2004-12-20 - 7:55 p.m.
ok,ok,ok, it is never too late to be used for sex and it was great sex! I must admit that the condition of my flabby, no toned body vs. his not an ounce of fat and large well defined muscle everywhere caused me to want to vanish, but hey..the memory will last forever. I yam what I yam! Popeye,right? I am a million years old. I am seriously thinking about giving the man search up for good. The men that make me turn my head do not turn their heads at me, and the fuckin fat live in the dark ages slobs look at me and think I am manna from the goddess..it is too much agrivation to put up with and me gettin' so old. The weekend with Philsey was very nice. He lives in a mansion and this is not an exaggeration. He has a view that women will sleep with him for if not for himself..he can hold his own it is true. He is all muscle and he is 62 years old. I am frump lady compaired to him! I didn't measure up in the good body department. I am sure this will go no where because he will be out looking for a little old Paris Hilton that can still carry on an intelligent conversation. He is not going to want to maintain a sex fling with a granny body. Ah, so is my fuckin ' life!!
I try to make this seem like I don't care when actually I care a lot. I just feel like there isn't a whole hell of a lot that I can do about my lousy condition considering my life right now. Driving to work this morning I realized that that I MAY be depressed. Considering I was thinking that I had lived long enough and I was fed up with the constant struggle to be ok and move along. I am tired of life. Try as I might, it never changes very much. It is all totin' uphill against a strong wind. Sick of it. Sick of not being good enough, not measuring up, not being enough. Blah! I reminded myself that I had things to look forward to, such as the new baby coming, moving out of this house I share with Harold the Hairball, growing my hair out, Ha! Ha! Get a grip! I am a fuckin' pansey.
So, since nothing is changing I am going to bed and watch some tv. I wish I could watch tv for a living.
