2008-06-09 - 11:32 p.m.
There is something I didn't say about last night.
The Bartender has always joked with me about having multiple personailties. He tells me number 27 is the one I don't want to meet. I always thought #27 was mean until recently when he told me how he withdrew when 27 was in command. He said he was numb for a long time.
I've seen him in all kinds of moods; but I wouldn't say he seemed like someone else.
Until last night. He was sitting in a chair, leaned ver, looking down and wringing his hands. I moved closer to him and put my hands ion his knees.
"Baby, please look at me."
"I can't," he said "It's my fault; it's all my fault."
It wasn't what he said, it was how he said it. he was rocking slightly back and forth; still looking down. He just kept repeating it: "It's my fault. It's all my fault. I break everything."
I was crying in earnest. "I don't know who you are right now. You are scaring me." I said.
But he just kept repeating it. "It's my fault. It's all my fault"
I took his face in my hands and said, "Baby come back to me. Pleae. I don't know who you are right now."
And then, just like that, he looked up. He looked me right in the eye and said, "hi."
It wasn't like he didn't know what was happening or anything, but he was there again. I could see him. I knew who he was again.
It scared me.
And while I am too cynical to believe it is a real "multiple personality" I know there is something to be said for #27.
And maybe I know now that he is fighting bigger demons.
And I can't let them win. #27 and I are going to have some words of our own...
