly about them. I never knew how much I could love someone, and I never knew how painful the result could be. I never knew that I could identify with all those sappy songs I used to make fun of. I never knew that I could hurt this bad and still be alive. I never knew I could cry so hard - and I've spent many nights crying before this. I never knew how betrayed I could feel, or how terribly misguided. I never knew how cruel and unyielding love can be. I never knew there was a chance I wasn't loved, I still know you can't turn love off. I never knew how certain or treacherous my heart could be.
I want this to stop, I want to be happy, I want to move on but I just have no idea how. I want to feel motivated, I want to feel loved when I'm in love, I want to feel honesty. I always knew I could be wrong, but I never knew how gravely so.
How do you spend over four years with someone and just be done. How do you work through all the pain and struggle that can come in four years and just throw it away. How do you go through all of the joy of being together four years and act like it never happened. I have never felt so conflicted - how can you want something so bad and know that if it happened you should probably just turn it down. How do you move on with a broken heart? How do you breathe - because I've been having trouble. I just don't know how to do this, I didn't even know it was a possibility. Relationships end - it happens, and it hurts, but that doesn't always equate to your heart being ripped out torn apart over and over again. Most of the time life doesn't go according to plan, but you'd just hope that those you need most aren't going to destroy you when plans fall through. I don't know how to not feel so damn hollow. I just feel sick. I never knew how much sense my father could make and now I am so sorry. Every fiber of my being is in nauseating agony - and it doesn't go away.
3:00 a.m. - 2007-12-05
Recent entries:
I never knew I could be so broken - 2007-12-05
- 3:00 a.m. - %%older_entries%%I never knew I could be so broken - 2007-12-05
- 3:00 a.m. - %%older_entries%%I never knew I could be so broken - 2007-12-05
- 3:00 a.m. - %%older_entries%%I never knew I could be so broken - 2007-12-05
- 3:00 a.m. - %%older_entries%%I never knew I could be so broken - 2007-12-05
- 3:00 a.m. - %%older_entries%%My cat is gone. - 2007-01-19
- 7:01 p.m. - %%older_entries%%My cat is gone. - 2007-01-19
- 7:01 p.m. - %%older_entries%%My cat is gone. - 2007-01-19
- 7:01 p.m. - %%older_entries%%My cat is gone. - 2007-01-19
- 7:01 p.m. - %%older_entries%%My cat is gone. - 2007-01-19
- 7:01 p.m. - %%older_entries%%It's sure been a while - 2006-03-09
- 11:09 p.m. - %%older_entries%%It's sure been a while - 2006-03-09
- 11:09 p.m. - %%older_entries%%It's sure been a while - 2006-03-09
- 11:09 p.m. - %%older_entries%%It's sure been a while - 2006-03-09
- 11:09 p.m. - %%older_entries%%It's sure been a while - 2006-03-09
- 11:09 p.m. - %%older_entries%%my dreams have changed... - 2004-12-10
- 9:57 p.m. - %%older_entries%%my dreams have changed... - 2004-12-10
- 9:57 p.m. - %%older_entries%%my dreams have changed... - 2004-12-10
- 9:57 p.m. - %%older_entries%%my dreams have changed... - 2004-12-10
- 9:57 p.m. - %%older_entries%%my dreams have changed... - 2004-12-10
- 9:57 p.m. - %%older_entries%%I CAN SEE! - 2004-06-11
- 10:16 p.m. - %%older_entries%%I CAN SEE! - 2004-06-11
- 10:16 p.m. - %%older_entries%%I CAN SEE! - 2004-06-11
- 10:16 p.m. - %%older_entries%%I CAN SEE! - 2004-06-11
- 10:16 p.m. - %%older_entries%%I CAN SEE! - 2004-06-11
- 10:16 p.m. - %%older_entries%%
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