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2020-05-18, 9:24 p.m.

hi!

i believe this should be my first entry of 2020... interestingly i still think of this platform whenever i think of penning something down that are for no one's ears..

i had a restless night yesterday and had a really long and strange dream. i don't typically dream or remember my dreams for that matter, but this one was pretty vivid and i woke up feeling sufficiently distressed. strangely enough i didn't feel that lethargic when i woke as well, it was as though i'd been sleeping in this world and i was living a different reality in a different one at the same time.

i remember being in line for an abortion... then i'd encountered classmates or friends at the hospital and remember telling the nurses to keep it down because i didn't want them to know what i was there for. i also remember the guy who fathered my child also fathered someone else's and that made me feel it was more than all right to go ahead with the abortion.. but somehow when it actually happened i was way more distressed than i thought i'd be. i don't know what this dream was trying to tell me. was it telling me that i am actually not as okay with abortion as i thought i'd be? or was it telling me this was how alone and distressed my sis felt?

still confused, still left wondering.

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