11:47 - 09.07.2008
baby blues

i'm very worried that the insurance company has found out that i got married and that when i show up for my next exam, osu will tell me i owe them thousands of dollars. i'm trying to save every bit of money i can, for trennen. i told my husband my bank account is empty, even though it's not, because i don't want him thinking that we have even a penny to spare. we need the money i'm saving in case something goes wrong, and he doesn't get that. so there's no point in telling him.

he needs to get a real job with insurance so we can move. i'm sick of living here, and there's no room for trennen. he doesn't understand this, either. his mom won't either a) sign the title of her old car over to him or b) go and get the fucking license plates herself, which is why he still has to beg people for transportation to/from his "work."

i told him that contracting is not an acceptable job for someone who has a family to support. he makes money when they get work, but sometimes he goes a week or more without working, and we need a reliable source of income.

i don't really dare make another appointment at osu after the one in two weeks, so i told him we need insurance by the second week of august, which is when i need to see a doctor again. not to mention that i've caused my self panic by reading online journals of all these women who had their babies three and a half months early, which in my mind, means that trennen could be born any second now. i hope not. he's too little now...

i really want him to be born on his due date because i get two weeks before and six weeks after birth as maternity leave. the after weeks move "up" if he's born late--say, if he's born a week late, then i only get five weeks after his birth because i've already had three off before. but the before weeks don't move "down"--that means, if he's born three weeks early, i still only get the six after weeks, and the two weeks i missed are gone. basically, they want to make sure that as few women as possible get the full eight weeks and don't give a shit about recovery/bonding time.