luck of the draw

i don't know what changes at the beach, but i seem to open up and i stop thinking... being on vacation, especially at the beach loosens up the responsibilities and demands on my time, not that i am a busy person... if it's not in front of me, it doesn't matter... i can let my thoughts free flow and observe them, rather than chew on them... things just slide by me because i'm on vaca and don't need to think about them...

so i find myself amidst my first journal entry in months and months....

life on the beach, no wonder it seems to fantastical... when i'm here, i'm free.... not the way of it trully, if i was here permanently all of those things i'm able to shed being at the beach would just live here with me...

channin and becky are in their own apartment. it's weird to see my brother as an adult... he has always seemed older and wiser than his age... but he has cookbooks and shower curtains of his own now and it's hard for me to reconcile... i'm always curious to see what worlds people build given their own devices... he works 12 hours days at a place that abuses it's employees for the sake of a better bottom line... fucking rich people... you'd think they would be happy with a decent profit and happy employees, you know, spread the wealth... instead they expect them to work 6 days a week, 10-12 hour shifts and for shit and run them into the ground... no one complains because the job market is so limited... it's just easier to stay quiet or quit. so he starts his day with a cup of coffee and his guitar, his 5 minutes, if you will... and that buoys him for the day... day after day... he has a beautiful light and airy apartment in a small one street town... it feels like the sanctuaries i've created in my space all my life... he's growing up and i find in my thoughts for him, pride and love... my brother is a beautiful human being... and i am lucky to have him.

so another day of sun and water is in my bones today...i float in the water, weightless and free.. laying on the beach, i drift as if weightless... the hard sand curves to me instead of aching my back the way hardwood floors or a bad night sleeping does... it is another world when you can drop your filters and just be.... this is why it calls to me... beauty on all levels.. perfection.... just watch out for the sunburn... there is nothing perfect about you skin screaming all night... but like with sleep, i'll trade for the perfection of the moment, i'll trade it for the smile it puts on my face...

enough rambling, more sun...



08.07.05 : 11:06 a.m.
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