12:12 a.m. - 2006-07-14
Big Brother is Watching
Okay, so last time I told y'all about our trip to France. Well, this summer we went to Washington, D.C. so that one of my children could attend a conference for Youth Who are Very Gifted and Brilliant and Gorgeous and Wondrous. That's not actually what it was called, but that is what I'm calling it. We decided since he was going to be doing that for a week, we'd stay in the same area and make D.C. our vacation. Our kids had never seen the nation's capital and so we thought it would be fun. We stayed at the same hotel where they housed the national "youth leaders" *snort* and I figured that way I'd be close to Bubble Mower boy in case any tragedy occurred and they needed a mother to freak out and clutch her child to her bosom or something.
But get this, people. In the SAME HOTEL...our cell phones wouldn't work. HUH...HUH!!! D.C., people....Big Brother is watching! My laptop GOT NO SIGNAL unless I was in an approved AREA of the hotel...WHU??? As a matter of fact, my cell phone got very little to NO service all over D.C. and part of Maryland and Virginia. WHAT THE HELL? We gave our son one of the cell phones so he could call us and we could call him and we were in the same hotel as he was, and we couldn't call. Our GPS on our car was SCRAMBLED. It showed the little triangle that is supposed to be us going in circles and the freakin' bossy bitch voice kept saying, "Please make a U-Turn" even if we were on a freakin' bridge over water.
Now, you can't tell ME that the government isn't listening to everything we do and say and flat out not LETTING us talk. I was pissed off. And when my very responsible and brilliant son DID get through to me, he left me cryptic voice mails that sounded to ME like he was saying, "Help Mom! I've been kidnapped!"
When in reality, he was pretending to be a police officer calling to say he'd been arrested and I needed to come bail him out of jail. Ha. What a joker. He attempted to disguise his pubescent breaking voice and said his name was "Officer Peterson from the Chicago Police Department" (that is from Ferris Bueller's Day Off). I guess it didn't occur to him that the Chicago Police wouldn't be arresting him in D.C.
We saw the monuments and museums. We saw LOTS of huge tour buses that stop wherever the HELL they feel like it and let off old people who decide to stop as they get off in the middle of the street and thank the tour guide, the bus driver and and wave at all passers-by. Dudes..get your shit and shuffle it up to the damn sidewalk!
Don't try and park in that God Forsaken place, whatever you do.
We saw the actual Constitution and Bill of Rights (which is actually fading...no joke) and the Declaration of Independence. I was wowed by that. The kids, not so much. We saw the Vietnam Wall, saw my Uncle's name, made rubbings. Went to the Faces of the Fallen exhibit at Arlington in the Women in the Armed Services museum and I saw the painting an artist did of my cousin who was killed in Iraq. The exhibit is lovely and not very well advertised.
Of course, all the Smithsonian Museums are fantastic. We also visited some other museums that were great for kids and adults. One was the International Spy Museum. TONS of fun and very interactive. Don't be shy, though. If you want to experience all the gadgets and become your spy "persona" and go through the "checkpoints", you have to grab your place as soon as it comes available. Don't do the "Oh no, after you...please" routine our you'll never get a turn. People were rather pushy. I had to help my 10 year old son get to do things, because grown people were pushing him out of the way.
Union Station was fabulous. It has the trains, yes. But it's a huge mall.
Most of that area is under construction, so it's a pain in the ass to get around. If you can do it, use the Metro system.
The sculpture Garden across from the National Gallery of Art is great for kids, too. Huge sculptures by such artists as Miro and Lichtenstein are there, and there is a cafe and a huge fountain to dip your toes in to cool off after walking all day.
Shopping is abundant anywhere in the area that you go. Georgetown has great shopping, great dining and surprisingly, we had the least amount of trouble finding parking there.
Another thing I saw a LOT of is hookers! SCORE! Cuz you know I love to see me some hookers! We were walking down some random street..and there was a young well dressed, but slightly trashy woman talking to a very lost and befuddled Anderson Cooper-ish (rowr!) guy on a corner. He was hot, tired and lost. You could tell. He had his luggage and his suit jacket slung over his shoulder. Anyhow, she was standing like a little girl with her legs all pigeon toed and she was twirling her hair on her finger. She was African American and he was like Farmer Brown in a suit. And I hear her say, "So, sugah...where you from?" and he said...I SWEAR TO CHRIST, HE SAID THIS....."Uhhh..well...I was born in Ohio..." and I got all excited, and grabbed Sanford by the arm and said, "Oh! Oh! I think that is a hooker! Or one of those high priced Call Girls! And I don't think that guy knows it! He just said he was born in Ohio! What if she slips him a rufie and drugs him and rips him off! We gotta watch!" And of course, being the spoil sport that he is, Sanford drug me away by my arm and my 10 year old began saying "What's a hooker? What's a call girl? What's a rufie?"
I was very happy to see that most stores were quite Anti- Bush. But really, what else can you be?
There were lots of "Pro Clinton" things. *sigh* *swoon*
Oh for the days when all that we were worried about was who sucked his dick, ya know? Hell, get him a Dick sucking Cabinet....Make it a position. He was a hell of a President. This asshat we got now...Jesus, we can't afford it anymore.
And then I found lots of stuff about my hero...Thomas Jefferson. But the Bush bashing stuff was abundant and I bought quite a lot of it.
We drove which was a torture fest.
However ,I would like to send out a consumer alert. I am not one to do without my comforts. I do not camp. I do not "rough it". Ever. We stayed in a very upscale hotel in Washington. However on the way there, we figured we would just find a place every night. The first night, my husband pulled up at a La Quinta.
SUCKED ASS, PEOPLE. And it was 160 bucks. IT WAS FILTHY. And it was stinky and it was expensive. Never again.
They second night, we stopped at a Marriott Fairfield. GORGEOUS. 80 something bucks. Very comfy bed, nice sheets, about a bazillion pillows on the bed, lovely toiletries, thick towels, clean, 24 hour newstand/convenience store type thing in the lobby. Washer/dryer in the lobby, restaurant/bar in the lobby.
I bring a silk sleep sack so I don't sleep on anybody else's jizzed up sheets. So I don't ever touch the sheets, but they were very soft and not ick.
Then we stayed at a Marriott conference and resort while we were in D.C....actually it was in Maryland.
On the way home, we kept to the Fairfields. Experienced nothing but perfecly lovely, clean, beautiful rooms.
So poop on La Quinta. Yay for Marriott.
Boo on Sanford for not letting me to go Monticello while we were in Virginia. Boo to Sanford for not letting me go to Anderson, County Tennessee jail to see the people from the Jail Cam. We were right THERE! Clinton, Tennessee! BOO to Sanford for not stopping in Memphis so I could go to Graceland. ASSHOLE! He wouldn't go to Colonial Williamsburg, either. Turd face. He was pissed at the GPS the WHOLE ENTIRE TRIP.
But my son got through his conference. I got a glance of him getting on and of busses a couple of times, and he did good. So, that is good for his college resume. I know I wouldn't have done that at that age. I would have been too shy or self conscious.Hard to believe, but it's true.
Now we're home with nothing to look forward to, other than school starting again. Meh. But I have a lot of makeup and beauty product stuff to tell about.
AND...I got BOTOX!! I'll tell about that next time.
