11:55 p.m. - 2016-12-02
FALLEN ANGEL
I remember the 1980s and most prominent in those memories are those of the beach. I would plane my boat along the waves of the strong south-easterly or plough through the steep waves of a northerly wind. I remember how I would marvel at my independence as I had full control of a vehicle powered by nothing but the natural forces of wind or wave. Alone, on the still afternoons, I would rally against the waves and current attempting to draw me astray. I would wish the dark clouds in the distance to bring the storm, the rain, to power my craft faster and faster towards the finish. I wanted the storm to bring the rain so that I could demonstrate my bravery and cunning against the elements and taste the fresh water droplets among the hail of salt water spray. I was 12 years old and almost nothing could break my spirit.
It felt like my parents marriage failed whilst I was battling the elements off shore. It was as though I had capsized for 10 years without hope, without assistance. My parents were alive but my idea of marriage and love was forever impacted like a ship cutting through an iceberg in a way not dissimilar to the proverbial knife through butter. There were days when I did capsize during a race and had to scramble to right the boat and sail on regardless of position of hope or of redemption.
I became myself at that time, able to cope by myself, to lift myself to right the boat and to steady the ship. The year was 1988.
At that time I also developed a callousness. My parents separating would deplete my apathy, my empathy, my sympathy. The level of carelessness I could display would become legendary as, later, I would put all at risk.
FALLEN ANGEL
Spread your wings and show your foe
White of feather but all for show
Heart of black and red and snow
Promising to stay but prepared to go
