12:44 p.m. - 2007-09-07
obsession
So I had a fantastical dream last night. The only problem is that I am obsessing over it today. Well I am obsessing over the person in it. I have been very happily married for almost 3 years now. Since I started dating my now husband every time I would dream of another man, when I kissed them they would turn into my husband. Then the dreams usually got even better! Very cool right? There have been only two dreams where the man did not turn into my husband, and both times the dreams haunted me the next day. Also, the man in the dream was the same person.
Here's some background it was a guy who was the choir director for the opera choirs I was in when I was 18-20 then some other stuff when I got back from FSU in 99. Let's call him Dude. he was in his mid to late 20's. I obsessed over Dude. Full blown adult crush on him, really belived that I loved him and was determined to be around until he was convinced that I was the best thing since sliced bread. Well, ok...wait around until I could get him drunk enough to kiss me and convince him we should be together. Well during my time with Dude he met a woman, and it seemed pretty clear that they were going to get married, I got busy with my life too, and so I just gave up on my happy little dream.
I LOVED being in choirs with Dude as the director. He has the second most beautiful eyes I have ever seen on a human being ever, and I just stared into them for hours. I actually hated it when rehearsal was over. They are this crystal blue color and he had jet black hair that was a little long, and he usually had a goatee. I am a big sucker for goatees! It also didn't hurt that he is a fantastic musician and really inspires those he leads.
This past November my current church choir director said we would be having a multi faith Thanksgiving service and that the UU chruch choir director would be coming to conduct the mass choir while our guy played the piano. When I asked who the guy was he informed us I knew the person and lo and behold it was Dude! I can't even describe the extreme elation I felt. Oh my how happy I was going to be to be working with proper professional choir director again! Then I realized that feeling was also paired with the feeling of my old crush.
So that day came and we were singing with like 100 people. He came into the church and I was just getting ready for rehearsal and trying to track down our chior members when Dude walked in. My director starts calling for him to go over music with him as Dude is setting his stuff down. Dude is putting his stuff down and is looking around. He locks his gorgeous eyes with mine and tells my director "hang on a just a minute...there is someone here I really need to say hello to." He then made a bee line right to where I was and gave me the BIGGEST and longest hugs I have had in a very long time. His hair was shorter, he had put on a slight bit of weight (good because he was a bit scrawny), but he was every bit as dashing as I remembered. The earth stopped for a few minutes while he hugged me. Then I realized everyone was watching us. My church, his group, the temple choir from across the street. Wow...what a hug. He then noticed my name tag, and said..."that's a different last name." I know at this point my face was scarlet red because I was already blushing, but you should have seen his face when I told him I had gotten married. Awwww...he looked a little disappointed. After that he started rehearsing the choirs, and right before we began working on the songs we were going to sing he stopped us, and said I would like to just introduce someone to those folks who know me. He then introduced me!!!! Me...little pickled girl. He told them how we met, almost how long ago we met, and that he hoped he would be seeing a little of me as our choirs mingled in hopeful future performances and such. That took up like 5 minutes of rehearsal time. Dude NEVER interrupted rehearsal time for something like that...EVER!!!! Yeah I think I turned obsessive again real quick after that! Even my mom (who sings with me at church) was impressed.
After the service and everything he gave me his business card and told me to email him anytime. This is after we had a nice long conversation and I found out he was single again. I promised to drop him a line sometime.
It's been almost a year since then and I haven't written him one word. I had meant to...if even just to see if he knew any good voice teachers that weren't too expensive. See...a really good excuse to email Dude. I also would love to be in a choir with him again.
The one thing that has happened since I saw him is that I have had two dreams. That's right...those two haunting dreams. My sweet husband is wonderful in bed...don't get me wrong on that. The problem is that he isn't the world's best kisser, and I love kissing. I prefer it over sex even! I would love nothing more than to just spend and evening making out. My husband is getting a little better at that, and I love it. However the dreams I have with Dude in them are just freaking specktacular with the kissing and romance. I am a pure romantic, so I know that reality is not quite what I imagine, but Dude is the worlds best kisser in these dreams. They always start with him stopping everything he is doing as I walk into the room, and hugging me. Then he hands me a solo, which of course I already know. Then he tells the choir to take a break...they leave the room, and he comes up to me and starts kissing my neck (oh how I love that!), and whispers in my ear that he loves me...always has. Tells me he can't be without me or my voice. Oh wow! It just progresses from there with more kissing. Last night's dream had even more stuff happening and more kissing and I went home with him. I met his friends. This dream had me and Dude in a full blown relationship. I have NEVER had a dream go this far without my husband popping up at some point and either him killing the other suitor, or becoming the other suitor and progressing from there with him in it. Nope...Dude has made it past that barrier.
I thought writing this entry would help me get this dream and the last one out of my mind. It has, but now I'm replaying that night last November. Sheesh...I'm a mess. I think if I got my husband home and we had some fun transpire I would get this out of my head even more. But no...I'm stuck...here at work...looking at a picture of Dude on his church's website. *sigh* This is bad, right? I think I should feel guilty, right? I love my husband so deeply. There just was that feeling when I saw Dude in November. I felt like I had been cheating on Dude by dating Clayton. All I feel right now is this huge longing to be with Dude! What on EARTH is wrong with me!!??!!!
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