going down in a blaze of glory
written @ 2004-03-04 - 3:37 a.m.


i've decided i'm done with this.

the concept of having an online journal for anyone and everyone to read just seems so silly to me, and very frustrating at times.

if you'd like to keep in touch, though, leave me your email in a note. i'll still continue to read about you guys. :)

i wish i could end in a flourish. unfortunately i don't have much to say. thanks for listening. thanks for caring. good luck to you.

i thought "paper tigers" was a thrice song
written @ 2004-03-02 - 12:47 p.m.

ornament and crime.

01. i went to see the band that kevin is playing with last night at 12&P. it's a hippy band. kevin's a badass drummer, but i couldn't help but laugh out loud at the music and all the bohemian belmont kids dancing. i mean, they're a good band, but just not my style, yo. but kevin's a good friend, and i like to support him.

02. kevin said, "oh man, i should've invited jeremy." i just smiled and looked away. sensing a disturbance, kevin asked what was wrong, and all i could say was, "we're on hiatus."

03. normally when these things happen, i have to block him from my buddy list so as not to have the temptation to speak to him. his name is staring at me right now, and i have no desire. i think that's a step forward, don't you?

04. weird conversation with chris last night. i'm not sure if it's going to work out after all. or maybe i'm overanalyzing as usual.

05. i love this new self record.

06. i have to clean the house today. i already slept through the city's trash pickup, so that's not very inspiring. but i have to do it. it's getting to the point where i'd be embarrassed if anyone was to come over.

07. laura and i are supposed to talk tonight. i know you guys know nothing about why, and, just because i don't feel like explaining it, i'm gonna keep it that way.

08. katelyn's getting her license this week and wants to celebrate. and rightly so. brad wants to get together this week, too. today is david's birthday, and i had no idea. and my friend rob is coming into town. and i want to spend a little time with chris. and, of course, i love my lisa. how did i go from nothing on my slate yesterday to an explosion of things to do today? sometimes i hate being friends with so many different groups of people.

this is about jeremy pennebaker, and i don't care who knows.
written @ 2004-02-28 - 3:54 a.m.

cream - crossroads

leave it to ben moses to say something mindblowingly intuitive.

"you didn't love him."

he's right. i never loved him.

i just wanted him to love me so that i, in turn, could have someone to love.

and he was the closest thing i had.

i'm glad i realize this now. i don't know if that makes it easier or harder to do what i'm about to...never mind.

i don't know.
i won't for a while.

hey, wanna see some pictures?
written @ 2004-02-24 - 5:04 p.m.


this weekend was full of drunken fun. let's start on thursday when lisa, laura, todd, and i started off our evening at el mariachi for $2 margarita night.

in the car on the way to hillsboro village on a thursday night....

at the villager and bosco's....

and, saturday, at blake and amber's birthday party....