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fresh / faded / bio updated / cast psoriasis i consider myself, strangely, fairly lucky that my psoriasis developed at such a young age. compared with people who ended up with this shit storm at 18, 20, 22, i've had time to develop a thick crust on my personality. it has hardened me. i can laugh it off with a ferocious sense of humor, "aha! yes, aren't incurable skin conditions fucking hilarious?!"
it's just been something i've struggled with for as long as i remember. it's life. nothing that i have to adapt to, as others have. oh, new patches on my arms? okay then. well that sucks. it's grown and taken on a life of it's own, sure, but it's less traumatic than having to realize "OH FUCK WHAT IS THIS OMG NO!" at impressionable ages along my life span. take my brother for example; who develops elbow dryness at 18 or so, and now, at 30, has legs that suddenly look akin to mine and spots under his eyes... it's a misery, this condition, and it's isolating and shameful and pitiful. i find strength in it, wearing my lizard skin as armor, a laugh as my sword and shield. i just feel so bad...and i want people to know if it's something they're just learning to live with, they are not alone.
it's not a rare condition, and that's what makes it the most sad when people are callous enough to make comment on it. i've been turned away at hair salons (you know, the places that you would assume would be most familiar with skin and scalp disorders) with nice-sounding lies and excuses. i've been mocked for my "excessive dandruff" in classrooms full of morons. i've been pulled aside in workplaces for my "hygiene issues" associated with excessive, painful, and itchy-as-fuck psoriasis... i've run the gammut, and still feel lucky it wasn't worse... but i can't imagine it for the new-sufferers. life has been good, not a care in the world, and suddenly they've become the leper; there's something wrong with them, and people don't understand. they snicker at you behind your back "omg, did you see her arms?! what the fuck is that?!" the children stop and stare, and ask their innocent questions, "what is that? do you have an oww-y?" people talk to you and secretly feel pity for you and try and avoid looking at your scaly bits...
i'm used to being the lizard queen. i actually kind of like it. i embrace it.
if this is something new that you are dealing with, if you have nothing but questions, if you're running through the usual list of shit-to-try and feeling hopeless...
i want you to know, you're not alone.
fuck them all. fuck anyone who has anything negative to say. embrace the ones that have questions, that want to understand. the ones that laugh, the ones that point, the ones that make you feel like a pariah....FUCK THEM. some day, they will have their own challenges and will have to face them. this is ours, this is our time, and our burden to carry. there is life with psoriasis. smile, laugh, and shrug it off. those who have hurtful things to say don't fucking matter. pity them, that they have nothing better to worry about than other people. live your life...
harden that shell...
live the life that you deserve.
and that we love you.
be the badass that we know you are. <3 |