22:26 - 09.21.20
test
test
11:51 - 04.26.05
i'm not evil really
It's not that I really want to seduce the beautiful freshman, I just want to know I have the option -- no, not even the option, just the capacity. I want to know I have the power to seduce and destroy someone for purely lustful reasons and enjoy it. I don't want to actually do it, I just need the theory straight for philosophical reasons. It's a "boys can, so why can't I?" issue.
Damn America. Damn sexually repressed fenininity. Rawr. I'm not a tomboy or a dyke or a slut, but I'm also not just a girl. I have feelings and needs and desires and preferences and a perfectly operational libido even without the penis Freud thinks I need to be whole. I am whole, and I don't want to wait to figure that out and accept it and be okay with it till I'm too old to be positively affected by it.
That's all the freshman thing is about. The way I see it, this is the only chance we've got to get comfortable with our feelings and desires and needs and bodies and beliefs, and if we don't do it now, we'll end up in the psychological equivalent of fetal position on the bathroom floor in ten years with no clear picture of how we got there. I want more than that for myself, for Jer, for all of us. I'm not a bad person and curiosity isn't a sin and there's no price to ask why. (At least, so says Elton, and he's a pretty smart dude so he should know.)
I guess I want to corrupt the freshmen to kill their ignorance and absorb their beauty -- hopefully at least not the other way around. More about them (and maybe, if I get really ambitious, everything else) later.
