I don't know

2021-01-04 - 3:14 a.m.

I feel a lot like I did back then. But maybe worse. I really don't know. I'm a combination of hopeful, defeated, determined, sorrowful, and numb.

I'm a little afraid I

I'll try not to, but

I don't know if I should bother anymore.
For a short while there I wanted to.
I felt like I could get back up.

Fool to think. Fool to hope.

Sad to think I haven't changed, in the end.
I'm still just this broken fool.
Hoping past the point of reason.
And I don't know what to do at all.

The best advice my mind wants to cling to is to embrace what I want. Lean into it. God I want to. I fear it's too late. I fear I...

Damn it. I hope...