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Lacy Stiles Baldwin Castleberry
2020-12-25   11:42 p.m.

It was the saddest day of my life.

Your nostrils were glued shut so blood and embalming fluid wouldn't leak out after your skull was sawed open during the autopsy

I held your cold hand and thanked you for all of the love you brought into my life, toward you and toward myself. I loved you passionately and recklessly like any young boy might love someone who brought anything that resembled meaning to their life. Jesus Christ what the fuck did you do to your hair? I will never ever listen to Die Antword thanks to that.

It was an honor that I never wanted to have, to carry you to your final resting place. I can't forget the low position of the fall sun or the direction of the breeze as the door of the hearse was opened and I knew the last act of love I could carry out for your person was to carry you to a plot several yards from where we left your first child years before.

It's been years now, but you still mean so much to me, Lacy. A few years back, your son sent me sheet music for an original composition for piano. He wanted me to play and record it. I have graduated from college, been married, and had a child, but to this day that was one of the most meaningful and beautiful moments of my life.

Man, if there ever was a love story like Severus Snape's.....

Unrelated, I've had a voice message from my mother saved on my phone since May. I actually tried calling the number back tonight but the number is unreachable.

Feelings.


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