2020-09-02 - 9:19 p.m.
The world has changed in so many ways since my last post. There is a virus that is sweeping across the world and making people sick. We live the pandemic life now, holed up in our houses for months and then finally being freed to enjoy summer. The summer looked different this year. People wearing masks and lining up and using hand sanitizer by the buckets.
I spent way too much time in my head and was the laziest I've ever been. I think this has contributed to the crazy thoughts I now have in my head. When you are forced to listen to your thoughts for 7 straight months and with no way to release them they infest you and comsume you more than any plague or virus could. Its damaging and I know a lot of people suffered like I did. I think we will continue to suffer for a long time, physically and mentally. With everything closed you couldn't even escape your house or keep busy enough to ward off the things in your head, the things you say to yourself without people hearing.
We are most hard on ourselves, thinking the worst things and believing that eveyone sees the same thing. They don't. For most people, no one sees the things we hate most about ourselves. The people closest to me, the ones I can't escape are the ones that make me hate things about myself. I am going back to work thankfully, my happy place. Anywhere but home is my happy place. The risk is getting exposed to the virus at work and getting sick. Let's be honest, being at home is its own form of virus and its also making me sick.
I hope the world heals. My niece and nephew need a better world, one free of viruses and hate. 2020 is almost over and we can't even be glad when its over as we are forever changed. I am hoping I am able to heal as well.
