2017-02-19
I'm a Lover not a Killer
"Kill it! Kill it!" Xiao Qian pointed out to the lizard that wandered into our room and Pitch was curiously going at it which it eventually took shelter under the bed.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU DO ANYTHING?! EVEN PITCH IS TRYING TO CATCH IT! YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY!!" She yelled.
At the back of my mind, I was asking myself,"With what? With what?!"
"WHY DO YOU JUST STAND THERE AND DO NOTHING?! WHY DON'T YOU KILL IT?!" She insisted.
I was at rage, I didn't know what to do, our minimalist bedroom offered nothing that is sufficient to cause any form of damage, 2 insect lights, 2 mist machines and some puffy pillows. "With what?! HOW?!" I raged.
"I don't know?! With the book I passed you?!" It aggravated me, she was standing at the fucking door holding the "book" (Which in fact is the Anniversary book of Liuxun, that has no thickness more than 2 8Days magazines) tightly, while I was standing at the edge of the bed. She could have threw me the magazine, but even so, it wouldn't cause sufficient damage to the full grown lizard.
She told me to go back to what I was doing, which I did, I headed back to sorting out her letters when she followed with a comment,"I'm not gonna sleep until the lizard is settled." I stood back up and went back to the room with a ruler, hoping I could sweep it out where she started to spew insults at me. I held it in and headed to the kitchen to grab the insecticide. Sprayed a lot of time and still no sight of the lizard.
"Why can't you just kill it?!" She screams.
"WITH WHAT?! WITH WHAT?! TELL ME! HOW DO I KILL IT?!" I screamed back
"I DON'T KNOW! JUST KILL IT!!" She replied.
With heat filling up my head, I headed to the kitchen & grab my chopper. "Are you trying to kill me?! Why you holding the chopper?! You gonna kill me?!" She yelled.
My blood was boiling, I'm like,"You wanted me to kill it, I asked you with what, you said you don't know and the magazine wouldn't work, so I took a chopper!"
"PUT IT BACK NOW!" She demanded. I did just that.
Without any clue, I headed straight for my phone to do a Google search on 'How to kill a lizard', upon seeing that, she immediately flared at me,"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO KILL THE LIZARD!!" I threw down my phone and yelled back at her,"How the FUCK do I do it?! Tell me! Tell ME HOW?!"
"Just use a book la! And stop giving me that attitude!" She stared at me for being so fucking useless (Or that's how I perceive it).
I took my ultra expensive design book & a hard cover cook book, along with my trusty electric insect bat and headed back to the room. At the fit of anger, I shifted our king size bed around hoping to see it.
"How you gonna kill it?! I'm scare and you can't do this on your own." She said.
"THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!?!" I was so pissed I haven any idea what I was doing as well.
Eventually, I spammed the insecticide and it ran to hide under the fan stand. With Xiao Qian holding a book and the Electric bat with me, I slowly tilted the fan and trapped it under my bat. "Zap zap zap" I electrocuted it several times till it's motionless. Swept up the corpse and threw it out at the gutter.
Now, since young, my family insist on a no-killing policy (Except for roaches cause they too ugly). Usually if we spot a lizard, we let it be and carry on with our life, I have absolutely no idea how to carry out the killing. I had to kill it out of love, my wife can't sleep because of it, and she's too petrified about its presence.
I was having mixed feeling afterwards - Puzzled cause she claims to have killed tonnes of lizard yet had no idea how to kill it. Anger cause she compared me with my claws-equipped cat and the fact that I don't know how to murder a lizard. Hurt cause I was forced to do something I've never done only because of her fears.
I know Xiao Qian loves me, but there are just times when she loved herself more than she does to me. And when those times it happened, it makes me weary of her because I have no idea if she truly does love me after making me go through something that's against my will.
I'm so mixed that I told her I need some time alone, yet she insisted for me to tuck her in. I did as told, and she claims that I don't love her solely because I didn't give her a goodnight kiss. I couldn't imagine how she could say that after I spent so much effort going against my will and my principle to kill a pest. I thought she would at least be appreciative that I didn't head straight out like her or choose to sleep in the living room. As I told her again and again, no matter what happened, I'll still wear my ring and I'll still hold her hand. Why? Because I loved her so much~
While I can't expect her to love me the way I did, I prayed that at least she won't hurt me with her temper, actions & words.
tutukuay at 2:21 a.m.